CRAVINGS

The scene


Richard and Shelley in Napier having finally worked out that you don't get there via Wanganui.
A motel in Hastings.


Shelley: "Richard. Richard. Richard. RICHARD!"

Richard: "Oh, sorry Shelley, I was miles away."

Shelley: "Yes? Miles away? In Napier by any chance? You said that we were having a romantic evening in Napier. By the sea you said watching the setting sun you said ..."

Richard: "But Shelley my love ..."

Shelley: "Well I've got news for you - 'My Love' - this isn't Napier. Its  called the SFMI which is Shithole Flaxmere Motor Inn. Its closer to Hastings than Napier. There's no view of the sea. The bloody sun doesn't set in the East anyway and its not bloody romantic!"

Richard: "Shelley my shell my little seashell I...." (noting that she is unmoved and looking frankly a little bit dangerous Richard surreptitiously sidles to the cupboards in the motel unit kitchen, choosing the only one with a door remaining albeit hanging by one hinge and reaches in for the good bottle of Chardonnay - the one he was hiding - and slowly moving back into the lounge - all the while making what he thought were cooing, soothing noises not realising that it was really that Csardas tune in a metronome beat that he was clucking - he distracted Shelley by pointing out the window saying "look - sunset" and whisking away the glass and bottle of Hardy's Chardonnay ($5.99 at Pak 'n' Save) he quickly replaced both with the bottle and a hastily filled glass of 2010 Te Mata Elston chardonnay ($34.95 at Regional Wines).

Shelley: "That was no sunset"  she said as she rubbed her eyes from the tears that formed as she watched the molotov cocktail exploding and engulfing the state house next door.

Richard: "That boom was my heart beating for you Mia Amore"

Shelley: " Richard, please .. we've been married now for 28 years, don't start to 'Mia Amore' me now. What's that you're doing?

Richard: "What? Nothing. What do you mean?

Shelley: "That. There, with you hand. You're practicing that bloody Csardas tune aren't you? Pretending that its a double bass."

Richard: "No. no.....no....I wasn't ....I was just um, er......"

Shelley: "Stronzo! (and that was no compliment folks - ed). You were doing phantom blogging!