GYM ETIQUETTE

I'm going to miss the excellent gym that we have in this condominium.

It has three large rooms: - bikes and running machines; weight machines and free weights; stretch, yoga and exercise room - as well as a pool, a sauna, and some other steam type room I haven't used.

Our apartment in Auckland has a gym but it is much smaller with fewer machines and  amenities.

When in the gym this morning I was thinking about gym etiquette. Most people conform to approved behaviour but others just don't seem to care.

Here is my take on what should or shouldn't be done:

Televisions

Sure, they are there up on the wall in front of the running machines but unless you watch them with the sound turned off or have a bluetooth earphone set don't have the bloody thing blaring away. Some people march into the gym and immediately turn the TV (s) on which invariably are showing North American brainless crap. I have asked them to turn it down on occasions and, when these noise junkies leave for the other rooms I get up from my bike and turn it off.

Music on earphones

A great idea but just don't fucking well hum or sing along tunelessly to what you are listening to. 999 times out of 1000 it's not Miles Davis or Mozart you're listening to but more likely Mylie Cyrus or Mos Def which sounds like crap in the original and definitely worse when you, you tuneless fucker sing along to it


Machine sitters

Some idiots love to hog exercise machines, sitting on them for more than 30 minutes. This is OK if the gym is empty or if the person is actually using the machine properly but today a woman on the bike I wanted to use sat on it for over 40 minutes pedalling so slowly that The Old Girl said "Jeez, I could lose more calories drinking a glass of wine than what that woman's doing"

Cleaning machines after use

Yes this condominium for the well-to-do has umpteen Filipino cleaners who are forever sweeping and mopping the gym and all public areas but this doesn't mean you can drip your reeking sweat all over the bikes and machines without wiping them down afterwards.
Note: This is shangri-la for bicycle seat perverts.

Counting the repetitions when using weight machines or free weights

Should be done in your head or very quietly but if you are say up to 18 and an attractive woman walks in it is permissible and understandable to immediately adjust the count, out loud, to 59.

Note: ideally said woman will smile appreciatively and move on but if she stays nearby you just have to keep going to at least 100 (unfortunately)

Adjusting the weight machines for gorillas

When you see one of those over-muscled gym junkies hovering around when you are using one of the weight machines set at say 9, when you are near finishing your 40 repetitions and he is looking the other way, quietly reset the machine to setting 19 before leaving it (after wiping the handles). Watch said hunk struggle his way through a noisy 10 repetitions knowing that he can't reset it to a lower setting because you just happen to be watching.

Farting

Enough said