OCH AYE THE NOO

Sunday and we are still in Aberdeen which is good.
The weather has mostly been crap but hey, it's winter in Scotland so what would you expect. By all accounts it's been worse in Toronto with the worst storm in recent history having decimated the city and NZ has had the usual rainstorms and floods between Christmas and New Year (why anyone would go camping in a tent at this time bewilders me).

We've eaten a lot. We've drunk a lot including a bottle of Taylor's LBV 2008 port and watched a lot of TV. The television in the UK is vastly superior to the offerings in Canada but I still think that NZ has the better balance - fewer channels but better quality.

When the weather allowed we've been walking. I've been into the city a couple of times which is only a short walk away from where we're staying. Aberdeen is a striking city built of granite. It boasts the second largest granite building in the world which is an architectural marvel. Generally the granite structures and houses are sombre and obviously gray. I don't mind this. Maybe it's the Scottish Methodist in my family background. There's not much overt signage on retail stores which is good. A 300 year old building that now houses a pub, a chemist or a boutique has only a small discreet sign outside. From a distance all you see is the granite building. I like this.

Now I'm no oil painting, ask the Old Girl but Aberdeen must have the greatest percentage of ugly people per capita in the world. I swear to god at one stage, in a shopping centre I thought the place had been invaded by Visigoths.

 I've heard Aberdonians complain about the recent influx of foreigners to the region - Poles, Russians, Chinese, Africans etc. but to my mind this can only be good as the gene pool definitely needs adding to kind of like in the way that the Appalachian mountains need to be invaded.

Tomorrow will be another hunkering down day as another storm is coming in but hopefully Tuesday (New Year's eve) will be good enough to drive down to Stonehaven for lunch at a restaurant that the Old Girl's cousin used to own and then out on the town in the evening.
Recently, (well since the millennium actually) we haven't bothered about staying up to see the new year in but this is Scotland. Hogmanay. We might have to have a kip in the late afternoon to make sure we are awake at midnight.

Lang may yer lum reek!

PICTURE PRACTISE

BELLyACHE

Telecommunications companies around the world are all crap. Why this is I don't really know but I have a theory that any company or industry that makes far too much profit tend to skimp on the quality of what they do because it doesn't really matter as there are millions of more suckers lining up for their services. They are also safe in the knowledge that because their competitors are also crap that there is going to be a guaranteed influx of new customers who have left other providers.

In New Zealand I've had equally bad service from Telecom and Vodafone.

Vodafone, when there is a problem is almost impossible to contact in a reliable form. You can't email to get your query/complaint across. You have to telephone and then be at the mercy of one of their temp. Operators who work off a script. The results, for me, we're always unsatisfactory. I've one cancelled my account with Vodafone and still have a $20 credit for which I get monthly statements. Can I get these people to put the $20 into my bank account and zero the account? No.

Telecom has been a nightmare for years and as most people know they have fucked up in a major way with internet services, email security and phone services but they are still the largest provider.
Recently, before leaving NZ I made arrangements with Telecom to close the land-line account but to keep the email (xtra) account going. I telephoned, texted, emailed and physically visited to ensure that all was OK right up to the time I was leaving. I was assured that all was Ok.
Just before I left for Canada Telecom cancelled all my accounts including the essential email ones (my lifeline when I was changing countries). All of my travel arrangements, immigration details, banking etc was locked into these accounts. After a frantic 14 hour to and fro (engineering difficulties you know) I got my two email accounts reinstated just in time.

In Toronto The Old a Girl has her phone with Rogers (kind of like Vodafone) and I have mine with Bell and we have an internet-line Bell account.  I have had a couple of annoying hassles over billing but generally Bell has been OK.
Last week, 4 days before we were to travel I want to the local Bell shop to arrange overseas 'roaming' for my phone. The glamour boy, all hair and teeth organised it for me at the customer desk. We selected the voice and text option in UK which costs $45 per month. He said that as I had a credit limit on my account (which is $200 and each month I only spend $70 which always leaves $130 spare!) he would have to contact head office accounts. I suppressed what I felt like saying and said instead that by all means he should do so. He rang accounts and passed the phone to me - obviously the glamour boys don't talk to the trolls. I explained what I wanted and gave credit card details to process the $45 charge in advance (bastards). This went through as I checked my on-line Bell account and my bank account. 'Hair and teeth' assured me that when I arrived in UK that the phone would connect.
It didn't. And 5 days later it hasn't.
I contacted Bell Toronto (using a borrowed phone) and went through their help(?) desk. This took several calls with phone backs and the answer was that they could not do anything.
Pissed off? You bet. I trawled the net to find a contact for Bell complaints and found one titled 'complaint escalation' with an email address. I wrote a long explanation of the situation, the problem and my desire for an urgent remedy. 12 hours later I received a long email answer that basically said that Bell complaints had reviewed this and suggested I call - ie telephone - Bell customer services. They kindly provided a telephone number ( for me to dial on a phone that's inactive).

Needless to say some Bell executive is going to get a face to face blast from me when I get back to Toronto  and secure a meeting.

Dickheads!

ABERDEEN, ABERDEEN, PRETTIEST TOWN THAT I'VE EVER SEEN

..... Well, to be exact that song referred to Abilene and Aberdeen could never be described as pretty but it's good to be here.

Getting here was a bit of a fankle (old Scottish word meaning a difficulty). We set off to the airport in Toronto to discover that our flight had been delayed an hour. On boarding the weather was getting so bad that the wings had iced up and so needed to be de-iced with heat machines. We finally got away two hours late on Friday night. The problem with this is that when we arrived in London the connecting flight to Abilene, I mean Aberdeen had gone so we had to get rebooked. This meant standing in a line that didn't move for 2 hours with about 70 other people who'd missed connections. I don't get upset in these situations as the airline staff can't control the weather but I do get annoyed at inefficiency. Air Canada, like most airlines neglect to keep customers informed. It would be so easy to have an electronic message board giving information and updates but they don't do so. As a result there was a lot of grumbling from those waiting. When we finally got to the counter things happened very quickly. We were provided with tickets for a flight in a couple of hours, access passes to the business class lounge (very good wines and Otard VSOP Cognac)
 and 20 quid's worth of lunch vouchers (which we converted to a stack of muesli bars). We arrived in Aberdeen in the late afternoon about 6 hours later than originally planned.


We arrived on Saturday which as it turned out was the last good day before the UK was ravaged by snow storms, rainstorms, floods and hurricane-like winds which have closed roads, airports, train systems and ferry crossings. Toronto too is experiencing the worst storm for decades with hundreds of thousands of people being without power including the crackhead mayor. We are really happy to be here cocooned in the Old Girl's mothers cosy flat enjoying Christmas cheer.



Aberdeen is populated by people who speak with strange accents. I've found that in a bakery or a coffee bar it's best to be behind someone who is ordering something remotely like what you want and to point to it and say "same again". This is preferable to getting a haggis or black pudding filled doughnut if you go it alone.

Apparently the Aberdonian dialect is made up with Viking speak along with the most unintelligible Scots stuff so that many Scottish people haven't got a clue as to what they are saying. It is known as Doric and here's an example:

Doric GIN I was God, sittin' up there abeen, Weariet nae doot noo a' my darg was deen, Deaved wi' the harps an' hymns oonendin' ringin', Tired o' the flockin' angels hairse wi' singin', To some clood-edge I'd daunder furth an', feth, Look ower an' watch hoo things were gyaun aneth. Syne, gin I saw hoo men I'd made mysel' Had startit in to pooshan, sheet an' fell, To reive an' rape, an' fairly mak' a hell O' my braw birlin' Earth,--a hale week's wark-- I'd cast my coat again, rowe up my sark, An' or they'd time to lench a second ark, Tak' back my word an' sen' anither spate, Droon oot the hale hypothec, dicht the sklate, Own my mistak', an, aince I cleared the brod, Start a'thing ower again, gin I was God.

Translation IF I were God, sitting up there above, Wearied no doubt, now all my work was done, Deafened by the harps and hymns unending ringing, Tired of the flocking angels hoarse with singing, To some cloud edge I'd saunter forth and, faith, Look over and watch how things were going beneath. Then if I saw how men I'd made myself Had started out to poison, shoot and kill [fell], To steal and rape and fairly make a hell Of my fine spinning Earth -- a whole week's work -- I'd drop my coat again, roll up my shirt, And, ere they'd time to launch a second ark, Take back my word and send another flood [spate], Drown out the whole shebang, wipe the slate, Admit my mistake, and once I'd cleared the board, Start everything ["all-thing"] over again, if I were God.

STICKS AND STONES........

Me and the Old Girl have been together for over 25 years and seldom argue kind of like Richard and Shelley who've been together longer. By my reckoning they will have their 30th wedding anniversary early next year. What's the 30th? Balsa wood? Aluminium? I'm sure someone will know.

Anyway, even though we seldom argue there are sometimes occasions that put stresses on relationships. The current one is travel as today we are off to Scotland to spend Christmas and New Year with The Old Girl's family. Packing, planning, organising and spring cleaning ..... Yes you heard right, spring cleaning is all on the agenda. WTF? I said that as we're away for over a fortnight things will get dusty again so why other cleaning the bath, all surfaces, floors etc. her response ..."I don't want to come back from holiday to a tip like this Matey" levelled at me with, I think, an underlying condemnation of my cleaning abilities.

I had to respond.

There are three levels of argumentativeness in my arsenal:

Level one, which I used as a response was "blah, blah, blah"
This was good as it hit the mark and made me feel relieved. By hitting the mark though it triggered a response from The Old Girl along the lines of "watch it".

Now this was blatant provocation. It had to be responded to.

"Fiddle - de- dee Madam"

 Level two is "Fiddly - de - dee". This is a biggy and is wheeled out in extreme situations. It is extremely accurate and always hits home. I didn't actually use the 'Fiddly-de-dee" on this occasion but knowing it's power I threatened to use it. I said "you watch it or you'll get a 'fiddle de dee'".







Things were escalating. I knew it and The Old Girl knew it. This could lead to level three which has only ever been used once before about fifteen years ago. It was devastating and reduced The Old Girl to tears. She claimed that it was due to 'hormones' but I know differently.

Level three is " For God' sake".

The big gun. Big Bertha. Armegeddon. I gave her a meaningful stare letting her know what might be in store before picking up the duster and cleaning the surfaces.

CARDS

I received a Christmas card from Richard today.
Nice.
We don't go in for these much mainly because we're never organised enough to send them so they get there on time. I think we should just send cards at random times during the heat to confuse people.
Anyway Richard and Shelley's card will take pride of place in the apartment. It's the only one we've received after all.

I looked on the web for e-cards and found that most were saccharine sweet, kitcsh or offensive but found a clays Nat King Cole one which I sent them I hope they like it.

RATTLE AND UMM

The 'rattle' refers to the tablets I have to take and the 'umm' as to whether they are efficacious or not.

It seems that as you get older medicines become part of the daily diet. I remember making fun of of dear old mum over the variety of medications she had to take in her old age and now that jesting has come back to bite me on the bum as it were.

I went to the doctors to get a prescription renewal a few weeks back. I have 3 medications relating to slightly raised cholesterol and hypertension. Two of them were known here in Canada but the third, bendrofluazide, a diuretic they didn't have a clue about. They prescribed something else that I started taking but ended up having a bad allergic reaction to it. I came out in a painful rash on my arms and legs that I at first thought was a psoriasis outbreak.
Back I went to the doctors (a walk in public surgery) and another doctor examined me.
The outcome of this was three referrals to specialists:

• Heart specialist which had me undergoing ECG, echo sounding tests, treadmill fitness tests and a 72 hour heart monitor test. All clear and no problems apparently.
• A colonoscopy done last week. All clear and they said come back in 10 years.
• A skin specialist clinic appointment (January).

Now the Canadian public health system is brilliant. These 3 referrals to specialist have happened almost immediately (compared to what happens in New Zealand), are all at clinics within easy walking distance of where I live and they are all free. At home I had to pay for Southern Cross medicare to get such service.

The skin rash thing that I thought was a psoriasis flare-up got extremely bad a couple of nights ago to the point where I couldn't sleep. I surfed the net and looked up the contra actions relating to the newly prescribed drug and sure enough a side effect is a photo-sensitivity in some people that causes rashes. I had something similar a few years back as an allergic reaction to a penicillin-based antibiotic.
Back I go to the doctors and met with a third doctor. I explained the problem and offered a solution being the prednisone that fixed me last time. I had the web print-outs top show him.

 I think he was a bit miffed and took ages doing his own research but in the end prescribed me the prednisone which I have to take a course of. The stuff is magic and already after 2 days the rash is disappearing. This doctor also prescribed a replacement medication for the replacement medication that I had the allergic reaction to.

I am now taking: the two that I'm familiar with; the replacement for the replacement; the antidote to the first replacement. Bloody Nora I feel like a maraca.

THE WHITE STUFF

We've had a lot of snow here over the last fortnight. It seems that it's come early this year although that's the sort of thing that everyone says.
When walking to the shops yesterday I had to wear my snow boots which was a bit novel. It was like being on the ski fields but on the streets.

We have little snow drifts on the deck of our 16th floor apartment. Yesterday the iPhone weather app read minus 16 degrees but I think they must have their measurement out in a field somewhere. The temperature in the city with tall buildings around tends to be warmer. Maybe minus 8 degrees - positively tropical. If the wind comes up though the chill factor brings it considerably down.

There's no self consciousness in dress though when it gets really cold. People go out in the most ridiculous hats and cold weather gear truly looking like 'Nanooks'. My "bag-of-busted-arseholes" style fits in quite well at last.
We're going east for Christmas to warmer climes. Aberdeen!

SARTORIAL

“You’re looking very sartorial” said The Old Girl to me when we were going out to a wine dinner the other night. This was a surprise as normally she says I dress like a bag of busted arseholes.

Thinking about this today I thought I’d check up on the source of the word ‘sartorial’ and discovered that it’s attributable to Jean-Paul Sartre.

Sartre was a proponent of the concept of existentialism with his most famous work being "L'existentialisme est un humanisme" .

Existentialism is a term used to describe the belief that philosophical thinking begins with the human subject—not merely the thinking subject, but the acting, feeling, living human individual. Sartre incorporated atheism and Marxism into his doctrine and later ‘Absurdism’ when a local bishop told him he was being absurd. Sartre, as an atheist, argued we are born without purpose or meaning and that we must accept the freedom and responsibility of our existence and live out our lives so as to create purpose and meaning. So first we come to exist, then we create our essence.  OK?

Sartre was also a ‘bit of a lad’ and put himself out a bit with the eligible ladies around town. He played ‘boomps-a-daisy with Simone de Beauvoir whom he met in Paris in 1929. As Beauvoir explains in "The Prime of Life", "The comradeship that welded our lives together made a superfluous mockery of any other bond we might have forged for ourselves." They had countless affairs, but told each other everything and enjoyed an unconventional relationship.

More importantly though, and this aided Sartre in his chat-ups, was that he was a snappy dresser.

He spent most of his money with fashionable tailors and had a reputation for being well turned out.

“Just like Sartre” was a popular expression when someone dressed up for a dinner party and pretty soon this expression was adopted into the French lingo-"Comme Sartre". The British, when adopting this expression into English as they’ve done with many French terms and words were a bit nervous about the ‘comme’ given the anti-red sentiment of the times (late 1940’s and 1950’s) and preferred ‘Sartre-al which became ‘sartorial’

CONFUSION

Confucius, the most important Eastern philosopher lived from 551 to 479 BC. At around the same time that the Greeks were debating ethics, morality, politics and nature Confucius was doing the same thing with ‘Analects’. Democracy, it will come as a surprise to many, was not entirely a Greek or Western invention. The Chinese were talking about the rights of the people many years before although of course it was never exercised.


With his version of ‘The Golden Rule’ Confucius said:

“What one does not wish for oneself, one ought not to do to anyone else; what one recognizes as desirable for oneself, one ought to be willing to grant to others"

The blending of negative, positive, active and passive language in this statement was a problem for contemporary and later scholars and they were addled by it.

While not wanting to appear dim by not understanding it and other utterances by Confucius they would nod sagely and agree. As time went on and Confucius’ reputation grew the largely incomprehensible anecdotes and statements were known as Confucius’ Idioms which in time was shortened to Confucions and later, in translations to Confusions.

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I get confused sometimes.

This morning, when making coffee I put the milk in the frother and then put it in the coffee cupboard rather than the microwave. When the coffee in the cafetiere on the stove was ready I went to get the heated milk to discover that it wasn’t in the microwave. Now to be fair, when I put the milk in the cupboard I didn’t press imaginary buttons to activate it but, it’s a worry ……….

I have been known to go into a room to get something and when there wonder why I was there………

Most of all I’m confused as to why most of New Zealand voters have chosen to elect a buffoon like Shonkey to represent our country. In his latest stupidity he’s forgotten which side of the fence he was on during the time of the 1981 Springbok tour. To paraphrase Confucius:

“What one wishes for oneself, one ought not to do for anyone else; what one recognizes as desirable for oneself, one ought to be unwilling to grant to others.”