WILL MY BOOMERANG COME BACK?

I'm going to stay indoors today.

The weather is a bit indifferent and I don't feel like walking, golfing or playing tennis.

I should do some home budgeting though and will create a budget spreadsheet on the computer using Microsoft Excel.

I've sorted out all of the direct debits on the credit card after having to cancel our Visa cards because of an overcharging problem we had from Just Answer. What a fankle!*

Since moving house and discovering things to buy and some renovations needed, it seems that money is pouring out of our bank account. I need to get a track of our incomings and outgoings. While it's OK at the moment with The Old Girl working, when she decides to retire we'll need some budgeting discipline.

I'm not really looking forward to doing this as I'm way out of practice at creating and using computer spreadsheets but hopefully it will come back to me.

* Note the sensible and grammatically correct usage of one exclamation mark.

52 HARMONICAS ...

... BEATS 10 GUITARS.

My knee is still giving my gyp but I half walked/half bussed to Cuba Street today to go to the excellent Wellington Fish Supply shop to buy some crabmeat for The Old Girl. She's going to make a crab and zucchini salad for her dinner. I'm making an orange kumara, orange juice and tomato penne pasta dish for me. I like this dish but she says that it's boring so she will miss out on that.

The harmonica guy had some advice for Richard and gigs that I said I'd pass on. It went like this:

"Aarrgh splegger yur sprozzicks ander gesherfuggingarsh innageara oohhhher".

I take this to be musician-speak that Richard will understand. I hope that it's of assistance.

 

ZEALANDIA TE MARA A TANE

 

We did some volunteer work at Zealandia yesterday, checking the predator-free fence for damage, decay, rust, rot and degradation. It was like reading over Richard's and Robert's blogs in that sense - only the fence was in better condition.

The fence is important for the safety of the birdlife within the reserve and requires regular checking for maintenance issues to stop all sorts of pests from invading:

"Hey, Let me in!"

I love this reserve and it was good to experience it again. I'd like to be able to walk the paths daily but it's a bit too far away for that.

We spent a couple of hours checking our section of the fence - about 50 to 100 metres long which we accessed after a steep climb up a bush track. I damaged my knee (again) at golf last week so I was in a bit of pain and difficulty on the steep bits but was OK on the flat.

If it'd been up to me I'd have checked and passed the fence in about a quarter of an hour but was with The Old Girl and an equally pedantic workmate of hers. As a result they 'OCD'd' every little bit - cracks, mold, lichen, missing rivets, corrosion - sheesh and everything and she laboriously entered the information on a large spreadsheet and he transferred that to an app on his phone. I added in things like the weta at the top of a post and some dead insects but was largely ignored so I didn't offer a warning that Evil Doctor Richard the apologist was trying to climb over the fence.

All in all we had a good afternoon's endeavour and earned our glasses of wine before dinner - Kim Crawford Reserve chardonnay for me and Mondavi chardonnay for her.

ROLL UP

Both Robert and Richard have been writing about bowls in their recent posts although Richard might have been referring to bowels (which he does frequently) and misspelled it.

I think Robert aka Second is contemplating taking up bowls as he saw time's winged chariot flying past his window. No doubt he will discover a pristine set of bowls at his local op shop for sixpence.

Maybe, if golfing becomes a bit more difficult, I should reconsider taking up lawn bowls as well and give Robert a run for his money. I've played bowls off and on for over 40 years so might remember some of the rules and techniques. 

Can you spot me?

Here are a few of the posts I've written about it:

HERE

HERE

HERE

HERE

HERE

No need to thank me

Who knows - if it's a go we could get the old whiner from Wainuiomata to join us. At least it'd be another excuse for having arguments.

PLAYTIME

 I read Richard's latest blog post. 

It's a pity that it's such a nice day out as posts like that are best read when it's really bad weather outside. Or when there's no grass to watch growing. Or when you don't have a life.

Here's  a snapshot from some of it:

What was I thinking?

Where does stuff like that get generated ...

... Oh yes, his playroom. That figures.

*********************

Anyway, I have a life, don't have a lawn and it's nice outside. I decided to give golf another go.

Yesterday I told Richard that I think I've forgotten how to play golf. Every time I give it a go at Berhampore golf course I end up duffing shots, hitting balls into the trees, losing balls and today I discovered I actually lost a golf club - a lovely 4 wood.

I played 8 holes today and was prepared to give the game away but fortunately managed to hit some really nice shots and scored well. After a long drive on a par 5 I looked in my bag for the 4 wood to use on the fairway and couldn't find it. I remembered using it on Wednesday when I played 4 holes really badly. I didn't throw the club away but must have just left it in the grass for some reason. Weird. I asked at the golf club today if anyone had handed the club in but no such luck. Bummer - it's a nice one and is part of the matched set I bought from a Japanese woman in Whangarei a couple of years ago.

I don't know why my golf has deteriorated so much. Berhampore golf course is a hard course with very steep fairways and unforgiving rough, big pine tree plantations and out of bounds areas. I should though, be able to carefully hit straight down the fairways but for some reason don't, either duffing the shots or slicing or hooking the ball in to the trees. I think I made a mistake joining up and will have to confess this to The Old Girl soon. In the interim I'll try and get my money's worth. The 12 month membership cost $485. A round, regardless of how many holes you play costs $25. I calculate that I need to play about 20 times to 'get my money's worth'. That will be my challenge for the rest of the year.

AN AESTHETE YET?

 I see that Richard is playing ostriches this morning:

"I won't bother commenting" he wrote.

With a low readership and almost zero following his blog has I would have thought he'd try to make an effort especially since he's obsessed by the number of comments he gets on his blog.

We'll leave him to stew for a while. he might, like Robert, delete all his posts and maybe his entire blog again which would make it the fourth time he's done so. Who said he's a Philistine?

ART FOR ART'S SAKE

 

ART FOR ART'S SAKE

Here at The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ we take art and culture seriously as we believe that the finer things in life can make life, well, finer. The Cultured Curmudgeon, The Literary Curmudgeon, The Music Curmudgeon, The Food Curmudgeon and The Wine Guy in particular endeavour to bring readers useful information and insights that can make their lives better ...

... better than the offerings at that other blog Richard's Bass Bag with its Bass Bag Consortium that includes the odious Akish The Philistine blog. I mean - Akish The Philistine! Really? Have a look at one of his recent posts:

Should we be scared? Yes, certainly as cultural boorishness and anti-intellectualism like this is one of the tenets of fascism and dictatorships. It's worrying that Richard has a sub-blog like this one and frankly (his name is actually Richard) he should know better being an educated musician and all.

Reviewing my own blogs I took note that The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ doesn't include a visual arts blog - something along the lines of The Fine Arts Curmudgeon which is something that I will have to redress when I'm not so busy. In the interim though I thought that I'd provide you with an image of one of my favourite paintings - Renoir's La Loge.

 The bold black and white stripes on the woman's dress draw the viewer's gaze to her rather than the man behind her.  The black and blue areas create the effect of shadow and light which are contrasted with the soft tones of her skin and the bright and strong colours of her lips and the flowers which is typical of Renoir. I've mentioned before how black and white shadows (venetian blind effect) can be used in art and film to denote conflict as seen in Bertolucci's film The Conformist:

After putting the Renoir painting image in this post I then thought about what the other bloggers might have as their favourite paintings.

Robert is easy to guess given his Marianist infatuation with The Virgin Mary and would likely start off with Jean Fouquet's 'Madonna':

Richard, given his leaning towards Philistinism would not like the classics, finding them to be pretentious, boring, or irrelevant so we need to look to something more modern - but not too modern as he would find that to be pretentious, boring, or irrelevant. I guess something from the 1960s that adorned a very high proportion of living room walls might be the thing, like flying ceramic ducks or one of these:

On your behalf I'll do some more research on this and look to create a new blog - The Fine Art Curmudgeon with the bloggers' art selections being the theme for the first post.

No need to thank me.

WHO ATE ALL THE PIES?

 

So said Richard in a recent post. I guess he's reminiscing of his days at the tuck shop at St Patrick's College.

I just hope he goes for a long walk today.

ASSASSINATION HOAX PRODUCTION (PART TWO)

Look, it's early days (hours) but there are some pretty dodgy things coming out of the reporting on the White House Correspondents Dinner shooting in Washington DC yesterday.

For a start the whole thing is being overly sensationalised but woefully under reported seriously if it was in fact an assassination attempt. The security forces seemed to know and expect what was going to happen and had massive coverage there for just such an event. The alleged shooter's family advised the security forces in advance as well. Trump and his entourage mentioned many times prior to the dinner that there would be an exciting event and even Trump's media person said that "shots will be fired" (smirk smirk).

The whole thing appeared to be choreographed with many - too many cameras in place to record things. 

Trump's immediate press conference seemed scripted if not rehearsed and the administration flunkies all stood about smiling, smirking and looking self congratulatory.

"Just like we rehearsed guys .. look over there"

Add to all of this the recent media scepticism of the 2024 'Assassination' attempt on Trump with suggestions hat it was a Mossad (Israeli) organised hoax in collaboration with Trumps supporters and the whole thing becomes stranger than fiction.

Time and unfolding truths will tell but I'm very sceptical. How about you?

WELL I NEVER ...

... said that I would never support National and the National led government if they came up with some good policies that will support  most New Zealanders and not just the National-voting elite but I didn't expect a good result on the India/New Zealand free trade agreement so soon.

Well I never!

The New Zealand-India Free Trade Agreement (FTA), concluded in December 2025 and set for formal signing in April 2026, eliminates tariffs on 95% of NZ exports to India. This "game-changer" deal provides immediate duty-free access for over 50% of goods—including lamb, wool, and forestry—rising to 82% over time, while opening a 1.4-billion-customer market.
Key Aspects of the India-NZ FTA (as of April 2026): Tariff Elimination: Over 95% of New Zealand's current exports to India will get preferential access, with 57% of exports becoming duty-free immediately.
Key Sectors Benefited: Immediate duty-free access for lamb, wool, coal, and most forestry products.
High-Value Goods: Substantial access for kiwifruit (quota four times current exports) and apples, with tariffs on wine, manuka honey, and some dairy reduced or eliminated over time.
Customs Modernization: The deal aims to streamline processes, including a commitment for India Customs to release goods within 48 hours (24 hours for perishables).
Implementation & Support: The deal faced political debate in New Zealand, particularly around immigration, but secured support for passage in April 2026.

The agreement is designed to diversify New Zealand's export markets and deepen economic ties with India, which is projected to become the world's third-largest economy.

         - From Google search on the internet hence American spelling.

Labour is promising to support the deal but warns that exporters could have their market access revoked if New Zealand can’t fulfil a $33 billion investment commitment which is a big ask.

NZ First of course voiced concern about the agreement's impact on immigration along with investment clause while describing the deal as a “disgraceful sellout of the country’s future”. Peters being Peters of course underscored by his foolish deputy Jones who couldn't help himself from making 'curry-muncher' jokes. What an idiot.

When I was working in the wine industry I had a few meetings with Indian importers after researching the market, and all endeavours to get any reasonable volumes of New Zealand wine into India with its rapidly expanding middle class consumer market were kiboshed by the massive import tariffs on NZ wine which would have made a simple sauvignon blanc as costly as a chateau-bottled French wine.

Trade with India is a priority for New Zealand due to its wealth and global trading growth. We need to diversify and to not rely on just a few key trading partners in a changing geopolitical world where an ally today can become an ex tomorrow. New Zealand citizens with Indian heritage and Indian students and visa holders in New Zealand make up a significant percentage of our population and add favourably to our economy, culture and international standing - regardless of the Peter/Jones ill-informed opinions. This Indian community within New Zealand's demographic is a useful connection to our trade with India and the FTA will hopefully bring in some hard earned wealth to the country.

AT LEAST I REMEMBERED THEM REDUX

 

AT LEAST I REMEMBERED THEM

I walked to the Cenotaph today to attend the wreath laying ceremony for ANZAC day.

It was well attended and a pretty good ceremony. It's just as well though that I arrived 'early'. The useless twonk on the council who put the information on the website just listed "Wreath laying ceremony 9AM". As I was walking there I could hear a Maori choral group singing, then an oom-pah band and finally a pipe band playing. I arrived at 8.45 and going by the parades of air force, navy and army personnel, various bands and public, the show must have started at at latest 8.30!

I did arrive in time for some more of the same though and, oddly enough the pipe band was playing in tune and the brass one wasn't. That's something for Richard to ponder about which would make a change from his wandering about (and wondering about sin).

For the first time I had the chance of going inside the Cenotaph after the parade.

Here are some images and videos of the event.

Inside the Cenotaph war memorial

GHOST TOWN

 

I went for a long walk around Wellington yesterday to take advantage of the break in the weather.

I hadn't been for a walk in days so was missing it.

I walked from Thorndon to the Mount Cook area, around the Basin Reserve and back through Mount Victoria. I was half expecting to see Richard's little car at the top of Marjoribanks Street as he said he was staying in town near the Basin Reserve. Marjoribanks, a few kilometers away would be the likely place that the old guy would think to be 'handy parking'.

I enjoyed the walk knowing that it was doing me good and thought about Wellington and how much I've missed it over the years. I left in July 1981 nearly 45 years ago. Obviously there have been changes: Old buildings knocked down; new buildings put up; streets becoming one-way; some streets disappearing; new streets created; streets renamed; the waterfront being developed etc. Not all for the good but mostly so. Even with the many changes there was still a lot of familiarity. Ghosts lurked everywhere.

There's hardly a spot in Wellington that doesn't stir up a memory for me. I did, after all live here for 28 years before I left. Even when I was a school kid - primary, intermediate and secondary - I walked a lot around the city and the inner suburbs. When I had a bike I rode further afield to the outer suburbs and even, gasp, out to Petone and the Hutt Valley. Fortunately I survived.

As a 'paper boy' in Vogeltown I got to know all the neighbourhood streets, houses, shortcuts and walkways. As a 'paperboy' in the CBD I got to know all the main business houses and private clubs that I'd deliver to as well as the (now gone) pubs on most street corners. Later, as a bike messenger for C.M. Banks stationers I delivered stationery to offices in the CBD, The Terrace, Thorndon and most of the Northern part of town.

At university I rode a bike - a beautiful Carlton racing bike - and would go on little adventures around the greater Wellington area. Sadly some scrote stole this years later in Auckland. At university, when I was skipping lectures (often) I'd go for a drive in my car (initially the Triumph Herald and later the Hillman Super Minx) taking in areas that my biking never got me to.  At Murray Roberts and Co. Wine and Spirit Merchants, as a part-time job as delivery driver I, like Richard travelled all over the city delivering grog and again learned the short-cuts and best ways to get from A to B.  There aren't too many places I haven't been to and on my walks I rediscover them and uncover the ghosts.

The Specials song 'Ghost town' isn't exactly like my memories and might be more applicable to Richard's lament about how jazz-jamming isn't what it once was or should be but nevermind eh.

This town, is coming like a ghost town
All the clubs have been closed down
This place, is coming like a ghost town
Bands won't play no more
Too much fighting on the dance floor

FILLES DE KILIMANJARO - Miles Davis - A Silent Way

I've booked a motel in Wellington so I can go to that Jazz jam. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I'll go ahead with it now. It's on at a place called The Undercurrent in Tory St. and starts at 8pm. A late night for me!

          Richard's Bass Bag 

Tory Street, in Wellington's Mount Cook area has been hit by floods during the recent rainstorms.

I guess that The Undercurrent is well named for the jazz venue.

I hope that Richard takes his double bass instead of his violin to the jam - just in case.

WE CAN DANCE IF WE WANT TO

 Richard, via one of his alter egos - the grumpy uncultured one who no doubt represents 'the other side' of the old guy - in his latest post told Robert off for not playing music that he can dance to.

Richard must think it's Spring and not Autumn - either that or those steroids he's taking are raising his sap.

Robert, in his current one-legged situation would be better off playing 'hop' instead of 'bebop' though.

There are lots of good tunes suitable to dancing but, as I've mentioned before I will only dance to:

'Love Shack' by the B52's
'I think I'm turning Japanese' by the Vapors
A Van Morrison romantic ballad (for a waltz around with the Old Girl).

I do like to listen to Arthur Brown's song 'Dance' though:

Another quirky little song about dancing I like and almost never hear played on the radio is Men Without Hats's  'Safety Dance' song.

Given the decrepit state that the other bloggers are in at present, maybe safety dancing is advised for them.

SPECIAL BRANCH

 

The rise of illiteracy and poor grammar has meant that important public services have had to 'branch' out to cater to some sections of society who would otherwise be neglected being unable to find what they are looking for.

There are others:

You got the picture(s).

"THE TRUMPET WILL SEND ITS WONDROUS SOUND ...

 ... throughout earth's sepulchres and gather all before the throne."

-  From The Requiem in D minor, K. 626 by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

(Nothing to do with Richard playing at any ANZAC Day parades.)

We went to hear Mozart's Requiem at the Michael Fowler Centre last evening.

I don't know who the tart is but she's certainly not Mozart

This is the first time that I have been at a performance of the Requiem from start to finish and thought it beautiful. The Wellington Orchestra and the Orpheus Choir did a really good job with it.

I'm not sure which bits were Mozart's and which were add-ons by other composers after his death but imagine that the most lyrical, delicate and downright ethereal were his.

I've heard bits of the Requiem played in film scores for films like The Big Lebowski, Eyes Wide Shut, Come And See and of course Amadeus which I've liked and why we decided to go to this performance.

I know nothing of Christopher Tin and fortunately the Requiem occupied to first half of the concert so we left at the interval to make our way home on a dreary and wet Wellington evening, pleased to have heard some wonderful music but not inspired enough by all the religious mumbo-jumbo to go the church this morning.

SOME THINGS

 ANZAC day approaches and I was looking forward to the dawn parade at the Cenotaph at the bottom of Bowen Street next Saturday.

This is because it's a short walk from home and because I have fond memories of attending dawn parades there with my dad when I was little. They had a real howitzer there in those days and at the end it made a live firing which scared the bejesus out of me, the pigeons and at least half of the attendees. Afterwards we walked to the railway station where long trestle tables were set out with steaming urns and railway-indestructible-standard cups of coffee laced with rum. This was my first taste of alcohol I think.

Unfortunately the dawn service will not be at the Cenotaph but at Pukeahu National War Memorial (by the Carillon and the old Wellington Museum. It's quite a long walk and I don't fancy going there but might change my mind on the day. At the Cenotaph there will be a 9am wreath laying which I will attend anyway. Here's a look at the Wellington city activities:

• 6am - A Dawn Service will be held at the Pukeahu National War Memorial.
• 9am - Wellington Citizens' Wreath Laying Service at the Cenotaph Precinct (corner of Lambton Quay and Bowen Street).
• 11am - The Anzac Day National Commemoration Service will take place at Pukeahu National War Memorial.
• 2.30pm - Wreath Laying Service at Atatürk Memorial in Tarakena Bay, Miramar.
• 5pm – The Last Post will be held at the Pukeahu National War Memorial.

I don't know what the Wainuiomartians and the Moerites will be getting up to - it's often better not to ask. Richard hasn't mentioned blowing his own trumpet other than skiting about his violin practice so I'm not sure if he will be 'bugling' at any local ceremonies. I believe that the organisers have been, in past years, unappreciative, disorganised and bloody rude so will be in for a shock if he doesn't attend. Maybe they can borrow that old record player that Tony found in the tip years ago and play Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy.

Anyway, today The Old Girl and I were supposed to go to Zealandia Te Māra a Tāne as part of the volunteer programme to do the annual check of the predator-free fencing. This was to be from 1PM to 4PM but has just been cancelled due to the rain. We were all kitted out in raincoats, boots and over-trousers when the cancellation call came which I'm glad of as it was bucketing down half an hour ago. I guess it will be a lazy day indoors now.

Have a good Sunday all.

PLEASE NO - NOT MINNIE MOUSE

 

I listened to Nicola Willis being interviewed on the radio today and, amidst her usual lies, obfuscations and diversions totally ("100 percent") denied that she was first in line to usurp the failing and flailing Chris Luxon.

"Christopher has my total support"

 

This is politician-speak for "damned right I am - I've been waiting for this".

It will be interesting to see what happens over the weekend with not only Willis being evasive but the toady Chris Bishop also giving "100 percent" to Luxon.

"Good luck to them" I say, they are each as bad as the others. 

The only new prospect on the horizon with any 'mana' is Taine Randell who has thrown his hat in the ring with New Zealand First which is a shame as I would have liked to see him as a Labour candidate and possibly future prime minister. He is after all an ex All Black captain, a hell of a good rugby player, a law degree holder and experienced businessman having held senior board positions in reputable companies. He's also Maori which doesn't hurt and actually enhances his prospects but ... New Zealand First? I did say that he was a rugby player so maybe got kicked in the head a few too many times. Let's hope that there's a cure and he can get away from Winston's clutches soon.

PETONE WANDERINGS

I met with Robert and Richard today - Robert at his home and Richard wandering around Petone.

Robert was laid as he ... sorry, it's best to rephrase that as Robert is a Catholic who believes that sex is a mortal sin ... Robert was laid up due to a fall off a ladder leading to him breaking a bone in his heel. Poor thing. He didn't elaborate what he was doing up the ladder but I suspect one of two things:

1. He was trying to reach Heaven like those Tower of Babel jokers and his god tossed him down

 or

2. He was trying to look up Mary the virgin's skirts and she tossed him down (my apologies for that expression 'tossed' as it can conjure up sexual connotations for sexually frustrated schoolboys).

He's off work and off his feet (which makes a change from off his head) for a month so I guess we can expect many well-structured, carefully researched and entreating posts from the discombobulated fellow. Let's hope that he gets well soon.

Richard was driving along Petone foreshore when he spotted me walking along. I'd left Robert's place in Moera and was walking along to get to Jackson Street and then to the railway station. Richard 'parked' his car about 6 feet from the gutter and offered me a lift. He said that he was off to Bunnings to get a life, or that's what I thought he said. "About time" I replied at which he looked at me strangely - a default setting for him I think. It turned out that he meant that he was going to buy a light - a stand-up lamp - because Shelley, like Lynn prefers to not have overhead lights on or indeed any sort of lights in the house. Quite sensible I guess when it comes to her and The Old Girl having to look at us I guess.

It was lucky that Richard spotted me walking along as he needed a bit of help driving his car given that Shelley wasn't with him so I had to alert him to: old ladies crossing the street; red lights; pedestrians on footpaths; and any sort of trucks on the road. We made it to Bunnings despite interference from some Japanese woman in his car who kept interrupting and jabbering away in what I assume was Japanese. I thought that Richard had a Japanese woman held hostage in the boot at first but he told me that she is in the car's system somewhere and he can't find her. Weird!

Richard managed to purchase a lamp and I bought a light bulb for The Old Girl before we went shopping at Bin Inn and the UK shop where I bought bread making mixes at the first and boxes of Irish tea at the second before Richard bought me a coffee and a muffin. He then drove me all the way home in Wellington which was kind of him. 

On the drive around Petone and to Wellington I was able to alert Richard to: cows on the hills; boats in the harbour; trains on the rails; and many other dangers to driving that he might otherwise have missed. I worry though about him getting home so will keep and eye on the news.

ENOUGH SAID

 

JESUS CHRIST!

I wasted half the afternoon yesterday going to see a crappy film titled Project Hail Mary. Hail Mary indeed or, more appropriately - Holy Shit!

I can't blame The Old Girl even though she kind of liked it as it was my choice. Generally I can't stand those space and Marvel comic films like Star Wars etc. but do rate the great films like Stanley Kubrick's 2001 A Space Odyssey and Ridley Scott's Alien which have decent narratives and grown up themes and execution.

For me I'd rather have seriousness on the one hand or complete farce on the other but hate the flippancy that modern film writers and directors think that their audience want ... hold on, they are correct I guess as a 73 year old man who has spent most of his life reading good literature and watching great films certainly isn't numbered amongst their target audience. Mea culpa.

Anyway, I hadn't seen any trailers for the film and had only picked up on a passing comment in the media that it was a 'groundbreaking' film worth seeing. I should have been more circumspect. OK, it had some amazing cinematography and special effects but AI tends to take the 'wow' out of this nowadays. What it also had though was some Quentin Tarantino-type rip-offs from older and better films like the afore-mentioned 2001 A Space Odyssey and Alien along with Spielberg's Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Like with Tarantino it's more rip-off than homage.

Also the directors and writers (I don't know about the original novelist) decided to dumb down the 'alien' character and the principal (American of course) character in the way of those crappy TV space 'comedies' like Alf, My Favourite Martian, 3rd Rock from the Sun etc. You know the ones I mean.

Americans always seem to go to the lowest common denominator as they are afraid that their dumb audiences will pan the movie if it's above their heads.

This film (movie to the Americans and adoptees of American culture) is about a last-ditched space mission named Project Hail Mary after the 'Hail Mary' pass in American, to try to save Earth because alien microbes are eating up the sun. Well, with a story-line like that and being about as silly as Robert's Catechism I guess the 'Hail Mary' name is appropriate.
School science teacher Dr Ryland Grace (get the allusion?) wakes up from an induced coma on this spacecraft, with no memory of why he is aboard. The rest of the crew are dead, and Grace must now figure out how he got there and how to rescue humanity.
The whole thing is really silly, although it tries to be serious, and shoots itself in the foot with the dumbing down - making a far superior and advanced alien out as a silly pet using that dumb dialogue that cats and dogs are supposed to use on YouTube videos. I can't be arsed reporting on this garbage to you - go and see it for yourself.

Richard might because he has an appreciation for low brow films and Robert could well be hoodwinked into seeing it because of the title.