RANT

I've been far too nice in my recent posts and its time that I started living up to my name. Here is a list of things that have pissed me off over the Christmas/New Year period.

Jet Skis


I complained about these last year and the problem is still there. The morons who buy and use these things should be shot. They are noisy, polluting, dangerous and plain bloody useless. The morons who own them if they haven't been shot who then lend them to young people to hoon around on should be hung by their balls. The probable death of a 17 y.o. at Lake Rotorua attests to the danger of these machines and the criminal irresponsibility of letting inexperienced, untrained people who do not know the boating rules use them. The official boating rues dictate that no speed over 5 knots is allowed near swimmers and other craft and within 200 metres of the shore. Do these idiots know or appreciate this? If they do then they are ignoring it. The other day one of these maritime bodgies raced into shore near our place, dangerously close to swimmers and other craft - and I mean close. The Old Girl to give her credit stormed off down the road to give the guy a piece of her mind. She informed him of his IQ and parentage but it was good to see that the local harbourmaster was already giving him a lecture and (hopefully) a ticket.

Irresponsible boaties.


These idiots have the same traits as the morons above. Generally they are not the regular, local boaties but the wannabe sailors who come out each summer. Again they don't know or ignore the rules and are a danger to themselves and others around them. They go too fast, don't have a proper lookout, invariably don't wear life-jackets and make a general nuisance of themselves. One good thing is that these idiots don't know how to reverse a trailer and launch a boat properly and so run their cars (company vehicles?) into the sea-water and/or get stuck in the mud. On Saturday we saw a lot of these idiots who decided to have a BBQ/picnic on one of the large sand banks in the bay at low tide. It was early afternoon and temperatures were high under a blazing sun. After a few hours of drinking beer these Neanderthals drunkenly drove their fizz boats back, ignoring all safety rules. They were overloaded with drunkenly screaming females and retired to the house that they had rented at the end of the street. Thankfully sunstroke or alcohol poisoning precluded them having an all-night party.

Filthy Fishermen


Most are OK but a few gut and clean their fish at the waters edge or from their boats and kayaks close to the shore. One dirty bastard sneaked along late at night and dumped a whole lot of fish heads and guts from his car onto the beach. The cowardly, snivelling bastard drove off before a neighbour got his car registration number. Our maritime laws are weak as piss in trying to control this and the only regulations against it are in the area of proving size and quantity of the catch. Bastards!

Fireworks


In this country we are allowed fireworks during a limited window of time around 5th November. Historically this is to (celebrate?) the capture and execution of Guy Fawkes who tried and failed  (unfortunately) to blow up the British Parliament in the 17th century. What this has to do with New Zealand is a mystery. Why we would have a fireworks night in late Spring, almost Summer is plain stupid. It is still too light for children to see and enjoy them before late at night and conditions are generally too dry for safety. While there are regulations governing the sale of these annoying things it doesn't stop potential pyromaniacs stockpiling the bloody things and bringing them out on their birthday, at Christmas and on New Years eve - usually at 1 or 2 in the morning when they are all pissed up. Each bang then is accompanied by roars, hoots and hysterical female screaming not unlike the drunken females on the boats above.

Crap films


Local picture theatres assume that everyone on holiday is either a child or has an IQ of less than a 100 and screen abysmal animation films, 'blockbuster' action/adventure crap or pathetic American rom/coms that are usually rip-off remakes of something better done by the French, the Italians or the Japanese many years before. The same fools who organise this are seemingly connected to the TV programmers who dish up even more of this rubbish. Trying to find a good quality film or programme to watch at this time is like trying to find musicality in a solo double bass performance.

There is more that has annoyed me but The Old Girl is calling me to dinner.