"I NEED NEW UNDERPANTS" .........

......... I said to the Old Girl the other day when I was dressing.. She looked at me through narrowed eyes and said " you know that men buying new underwear is one the top five indicators of a spouse having an affair" .

Some of the signs of cheating.. 

1) Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)

2) Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it.

3) He sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.

          4) The cheating husband carries condoms, and you are on the pill.

5) He buys himself new underwear

She looked at me again, me standing in my ragged daks and with the obvious Christmas/New Year excesses hanging over the Jockey waistband, and, widening her eyes said, "nevermind".

I looked at her a bit suspiciously and was about to ask that useless (male) question - "what?"  but thought better of it.
Sucking in my tummy and marching erect (back that is) I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the daks. Frankly it wasn't a good look. I thought about the last pairs of new underwear I'd bought. It was at Farmers and they were on sale. Having an aversion to shopping anyway and an even greater aversion to hanging around in the underwear/lingerie sections of department stores (unlike Richard (of RB) see :

http://richardsbassbag.blogspot.com/2012/01/not-sky-but-mind-you-ought-to-change.html

 I quickly purchased the first things I saw with 'Jockey' written on them. After a crotch crippling experience  wearing one of the purple coloured almost g-string  monstrosities that only 28 inch-waisted gigolos could fit into, I left the rest of the rainbow unopened in the bottom drawer.

I then thought of the daks that the Old Girl had recently bought for me. They were Jockeys. They fitted well (and , if I do say so myself, albeit in a dim light, they looked pretty damn good on me but...... they are white. Four pairs. White! Why on earth do women buy men white underwear?
Maybe its because they want something to show incriminating stains.

Anyway, this weekend I'm going to a (man friendly) store and taking time to buy some comfortable undergarments.