FLUSHING HIM OUT*

 * No, nothing to do with Richard's plumber friend Bagno. He's probably already had to visit Willis Grove and fix the blocked drains.

"I wish Richard would cut back on the coffee he drinks"

Richard's been (big) banging on about how Robert's missing in action and not commenting on his and Bagno's bogs. Poor old guy - he needs the affirmation I guess.

"I need the affirmation"

I thought that I'd throw a bit of blasphemy in the works to get a result. If this Family Guy clip doesn't flush Robert out for an outraged response nothing will.

"ARE YOU DANCING?". "ARE YOU ASKING?" "I'M ASKING." "THEN I'M DANCING."

It's a bit boring here with The Old Girl away in Christchurch. I don't catch up with her until late May.

As well, the weather up here has been atrocious. We had the big cyclone before Easter with poor weather afterwards and then "blow me down" (a little joke for Bagno there) another big storm over the ANZAC 'weekend'. While there was a lot of wind, this storm was mostly very heavy rain that caused flooding around the area.

Of course this has meant that I've been inside most of the time.

Anyway, yesterday afternoon I trawled through Netflix looking for a film to watch to pass the time. I was pleased to find Bertolucci's Last Tango In Paris which I saw when it first came out in the early 1970s. I saw the French version that wasn't dubbed nor had subtitles. It wasn't too much of a stretch at the time as I studied French at university and was quite good at it. 

The Netflix copy I started watching is also in French with no dubbing or subtitles. Nowadays my understanding of French is very limited, not having used it for twenty years. Watching the film is a struggle but, in a way, seeing it as intended does make me take more notice of the settings, film techniques and interaction between the actors. I made my way through about a third of the film and will revisit it over the next week or so. I tried to activate the subtitles function to no avail. I must be doing something wrong.

Last Tango In Paris is a controversial film due to the sex scenes, a theme of suicide and alienation, a rape scene and accusations from Maria Schneider of having been manipulated by Bertolucci and Brando. Brando also was unhappy with Bertolucci's actions and cut off his association with the film for decades.

It is a great film nevertheless - not in my opinion as great as Bertolucci's The Conformist but worthy of being given attention beyond just the sensationalism. Paris in the early 1970s is wonderful (I first experienced it in the early 1980s) and sets the theme of post-modern existential angst very well. It would be existentialism if it weren't so soulless. 

"Existentialisme? C'est moi"

The Conformist used Paris in the late 1930s as a backdrop to dysfunction, fascism and or course conformism. Bertolucci was a master of using places to define attitudes and influences.

I exhorted you readers some time ago to watch The Conformist. I wonder if you ever did? Here's a link: OUT OF SHALLOWS

I hope that I do get through watching the film in French even though I know that I'm missing things in the dialogue and narrative. I'm a lazy bugger though so might end up sorting out the sub-title setting.

Anyway, I 'exhort' you to see this film if you haven't already. It's Marlon Brando at his best. Maria Schneider is a lightweight but Bertolucci got a great performance out of her even if it brought him a lot of grief.

🎵 VALHALLA I'M COMING 🎵

It's good to learn new things.
I didn't know for example that Richard of RBB was a Led Zeppelin fan until he posted this:

My gig at the Tawa library is getting close. Remember that's with my duo Sii Gentile. There is only time for about six tunes as the gig lasts for half an hour. Daryl is on piano and I'm on violin. The tunes I intend to play are Besame Mucho, Oh Lady Be Good, Manha De Carnaval, Sweet Georgia Brown, The Immigrants and The Accordion Lady.

It's good that the old boy is branching out and getting away from that boring old classical-style stuff. The old rockers at the library will be pleased.

Immigrant Song is one of Led Zep's classics. It's built upon a repeating riff and has references to Norse mythology. This I guess explains why Richard bangs on about Thor a lot when He's discussing religious ideology with Robert. 

It'd be great to be a fly on the wall at the Tawa library especially when Richard starts off with with the distinctive, wailing cry - "Aa-ah-aa .." on top of

a repeating, staccato guitar/bass/drum riff which will, I guess, simultaneously be played by Richard's brother Darryl who seems to play about 90 instruments in The Prowse Brothers band. It will be powerful if it comes anywhere near Led Zeppelin's performance. I looked it up out of interest and read that it is performed in the key of  F#minor at a moderate tempo of 112 beats per minute. Cool!

DONNY NO MATES

 

What a pathetic figure Trump showed himself to be at Pope Francis's funeral.

Why the dope was there is anyone's guess. Apparently he earlier spit the dummy when learning that he might have to sit away from the front until some appeaser thought up that seating attendees by the French alphabet spelling would put Etats Unis in the front at about the middle.

Trump sat unhappily and hardly looking at or talking to anyone and very few people acknowledged him. In sharp comparison President Zelensky from Ukraine received a rousing welcome.

The cameras picked up an exchange between Melania and Trump whispering and lip readers interpreted. Trump, having noticed President of France Emmanuel Macron further along the row seemed nervous and repeatedly asked Melania if he should go and talk to him. Melania repeatedly said yes that he should say hello and talk to him. Really, it was like a little boy being told off by his mother. Pathetic!

"SPEAK TO HEEM DONAL"

"BLESSED IS HE WHO HAS NOTHING, FOR HE SHALL NEVER BE DISAPPOINTED" *

* Alexander Pope

Catholics around the world - about 1.3 billion of them apparently, along with others interested in all or some of history, religion, pomp and ceremony, geopolitics or fancy men's dresses -  will be watching the news about Pope Francis's death, funeral and replacement.

"Who will be the new pope and what name will he take" - most of them will be asking.

I favour the idea of Alexander IX as in Alexander Pope (a 3P joke there).

Alexander Pope - May 21, 1688 - May 30, 1744,

We studied his poetry at college with Mr Naylor - An Essay on Criticism, The Rape of the Lock, The Dunciad, An Essay on Man etc.

I imagine that, over at 3G they studied Alexander and the Curly Wurly Caterpillar or something similar.

Alexander was a popular name for a pope as you can see, there were 8 of them.

One of my dad's christian names was Alexander as in Patrick Hector Alexander. He had no ambitions of being a pope though. On his father's side they were Methodists and 'Hector' and 'Alexander' were long established and used family names. His mother's family were Catholic hence the name 'Patrick'.

My mother was Catholic from a long established Catholic family and pushed me and my siblings into being educated in the Catholic faith and attending Catholic schools. She, like Robert, attended Mass every Sunday, invited priests, Monseigneurs and bishops around for tea and took an interest in the Vatican and Popes. Her favorite was Pope John XIII (Angelo Giuseppe Roncall) 1958 to 1963. I don't think she particularly liked Pope Pius XI (Ambrogio Damiano Achille Ratti) 1922 to 1939 but told me off anyway when I said that he was a Nazi sympathiser and pal of Hitler. She'd died by the time that the ex-Nazi Pope Benedict XVI (Joseph Alois Ratzinger) 2005 to 2013 came to power.

So who are the leading contenders to replace Pope Francis (Jorge Mario Bergoglio) 2013 to 2025?

1. Cardinal Matteo Zuppi from Italy. Left of center and a mix between John Paul II and Pope Francis on social issues and moral issues. Probably a good choice but a bit lacking in Vatican political experience.

Zuppi giving the finger to his rivals

2. Cardinal Pietro Parolin from Italy. a centrist and experienced papal administrator.  He’s a diplomat which the cardinals might like but as a diplomat he forged links with Xi Jinping of China of which it's been said it prevented the Vatican from denouncing rights abuses and increasing restrictions on religious freedoms  for Christians in China. He's a tough cookie nevertheless. Robert de Niro could play him in a future movie.

"You lookin' at me?"

3. Cardinal Péter Erdő from Hungary. Conservative and a traditional Catholic when it comes to family, marriage and gay rights. Right of centre and quite different to Pope Francis. No doubt Robert will approve of him. So might Donald Trump (if he lasts) as while Pope Francis called for compassion toward migrants, Erdő is more Eastern European in his attitudes and questions migrants ability to assimilate.

"So which shit-hole of Africa do you come from my son?"

4. Cardinal Luis Antonio Gokim Tagle from Philippines. Dubbed the “Asian Pope Francis” is known as a champion of the poor in the Philippines and has campaigned on many social issues. Apparently he has a good heart and ideals but lacks management acumen and would likely be overridden by the more political cardinals.

"Come on, be nice."

My choice is Cardinal Matteo Zuppi but then I always favour the more humanist leaders like Jacinda Ardern. 

Cardinal Pietro Parolin will probably get the smoke as, like Zuppi, he's Italian but unlike Zuppi he's a bit of a political animal and knows how to play the game.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ will keep you informed.

"LET THEM EAT ..."

 Richard announced that Bagno Plumber has been promoted into the Bass Bag Confederation. I guess that's good news.

I asked if there would be a cake ...

... and he cryptically answered:

There was no cake on Robert's post. What's that about?

I guess though, with Bagno being a plumber the cake might be one of these:

Urinal cake

I think I'll stick with the slice of New York cheesecake I bought at the supermarket yesterday.

DAZED AND CONFUSED

A little bird smacked into the bedroom window early this morning. 

I opened the window and looked out. It was dazed - knocked itself out I think and lay on a ledge under the window for a long time.

Later I looked again and it had gone.

I wonder if it's now going about telling its pals that it had died and been resurrected?

Stranger things happen - like the two time zones in Wainuiomata.*

* Previously I thought there was only one - the 1960s.

NEW POST - THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON

 

MORE NONSENSE

WHY RICHARD WOULD NOT BE A CARDINAL - REASON #2

The readership response to the previous post: WHY RICHARD WOULD NOT BE A CARDINAL - REASON #1 was overwhelming so I've decided that there is interest in this becoming a series.

As I mentioned there are many reasons why Richard would not be a cardinal.

Sure, being a priest and typically a bishop first is the usual 'pecking order' but there have been instances where laymen have been cardinals in the past. The selection is entirely up to the pope, and while tradition is his guide, he has the power to make his own decision.

Although a woman has not been appointed a cardinal since the system of electing the pope began around the 12th century, some have suggested it would be possible for the church to name women as cardinals but, let's not drift off into the realms of fantasy here. Richard is not a woman and will never be one. Let's face it, he wouldn't qualify for that position either which could lead to a follow up series - 'Why Richard would not be a woman'. Note: I was given the title of 'honorary woman' by The Old Girl' years ago during our 'honeymoon period' because I was sensitive to her and her friends needs. Later this honorary title was removed because, as she said "you're becoming too blokey matey" but that's another story.

Let's move on to 'Why Richard would not be a cardinal - reason #2

Reason #2: Simony

Vatican vetting uncovered an old post of Richard's on Richard's Bass Bag from a year ago which will work against him. Here is an excerpt from it:

Sunday was always a special day for Richard and he always attended the three Sunday masses at his Wellington church. 7am, 8.30am and 10am. However, today was a special day because he had organised the opening of a church shop.

Richard had always been one of those guys who passed the plate around. He'd suggested to the church committee that, with a small shop, they could make a lot more money.

The conversation went something like this:

Committee member 1: But what would we sell? Altar wine? Things to stop our girls getting pregnant?

Richard: I love you Ted. No, we'd sell things like holy pictures, rosary beads and maybe some plenary indulgences. Flowers could go well too.

Committee member 2: That 'Man' magazine is very popular with the young guys. We'd make quite a few quid if we added some of them.

Richard: I love you Patrick. No. If we promote rosary beads during the sermon, I reckon we'd make a killing. Also, we tell the congregation that wearing a holy picture in your shirt pocket, or inside your blouse, gives you extra protection from Satan.

Committee member 3: I'm with you Richard. Do you love me too?

Richard: Yes Brent, but only if you're not a homosexual.

Committee member 4: I think Father Thomas might be one of those. Have you seen the way he watches the boys when they're changing into their altar boy outfits?

Richard: No Mrs. Walker, Father Thomas is just a paedophile. That's different.

Committee member 5: Do you think your idea of expanding from just selling religious items to  trading in spiritual matters and divine grace is wise Simon ... sorry, Richard?

Richard: Buying or selling spiritual matters, such as church offices, sacred objects, or divine grace, for material gain might be considered a sin Thomas, but Simon Magus, who tried to purchase the power of the Holy Spirit from the Apostle Peter had the right idea. Like Donald Trump in the USA and his move to control the Supreme Court and the Judiciary, Simon's plan to get The Holy Spirit's power was inspired. I think I'll give it a go.

The church shop was quite a success. Richard was a smart guy who just continued to do good things for the church - and of course himself. He was mortgage free and had just purchased a new motor vehicle although he was a bit pissed off that he'd bought it too early. "If I'd known Il Papa was going to pop his clogs I'd have waited" he mused "there'll be a good deal going on that popemobile soon".

 

WHY RICHARD WOULD NOT BE A CARDINAL - REASON #1

It's time for a new series I think.

I'm aware that I've banged on about USA politics recently so I'll give that a miss and concentrate on a theme that is topical and of interest to more than a billion people worldwide.

Hey! We need the followers. 

"Over here guys. Guys!"

Pope Francis - Il Papa - died yesterday and will be missed by over a billion Catholics around the world*. We know that he won't be missed by Donald Trump and his odious collaborators. A later post investigating those people in the death of Francis will be forthcoming but at the moment we will concentrate on the immediate task of electing a new pope. This is a job undertaken by Cardinals who are currently being locked up in the Vatican to get on with the job.

Locking up the cardinals in the Sistine Chapel

Our new series is WHY RICHARD WOULD NOT BE A CARDINAL  and the first in this is one of the reasons. This reason is that being locked up in the Sistine Chapel with 135 other cardinals would not suit our Richard - Richard of RBB.

Do you know why Richard of RBB would not like to be locked up in the Sistine Chapel with over a hundred other cardinals for days, weeks or even months? Here's a clue:

That I think covers reason #1.

Keep posted for the other (many) reasons.

* Including me. Although I'm an atheist. (a humanist really), I was baptised as a Catholic and have had a life-long interest in that religion, the Vatican and elections of popes. Francis was one of the best. I admired him for his courage in standing up to the hierarchy of the Catholic Church and its reactionary, ultra conservative views. I welcomed his liberal (as liberal as a Catholic pope I guess can get) attitudes to gay clergy, LGBQT issues, social inequities, the dangers of ultra right and fascist movements etc.