Tuesday, 12 January 2010
Another year has begun so what will it bring us?
On TV we may see new reality shows like ’A Day in the Life of a Toilet Cleaner”. This has great disgust value with likely close-up shots of ‘shotgun’ toilet bowls, vomit-filled basins and clogged urinals. Yum.
Staying with TV it is long overdue for a competitive series like ‘Celebrity Music Teacher – Who can best control the hormonally charged teenagers and get them to appreciate the finer aspects of life… and live.
On the political front, in place of Rodney Hide wearing his yellow ties we may see Murray McCulley in Fiji finally cutting the arms and legs off of his pinstriped suit. Currently he looks ridiculous wearing it in a hot climate and also his party may just well leave him over there for all the use he is elsewhere.
In music we will no doubt see yet another icon disgracing him or herself by fornicating with a Meer cat at the zoo or exposing him/herself at the Destiny Church’s Sunday service.
The Tablet, the long-established Catholic newspaper will be outed for having been using subliminal images of fornicating devils in their feature pages to woo back a dwindling subscriber base.
It will be proven that the New Zealand wine industry has been a cleverly orchestrated scam driven by off-shore billionaire expats like Brierley, Myers, Fay and Richwhite. They have created shell buildings in scenic locations and have been secretly bulk importing wines from Uruguay, Chile and Argentina.
Whitebait will be proven, as many have suspected, to be a cynical scam perpetuated by South Islanders, whereby maggots are packaged up and sold at outrageous prices to naive Aucklanders.
A proven link will be exposed between Government controlled TV 1 and 2 and ‘Independent TV3 and others. The cartel will be shown to have been creating ‘jobs for the boys’ while milking unsuspecting viewers and advertisers.
Muslim extremists will recruit menstruating women and plant explosives in their tampons before they board airplanes.
I could go on but I will just depress myself.
P.S. jet skiers have been seen up here in paradise. I think I will get myself a gun.
Monday, 4 January 2010
do you have to like their kids?
Now everyone at some stage in their life faces this. Your friends have children. Some are wonderful little additions to society and are a pleasure when they visit. Others are little demons who, if they did exist in their own right would not be allowed to step across your doorstep. The problem is - they are the off-spring of good friends who you love dearly and who seem totally unaware of the failings of their child (rug-rat, sprog, toe-muncher).
Sometimes they show some sort of embarrassment when their little darling goes off on yet another rampage or throws a tantrum but often they are oblivious to the brittle atmosphere created.
So how do we respond? Do we throw the unruly element out? No we grin and bear it, or usually as I do just remain really silent (I find that this lets the parent know that we are not amused).
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