THE STUPIDEST THINGS I'VE DONE (2)

I used to go to Vinexpo every second year. This is the world's largest wine fair and is a biannual event in Bordeaux. The first time I went was in 1995. I had been to South Africa for the disastrous Rugby World Cup (although we did get to the finals) and was on my way to Scotland but stopped off in France on the way as I had arranged some meetings at the fair. I had been to France several times before this and was familiar with the language, customs and hotel procedures but this time there was a catch. I was not booked into a hotel this time as the wine fair attracts so many visitors accommodation is at a premium. The only late booking I could get was in a kind of serviced apartment building. This was a place that was staffed during the day but not at nights. On arrival a maid showed me to my apartment, unlocked the door and handed me the keys. I was in a bit of a rush as it was early evening, I had just arrived from Johannesburg and had to attend a dinner party so stupidly took the keys without asking about any special instructions. I duly went out and didn't return until the early hours of the morning. On the way back to the apartment building there was torrential rain and I got soaked through. One of my keys opened the main doors to the building giving me access to the lobby and administration areas. Squelching my way upstairs through intermittent light and dark patches (French buildings have those light saving devices where at the foot of the stairs or at the end of a corridor you press a button for the light which is on a time setting.

 If you are not quick enough the light goes out and you have to scrabble blindly along to find another switch) I eventually found my apartment and tried to open the door. It would not unlock. I tried both keys to no avail. I had to several times make my way to the end of the corridor to turn on the light to double-check the keys and the room number. Bugger! I was wet, tired, slightly drunk. It was 2AM and I had an 8AM meeting. I gave up on trying to open the door and went back down to the administration area. There was no-one there. I went out again and wandered about looking for another hotel to check into. I found two nearby and they were full. It was still pissing down and I get even wetter.

I went back to the apartment building and entered the lobby area again. Wandering around I discovered that the admin area on the first floor was unlocked. I found a couch to sleep on after rummaging around in drawers to find a large bottle of mineral water and some biscuits which I devoured. After a very uncomfortable attempt at sleep I went back down to the lobby at around 6AM and waited. Eventually a woman came in from somewhere (a staff entrance maybe) and busied herself behind the counter. I stood up and called out "Excusez moi". She just about jumped out of her skin thinking that she was alone and seeing a crumpled, sodden thing with a weird accent approaching her. After much explanation in bad French (mine) I was able to explain the problem. She accompanied me upstairs to my apartment and showed me how to open the door. It was one of those stupid French ones where to unlock it you had to pull the handle towards you, turn the key once clockwise and twice anticlockwise. Its like the weird French plumbing, electricity and just about every appliance. Nothing works logically.

The French make everything complicated

I went in, had a long scalding shower, changed clothes and went out to my meeting and a very long day at the fair with an oncoming cold.
I wondered what the office workers would think when they arrived to find a sodden couch and that their water and biscuits had been eaten.