Saturday, 20 January 2018

NEW POST - THE NEW DIFFERENT TIME ZONE BILL

Bill just got back from travelling and published a new post     HERE 








It's good that he's busy but I'm starting to have some second thoughts (sorry Robert) about his appointment.

We'll just have to have a think about this.

ROBERT'S BACK

Yes, you heard it here first - Robert's back.



OK, OK no need for the thundering applause. Don't get too excited. The new incarnation is hardly the second coming.




See HERE if you want to check out the new blog or his second one HERE .

"Bugger the violin - give me a couple of tambourines'


The first is named RP (he forgot the 'I') and the second one is named A composer's Journey. At least the first one has a sort of post attached. The second would be better named 'A Decomposer's Journey'

Oops, best to be careful not to be critical or he'll delete them again and we'll be left having only Richard's infrequent posts to read.

Maybe I should take over one of his blogs and at least try to write a few posts (in the Robert style). Richard or Angry Jesus made an attempt but it fizzled.




NEW POST - THE NEW DIFFERENT TIME ZONE BILL

Ha ha, Bill's been busy.

He's created a new post after having been back to about 1963 in Wellington.
He took a pic of me and brought it back.

That's quite considerate of him ... I think. I hope he's not taking the piss....nah, Bill wouldn't do that. Well done Bill. Keep up the good work.







Friday, 19 January 2018

NEW POST - THE NEW DIFFERENT TIME ZONE BILL

Bill asked me to link to a new Post he's written.

I haven't had time to read it yet but I trust him ....I think.... I've been up to the Club this evening and had a couple of Chardonnays. Richard would approve. They are in big glasses, it's a good (not cleanskin though) Gisborne Chardonnay at $ 5 a glass.






NEW POST - THE NEW DIFFERENT TIME ZONE BILL

New Different Time Zone Bill is a great addition to the team. He's been busy going back and forth gathering some fantastic information that he'll share with us when he has time. (joke).

He has a new post where the little prankster went back and took a shot of me as a little kid. I don't think he's taking the piss - we'll see.





NEW POST - THE DARKER CURMUDGEON


I was going to entertain readers with some items from the past in the good old radio and television summer tradition but a grumpy old bastard (even grumpier than the various curmudgeons) objected.

Instead I trawled through all of the unpublished Drafts which have been shared out among members of THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ.

The Darker Curmudgeon chose this one as he thought it better to be hidden rather than to appear on the regular Curmudgeon's page as The Old Girl might object.







THE END OF THE GOLDEN WEATHER



There's always a bit of tristesse at this time of year when Summer holidays are finishing and the working year looms.

I don't work anymore - that sounds funny as it suggests that I'm broken - no, I'm retired being the proud bearer of a Gold Card and a Senior Cinema Buzz Card so don't have to go back to work after the Summer holidays but still feel the sentiment.

This morning National Radio announced the last day of their 'Summer Report'. To me in the past this was always the official recognition that the fun was over and it was time to get serious.



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THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ members have been enjoying a well deserved break but today will remind them that it's time to start cranking up their lap-tops, dusting off the old cerebral cobwebs and to get out there researching interesting, informative and funny stories for our readers enjoyment and edification.

To this end, to help ease their way back in we will have a week of revisiting some old favourites that each of the members will select depending on subject matter and the relevance to his/her orientation.

THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ - 'MANY HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE'







NEW POST - THE CURMUDGEON EXPRESS

Richard (of RBB) has complained that some members of THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ have been dragging the chain a bit and don't seem to have come back from holiday yet.

Fair enough but we at THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ believe that hard work should be rewarded so allow our members at least 2 months holiday a year.

THE CURMUDGEON EXPRESS has volunteered to do a post to keep the old guy happy.





Thursday, 18 January 2018

I WILL LOOK FOR YOU, I WILL FIND YOU, AND .....

......... I will make you watch my latest lot of stuff and nonsense movie.





GOOD OLD LIAM - STILL DOING IT



It's been raining heavily up here for a couple of days and there's not much to be done outdoors unless you have a dog to walk or are a nutter so when I went into town today, I thought I might as well see a film. Actually I went to the local cinema where they don't show films, they show 'movies'. I have an O.A.P. Cine Buzz card ( naff naming I know) which lets me see 'movies' for $9 and I get credits towards free 'movies'.

There wasn't a lot of choice as it's still school holidays (Bah Humbug) but there was the new Liam Neeson one named 'Commuter' that, being an 'M' would bar most of the screaming kids from going in to view. I bought a ticket for the next screening and went outside to find a coffee bar to kill a half hour. 

I left my car in the carpark building that houses the cinema complex. All day parking is $1.00. Yes, you heard it right. $1.00. Parking is cheap in Whangarei. I took the 'Two Hours Free' option though and parked on the roof (uncovered) which was one floor up. Us O.A.P.'s need to watch our pennies you know otherwise how would we ever afford those bottles of Mission Special Reserve Chardonnay at $20.99 each.

Richard would have loved this movie. Why? Because it was crap. It was full of ridiculous fight scenes. Unbelievable train crash scenes. Rubbish dialogue. Poor acting. Liam using the cell-phone a lot - speaking menacingly in a deep voice. All held together by a tenuous and utterly nonsensical plot.



Just like a Bruce Willis movie 





NEW POST - THE CULTURED CURMUDGEON

See:  "YOU'LL MISS ME WHEN I'M GONE..."



Wednesday, 17 January 2018

BREAKING NEWS - NEW BLOGGER TO THE COMMUNITY


A new blogger has joined THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ.

Welcome to    THE NEW DIFFERENT TIME ZONE BILL




Different Time Zone Bill has been around for a while but suffered an unfortunate 'accident' before Christmas that laid him low for a while. After some time he has decided to refresh his blog and his associations. We have a chance to chat with him about this now.

Interview Wednesday 17 January : The Curmudgeon (TC) and The New Different Time Zone Bill (B):

TC: Well Bill, thanks for coming in this morning, I know that you must be busy.

B: No, I'm never busy TC, at least not in the conventional sense as with my ability to switch time zones I can just backtrack at any time or simply just bugger off elsewhere.

TC: Yes, I see. I'd love to ask you about the future but "Que Sera Sera ...."

B: I can see what you did there TC. Doris Day - very clever. This is why I've decided to leave Richard (of RBB) and go with a blogging community that understands classic literature and comedy and makes great use of puns.

TC: Yes, let's talk about that Bill. I know that there was an unfortunate ....

B: Look TC, please don't be mealy-mouthed about that. Gardener king hit me OK? He and his cronies Reacher and Humbert are bastards. I can't stand that Baxter guy that hangs around BBB ..

TC: BBB?

B: Yes, BBB - stands for
Bass Bag Blogs' - Richard's new consortium. The Confederation fell apart. It's not a very clever name but hey, It's Richard we're talking about. What can I say? He comes to a bad .....oops, shouldn't really say that should I. Anyway I hate this Baxter guy but I'm pleased that he's taken it to those neanderthals who..

TC: Calm down Bill. Think nice thoughts ...Bill...Bill....

B: Sorry T, I just shot off to Tahiti there to relax and calm down. My old mate Gaugin and I had some absinthe and ogled a few delightful Polynesian girls. Very nice.

TC: Good. Anyway, on behalf of THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ. I'd like to offer our sincere apologies for any, um, misunderstanding and we'd like to ....

B: Hey TC, no problems. I would have been bothered but Richard and his cronies sidelined me. After my ...... accident they basically forgot about me. They formed a new clique made up of the old guy, Angry Jesus, Akish, Bin and the other two Richards. They left me out the ungrateful bastards and now he's gone off on holiday to Masterton...

TC: OK, I get the picture. Now can you please sign this contract here. I'd like to get things underway.
       THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ. has need of a guy with your skills. It would be handy to go back in time to read Robert's blog posts .......

B: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha....

TC: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha....

B: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha....TC you crack me up.

TC:  Ha ha ha ha ha ..wooeee! Ha ha . Yes, that was funny. No, we'd like to have you go back and forth to check out things for us. Are you up for that Bill?  Bill?......Bill?...

B:  Sorry, had to go forward a bit to see if Robert creates a new blog. We're safe for a little while. I checked out Richard as well. He's on holiday as you know and is still moaning about Shelley having bought a $20 bottle of wine. He should get over it (but won't).


Bill signed the contract and then had to shoot away promising to write some posts in the future (or the past).

The Curmudgeon has to go for a walk while the wind has dropped down a bit.


Tuesday, 16 January 2018

GONE AGAIN




No, not the excellent Patti Smith song and album of the same name, but Robert's strange and disturbing blog. Gone again.

Robert does this regularly like a snake shedding skin. He writes a lot of posts (some good) and then, in a fit of pique, boredom or as a response to a scathing comment from Richard (and I must confess, once or twice from me) deletes not just the posts but the entire blog.

Richard did this a couple of years ago to his own blog in a paranoiac response to some work Nazis discovering his blog and making some sort of issue of it. He would have been better making a hat out of aluminium foil and wearing it rather than deleting the blog and all of its history as, believe it or not, Richard had written some pretty amazing posts over the last decade (strange yes but also good).

In the recent incarnation Robert's blog looked like it was here to stay. He hadn't been deleting the posts and, apart from the religious diatribe and nonsense relating to creationism, catechism  and other 'isms' promulgated by the Catholic Church, was contributing to the lively dialogue practised by the many, few, two other contributing blogs.

It was kind of like a voluntary 'burning of the books' as done by Martin Luther, The Nazis, the Soviets, and the rabid Right in USA.



Robert just cuts out the middleman.



Oh what a loss to humanity.






A CONFESSION

In a couple of previous posts I suggested that I wander about naked up here in the North.



This got two old jokers down in Lower Hutt into a bit of a tizz. They got a bit excited about this for some reason although one of them, Robert eventually embraced the idea and now wanders around shopping malls with no clothes on. He is a house cleaner and I suspect that he gets his kit off when he's inside other people's homes. I bet they get a bit of a shock if they have security cameras installed.



The truth is that I don't wander around naked except for when I have a bath or a shower and walk down our long hallway to get fresh clothes from the laundry cupboard. It's been really hot up here the last couple of weeks though and I tend to just wear underpants and shorts.

There's nothing wrong with the old body though. It might no longer look like Donatello's David but it's still pretty good.






Monday, 15 January 2018

UNDER PRESSURE








I hate shopping at the best of times but can usually handle it when shopping for myself as I can nip into a shop and usually buy the nearest thing I see that generally caters to my needs.



Of course in the past this has led to a wardrobe full of new clothes that don't fit or don't suit but hey - the alternative of spending a lot of time in a clothes shop being harassed by 'pretty young things' is worse.

I never have problems visiting wine shops or lurking in the wine aisles in supermarkets though.

Today after I dropped The Old Girl off at the bus station I went to the supermarket. Normally this is OK as I know what I want and if a brand I had in mind isn't available I just grab something else ideally that is on special. This time though The Old Girl had written down a few items that I just knew were going to be trouble.


She wanted a St Ives body wash - vanilla scented. WTF? Where the hell do I find that. I hate trying to find these women's items. The location of them in supermarkets  generally don't follow logic. I walked up and down the aisle for ages. If it had been for me I'd have just grabbed the first thing I saw (and then discover when at home that Jif isn't suitable as a body wash in the shower ) ...then again...


I eventually found the item:



This packaging was definitely designed by a woman. A man would have put - just under the St Ives brand name - VANILLA BODY WASH in big bloody letters.

Item one scored which only took about 10 minutes.



Item two was Ecostore Rose shampoo. I spent another 10 minutes looking at all of the Ecostore shampoos. They didn't have a bloody rose one! I bought one that sort of had rose coloured writing:


I knew I had the wrong one, I just knew it but what could I do - waste another 10 minutes?
I put it in the trolley and when going further up the aisle past the hand soaps I saw Ecostore Rose and Cardamom hand wash:


I bought this as well thinking that she can mix them together if she wants a rose flavoured shampoo.

*****************


I hate having to shop for women's things. Their wants are so prescribed - no substitutions allowed.

Do they realise what pressure it puts us blokes under?

Maybe it's all part of their plan to wear us down!








STOP PRESS

A major news story is unfolding in Nuova Lazio.

Richard (of RBB) is feeling the heat from the humid summer weather that this town is unusually having and has announced that he is going to wear shorts and expose his legs.



These said skinny white legs haven't seen the light of day since Richard was a schoolboy.




Be warned!



Sunday, 14 January 2018

WHO WANTS TO BE A BILLIONAIRE?

....... I DO.

I've just thought up another of my billion dollar making ideas. Remember my other ones? Umm, well, they never actually got off the ground but .... watch this space.

*******************

We've just booked tickets to The Pop Up Globe in February.



The play we're going to is Macbeth That Scottish Play .




We went last year to see Much Ado About Nothing  SEE HERE and really enjoyed it.
The problem was the hard bench seating so we'll have to take a couple of cushions to sit on.

This led me to the ' billion dollar idea' ...... padded trousers!
Yep, you heard it here ......padded trousers.

My idea is to market track-suit type trousers that have super-extra padding on the bum, suitable for wearing to sporting events, church services, committee meetings - anywhere where you are forced to sit for hours on hard seating.

I know that there are some examples of padded clothing already like those silly padded cycle-pants:

The trouble is that you'd look like a wanker or worse, a baboon if you wore those.

I also know that some women want to look like Nicki Minaj or Kim Kardashian with their enormous bums:



And they wear padded underpants to achieve the effect:







That's just silly.



My idea is for the specially-made tracksuit pants that could also be over-trousers like skiers wear that can be used solely for the sporting events and other occasions I mentioned (particularly when sitting on wooden church pews).




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Investors anyone?



Saturday, 13 January 2018

MAN ALONE

When I wrote that previous post I had a thought that I'd mentioned the Wanganui folk festival toilets before so I did a search on 'Wanganui' in my blog archive and discovered this post in the Drafts folder that was never completed or published.
I've updated it as it kind of underlines what I said about Richard but also highlights me as being a bit of a toilet crank as well.

*WARNING* there are some scatological references.



**************************


March 2012


Richard, that well known toiletphile, in his latest post talks about how people usually spend time in the toilet alone. See:

HERE  (Note: this link takes us to an earlier post Richard wrote but has gone since he deleted his entire blog a couple of years ago)

I think that it is a good thing to be alone while doing your business, especially if you are a man. Women seem to have a different view on the matter as anyone who shares a house with a woman will attest to. They think nothing of coming in and peeing when you are in the shower, in the bath or standing at the basin. Thankfully this is confined to peeing.

Richard mentions men standing at urinals. While I'm not one of those people who freeze up and cannot pee when standing at a public urinal (you see the poor bastards at busy venues like sporting events, bars etc), I still don't like doing so. I don't relish standing next to some yob splashing away while I'm peeing thank you very much. Why on earth the manufacturers and installers think we do is anyones guess.




 I like the toilets where there are individual urinals or pissoirs separated by a wall or something. How difficult is that to build?



I don't think the designer ones are very funny. They say a lot about the strange minds of the designers.

Designer with no respect for women





Designer with a fetish
.
Designer who plays for the other team


.
.And one for Robert:


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As for taking a crap I have some simple rules:

1. Do it at home

2. Do it at home when you don't have guests around

3. Never do it while visiting at other peoples houses.

4. Never do it at work or when out unless it is an emergency

5. Avoid staying at anyone else's house unless they have at least 3 bathrooms/toilets.

Years ago when attending a folk festival north of Wanganui somewhere in the Para Paras at a camp the ablutions facilities were pretty primitive. There were hundreds of people (folkies, hippies and strange dudes - Richard was there) and only a few toilets all lined up in a row (the days before port-a-loos) and with NO BLOODY DOORS! People would sit down, have a crap, do the follow-up stuff all within sight of the people milling about in the general area. The festival was for 3 days or more. Needless to say I did not go. I held it in. I persevered.

Driving back from Wanganui we took a detour to go to Mangaweka to stay at Roger's parents holiday house. After 3 or 4 days choosing to not go to the toilet I strangely was constipated. At a shop I bought several packets of Quick-Eze a type of indigestion chewable lolly. I ate the lot while driving. Nearing Mangaweka I had that "Oh, oh, oh no..."  feeling and clenched my buttocks, knees and everything I could whilst driving. Richard was in the back seat and may remember this. On arrival at the holiday house I broke rules 1, 3 and 5 and raced through to the bog at the back of the house.

SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT RE THE GUEST TOILET

Richard (of RBB), poor old guy, seems to have got himself a bit worked up regarding a post I wrote about house guests not respecting their designated areas HERE

The old crank has written a few posts and many comments about this and looks like he will keep doing this so I thought I'd better explain things to him.

Richard is a bit of a toilet crank. He seems obsessed with the process, the mechanics, the premises and the locations. He plans his travels based on availability of ample, private and clean 'rest-rooms' and if these are not available will either postpone his travel or hold things in for weeks on end (pun).

I remember at a weekend folk festival near Wanganui (Whanganui if you are a Te Reo nazi) where, because the communal toilets were a bit primitive Richard crossed his legs for the whole weekend.

Admittedly the folk festival toilets didn't have doors but this was in the 1970s when free love, communal living and free expression were all in fashion.


***********************************

Now in my house we obviously have a bathroom that has a toilet a shower and a bath and is adequate for the house under normal conditions.




.





'Normal conditions'  are when The Old Girl and I are in residence and when guests visit for drinks, a chat or a meal but do not stay over. They can use the toilet for 'lighter activities'. Dumping is frowned upon and seen as anti-social in this context.

We have a kind of annex to our house with an extra kitchen and lounge, two bedrooms and a bathroom with shower and toilet.







The shower cubicle is new, the bathroom has plenty of space and the toilet, like the one in the main bathroom is modern and has a hydraulic toilet lid that gently goes down on its own so there isn't that annoying 'crash' as drunken friends and relatives close the lid (as they should - always before flushing. hereby avoiding air-borne contamination).

Guests who stay over have exclusive use of this bathroom which should cater to their every need. They do not, or should not need to make use of the main bathroom in the house.

***************************

OK, to recap.

  • Overnight guests have their own bathroom and toilet to use and should not use the main bathroom.
  • Casual visitors who are not staying overnight - those who come to dinner, for a drink or to play snooker can use either bathroom for peeing and freshening up only. Anything else they can hold onto until they get home (ask Richard for advice on this as he is an expert.

I trust that this clears this up and that we can put this topic to rest.








Friday, 12 January 2018

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT SO FAR?



RUBBISH

My sister had their cage trailer up here and I borrowed it today before they head off home.

I also borrowed the neighbour's car as it has a tow-bar and he sometimes uses my car.

Robert of course believes that people who have to borrow cars and trailers are bad credit risks and therefore are not satisfactory clients for his cleaning business. Well good luck to him then, I doubt that Sue and Robert's Home Cleaning business will ever become a national enterprise with that attitude.

I needed to get rid of a mountain of garden rubbish that's been building up and which I'm worried is a fire risk. I got up early (for me) and at 7AM went to collect the car and then the trailer. I was able to do three large loads (crammed as much into the trailer by jumping up and down on the loaf - clothed of course) including some extra trimming and cutting I did.

First load almost ready to go

I had a visitor when I was trimming some trees at the back fence-line. He/she was cute and friendly but Richard wouldn't have liked it. Richard is scared of cows.



It's 'hot as hell' today and sweat was streaming off me. I went for a swim after I'd returned the car and trailer. My sister and brother-in-law threatened to go golfing and want me to join them. I'm rather hoping that they'll forget about it and, as it's now 4:23 they might have abandoned the idea.




NEW POST - THE NEW DIFFERENT TIME ZONE BILL

Bill just got back from travelling and published a new post      HERE   It's good that he's busy but I'm starting to ...