AN OLDIE BUT A GOODIE

I asked The Old Girl if, when I go to China, I should tell my Chinese joke when I am at a banquet. She said no (in emphatic terms). My Chinese joke is quite old. I first heard it when I was at intermediate school. It was part of the skits that were put on at the Marist Newtown end of year concert. This was in about 1965. Does anyone remember those old school concerts? Perhaps nothing has changed and they still run them. There were and probably still are, the obligatory speeches from the headmaster and teachers; the prize-giving; the sports announcements; the skits and songs; and the play, musical or christmas performance.

I remember one year the school was putting a play on. There was a female lead character, a young woman and of course no one wanted to play the character. I was ordered by Brother Paulinus

 (see: Oh Brother Paulinus Where Art Thou 

BROTHER PAULINUS




to play the part "because I have the nicest legs". Dodgy? Yes, when I think of it now, but at the time the comment didn't seem strange. I played the part having borrowed some of my older sister's clothes (and no Richard, I didn't make a habit of it).

 I can't remember what the play was, probably an Oscar Wilde or Noel Coward one. Once I had gotten over the initial embrassment and stage fright it went OK. I got a little bit of ribbing from class mates but as I was respected (prefect and class leader) it didn't amount to much. I seem to remember that all the school concerts went along OK except for one at my brother's secondary school one year. He went to Wellington Technical College (I went to St Patrick's College) which was a big rambling building next to the old Wellington museum (now part of Victoria University and Wellington Polytechnic I think. At this particular concert I remember sitting with my mother and sisters watching  the usual hideousness when a security person came down the aisle to find mum. He had my brother by the ear and another kid by his tie (the good old days when you could do this).

He had found these two breaking into the headmaster's study. My poor mother was mortified. She was embarrassed (all this in front of several hundred people), angry (our family just didn't do such things) and disappointed (my brother had let the side down). We left the concert/prize-giving early (Terry wasn't up for a prize after all - maybe he was looking for compensation in the headmaster's study). I didn't perform in any of the St Patrick's College end of year shows. These were always a bit more up-market and to be a part of it you had to be a member of the drama society or the band (Richard and Second were part of the school band). Needless to say being a member of these organisations was even a few steps lower on the social standing and cool ladder as being a librarian or a member of the 'friends of Jesus' group).

Oh, and before I forget my Chinese joke goes like this:

Question : "Why don't they have telephones in China"?
 Response:  " I don't know. Why don't they have telephones in China"
Answer:  " Because they have so many Wings and Wongs , they might wing the wong number"