CHRISTMAS TREES

Some people think that Christmas trees are a fairly modern invention.

I guess that the modern form of them may be, going back to Germany in the 18th century but really the origins go back a long way before that.

The earliest reported use of a tree either growing inside or cut down and placed inside a dwelling dates back to Scandanavia (then referred to as Scania) in the 11th century. The Scanes (Swedes, Norwegians, Finns etc) built their houses of wood since the land was richly covered in forests, and usually in the form of communal lodges.

Heating was by central fires inside the halls and plumbing was non-existent.
Fresh running water was easily found in streams and rivers nearby and bodily functions usually carried out under or on a nearby tree.

This was OK in the Spring, Summer and even Autumn but in Winter when the weather was bad no-one really wanted to venture outdoors. In fact it was downright dangerous to expose the 'old feller' to sub-zero temperatures.

The norm then was to pee not only by or near the door of the lodge, but inside.

After a while the accumulated stench of piss and the obvious rotting of mats, floors and even walls got a bit too much for even the roughest of the inhabitants. The solution was to plant trees inside near the door.
Spruce, Aspen, Rowen and Alder were often used but the most common tree used was the Norwegian Pine.

This fast growing tree also had the advantage of smelling nice. The resin weeping from the trunk when peed on would react to emit a fresh and pleasantly pungent aroma (which is why most bathroom aerosol fresheners are flavoured 'Pine' nowadays). The pine needles which freely fall would create a nice soft mat to soak up the careless spraying of drunken men or the natural inaccuracies from women.

More often though, as planted trees took a while to reach the desired height and after some time grew too tall,

the Scanes resorted to lopping the tops off growing trees and planting them in planters inside.

These would be replaced every couple of weeks thereby keeping the area fresh and pleasantly smelling.


Being positioned close to the door meant that the pissers could excuse themselves from the tables or their beds and  go to the door and urinate without having to venture outside.

Also, being close to the door meant that people coming into the dwelling would, when divesting themselves of items of clothing, bags, bows, spears, shields and swords etc. would hang these from reachable branches. After a while it was common place to see the trees festooned with things.

Now in Scandanavia Winter coincides with Christmas. Visitors and well-wishers, on arrival at the halls would place their gifts on the trees along with the aforementioned stuff and the trees would take on a festive look over and above the functionality.

As this became the accepted norm over the centuries it became custom, spreading beyond Scania and through Europe to become what we have today.
 No longer are the trees cut down and installed to disguise the smell of pee (although as any pet owner will attest the tree does encourage the little house guests to use it as a sand-box),

in fact the modern way is to not use a real tree at all.

Sometimes though old habits die hard and at many late night Christmas revelleries some idiot still decides to pee on the tree.