Thursday, 22 September 2016


A favourite cheese of mine when I was young was Chesdale.

"We are the boys from down on the farm, we really know our cheese. There's much better value in Chesdale, It never fails to please. Chesdale slices thinly, never crumbles, there's no waste, and boy it's got a mighty taste. Chesdale cheese. It's finest cheddar. Made better."

Now I know that Chesdale was never a 'proper' cheese - more like a kind of cheese spread but I liked it. The soft rubber texture was interesting and the gooey way it melted in a toasted sandwich with vegemite or marmite was perfect.

Initially packaged as a small log wrapped in tinfoil that was almost impossible to completely remove, it was later packaged as segments in a circular pack.

These segments were a standard in kids lunches and were a great and unpretentious snack before the fancy schmancy snacks, canapés and treats turned up in supermarkets.

Supermarkets however have led to the demise of this Kiwi icon.
Initially Chesdale couldn't be found amongst the other cheeses where common sense would dictate it should be. Chesdale was to be found in the other grocery aisles sometimes among the baking needs and at other times amongst the spreads. Very confusing.

Some years ago the segments disappeared to be replaced by a crappy substitute named Kraft which I guess was the name of the new Australian owner. This substitution didn't taste as good and the segments were smaller - too small in fact so I gave up buying them.
The log version was still available for a while but now, to my disgust I discover that neither form can be found in my local supermarkets.

In Countdown yesterday I had a craving for potato chips and cheese segments (yes the sophisticated North) and would have even settled for that godawful Kraft but they didn't stock that either.
The only 'cheeses' segments they stocked was the French La Vache qui Rit.

I bought a pack along with some potato chips and tried last night before dinner with a glass of chardonnay.
They are crap. Small segments and too soft - too much like a spread. Pah!
I bet Richard won't like them either. He's afraid of cows.

Thursday, 15 September 2016


The government has agreed to pay for half of our city rail link here in Auckland. That's much appreciated rest of New Zealand as it was going to cost us a few billions more than initially thought.
We can now get us some decent trains, not third world ones.

It'll only cost a little bit more on your taxes.

Trains are important for getting a city moving and your recognition of this is appreciated.

The only other city in New Zealand that relies on city-wide train services is Wellington. That's nice. There have been some requests to improve stock and rail networks there as well.

Can I make a wee suggestion first though?

Why don't you guys in Wellington just put more people on your trains. It's much more efficient that way.

Wednesday, 14 September 2016


Yesterday I played eight holes of golf at my local club and couldn't do a thing wrong.
Out of the eight holes I birdied four of them, parred three and only had one hole where I was one over.

View out to the Heads from the 6th fairway.

Today I played seven holes and played like crap.
Out of the seven I only parred two with the rest being many shots over.
Go figure.

I'm a pretty useless golfer, not as good as Mike but by a squared factor better than Tony and by a cubed factor better than Richard. I just like going out and playing a few good shots. It can be very satisfying - but not today.

I did find 12 golf balls though.

Sunday, 11 September 2016


It's a great weekend up here. Very warm, no rain, no wind, marvellous.

I was up reasonably early for a Sunday and went for a pleasant walk.
Later I did the washing, some gardening and some housework.

The Old Girl is in Auckland this weekend so it's me on my own. Normally she changes the bedsheets but this weekend I did it.

Normally I'm not allowed to undertake this arcane task. It is one of those mysterious exercises that women seem to effortlessly master like folding towels, baking scones, writing and sending birthday cards etc. but I thought I'd give it a go.

Her colour matching choices of sheets, pillows, throws and cushions usually go like this:

Mine are more like this:

Today I chose a green fitted under sheet, a yellow with blue flowers duvet cover, one white and one cream sleeping pillowslip, pink and green top pillow slips and beige big pillow/cushion slips.
The effect (to me) is spectacular.

I wonder what she'll say when she comes up here next week?

Saturday, 10 September 2016


Robert seemed to take umbrage at my last post and suggested that I was the Anti-Christ!
That was a bit heavy handed I thought.

Anyway, like Groucho marx said - "I don't want to be a member of any club that would accept me"

Caption says: "Somehow I thought the whole thing would be a lot classier"

Friday, 9 September 2016


Dear Corinthians,

Hey guys, thanks for the great time you showed me last month I've just got back home to Ephesus and can't stop talking about it. All my friends are telling me to shut up - ha, ha. Some have even been throwing rocks at me - Whoohoo!

Sorry about the delay in writing but it was a bit difficult as the ship sank and the parchment got wet.
Anyway it was great and I'd love to come again if I can live that long - ha, ha.
I love your place. That weather you have sure beats where I live and those beaches. Wow!
I have to go on a diet now after all that food and wine. That wine! Man I had to look through the glass darkly it was so thick and strong. I've still got a headache - maybe it was the rocks - ha, ha.

Look I know that we had a few 'barnies' while I was there, you know, about the church and all that but my boss (Jesus) told me to stir it up a bit you understand. you know he can be a bit of a bastard on some issues and doesn't understand that we can have divisions and still work towards the same goals. He bangs on about this 'brotherhood of man' thing a lot. You can tell that he didn't have any real brothers. Brothers fight like mad but still love each other (I think). Hey when I was a kid and you know, spoke like a kid, I understood as a kid and um, thought as a kid and umm.... bugger I forgot what I was going to say that wine was strong - ha, ha, not to mention those funny smokes you gave me.

I'm still thinking about those great nights we had at the Turkish baths - boy that was a hoot. Jesus Jeepers we had fun. Those whores you laid on (and I mean laid on) were delicious. But, the boss said that we cannot condone that sort of thing OK? Immorality and all that. Let's just keep it to ourselves OK? What goes on in Corinth stays in Corinth. I'll tell him that everything is hunky dory there OK if you back me up if he shows up unexpectedly. He's always threatening a second coming.

Anyway, kiss kiss and say a prayer for me.
This is my first letter but I'll write again soon.


Tuesday, 6 September 2016


I see that yet another 'rising young star' sportsman has been released without conviction in an Auckland court case. This one is to do with taking 'intimate' film clips of a woman he met in a bar and broadcasting these to his mates via his phone. The filming was done without the woman's knowledge or consent and the result is that she is 'psychologically damaged' from this.

The judge acknowledged the harm to the woman by saying:

"there can be no doubt that this has had a huge impact on her"

But the prat went on to say:

"However the impact of a conviction and publication of his name would have a greater consequence than the weight of the charges".

This idiot judge asserted that the teenager's (the sportsman) ability to travel freely would be a "significant inconvenience" and a conviction would also affect future job prospects as he had been offered semi-professional sporting contracts overseas.

The scrote was discharged without conviction and made to pay some money as reparation.

Well, I for one am pissed-off about this. There have been too many instances of this happening both recently and in the past (a nasty-mannered All Black and Kiwi rugby league player was similarly discharged without conviction even though he robbed a taxi driver at knife point 30 odd years ago).

What is it with these judges in New Zealand who think that being a sports-person is so much more important than what other people do and is worthy of ignoring criminal behaviour.
If sports people want to be respected they have to earn it. They are, after all, role models for younger people unfortunately.

Monday, 5 September 2016


(You know the music it goes to)

I got up early today, oh my 
I had to take the Old Girl to the bus station 
And though it was much earlier than the norm 
Well I didn’t mind ‘Cos I knew could get a hot cheese scone

They bake them in a café downtown 
It’s in the basin not far from where the buses leave 
But today the cheese ones had all gone 
They had spinach and feta ones instead 
Why I’m not really sure It was a bummer I can tell you.

I did some work when I got home 
Two emails and a phone call or two 
I was shagged out so I lay down on the bed 
I began to read a book 
But my mind just drifted away I drifted off to sleep

I woke up, the cat jumped on the bed,  
She lay down right on my head  
I made my way to the kitchen for some tea
I drank a cup 
And I realised it was nearly noon.

I only work from 8 to 12
So almost had to put in for overtime
Went back to bed for a lie-down, 
Drifted off again into a dream. 

I got up in the early afternoon 
Checked my emails but nothing new had come
Just a few items of SPAM
Asking If I wanted a f***buddy date
I didn’t reply as I don’t need one
So I turned the computer off.


I like John Oliver. His retakes of the news are insightful and very funny. Have a look via the link below at his latest review of Facebook...