Monday 18 March 2024

INTERVIEW #28



A reader* asked me why more of The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ members don't get interviewed. I thought that this was a very good question and the rest of you readers can benefit from this. Today we will talk with Peter's Golf Bag.

PETER'S GOLF BAG


TC: Welcome Peter's Golf Bag - hey! Can I just refer to you as PGB?

PGB: Sure TC, I'd like that. This 'bag' thing is getting out of hand you know, even Robert is now referring to his blog as Robert's Potato Bag!

TC: Robert?

PGB: Never mind, it'll be changed soon.

TC: Well, good to have you in PGB. What have you been up to?

PGB: I played golf yesterday TC.

TC: Really? That's great. How did it go?

PGB: Well, I headed out late in the afternoon as, being Sunday I knew that it'd be busy what with all the atheists and lax christians up here dodging church.

TC: Amen brother!

PGB: No TC, there were quite a few men actually.

TC: Oh - not Mike  from tennis by any chance?

PGB: Ha ha, no. Mike has of course given up tennis to play golf (on course - you see what I did there?) but I didn't run into him which is just as well as there was no time to discuss geo-politics and the gun laws.

TC: How was your golf though?

PGB: I played 6 holes, three of them brilliantly so am a happy chappy.

TC: (looking over his shoulder) I can't see The Old Girl around - how many golf balls did you find?

PGB: I'm glad you asked that TC (also looking around in case The Old Girl was lurking). I found 10 balls - all new or damned near new. They just had the club championships so the standard of lost balls was higher than usual.

TC: You don't say PGB.

PGB: I just did TC - keep up.

TC: Ha ha. Did you have any trouble finding them though? I remember when ....

PGB:... when you lost your mind?

TC: Huh?

PGB: A musical reference TC. You should know that - Gnarls Barkley 'Crazy".

TC: Oh right, I like that song.

PGB: Yeah well, no probs this time although there were a couple of distressing moments.

TC: Oh no! A fall?

PGB: No, not a fall on this occasion but ... and hold onto your hat ... in one of the creeks I spied a lovely looking ball. I put out the ball retriever and managed to hook it up but as I was lifting the rod the ball fell out - down into a deeper pool where I couldn't see it anymore. I was devastated.

TC: Oh dear that's a worry. The other readers will sympathise I'm sure. You mentioned two moments though.

PGB: Oh yeah. In another spot - the bushes next to the 7th tee where I find a lot of balls - after finding 3 good balls I saw another one - a pink one would you believe - nestled under an exposed root of a fallen tree. It was about 8 feet down though through crumbly ground and there was a lot of overgrowth so I left it there.

TC: (Gasp). You left it there! What? I don't believe it.

PGB: I know, I know, but it was getting late and The Old Girl said I wasn't to do anything risky so ...

TC: ... so, you wimped out. Anything else PGB?

PGB: I played the 5th hole perfectly if you want to hear about it?

TC: That's OK PGB, we'd better ...

PGB: I teed off from the raised tee with a long straight drive that kept away from the trees lining the fairway on either side ...

TC: ... thanks PGB but ...

PGB: ... and as you know TC on the right hand side, behind the trees is the deep gully with the creek at the bottom. This is the one that you fell down into years ago and munted your knee. That was bad luck for you but I have a lot of luck finding balls there. Yesterday I found 5 and one of them was a Ben Hogan ball that I'd never seen before. I ...

TC: ...OK, thanks PGB, we have to ...

PGB: ... after finding the balls I climbed back on to the fairway to see where my drive had ended up. The ball was right down the end almost to the bisecting smaller creek and the big oak tree. I got out my 10 iron and lofted a shot up over the tree and onto the raised green behind. Look, I think I have a photograph somewhere of this green, I'll ...

TC: .... ha ha ....oops! I think I hear The Old Girl calling me. Look, carry on PGB, I'll keep an ear open, I'll just check what ...

The sound of a car door slamming, a car starting up and accelerating down the driveway.

PGB: ... anyway, the ball hit the green and bounced to the right closer to the pin. Brilliant. I was able to hole out in 3 and this is a par 4! Great. I then went to the tee for the 6th hole. This is a par 3 and goes up a steep fairway to an elevated green. My tee shot with an 8-iron sailed up and gently landed on the green only about 6 feet away from the pin. TC, you wouldn't believe it but ... TC? TC? That's strange. TC?

TC:

PGB: TC?

TC:

PGB: TC? Where are you? Funny.







* Name withheld for privacy reasons and fear of retribution

Saturday 16 March 2024

RAM RAID OF LOCAL CATHOLIC CHURCH




The Moera Times

Six people who allegedly fled from police have been arrested following a ram raid at St Patrick's Catholic church in Moera early this morning.

“Just after midnight, police responded to reports of the incident on Main Road, where a stolen vehicle has been used to gain entry,” police said about the church burglary.

“Those involved are alleged to have entered the premises and taken a number of items before fleeing in a different vehicle.”

One of the vehicles believed to be used during the incident was located a short time later on the way to Wainuiomata  police said.

“The occupants failed to stop for police before the vehicle was spiked in Willis Grove Wainuiomata,” police said.

A number of the stolen goods have now been recovered, police said.

An old man is due to appear in Youth Court today on several charges.

Four youngsters have been referred to Youth Aid and a fifth, the cutest and youngest one has been sent to the Catholic Centre in Thorndon Quay Wellington   "for corrective training" said a representative of the Catholic Archdiocese of Wellington.

A spokesperson, Ms Ima A. Palled from the Ministry of Police said "This is a heinous crime and underscores the necessity and urgency of the passing of tougher crime measures as advocated by the National led government. We have not ruled out capital punishment for ram raids on churches and, at least, will be recommending the removal of extraneous members including fingers and toes.

"We have had a guts-full" said Brother Kanusparadim from the WelCome office in Hill street. "First it was the dairies. Then it was the jewellery stores and liquor stores and now they are coming for our churches."

Police spokesperson Al Alloallothen said that it appears that the ram-raiders were looking for booze as it is St Patrick's Day tomorrow. They took instead large amounts of altar wine, lubricants and Communion hosts for which there apparently is a growing black market. Also found in the stolen vehicles were a television, a computer and two air conditioning units.






"WOMEN HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SPIES" *


* Harriet Rubin founded the prestigious Doubleday business imprint Currency and she, as its editorial director, published dozens of notable bestsellers. She is the author of the international bestseller 'The Princessa: Machiavelli for Women'.



The Old Girl is off again soon - Monday week I think. This time it's to USA then Scotland with some side trips to Italy and Spain. She'll be away for about 8 weeks.

I'm used to it as, from the beginning, when we met over thirty six years ago she travelled a lot on business. Initially it was to China and South East Asia. Then various Pacific Islands and Australia. Later it was USA and with some longer stays in Canada and England. I travelled a bit as well with my job which took me to France, USA, Britain, Australia and Italy mainly and we would do some holiday travel at the end of those trips.

I've been watching a few thriller series on Netflix and other streaming platforms recently and have started watching the old British 9-season series SPOOKS. The thought came to me - "what if she's a spy?"


This would make sense of when we were in Wellington recently, walking along Taranaki Street, when she pointed to a nondescript and unsigned building and said: "That's SIS headquarters". I wondered how she knew this as no doubt it required some sort of security clearance and vetting to know such things.


Mmmmm .......


When she goes away I might have a good search through the house to look for secret documents, spy cameras, microdot-manufacturing devices and, with luck, a gun.


I could do with one of those.





Friday 15 March 2024

GETTING THINGS DONE

 


It's a blustery day up here and I haven't been out for a walk. It's not a tennis day on Friday and I had thought about going to play golf but don't fancy it when it's windy with a chance of rain.

The more observant reader might have noticed in the above photograph showing the unpleasant (for Northland) weather conditions that there is a tui perched on the deck rail.


Well, ha ha - fooled you - that's a small metal sculpture of a tui.

Before Christmas last year some friends gave The Old Girl 3 small metal sculptures - the tui plus two others, a morepork and a piwakawaka.





She left these on the deck for months saying that she would find a place to display them and refusing my offers of assistance.

Eventually these sculptures rusted - don't panic, it's what they are supposed to do being outside sculptures - as you can see by the marks on the decking outside the kitchen door here:


Pissed off with this I took the three sculptures and jammed them with their spikes into the joins of the wooden deck rails.
I expected this to be just temporary and a hint to her to do something with them. This was about three weeks ago and I'm beginning to think that this will be their final resting place.

Hey ho. Job done.




Thursday 14 March 2024

A MIXED BAG

 

The posts this week are proving to be a mixed bag - and not in a good way.

Even Robert that catatonic catholic cleaner has renamed his blog Robert's Potato Bag which, to be honest sounds a lot more wholesome and nutritious than his previous manifestations.

Richard has got himself all in a twist about Latin blog post titles and is showing his jealousy at not having been invited into the upper echelon of classes back in school.

"Let it go Richard, let it go".

 


I might have started off These old slavish followers when I posted: THE BLOG POST TO BE IMITATED which, as per usual, gave them some ideas for their own posts. I just didn't expect that they would go all nutty over it.

Richard, in addition to his mithering over perceived schoolday injustices, banged on (again) about some silly old guy who I've mentioned in the past. Mike the tennis club former member. Sheesh! Mike no longer comes to tennis having been once too often been reproached by yours truly. Richard knows this or he should do if he read my posts closely (and who wouldn't?).

 Oh well, it's only Thursday so those old guys might still find some inspiration. Richard has completed his "I'll tell you that I work three days a week" 6 hours of farting about and getting paid for it so might deign to write a proper post tomorrow.

Robert ... well, Robert has things on his mind given that the weekend approaches. It'd be nice to think that he stays with his potato bag as I like all forms of the plant solanum tuberosum, especially if the New Zealand Agra variant is used to make chips, roast potatoes, boiled potatoes, mashed potatoes, Hasselback potatoes or stuffed potatoes. No doubt though he will drop this lovely meal accompaniment for some old nonsense about Gospels, the Bible, which bloody day of the year is important in the Catholic made-up liturgical year and, of course, the latest Maryan nutter.


Ho hum!




Tuesday 12 March 2024

"ADEO IN MISERIS ETIAM VITAE AMANTES SUNT MORTALES"

 "Robert would have done that by now" said The Old Girl referring to the squeaky lounge door that she had asked me to fix yesterday when I was watching the exciting end of the cricket test.

"I'll do it as soon as" I replied, then turned back to the cricket which, as per par when playing Australia, New Zealand lost.

*************

That was yesterday.

Today The Old Girl said "Robert's pretty useful around the house I see. He works all hours his god gave him and still manages to paint the ceilings in his 'free' time".


She said this while pointedly staring at the hinges on the lounge door.

Bloody Robert.

"Be careful what you wish for" I mumbled.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing, just thinking of an old Aesop fable" I replied. "I might put some oil on those hinges soon."





Thursday 7 March 2024

CHARM OFFENSIVE

 


Yep that sums up this dumb and low class deluded congresswoman. She has the grace and charm of an overfed sea slug.

I guess though that her stupidity and her blind support for Donald Trump appeals to the red-hat wearers in USA. They're scared of intelligent debate and respond best to cat-calls and childish slogans.

Trump will get the candidacy to run for president - that's a given and, paradoxically to all I believe in, it might not be a bad thing. If the odious fool is given the chance to run and gets soundly beaten in the elections - not a close contest - then the red-hat brigade should accept the defeat. If he is not allowed to run then there will be big trouble brewing over there - insurrection at best and civil war at worst. This bozo needs to be put down, but put down within the confines of democracy and the American political and judicial system. Anything else triggers conspiracy theories  and martyrdom fanaticism.

Trump, even though he is a medium intelligent fool has, over the last eight years managed to stack the aforesaid American political and judicial system with cronies who do his bidding. We've seen that in the Supreme Court placements that are now biting reasonability and rightness on the bum. We've seen it in the running of the Republican Party which has bent to Trumps will and makes poor decisions in both the Senate and in Congress. We've seen it in Trumps stranglehold on the Republican National Committee (RNC) which just now voted down a resolution to ban paying Trump's legal bills. Henry Barbour, who serves as Mississippi’s national committeeman, confirmed that the resolutions he drafted that would have prohibited the committee from covering the former president’s growing legal bills is dead. This, if Trump gets elected will be made worse by the fact that Trump's dingbat and under-qualified daughter-in-law Lara Trump will be put in a controlling position on the RNC. Not only will his legal bills be paid but likely his fines (half a billion dollars worth and counting as well).

How did USA get to this point? Under any former presidents, the level of the Trump family influence would be unthinkable. It's not even as if they are intelligent with their wealth coming from inheritance and grift. Ivanka and Jarrod weren't that clever but still managed to obtain positions of power under Trump's presidency that resulted in them obtaining fantastic wealth. It's not a stretch to imagine his Beavis and Butt-head sons Don Junior and Eric doing the same.


Trump and his minions have managed to inveigle thousands of supporters into positions of power and influence in the Federal system as well as in many of the states particularly the red-hat states. This has been done under the Biden led Democratic presidency. Imagine how things will be if Trump gets elected again? Dystopian? Hell yes and Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale was just scratching the surface.

You have to wonder though, given the combination of dimness, under-qualification and lack of sophistication in the Trumps and their acolytes - who is pulling the strings?