Saturday, 30 December 2017


THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ having just arrived back from Napier yesterday are off to Auckland today to celebrate New Year.

The Old Girl has commanded this as she wants to watch the New Years Eve fireworks display where fireworks are let off from the Sky Tower itself.

As we get a good view of Sky Tower from our apartment and, if we sell it, it will be our last chance to view this then this is what will happen.

It means I have to drive down to Auckland today and return on Monday. THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ will not be able to post on their blogs until next week.

Sorry about that.

Friday, 29 December 2017


Reacher, (circa 1960) Humbert and Gardiner - the community of cousins want to show this to Angry Jesus.


Yes dear readers, your Curmudgeon had a narrow escape while on holiday in Napier at Christmas.
The Curmudgeon and The Old Girl stayed with The Old Girl's cousin in Chaucer Road on Hospital Hill.

Unknown to The Curmudgeon a crazed gunman was having a shootout with police in this very same street and bullets were flying everywhere. The gunman shot one policeman dead, wounded others and finally shot himself after firing away at neighbouring houses.


The house we were staying in is in the same road and in the same gulley as the gunman's house. I noticed when swimming in the pool that a concrete pool-fence tile had been shattered BY A BULLET!

Let's look at the evidence.

This is the pool that your brave Curmudgeon was swimming in. He reportedly* would dive in like a knife slicing through soft butter, making barely a ripple and awarded himself scores of 9, 9.5, 9.8 out of ten (* The Curmudgeon made these reports to The Old Girl who was indoors at the time. She said "Yes, I heard you. Is there any water left in the pool?").

This is the concrete tile fence surrounding the pool. While scything through the water The Curmudgeon noticed the damage to one of the blocks.

Here is a closer look. Note the gulley behind the washing line THE VERY SAME WASHING LINE THAT THE CURMUDGEON HUNG CLOTHES ON EARLIER (a post with selfies will show this later).

Here is a close-up of the broken tile. The more observant reader will notice the bullet mark on the piece of concrete at the left. This obviously shattered the tile and either deflected or disintegrated the bullet. Forensic investigation was not possible as neither the bullet or fragments were found at the scene.

Somewhere down this gulley lurked a crazed gunman who fired shots, dangerous shots at neighbouring houses. The Curmudgeon was (recently) in one of those houses.


We at CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ think nothing of putting ourselves in danger to bring our readers exciting and interesting stories. This story involved diving, swimming and floating in water. DEEP WATER. It also involved firearms and bullets. FLYING BULLETS. The events in this story took place at Christmas 2017. If it had taken place in May 2009 your dedicated reporter The Curmudgeon MIGHT HAVE BEEN DAMAGED.

Think about that next time you waste your time reading one of the Bass Buggers Confederation posts.

Tuesday, 19 December 2017


I cleaned the kitchen fridge yesterday and last night used up all the vegetables in a chicken curry, a large one that did for last nights dinner and I have four double servings left that I've frozen.

As a consequence I have nothing (fresh) for dinner tonight as I don't want to stock up because we are going away. It will have to be fish and chips.

This traditional summer takeaway doesn't suit the hot weather that we're having but, needs must.
The Religious Curmudgeon, being a fat bastard will approve:

But I don't imagine the Food Curmudgeon will be best pleased although I bet that he has some when I buy them as our local makes the best fish and chips in Northland. We have choices from John Dory, Blue Cod, Tarakihi or Snapper with lovely, large, golden chips. That with a half a bottle of Selaks Founders Chardonnay will be spot on.

Monday, 18 December 2017


The quality of this 50 year old clip is great.



Whangarei airport- Monday afternoon.
The Curmudgeon meets Reacher and Humbert, Gardener, John Gardener's cousins.

CURMUDGEON: Welcome guys, thanks for coming so quickly.

REACHER : No worries.

 HUMBERT: No problem TC. We came as soon as you called. We love our cousin Gardener -- well, when I say 'love' I don't mean any funny stuff we ...

REACHER: He means that we cousins stick together. We're never off duty.

HUMBERT: Never forgive, never forget.

REACHER: Do it once and do it right.

HUMBERT: You reap what you sow

REACHER: Protect and serve

HUMBERT: Plans go to hell as soon as the first shot is fired

REACHER: Never off duty.

CURMUDGEON: Guys, guys, OK I get the picture we've ....

REACHER: I’m a man with a rule. People leave me alone, I leave them alone. If they don’t, I don’t.

CURMUDGEON: Wow, that's a long sentence for you Reacher ...

HUMBERT: I’m not afraid of death. Death’s afraid of me.

CURMUDGEON: Yeah well, let's not get carried away here. We have to go to the hospital to see Gardener. The car's right here.

REACHER: That's a car?

CURMUDGEON: I know you're used to Humvees Reacher but no need to be rude. This an IST. A Toyota IST.

HUMBERT: Pay no attention to him TC. He gets that way sometimes because he's a lousy driver.

REACHER: Hey Humbert fuck you, and fuck that Trixie the waitress friend of yours.

HUMBERT: Well at least I do. She wouldn't go near you. You look like you fell out of the ugly tree and ....

REACHER: ...and hit every branch. Ha ha Yeah I know. I made that line up. We're cool TC let's go.

The Curmudgeon, Reacher and Humbert packed themselves in to the small white hatchback and set off on the 15 minute drive to the hospital.

HUMBERT: So tell us what happened TC.

CURMUDGEON: Well Gardener's been helping me with my weeding since I damaged my knee (shows Humbert and Reacher his knee and ankle by lifting up his leg and waving it about. As he was driving at the time this caused the car to swerve and drive a pregnant barmaid and an old lady off the road and into a ditch)

CURMUDGEON:  Sorreeeeeee... well Gardener said that he'd been getting hassled by some weedy time traveller guy who was in the employ of Richard of Richard's Bass Bag and ....

HUMBERT: Not that old schoolteacher guy?

CURMUDGEON: Yes, that's the guy. He's retired now and seems to have a lot of time on his hands so he's created a confederation of nutty bloggers which ....

REACHER: A confederacy?

CURMUDGEON: Yes, confederation - confederacy - same thing.

REACHER: The confederacy came to a bad end - that's for damn sure.

CURMUDGEON: Yes, well, to get back on point (he glares at Humbert and Reacher) Gardener sorted out the little time-travelling runt in the time-honoured tradition - an elbow to the throat, a roundhouse kick to the knee and a follow up boot in the balls. Classic.

REACHER: Sounds about right.

HUMBERT: Yeah but I'd have followed up with opening and pouring a bottle of cleanskin chardonnay down the fucker's throat. I'd have ...

CURMUDGEON:  (glaring at Humbert) Stay on point Humbert and listen. This little bastard, the time-traveller went squealing to the old ex-schoolteacher guy - the one that you helped out on a couple of occasions Humbert - and this joker got a couple of his cronies to ambush Gardener.

REACHER: Bastard. I don't get how they got the drop on Gardener though. That's unusual. He's normally hoping for the best but planning for the worst ...

CURMUDGEON: (thinking) Fuck me, more bloody cliches.

HUMBERT: So, what happened?

CURMUDGEON: From what I can gather this anachronistic bastard named Baxter came ...

HUMBERT: Baxter?

CURMUDGEON: Yes, Baxter. He.....

HUMBERT: Baxter's some sort of bloody medicine isn't it? 

REACHER: For piles ...(ahem).. so I've heard somewhere.

CURMUDGEON: Look I don't know about that, all I know is that this Baxter bastard sneaked up on Gardiner while he was up a ladder and ..

REACHER: Sneaked?

CURMUDGEON: Yes, he sneaked up ...

HUMBERT: While Gardener was up a ladder?

CURMUDGEON: Yes, while he was up a ladder Baxter sneaked up and tipped the ladder over and Gardener fell down and hit his head.


REACHER: There's three situations you don't attack a guy - when he's in the toilet; when he's shagging; and when he's up a ladder. What a cunt!

HUMBERT: What's this Baxter guy like? Can we find him?

CURMUDGEON: All I know is that he's pretty old. He comes from somewhere where Jesus lived and he rides a horse. He carries a sword and lived back when Christ was a cowboy.

REACHER: So, low-tech eh. Sword. Horse. Should be easy to find.

CURMUDGEON: Yes. He is 'old school' I don't think his horse has horse shoes.


REACHER: I haven't heard that saying before TC.

CURMUDGEON: No that's not another cliche or saying. His horse really doesn't have horseshoes.

HUMBERT: (thinking) OK, understood. We should be able to follow his trail easily then. Is he a big guy or a little guy?

REACHER: I don’t care about the little guy. I just hate the big guy. I hate big smug people who think they can get away with things.

CURMUDGEON: (thinking) Bloody hell, here we go again.

HUMBERT: Right TC. We'll sort this biblical throwback. But right now I'm hungry. Is there a place that has a nice Nicoise salad starter, some Dauphinoise potatoes and lightly grilled lamb rack, washed down with a nice Cote D'Or Burgundy?

REACHER: A steak and lots of coffee. Black coffee for me.

CURMUDGEON: Here we are at the hospital. I'm sure that there's a cafe there.

(to be continued)


THE CURMUDGEON'S AGONY AUNT isn't on holiday and is working right through this stressful time (Christmas and New Year can be a bastard for some people).


"Hi TC. I don't know if you noticed but I came around this morning and finished off the weeding.
I have to start just before sunrise as it gets too hot now.
I apologise for not getting back sooner but I had the strangest experience. Some little time travelling scrote has been hanging around bothering me.

He said that he was checking up on me for his old boss for some reason. Sounded weird so I gave him an elbow to the adam's apple. He didn't say much after that - actually, he couldn't speak for a while. He kept coming back on progressively earlier days so that he could speak. I got sick of this so gave him a classic kick in the knee which shattered the joint. I gave him a kick in the nuts as well so that if he wants any children he'll have to do the deed before 2017. Ha ha.  I don't expect to see the little shit anytime from now onwards. He'll have to visit me pre-2017 if he wants to walk about and say something.
I'll be ready for him.

Sunday, 17 December 2017



THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON has cut short his holidays to bring you a new post that, given Robert's ravings, he believes is important for you to share:

"I interrupted my holidays to bring you an important message"


Here's a post on behalf of THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON (who is on holiday)

I listened to an interview on National Radio the other day and was annoyed by the mannerisms of Aldous Harding and the time that she took to answer questions. It didn't make for good radio but I've since watched the interview with Kathryn Ryan on National radio's website and she comes across better in the visuals. I'd listened to her being interviewed on National Radio a couple of years ago and it seemed to me that she engaged more then.  Back then I thought she had great potential with her music and it seems that she really is a rising star - not one that depends on 14 y.o. girls supporting her music like Lorde and a host of others, but one who is edgy and quirky and who hopefully will be in it for the long run

I like edgy and quirky music whether it is Kurt Weil or Benjamin Britten opera; Cap'n Beefheart, John Cale, P.J. Harvey rock music; Kate Bush or David Bowie pop; or Scott Walker-type alternative. Crazy is good.

Harding is a visual performer as much as a singer/songwriter and I'd like to see one of her shows.

Here are two totally different performaces that show her range.

Saturday, 16 December 2017


Poor old Richard is a bit grumpy tonight so here's something to show him that there are even bigger grumps out there:



It's not just USA that's getting hacked by Russian cyber criminals and influencers. My blog receives a lot of interest from Russia and Ukraine.
This is a snapshot from my blog statistics of who views the posts:

The dark green which shows most viewership is from New Zealand, USA and Alaska.
Alaska you may ask - well that's where America has its spy satellites checking on important worldwide internet communications so naturally THE CURMUDGEON is on its 'must read' list.

The medium green shows UK, Russia, Ukraine and some ex-USSR countries where the Russkies do something similar to the USA spies although, in addition, they are probably trying to learn about New Zealand politics, culture and society and THE CURMUDGEON is one of the best avenues for this.

The lighter green is Australia and China who monitor but as neither countries first language is English their viewership is not as great, and Canada who are generally too nice to read scurrilous blogs.

В России мы не следим, мы просто хотим прочитать вашу хорошую информацию

What? Who said that? What's goin....... s хорошие люди, мы не так, как вы говорите snoops

I'd better leave this post - I think that someone is watching me.


.... and the end of the Confederacy.  

There appears to be dissension in the ranks of THE BASS BAGGING CONFEDERATION.

See: HERE and read the comments trail.

Many of the confederates are past members who have been too quickly reactivated and brought into the confederation in order to try and challenge the phenomenal success of CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ. The rush has put stress on both these new players and the existing old ones and arguments if not outright fighting has been the result.

This is no real surprise as we at CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ saw this coming due to the fact that
THE BASS BAGGING CONFEDERATION is a cobbled-together entity that has no support mechanisms for its staff. CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ has just such mechanisms and its master leader
spokesperson THE CURMUDGEON recognised that the flurry of posting activity pre-Christmas could cause stress and so granted all members holiday leave while generously offering to cover the individuals blogging commitments.

Employment New Zealand has this to say on the subject:

Stress in the workplace

Workplace stress is not defined by law. It can be caused by a number of things, including:

  • an unreasonable workload
  • lack of health and safety precautions against hazards
  • workplace bullying
  • workplace restructuring
  • a toxic work environment.

An employer must make sure, as reasonably possible, that health and safety risks in the workplace are identified and managed properly. This includes workplace stress and fatigue.
Employers are obliged to monitor employees for potential workplace stress, such as keeping an eye on workload, job performance and the types of tasks being performed, as well as looking for any physical signs of stress.
In order to minimise stress, an employer might:
  • provide support (eg an employee assistance programme)
  • provide additional resources (eg providing assistance with work)
  • provide leave for stress
  • liaise with the employee and the employee's doctor or medical specialist
  • discuss and adjust the mix of duties
  • reduce the employee’s hours by agreement
  • suggest alternative, less stressful roles for the employee.

Richard (of Richard's Bass Bag) leader of THE BASS BAGGING CONFEDERATION is guilty of not following these guidelines and in fact creating a 'toxic' workplace. All of the workplace stress scenarios above are evident in THE BASS BAGGING CONFEDERATION and virtually all of the employer recommendations are applicable.

Will we see changes?

Will we heck!  Richard (of Richard's Bass Bag) is an autocratic 'leader' who does not show regard for his employees and associates. He has a disturbed cohort Angry Jesus who on many occasions has demonstrated threats and violence. This cohort has a thug named Baxter in his employ and we at CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ fear that there will be a very nasty internal struggle which could well result in the implosion of THE BASS BAGGING CONFEDERATION. The thousand year Rich Reich only lasted about a dozen years. THE BASS BAGGING CONFEDERATION will likely not make even 12 weeks.

- That is all.

Friday, 15 December 2017


THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON asked me to keep readers up to date with current issues while he's on holiday.

To be honest I can't be arsed as all of the CURMUDGEON INC.ⓒ buggers are expecting me to do the same but Robert has been a bit active lately banging on (again) about creationism being better than evolution and this has stimulated Richard's Nutty Conglomeration into attacking Robert's ideas (well, not really Robert's ideas as he borrowed these from some American weirdo who can't spell his own name properly).

Anyway here's an interesting documentary about crackpot religions.

Thursday, 14 December 2017




The People said he wasn't the chosen one - Oh yeah, Oh yeah.

Oh yeah, Alabama has spoken.  Or, more importantly black American voters have (at last) spoken, particularly the black american women voters.

This is a tipping point not just because Alabama was a Republican stronghold but because the Democrat vote in so many states has always had the potential to be the largest percentage vote due to the demographics of the voters who would most benefit - elderly, working class, Hispanic and Black but, because a significant proportion of these people don't vote that potential is just that - a potential, not a reality (not unlike the situation in New Zealand).

The Alabama result with Republican candidate Roy Moore being swept aside by Democrat candidate Doug Jones is ground-breaking but not just because of the shift from Red to Blue in Alabama, but because it was the Black vote that tipped the balance. This could, not will, but could, change the face of American politics if the Democrats and Black and Hispanic America work out how to capitalise on this and develop strategies to get the elderly, working class, Hispanic and Black voters to the polls.

It's a long road but a possible road and one that will lead to Trump and his supporters being ousted.


Yes it's USA politics but this (diminishing) world power still influences us greatly. Trump and GOP have, in as recently the last 12 months greatly endangered us through dangerous global interactions like: alienating key European states like Germany, France and UK; damaging delicate detente arrangements with sub-powers like North Korea and Iran; upsetting decades old balances like that between Palestine and Israel; allowing China to grow in dominance in the Pacific, South China Sea area and South East Asia; withdrawing from the Paris Accord and it's position on combatting global warming; pulling out of TPP; allowing Russia to basically do what it likes in the East - and this doesn't even cover the massive geo-political, social and environmental catastrophes that the Trump Administration has been orchestrating in domestic America.


Let's all hope that we can 'wake up tomorrow' to a better future.


I swear there are some days when I seem to busier than I ever was at work over the last 40 plus years.

Today I had to play tennis from 8.30 to 11.30.

I then had to play lawn bowls from midday to 2PM

I'm going for a swim soon and then, at 6PM I'm playing petanque before a 7.30 Community Association meeting. This will be the last monthly one of the year and it will be a BYO wine and food get-together.

Busy, busy, busy.

Wednesday, 13 December 2017


"Students can often lose a year or more of their academic progress in writing during the summer holiday, and it can take months to recover the following year. Blogging may be the answer."
               - National Radio Checkpoint Wednesday 13 December 2017

The report said that students can improve their spelling, grammar, learning, understanding and writing ability by using blogging.

Well that's great news but it kind of raises the question:

"What the hell would Robert be like if he didn't blog?"



* Information on THE EDUCATIONAL CURMUDGEON will be released after the Christmas/New Year break.


THE CURMUDGEONS INCⓒ members have done such a great job since the incorporation that I've decided to give them all extended Christmas leave.

Well done Curmudgeons and associated members.

In the interim I, THE CURMUDGEON will cover any important posts that may be necessary over the Christmas and New Year period.

Blogging should be light - Robert's blog seems to be suffering intermittent broadcast problems and The Blah Boggers Confederacy has had to reactivate old and suspect members so we are not expecting much competition.

Happy holidays everyone.

Tuesday, 12 December 2017




THE MUNDANE CURMUDGEON  has posted a new post see :

At CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ we don't air our dirty washing in public but THE MUNDANE CURMUDGEON (along with some other full members and associate members) will be summoned invited to attend a refresher course about the benefits and responsibilities of being a CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ member.

That is all.





like THE DARKER CURMUDGEON and THE PHILOSOPHICAL CURMUDGEON I don't have a lot of time for all that Christmas malarky, certainly not the songs.

Here's a song for you but I'm not sure if it's festive:








Monday, 11 December 2017


Great news readers of CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ

We have a new member THE CURMUDGEON'S - AGONY AUNT  who will sort out your embarrassing little problems.

See the first post here:


I had a look at the garden the other day. It's a mess. I started clearing some creeper a few weeks ago but then hurt my knee and wasn't able to finish. Now things have really got away in the hot weather. It needs sorting, in a big way.

I contacted my old alter-ego Humbert for advice. After I'd outlined the problem he was silent for a while, thinking, although I could swear that I heard some wine being drunk. Finally he said "I'd like to help TC but as you know my forte is in wine. Good wine. I've got a cousin though who could help. his name is Gardener. John Gardener. No middle name. Just call him Gardener. I'll get him to call you. Got to go now, Trixie's waiting".


I didn't get a call from John Gardener but when I woke up this morning (you know the song) I saw a guy standing in the backyard looking at the garden. A big guy. Gardener. 

When I greeted him he said "Humbert told me you had a problem so I came as quick as I could. I can be your new alter-ego. I'm just in time I think. This is bad. Very bad". He looked at the creeper that was choking the ferns and pungas; the convolvulus that was strangling the feijoa trees; the thistles lurking amongst the native grasses; the nasturtium that has invaded from the neighbouring property and lawn grass growing wild amongst the flaxes and ferns. "Bad, very bad".

Gardener asked if I had any tools. I said that The Old Girl doesn't trust me with tools but I'd managed to hide some secateurs and a Niwashi, a curved flax-cutting tool see: HERE
I said that I also had a tool belt although as I wasn't allowed to have hammers and screwdrivers it hadn't been used. Gardener looked at me strangely and said that that would do. He loaded up the soft leather tool belt (unused) with the niwashi, secateurs, gloves and The Old Girls garden trowel. He was ready. Very ready.



"Yes I got here just in time. That's for damn sure" thought Gardener as he looked at the invasive weeds that were slowly but steadily taking over the property - front and back. It was going to be a big job but he wasn't worried, he'd handled bigger. It was the diversity of the weeds that posed a problem as they each had to be approached differently. One tool wouldn't work for all of them. He thought of weed-killer but quickly dismissed that idea. He (his alter-ego owner) had a cat and there were lots of native birds living here and besides, it was a sloping section with run-off that would go into the sea. No, weed-killer was out. It would be muscle power and determination that would win this fight.

Gardener began ripping away at the most accessible weeds, the ones that had climbed up the taller plants and trees. The weeds fought back with some trying to rip and tear at his arms and face. "Hope for the best but plan for the worst" he said to himself as he put on gloves and doubled his efforts. Another cousin of his had once advised that in a tough fight it's best to use your elbows. Gardener used more elbow grease and soon had cleared  all of the clinging creeper and ivy that had attempted to take over the bank below the lawn. He now got out the trowel and dug out the thistles and smaller, more resistant weeds and tossed them onto the heap. 
Gardener smiled as he dug out toadflax remembering (via shared memory) the post of some years back when he'd described Bennet, that horribly arrogant MP who's now got her comeuppance as toadflax. See:  TOADFLAX


By midday it was too hot to work so Gardener stopped and went for a swim  as the tide was now in. The water was warm enough for swimming but also refreshing after his efforts.
"I'll be back tomorrow TC" he said with a wave as he trotted off down the drive.

"Thanks Gardener" I called to him "Much appreciated."


The recently formed Bass Bagging Confederation which was once the multi-personalty disorder result of Richard of Richard's Bass Bag has been largely disappointing. The rag-tag bunch of underperforming blogs that was cobbled together to form the confederation has gained nothing from the reforming and, it might be said, have actually gone backwards in terms of post frequency, quality, interest and following.

It's sad really as I'm sure that they individually meant a lot to the old man (Richard) and might have given him some comfort in his dotage. Collectively they seem to have imploded or, more aptly, sagged.
It's quite telling that the confederation chose as it's collective image this bunch of boring old suits:

Has Richard learnt nothing from the news over the last year? Old patriarchal men fiddling is not politically correct.

As said, the Bass Bagging Confederation blogs have slipped alarmingly in the frequency of posting and, when a post is made it is of the length and substance of a TWEET. No wonder then that the spokesperson for the confederation makes alarmingly untruthful statements in a Donald Trump-like way, suggesting that the blogs are updated frequently. See HERE


Sunday, 10 December 2017



Now Robert isn't a big follower of Darwin and his theories.
When it comes to those idiots who prove the theory in the Darwin Awards  he'd probably call them saints or martyrs since most of them die.

Now this guy in the clip below didn't die but give him time - he will do something even more stupid.


Up here where I live, a couple of weeks ago some idiot burned down his house trying to kill a spider with a spray can and a cigarette lighter.
Maybe he hadn't seen this YouTube clip, or worse still he had seen it:



I sent the microwave video link to Richard because since retirement he seems to be struggling to find things to do to fill in his time.

I'm helpful like that.


I like John Oliver. His retakes of the news are insightful and very funny. Have a look via the link below at his latest review of Facebook...