"IT'S A LAUGH INNIT?"

Readers, well the reader might notice that Richard of RBB keeps harping on about Thorndon humour vs Wainuiomata ('Nui) humour and tries to be disparaging.

These are just a few snippets from his recent blog comments but there are many, many, many more.

I usually ignore these and put them down to some sort of cultural cringe but this morning I checked on Google and asked the question "Is Thorndon humour superior to Wainuiomata humour" and was surprised to get this answer:

Why Thorndon Humour Is Simply on Another Level

An entirely objective, scientifically questionable and socially devastating comparison with Wainuiomata.

There is humour, there is wit, there is satire, and then there is Thorndon humour — a rare and highly evolved form of intellectual entertainment practised by people who understand that a well-placed pun is worth at least three rounds of applause and possibly a heritage listing.

Thorndon humour is cultivated in the shadow of Parliament, refined over long lunches, sharpened by proximity to the Beehive and delivered with the effortless sophistication of someone who knows the difference between a Chardonnay and a constitutional crisis.

Wainuiomata, by comparison, has humour of a rather more agricultural nature.

Where a Thorndon wit might say, "I find that proposition constitutionally questionable," a Wainuiomata comedian is more likely to fall off a chilly bin laughing at someone being hit in the face with a pie.

Both have their place in society, naturally. One is the intellectual equivalent of a fine Pinot Noir; the other is a warm bottle of Chardon found underneath a passenger seat.

The fundamental differences

- Thorndon humour: Layered, nuanced, devastatingly dry. A joke can take three seconds to understand and another three days to fully appreciate.

- Wainuiomata humour: Immediate, loud and usually involves someone being called a rude name in Italian. Subtlety is regarded with suspicion.

- Thorndon puns: Carefully constructed linguistic masterpieces. Wordplay so sophisticated it could probably apply for a diplomatic passport.

- Wainuiomata puns: Usually involve sheep, questionable plumbing or someone's uncle Dave.

- Thorndon wit: A raised eyebrow, a perfectly timed observation and a devastatingly understated punchline.

- Wainuiomata wit: "Yeah, nah, bro," followed by a noise that suggests a lawnmower refusing to start. Almost always punctuated with a NOT 'joke'

The intellectual pedigree

Thorndon has centuries of accumulated political intrigue, literary sophistication and bureaucratic absurdity to draw upon.

Its residents have witnessed governments rise and fall, policy announcements evaporate and entire departments spend millions discovering that the obvious solution was sitting in an email from 2018.

This creates a uniquely fertile environment for sophisticated satire.

Wainuiomata, meanwhile, has had to make do with the occasional spectacular incident at the local pub.

One produces Oscar Wilde.

The other produces someone who thinks putting a traffic cone on their mate's head is performance art. Chloe from Wainuiomata was the apex of 'wit' from there.

The ultimate distinction

The Thorndon resident doesn't need to tell you they're funny. They simply make a quiet observation about the absurdity of modern life, sip their flat white and leave you wondering whether you've just been complimented or professionally dismantled.

The Wainuiomata resident will tell the same joke four times, laugh before reaching the punchline and insist it's even funnier after a few beers.

And therein lies the difference.

Thorndon humour is an art form. Wainuiomata humour is a noise complaint.

Thorndon doesn't laugh at the joke.

Thorndon appreciates the construction, admires the linguistic architecture and quietly notes that the punchline could perhaps have been delivered with greater fiscal discipline.

Wainuiomata just laughs.

And loudly.

So let us be gracious. Let us be magnanimous. Let us not punch down.

After all, Thorndon has a proud tradition of wit, intellect and sophisticated wordplay.

Wainuiomata has a proud tradition of being able to see the Hutt Valley from its front lawn.

One is the seat of government. The other is where government sends the forms when it has given up.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is no laughing matter.

Well, not in Wainuiomata, anyway. 😂

A TREAT

The Old Girl's cousin's husband called me last night to ask if I wanted to go with him to a concert at Old St Paul's in Mulgrave Street. His wife was going to be working late tonight so he had a spare ticket if I wanted it to go to see Greg Johnson and his band.

Of course I said yes even though I'd never heard of Greg Johnson despite The Old Girl being adamant that we had one of his CDs in our collection.

It was a great concert in a beautiful setting.

Greg Johnson in Old St Paul's in a concert in April last year.

Johnson's songs reminded me a bit of Paul Kelly an Australian favourite of mine.

Here's a taste of Greg Johnson in an old video:

And here's a taste of Paul Kelly:

The beauty of being back in Wellington and in particular living in Thorndon* is the proximity to entertainment spots, dining and shopping which is something that I've missed from being isolated in Whangarei Heads for so many years.

The walk to Old St Paul's from home took 5 minutes! Some people would walk further than that from the carpark that they managed to find **.

The Old Girl is back tomorrow. I'm picking her up at the airport after 6pm and we'll come home and drop her bags off and then walk to one of our favourite restaurants - MariLuca Ristoro which is in Mulgrave Street. 5 minutes walk from home!

* Also, the standard of humour and wit is greater here than in some other places I could mention.

** Richard would need to walk for 20 minutes or more because he would have, no doubt, parked at the top of Marjoribanks Street.
 

THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW WERE TRUE - PART TEN

Ok, it's a bit of a crap day today and I'm inside procrastinating. I should be doing a bit of cleaning in advance of The Old Girl coming home on Saturday but - well, you know.

I thought that it's time to update the THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW WERE TRUE series and, as Richard of RBB has been banging (twanging?) on about his double bass practice, thought that a bit of interesting if not useful trivia should come your way.

Did you know that the origin of the word 'Double bass', in English is 'Bubble arse'?

The phrase "bubble arse" refers to a large, rounded pair of buttocks. The large, heavily contoured, and rounded shape of a carved-back double bass physically resembles a large backside. Musicians and luthiers often refer to the curves of the instrument as the "upper bouts" and "lower bouts", or simply its "hips" and "bottom."

Also, in British Cockney rhyming slang, "bubble" is used frequently (such as "bubble bath" meaning "laugh"). While "bubble arse" is not an officially recognized historical rhyming slang term for the double bass instrument, modern mock-slang or jokes blending the large proportions of the instrument with colloquial terms for a large rear end are common. It's likely that the Cockney rhyming slang references originated in England in the 17th century and were connected to Henry Purcell. The instrument had its origins of course earlier in Europe but no particular name was ascribed to it other than 'violino'.

The Cockney rhyming slang attributed to Henry Purcell though wasn't directly a reference to the instrument as old Purcell had no time for the violino, preferring large cellos instead. It was noted that he liked to see the cello played by attractive young women and the larger the cello the wider the leg spreading ... you can see for yourself where that's going so, in the interests of decency I'll say no more.

Purcell wasn't a particularly large man but he did have ample features in the nether regions or a 'bubble arse' as wits of the time referred to his fat bum.

Meanwhile, luthiers of the time were experimenting with trying to get deeper bass tones out of the violinos they made which resulted in some bizarre creations.

The Cockney wits were quick to jump on this and began referring to the violinos as 'bubble arses'. Because of his association with popular music of the time Henry Purcell and his bubble arse became inextricably connected to the 'bubble arse' violino much to his embarrassment. His song, "Ah cruel, bloody fate" from  Theodosius or The Force of Love (1680) is said to be a reference to this.

Over time the terms 'violino' and 'bubble arse' were phased out with the instrument becoming known as the double bass.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ takes pride in bringing interesting bits of history to the attention of our readers reader. No need to thank us.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES ...

The Opportunity Party is in the news again today after yet a new poll that shows it has increased its percentage points at the cost of National.

National dropped below 25 percent in the latest RNZ-Reid Research poll, while Opportunity rose to 7.2% and could decide the next government. Labour remains the most popular party on 30.6 percent.

Here's a graph (I know that you like graphs).

This shows that Labour and the Greens could form a government with support from Opportunity giving them 64 seats out of the 120 seat Parliament.

National, based on this latest poll would not be able to form a coalition government with just ACT and NZ First and would get just 54 seats - not a majority. The possible 9 seats from Opportunity would give them 63 seats and just tip them over the majority edge.

It's interesting to see that Opportunity leader Qiulae Wong has promised to negotiate first with whichever party wins the most seats, giving Labour the first chance on these projections. This kind of wishy-washy politics is what we've seen from the egregious Winston Peters over the years and doesn't inspire confidence in Opportunity as being a party with firm beliefs.

RIGHT OR WONG

The latest political polling showed that the Opportunity Party is struggling to hold on to a 6% share having dropped two points since the last poll results. I remind you that parties need to poll 5% of the total vote or win electoral seats to get into Parliament. This latest polling could suggest that, like Te Pāti Māori, Opportunity don't have a snowball's chance in hell...

... but:

In that latest poll The National Party fell three points to 29% and Labour was steady on 27%.  The Greens fell a point to 15%, and Act was up one point to 12%. New Zealand First was up 2 points to 10% and Te Pāti Māori fell 0.6 points to 0.1%, although the party is not campaigning for the party vote.

The Opportunity Party is a centrist, "blue-green" political party in New Zealand. Formed in 2016 by  Gareth Morgan, the party positions itself as an ideological spoiler that relies on 'evidence-based policies rather than traditional left-or-right politics' whatever that means. The party is currently led by Qiulae Wong, who took over leadership in November 2025. 

While hovering around the 5% threshold mark (and hopefully dipping) Opportunity is however experiencing its strongest polling numbers since its inception. In previous elections, the party hovered around 1% to 2% of the party vote.
Leader Qiulae Wong has stated that Opportunity is prepared to act as a "constructive MMP kingmaker" with either the left or right blocks. Neither of these seem to have had any trust in it though believing that Opportunity has too rigid policies for any potential coalition agreement. That was then though and this is now. 

As election day gets closer the Opportunity Party has been changing its policy positions as shown by the fact that its previous core policies of its 1.75% land tax, and its version of a Universal Basic Income failed to feature among the five “bottom lines” that Opportunity identified as its agenda for post-election negotiations.  Maybe this contributed to the 2% drop in the polls where people who were hoping for a fairer tax system, or a more inclusive form of income support, have abandoned their ship.

Qiulae Wong, in explanation has said that a strategy to forego tax reform for the next three years was “worth considering” if that’s what it took to entice National into post-election negotiations. Well who can trust that weasley position - that sucking up to a potential coalition partner is more important than promises to the voters. Who does she think she is - Winston Peters (and, or David Seymour)? Sheesh!

Now conspiracy theorists could surmise that Opportunity has really been a centre-right party all along and has played the part of reducing Labour and the Greens vote at the same time as weakening New Zealand First's power bloc in the coalition and for reducing the power of NZF within the centre-right coalition. I wrote previously that I thought Luxon was protesting too much about not wanting a deal with Opportunity and will gladly take it into the fold after the elections should it gain seats.

To go back to those poll results, even if Opportunity fails to make the 5% threshold, it will still have served its purpose in that it will have have wasted thousands of votes of people who would otherwise have voted for Labour or the Greens or at least for a change of government in general. 

Gosh! Who can we trust nowadays?

RHYTHM AND BLUES

I have AF which is short for Atrial fibrillation which is a heart rhythm disorder or arrhythmia. This is where the heart's upper chambers beat chaotically and out of sync with the lower chambers , leading to an irregular and often fast heartbeat.

I've had this for quite a few years and am used to the symptoms and the effects and have been well instructed on the risk factors.

Generally, when I'm having an 'episode' I have palpitations, breathlessness, dizziness and can feel in my chest a fluttering or pounding heartbeat. I generally get these about twice a year and have learned to rest and stop any over-exertion that might have caused the spike.

My AF is known as Permanent AFib where the irregular rhythm is ongoing and cannot be reset back to normal. I've had discussion with a heart surgeon who set out various surgical procedures none of which would be a permanent fix and some of them having high risk. I've chosen to 'live with' my AF and to continue to take the medication prescribed to keep things in check even if my heartbeat is irregular.

The above ECG chart shows how AF differs from normal heartbeat although, when I have a spike my ECG looks more like a seismology read out of a major earthquake.

How do I know this? Well, I have been hooked up to ECG machines in hospital at various times but for the last couple of years I get my ECG readings from the Apple Watch I wear. This nifty little machine tells me that I'm in AF (continuously) and when I take a 30 second test it shows me a chart on the little screen that looks like that S-wave one above. I can also have the results sent to my computer or to my doctor. It was my sister who is a GP who convinced me to buy and wear the Apple Watch as she uses one herself. I've found it to be very useful not only for the ECG function but also for the heart pulse readings it provides, sleep monitoring, walking and exercise monitoring plus it receives phone calls, texts, email alerts and a lot of other things. Oh - it also tells the time.

So why am I telling you this now seeing as, over the last few years I've written a few other posts about it?

Well, Richard of RBB, good friend and fellow blogger has recently been diagnosed with having AF and has had a couple of spikes that have sent him variously to the doctors, A&E and hospital stays. The most recent was a couple of days ago. In his latest post he wrote:

"I spent most of Sunday night in A & E and got to bed at 3am. Same problems, different day. I'm feeling like I'm on the mend today and will most likely return to work tomorrow."

I phoned him today and was pleased to learn the he's OK or, back to normal. I guess, like me he has to live with the fact that he may be continually in AF and that medication is important and spikes to be treated by rest.

I try to advise him given that I have experience of this and to reassure him that sticking to his medication and trying to keep fit and active is important in mitigating symptoms and effects. In New Zealand Atrial fibrillation affects 1% to 2% of the total population though the rate increases sharply with age and affects specific groups differently. 

See this from the Heart Research Institute:

Prevalence by Age and Population

• General Population: Around 1% to 2% have diagnosed or undiagnosed AF.
• Ages 35 to 74: Nearly 1 in 35 people (about 2.8%) are diagnosed.
• Ages 65 to 74: Affects at least 5% of people.
• Ages 75 and Older: Rises to 11% or more.
• Ages 80 and Older: Up to 10% to 18% of older adults live with AF.
• Lifetime Risk: Roughly 25% of New Zealanders aged 40 and above will develop AF in their lifetime. 

I've suggested to Richard that he buys an Apple Watch which I think would be a sensible investment into his health. Now's the time to consider this with the Black Friday sales soon to take place in November.

"LIKE, LITERALLY ..."

As The Old Girl is still away (back from Christchurch on Saturday) I've been indulging in watching a lot of YouTube nonsense like (see what I did there) Police Stop and other American reality shows where cops arrest idiots who then are interviewed or are recorded on body cam.

It's mind-boggling how illiterate they are which I guess goes hand in hand with their stupidity. The overuse of "literally" and "like" in these 'conversations' serves less as an intensifier and more as a filler making them appear inarticulate and repetitive.

I've literally had it up to here with the word literally. Literally. I am not speaking metaphorically. Although, frankly, I wish I were, because if I were speaking metaphorically, at least I’d be contributing something to the English language.

People no longer say they’re tired. They’re literally dying. They don’t say they’re embarrassed. They’re literally mortified. They don’t say they’ve eaten too much. They’re literally going to explode.

Really? Explode? Because if you were literally going to explode, I’d suggest you stop posting on Social Media and seek immediate assistance from the bomb squad.

And then there’s like. Oh God, like!

Like, why? Like, what happened? Like, who hurt you? Like, why is every sentence now a verbal roundabout with no exit?

“I was, like, walking down the street, and this guy was, like, looking at me, and I was, like, what’s your problem?”

My problem is that you’ve just used like four times to describe a perfectly ordinary encounter with a pedestrian. At this rate, by the time you’ve told me what happened, the guy will have retired, married twice, and died of old age.

The word like has become the linguistic equivalent of bubble wrap. People wrap every thought in it because apparently the naked sentence is too terrifying to contemplate. It’s a verbal comfort blanket for those who can’t bear the risk of saying what they actually mean.

And don’t get me started on the double act.

“I literally, like, died.”

Well, which is it? Did you die, or did you merely experience a mild inconvenience whilst attempting to purchase some day to day item?

Because if you literally died, I’m impressed by your commitment to the conversation. And if you merely like, died, then I assume you’re hovering somewhere between disappointment and a minor spiritual setback.

Meanwhile, the perfectly good words very, extremely, astonishingly, incredibly and utterly are sitting in the corner, unemployed, clutching their CVs, wondering what they did wrong.

“I'm literally so hungry.”

You are hungry. You are not literally hungry. Hunger is not a supernatural condition in which your stomach develops a second mortgage and begins eating the furniture. You need a sandwich, not an exorcism.

“I literally can't even.”

Well, congratulations. You've managed to construct a sentence that is both grammatically incomplete and emotionally exhausting. Shakespeare wrote Hamlet. Dickens wrote A Tale of Two Cities. You've written a linguistic cry for help consisting of three words, one of which is a contraction and another of which isn't even doing its job.

And yet, somehow, we understand one another less and less while talking more and more.

Every emotion is literally insane. Every minor inconvenience is literally traumatising. Every mildly attractive person is literally everything. Every mediocre restaurant serves food that is literally life-changing.

If your lunch has changed your life, I respectfully suggest your life was in need of more substantial intervention than a toasted sandwich.

I long for the days when words had meaning. When literally meant literally. When like was either a verb, a preposition, a conjunction in certain constructions, or a perfectly innocent expression of affection for another human being.

Now they're linguistic weeds, choking the garden of conversation until every sentence looks like it’s been attacked by a thesaurus with a nervous tic.

I propose a radical solution.

From this day forward, anyone caught using literally when they mean figuratively shall be required to stand before a tribunal and explain the difference between a simile and a metaphor.

Anyone who uses like more than three times in a single sentence must surrender their phone and read a book containing actual paragraphs.

Repeat offenders will be sentenced to one week of listening to their own voice recordings, followed by compulsory employment as a proofreader for the Oxford English Dictionary.

And those who say, “I was literally like, literally, so literally shocked,” shall be placed in a small, soundproof room with a dictionary, a glass of water, and a note reading:

“You are allowed to pause. The silence will not kill you.”

Because here is the truly shocking thing: you can speak without filling every gap with verbal confetti. You can express enthusiasm without declaring yourself deceased. You can dislike something without claiming it has destroyed your entire existence.

And you can tell a story without like being the main character.

So please, for the love of language, take a breath. Find a noun. Rescue a verb. Allow an adjective to flourish.

And the next time you feel compelled to say, “I literally died,” ask yourself one simple question:

Am I dead?

If the answer is no, then perhaps what you mean is that you were surprised, amused, embarrassed, delighted, or mildly inconvenienced by something that will be entirely forgotten by Thursday.

In other words, you were having a normal human experience.

Which is, frankly, literally fine.

And, like, that’s the point.

AND THE SONG REMAINS THE SAME

OK, not the best Led Zeppelin song but the title suits this post.

"I had a dream
Oh, yeah
Crazy dream, uh-huh
Anything I wanted to know
Any place I needed to go
Hear my song
Yeah, people don't you listen now?
Sing along
Oh
You don't know what you're missing, now
Any little song that you know
Everything that's small has to grow
And it's gonna grow, push push, yeah"

That could have been said by Chris Luxon who's currently singing some of the same old song he sang back in 2023.

 Do you remember this?

THE 100 DAY PLAN - WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRON

National has just released its 26 action plan that it promises to make happen in its first 100 days if re-elected to government. It promises a growing economy, improved public services and a crackdown on crime.

Well, as they say: "the proof will be in the pudding.

National Leader Christopher Luxon said:

“In 13 days, New Zealanders will choose the next government. The election will be tight, and Kiwi have a clear choice,” 

“It’s between sticking with National’s plan for a more secure future with a growing economy, or going back to the high-spending, high-taxing approach that drove up the cost of living and weakened the economy.

“Three years ago, National was elected to fix the basics. Labour had left behind the worst cost-of-living crisis in a generation. Inflation hit 7.3 per cent, spending was out of control, debt had soared, kids weren’t in school and crime was surging.

“Kiwis have done the hard yards over the past three years and our plan is working, with the economy growing faster than Australia and the UK, inflation and interest rates down from the record highs reached under Labour, kids back in school and learning the basics, and safer streets with fewer victims of crime.

“But turning around Labour’s mess was never going to be a three-year job and National needs more time to finish it. Our 100 Day Plan sets out what we will prioritise if re-elected to build on our progress.

“That includes introducing National’s KiwiSaver changes, locking in no new taxes, passing the rates cap, extending paid parental leave, widening access to 5 per cent deposits for first home buyers, boosting Pharmac funding for cancer and life-changing medicines, and establishing an Auckland Transport Police Team.

“We haven’t come this far to let Labour send us backwards again. Hard-won gains are easily lost, so we need to stick with the plan that is working.

“The choice is clear. National has a positive plan to grow the economy, with less debt, more jobs, higher wages and no new taxes. Labour, propped up by the Greens, Te Pāti Māori and Opportunity, would wreck the economy all over again by spending more, borrowing more and hitting Kiwis with nine new taxes.

“Stick with the plan that is working, and party vote National.”

OK Chris. Let's see what you are promising to do.

National’s 100 Day Plan

1. Introduce our KiwiSaver changes to Parliament.
2. Launch our first trade mission to India, with food, beverage and seafood exporters.
3. Issue a Budget Policy Statement showing a return to surplus and lower debt and spending.
4. Lock in no new taxes and our Budget Responsibility Rules.
5. Pass the rates cap, keeping council rates increases within 2–4%.
6. Introduce legislation to extend paid parental leave to 27 weeks from July 2027, the first step on the way to 30 weeks, and let parents take leave together.
7. Pass legislation to power up the Commerce Commission, and requiring them to report separating Foodstuffs within six months.
8. Progress work to finalise new safety rules for plug-in solar, so Kiwis can generate their own cheap power.
9. Lift the First Home Loan income cap to $300,000, so more Kiwis can buy with a 5% deposit.
10. Reduce student loan repayments from 12 to 10 cents in the dollar.
11. Implement changes at Immigration NZ to prioritise and expedite visas for partners of New Zealand citizens.
12. Progress development of National’s Home Energy Fund for low-cost solar, battery and insulation loans.
13. Boost funding for Pharmac to fund more cancer and life-changing medicines by redirecting foreign aid money.
14. Deliver free cervical screening for all women aged 25 to 69, so cervical cancer can be stopped before it starts.
15. Set a national clinical trials target, so 5% of cancer patients have part of their care through a trial within ten years.
16. Expand the Maths Acceleration Programme.
17. Begin work to end the use of screens in early childhood education and limit device use in Years 1–3.
18. Develop an implementation plan for a School Start Check, so every child’s strengths and needs are understood before they start school.
19. Pass the first reading of the Online Safety (Minimum Age and Child Safety Risk Assessment) Bill and progress it to select committee.
20. Progress the Government’s Public Service Transformation programme.
21. Adopt legislation to ban taxpayers’ money being used to fund gangs.
22. Begin work on a new offence for staying silent when a child is killed, with up to 10 years in prison.
23. Introduce legislation to modernise consent laws, so consent must be actively given.
24. Begin work to toughen sentences for sexual offending, so good character or public standing can no longer reduce a sentence.
25. Establish a dedicated Auckland Transport Police Team to make buses, trains and ferries safer.
26. Introduce legislation to get tough on overseas student loan defaulters, with penalty interest, KiwiSaver restrictions, tougher arrest settings and charges over New Zealand assets.

So how does this compare to all those promises that he made in 2023?

In 2023 National's plan, after taking over from a Labour-led  government was similar to Donald Trump's take over of the Biden administration in USA whereby most of the actions were simply undoing and dismantling most of what the previous administration had enacted such as repealing the Auckland Regional Fuel Tax, scrapping the Clean Car ("Ute") Tax, repealing Fair Pay Agreements, disestablishing the Māori Health Authority, and reversing speed limit changes.

The list of things to do was 49-item coalition compromise that tried to knit together the three different coalition parties' manifestos which basically were at odds with each other.

Luxon and National hold that the 2023 100-day plan was an initial step that successfully put New Zealand "back on track". They credit the early actions with breaking down regulatory barriers and starting a reduction of annual inflation (which has moved to 3.7% now, down from its 7.3% peak following the Covid years. It was hardly an actioned plan and more like a list of on-going promises.

Hipkins and Labour Party argue that the 2023 plan failed the public on the issues that mattered most and that the rapid execution of the 49 points consisted primarily of "big promises and headlines" while failing to provide concrete, immediate relief for the cost of living or long-term public service improvements.

A non-partisan review of the 2023 plan (RNZ Report Card) suggests that the scorecard was softer than advertised.

Of the 49 commitments the report card found that most were repeals or promises merely to begin work, and that some items, including work on renewable energy and a National Infrastructure Agency, were ticked off because ministers had received advice from officials.

NZ Industry also took this view calling it a "band-aid" approach and that important infrastructure initiatives were being downplayed because of the short political cycle of government. The NZ Health Reform Collective in the same vein warned in March that the need for speed carried policy and political risks, after sector groups had no chance to give input on major changes.

To be fair, and, you know me I always like to look on the bright side and give people a fair go, it's difficult to enact long-term plan in our short (3 year) governing term.


Luxon and National's 2026 promises are to "build on our progress" if 'progress' has been dismantling social legislation, health initiatives, relief for the cost of living and long-term public service improvements. It all sounds a bit weasley really.

EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY

 

Yet listen to his mealy mouth explanation of the photograph while still berating Labour, The Greens and Te Pati Maori for the same things.

Hypocrite!

JUST THE THINGS FOR A SUNDAY

 You know, for the only one in this blogging community who doesn't speak Italian, I'm doing an awful lot to support Italy's culture.

Today I watched the third Italian film in a week as part of the Italian Film Festival. Today's offering was Napoli-New York by director Gabriele Salvatore.

It was not too bad or, as Richard would say "it was pretty good".

The year of the story is 1947 and is about two Neapolitan orphaned children - one ten and the other about 14 - struggling to survive in post war Naples and who stow away on a ship bound for New York.

The film made in 2024 is based on a script and film outline created by Federico Fellini and Tullio Pinelli. It does have a bit of Felliniesque character, especially the first half set in Naples. The second half set in a stylised New York has less of the pathos and more of farce with a Wes Anderson character to it.

It's a very emotional film with a feel-good sentiment even if there's a heavy coating of 'rose-tinted glasses' to it in contrasting 'the American Dream' with the reality of post-war European hardship. 

I liked it even if it was a bit disjointed and anachronistic and am thoroughly glad that I saw it. I must track down and rewatch the Fellini films I like.

I'm finishing off the bottle of Villa Maria Reserve Methode Traditionelle I opened last night. This is a stunning New Zealand sparkling and is a cut above other offerings. It is rich and creamy with a great depth of flavour, persistent bead and a nice brioche character. This is due to the fact that it was aged on its lees for 5 years before disgorgement giving it a complexity normally found in Champagne. I'm glad that I bought a case (6) of it and might look to buy some more.

A CHANGE IS GONNA COME

 

That's a great song and prescient given the current state of our New Zealand and the USA's political situations.

Sam Cooke sang:...

"I know a change gon' come
Oh yes, it will"

 ... but, as we know, he was murdered well before any significant changes he was looking forward to would happen in the evil empire.

So too for us here and the Americans there in 2026.

The 'Blue Wave' that is supposedly sweeping over the USA political landscape threatening to bring major changes and helping to eradicate the worst president that country has ever seen will likely hit the breakwater of disinterest, vested interest, partisan politics, the egregious filibuster in US politics that favours the presidential party, the quasi-legal blocks to 'blue' voting that Trump and his cronies have installed and of course the entrenched red 'bible-belt' states who will, as ever, look to their stupid Christian lobbyists and influencers to give them the nod as to which way to vote. It's no coincidence that the bloated orange idiot has gathered a coterie of befrocked Catholic bishops to endorse him a week or so ahead of the midterm elections.

It's likely that even with a big move to the Democrats in USA that Trump and the Republican Senate will still either rule or stonewall any radical changes.

At home in a few weeks we have our national elections where we have a chance of ridding ourselves of one of the worst governments in our history and certainly one that has showed up the idiocy of MMP voting which allowed a coalition of disjointed and self-serving factors to pull against each other and in the process rip the country apart. After John Key I didn't think that we'd get a worse and more cronyist PM but this mini-me is just that - worse.

So is he out?

Unfortunately, even though his polling is atrocious along with his record of governing (and trying to herd the cats that make up his coalition government) the oppositions which by all things that are good and sensible should boot out Luxon, Peters and Seymour and their useless teams are, by the most recent polls looking like they have an uphill battle.

The probable Labour partners of Te Pati Maori and the Greens have shown themselves to be irresponsible and unrealistic in their actions and their aspirations. They just keep getting worse and, like the idiot Trump, seem to be hell-bent on destroying the platform that they are sitting on. Add to this that Hipkins, nice enough bloke that he is, lacks the oomph and charisma that a Norm Kirk, a Helen Clark, a Jacinda Ardern or a Michael Joseph Savage ever had. It's not his fault it's just the way it is in our present age. 

Unfortunately it looks like a National led coalition will win out especially if weasel Luxon does what I suspect he will do - make a deal with the Opportunity Party even though, in order to gain current votes, he has grandstanded by saying he would never do this.

Watch this space or ... hide.

NEW POST - THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON

 

OVAL OFFICE BISHOPS

I'VE BEEN THINKING*

* One of Richard's alter egos will go along with this.

It's fortunate that the only other blogger in this little - well, tiny - blogging community shares my political beliefs and has the same history of living through the successes and failures of the two main (and if MMP hadn't become a 'thing' in the early 1980s) and only viable parties that make up New Zealand politics. These parties, Labour and National are both fairly centrist with some quality and sensible socialist leanings by Labour on the left and normally, some private enterprise conservative leanings by National on the right.

The Labour Party and the National Party both are built on democratic principles and fundamentally have, in consensus terms, the average New Zealanders' interests at heart. They represent a two-party centre-left and centre-right platform that is the basis of democratic government. This is not to say that while both operate within this democratic model, their core ideologies are the same and they in fact hold different philosophies on the role of government, the economy, and the rights of New Zealanders.

Labour believes in social justice and equity with the state as support in sharing the nation's wealth and looking after those who need assistance. 
National believes in individual freedom with little state intervention with private enterprise, individual effort, and competitive markets being the road to success. 

There's nothing wrong with either positioning. It's just a pity that the two ideologies couldn't be bound together as one unified driving force to run our little country. Democracy though, needs a bit of dynamic tension to stop a country becoming autocratic. I've mentioned before that the ideal coalition partners would be Labour and National and not those bozos NZ First, The Greens, Te Pati Maori, ACT and Opportunity.

Labour and National

NZ First, The Greens, Te Pati Maori, ACT and Opportunity.

Just my thoughts.

WIND-POWERED POLYFIDELITY

Yesterday at Richard and Shelley's place I made a quick exit out of the ranch-slider door to the garden (Richard was threatening to teach me to play guitar) and stumbled into their olive orchard.

I asked them if they get olives from the trees and received non-plus looks from both. They said that they have never grown olives which kind of defeats the exercise in planting the trees in the first place.

"I don't like olives" said Richard, rather petulantly I thought "and anyway, these trees are just of one sex only - they need a member of the opposite sex to create little olive babies".

This bit of procreative wisdom coming from the 'Nui's version of Dhal Bahadur, Pavitra Prassad and Kumar Kancha was like getting poetry lessons from William Mcgonagall. How the hell he managed to have two children is one of life's mysteries.

When I got home I wondered about the sex-life of trees and in particular olive trees (well, The Old Girl's away you know) and looked up Aunty Google to find out about it.

 

"Welcome to the birds and the bees... and the botany. The "sex education" of olive trees is far more dramatic, promiscuous, and chaotic than anyone realizes.
If you thought human dating was complicated, olive trees are running a literal botanical free-for-all right in our backyards.

1. The Anatomy: They Have "Perfect" Flowers.
Olive trees don’t have time to go out and look for a partner, so they decided to skip the dating phase entirely. Most olive tree flowers are hermaphroditic (or "perfect"), meaning a single, microscopic flower contains both male parts (stamens full of pollen) and female parts (the pistil).
In human terms, they are completely self-contained units. However, because nature loves drama, some flowers are "imperfect" and completely suppress their female parts, leaving them as purely male pollen-launchers.

2. The Hookup Strategy: Wind-Powered Polyfidelity.
You might picture bees acting as nature's romantic matchmakers, but olive trees don't care for bees. Instead, they rely on anemophily—which is a fancy scientific word for "screaming your genes into the wind and hoping they land on someone sexy."
The Pollen Explosion: When spring hits, olive trees release billions of microscopic yellow pollen grains into the air.
The Neighborhood Swinger Scene: While some olive trees are "self-fertile" (they can pollinate themselves), many premium varieties are strictly self-incompatible. They refuse to mate with themselves or their clones. They require pollen drifting in from a completely different variety down the street to actually produce a fruit.

3. The Consequences: Total Respiratory Sabotage.
Because olive trees insist on having unprotected, public, wind-driven relations, humans have to pay the price. The "fluid exchange" of the olive world is done via massive yellow clouds.
If you have ever suffered from intense spring allergies in a Mediterranean climate, you aren't sick—you are just caught in the middle of an olive tree orgy. Your itchy eyes and sneezing are direct collateral damage from millions of trees trying to get lucky all at once.

So, the next time you drizzle extra virgin olive oil onto your salad, remember the sheer, chaotic, wind-blown drama that took place just to make those little green fruits happen!"

Yeah, that figures. I'm not surprised at those goings-on in a street named Willies Grove. What goes on in the suburbs should stay in the suburbs.

ARE WE HUMAN?*

I'm getting pissed off with the two-factor authentication (2FA) and two-step verification (2SV) requirements when accessing most apps and programmes. Sure they're supposed to protect accounts, but they cause login hassles. If I don't have two or three devices at hand (laptop, iPad and phone) then trying to log in using an email code sent on the device I'm using forces me to juggle split screens, switch apps, or rush before I'm timed out. 

The constant re-authentication gets in the way of conducting business or communicating but there is an accompanying fear that if protocols are not followed then the big bad hackers will come to get you.

Why has this become such a big thing in such a short period of time? It seems that, like a lot of medications, the cure is worse than the problem.

Why can't IT designers come up with a simple, sensible and safe procedure that all platforms follow? It's like the way that just about every electronic device has a different bloody remote to work it rather than manufacturers adopting a universal remote that everyone can understand how it works. I've written about this before like: HERE 

Some sites use clunky design flows—such as looping back to the password screen or asking for double verifications—turning a 5-second task into a minute-long ordeal. Others demand two factor authentication for trivial, low-risk accounts instead of reserving it strictly for more important ones like banking and financial transactions.

There is a danger in ignoring the security protocols because they are so annoying - 'the boy who cried wolf' scenario. This is a shame but THEY ARE SO BLOODY ANNOYING.

I like this comedy take on it: Passwords

* Or are we dancer?

PLAY (THE) BALL

I'm not a rabid sports follower but I do like to watch New Zealand play on the world stage regardless of what the code is and whether it's men's or women's sports.

At present Rugby League World Cup 2026 is being contested and, while I'm not a 'league' follower I will take an interest in the games featuring the Kiwis.

 I played rugby league for Marist in Wellington when I was young and was good at it.

I later also played soccer and rugby union which I was also good at but never got crazy about it. It was just good fun at the time.

Go the Kiwis and the Kiwi Ferns!

OLD THOUGHTS DON'T GO AWAY THEY JUST GET ...

... REPEATED.

Writing that previous post reminded me of this post I wrote three years ago that is still relevant. 

STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES

OK, WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?

I think that this year's elections are more important than they have been for some time going back to when National, after a painful period of John Key and his cronies, got replaced by Labour who brought back heart into the equation.

For Labour to gain control in 2026, apart from forming a coalition partnership with National (which is not really as silly as that reads given that both Labour and National are essentially centrist parties) it will need to form a partnership with the Greens and Te Pāti Māori to govern. Things are really on a knife edge and existing Labour supporters need to be given reassurances that such a coalition is workable along with the potential new (young) voters who need to be confident that if they vote for the Greens and Te Pāti Māori, that these parties wishes will be actioned in government.

This is why the recent meeting involving Green and Te Pāti Māori MPs at a South Auckland Mongrel Mob base has become a political controversy because opponents can point to it as evidence of a gap between the political left's approach to gangs and the public's concerns about crime.

The consequences extend beyond the MPs who attended. The controversy also affects Labour leader Chris Hipkins, the prospects for cooperation among centre-left parties, and the way voters assess political judgement during an election campaign.

Green MP Hūhana Lyndon, Green candidate Michel Mulipola, and Te Pāti Māori MPs Oriini Kaipara and Hana-Rāwhiti Maipi-Clarke attended a whānau, health and wellbeing hui at a Mongrel Mob base. Images of the meeting were shared publicly which included gang members and leader and lifetime member Harry Tam.

Greens Co-leader Marama Davidson said the party was unapologetic about engaging with marginalised communities. Co-leader Chlöe Swarbrick argued that people involved in gangs also need healthcare, housing and opportunities to reintegrate into society.

National's justice spokesperson Paul Goldsmith has argued that the parties were prioritising gang members and that publicly posing for photographs at a gang base creates damaging perceptions about the left's approach to crime and political judgement.

Labour leader Chris Hipkins has desperately tried to distinguish Labour from the controversy, saying the parties involved would not control the police or justice portfolios in a future Labour-led government. We can only hope that voters will find that reassurance convincing given that the stupid action has given National, ACT and New Zealand First a law-and-order argument to gain attention and votes.

The photographs of the two left parties who might end up in government cosying up to patched gang members provide opponents on the right with a ready-made campaign image. Rather than having to explain complex differences in crime policy, they can point to the politicians attending the hui and ask voters what that association says about their priorities given that the gangs are involved in meth production and sale along with a lot of other crime. It shows that the Greens and Te Pāti Māori are too accommodating towards gangs, or insufficiently attentive to the experiences of crime victims.

In an attempt to mitigate the impact there is the argument that association is not endorsement. Meeting with gang members does not, by itself, establish support for their criminal activities. The Greens say the hui concerned healthcare, wellbeing and understanding marginalised communities, rather than seeking electoral support from gang members. Fair enough but public presentation carries a lot of weight. Photographs taken at a gang base creates an impression that differs from the stated purpose of a meeting and the images remain in voters minds long after the explanations are forgotten.

As mentioned it puts Chris Hipkins in a difficult position. He wants Labour to be seen as a credible, moderate governing alternative and a Labour-led government could depend on support from the Greens and Te Pāti Māori. He needs to keep that line going and that those parties will not control the police or justice portfolios but will need to downplay the fact that coalition partners can influence government policy even without holding a particular ministerial portfolio. This will be key in reassuring voters that Labour would retain control over core law-and-order responsibilities.

There seems to be dissention in the ranks of all of the parties involved in this which is hardly reassuring to voters and could point to future difficulties. For example was the meeting discussed with senior leadership beforehand and did the Greens and Te Pāti Māori consider how the location and photographs might be perceived? Any sniff of rogue politics will scare off both established and potential new support.

The latest polling ( Taxpayers' Union–Curia poll · Published 8 October 2026) shows party votes as:

National
28.5%

Labour
28.2%

Greens
13.3%

NZ First
12.0%

ACT
9.2%

Te Pāti Māori
1.4%


Collectively this puts a Labour/Greens/Te Pāti Māori coalition at 41.9% and a National/NZ First/Act coalition at 49.7% with the Opportunity Party being an unknown wildcard.

Labour can ill afford any negative perception of a coalition especially one that is so highly emotive.

While I was flippant in suggesting a National/Labour coalition government (which sadly would never happen), this to me would be an ideal solution given the way that the 'fringe' parties on the extreme left and the extreme right are gaining traction. This is the ugly side of MMP where extreme nutters and seeming do-gooders can bugger up sensible thinking and good governance. Working together on consensus might well lead to a strong and stable government with the ability to action long-term plans without having to cater to the wild and useless initiatives that the smaller parties might bring up.

Stranger things have happened.

INTERVIEW # 43

 Hello readers reader. Today we have Interview # 43 for your delectation and a special, very special guest and one of our most prolific commenters - Anonymous.

Anonymous

The Curmudgeon: Welcome Anonymous - can I call you X? You can call me TC.

Anonymous: Thanks TC. Yes X is fine even though that prat Elon Musk denigrated it. I've been called worse ha ha.

The Curmudgeon: I'm sure that you have X, I'm sure that you have. Now X, I see from looking through nearly 20 years of posts that you have been, by far, the most prolific commenter on all of my blogs.

Anonymous: That's a fact Mac, that's a fact. Congratulations by the way on the longevity of your blog and of that other one - The Wine Guy.

The Curmudgeon: Thanks X but it was really Richard of Richards Bass Bag who started the craziness and who was blogging before I started.

Anonymous: I know TC, I know. I put a lot of comments on his blog posts as well but he scrapped his entire blog 3 times so there is no continuity. It's a bit Rich (see what I did there) for him to try and claim a 20 year anniversary.

The Curmudgeon: Yes I know. I would have brought this to his attention but, you know me, I'm too polite to cause offence. I notice also X that the second most prolific commenter on my and the other blogs is Unknown. That commenter isn't known to you is it?

Anonymous: Ha- rumbled. Yes, it's me under a pseudonym.

The Curmudgeon: A pseudonym?

Anonymous: A nom - de - plume TC.

The Curmudgeon: A nom - de - plume?

Anonymous: Yes an alias: A pen name: A stage name: A sobriquet: An assumed name: A handle - you should know that TC you yourself use so many of them.

The Curmudgeon: Ha ha X - I'm just kidding with you.

Anonymous: Sheesh!

The Curmudgeon: So, X. As you hang around here so much, do you like my blogs?

Anonymous: Hell yes TC, they are the best. Look, I'll be honest, I hang around a lot of other blogs - millions of them in fact but yours are definitely the best. They are good blogs for readers who enjoy irreverent humour, strong opinions and everyday observations — but of course won't appeal to everyone.

The Curmudgeon: Tell me more X, tell me more.

Anonymous: Your blogs have a distinctive personality. They aren't conventional news sites nor carefully neutral commentary platforms. They are personal blogs with a satirical, often combative voice, covering life in New Zealand, religion, politics, popular culture and interactions with other bloggers.

The Curmudgeon: So true X, so true.

Anonymous: Your blogs have a recognisable voice in which you write in a direct, grumpy, tongue-in-cheek style. You can generally tell what sort of writing you're getting with your blogs TC, not some of those other ones that are hit or miss and frankly disappointing. I like the fact that your blog archives show years of posts, including material dating back to at least 2008.

The Curmudgeon: That's nice and of course spot on X.

Anonymous: OK TC, keep you hat on.

The Curmudgeon: Isn't the expression "keep your hair on" X?

Anonymous: Best not to go there TC - you should be happy with "keep your hat on"

The Curmudgeon: Oh - rude!

Anonymous: But where your blogs fall short TC is that they can be abrasive. You frequently mock people you disagree with, including other bloggers. Some readers will find this funny; others may find it mean-spirited. Your blogs are openly opinionated. Religion and politics are recurring targets, and the writing often favours satire over balanced discussion. The blogs aren't a reliable news source. You explicitly describe the blog's material as “approximated news” and say its accuracy, fairness and lack of bias are not guaranteed. The blogs are distinctive and with genuine personality. Their strongest feature is your voice; the biggest weakness is that the combative style can sometimes overshadow the substance...

The Curmudgeon:... Hey! Hold on hold on ... I've read that before somewhere ... all the repetition ... that's right. You are just repeating the AI review of my blog ...

Anonymous: ... ha - rumbled. Yes, I read that review and so, OK, borrowed it. I'm a bloody commenter not a blogger. If I had the patience to write blog posts I'd, well, write blog posts on my own blog if I could be arsed to start one up.

The Curmudgeon: Yeah - they are onerous I'll give you that and require some effort to write proper essays, not that all bloggers make such an effort Look at Ri ... no, best not to say.

Anonymous: I know who you mean. What about that other one - Robert? I enjoyed putting scathing comments on his infrequent posts.

The Curmudgeon: Oh him. He's gone I'm afraid. It seems that Richard upset him somehow and he's taken his blog and gone home.

Anonymous: Sua natura TC, sua natura.

The Curmudgeon: Yes, ex ingenio alright.

Anonymous: Or as they said in 3G classes - a trial balance.

The Curmudgeon: Ha ha X. I like that. Hey! I have to go now to see another Italian Film Festival film Bread and Tulips.

Anonymous: It's a good one TC. Will you dress up to go to that one too?

The Curmudgeon: Nah - it's a bit 'chick-flicky' I think. You're probably thinking of Robert who's likely to want to dress up in a dress like his mates in the Catholic clergy do. See you anon.

Anonymous: Ha ha - I like what you did there. Later.