SCHOOLYARD POLITICS

Things are heating up at school. A competitive spirit is entering into the classroom dynamic. I had to remind myself that the other people in the room are not just fellow students, they are THE ENEMY.
Their goal in life is to take the bread out of the mouth of my babies, to see The Old Girl and me cast out of our home and sleep in the gutter, to ransack and pillage our hard-earned possessions, to...... OK, that's enough - I'll pour myself a Cognac and settle down (a Remy Martin XO just in case The Wine Guy is reading). Tonight I looked about and saw them all in a different light. Devious. Plotting. Grasping. Cheating. Conniving. Well, I was armed. One of my course studies at University - I forget exactly which one as I had started and stopped so many different disciplines - was The Prince by Machiavelli.

The art of being devious while convincing yourself that you are doing everything for the greater good was the major take-out I got from this. What better learning to apply to my current consideration.

During the 'read and write an opinion' stage I surreptitiously glanced across at the Mad American Woman (MAW). I knew from previous conversations that she was concerned about the Japanese Nuclear meltdown situation and wanted her grown-up children to come to New Zealand. This of course would be a long process and, if she was successful in convincing them, that it is best to start sooner than later so, at the tea break I casually said to her " Melanie*" (you know what the * means) " Did you see that plutonium fall-out has reached UK and most major cities in the USA?" I of course knew that she did know this but a bit of reinforcement in this situation O my readers is allowable is it not? (But I could be wrong - if Second forgives us and comes back into the community). Good old Melanie* spun out again and didn't conribute much after the class. I knew that she would spend most of the next day on the phone and internet to travel agents and government agencies trying to arrange things. Good. The first open book examination is on Saturday.

I had observed the Old English Bloke (OEB) also during the 'read and write an opinion' stage and when I could I ascertained his interests and what was driving him to be doing the course. He confided that he didn't really want to be there but his wife was pushing him to get out and do something to help with the household expenses. He would rather play bowls, play golf and go fishing. I let this sit for a bit and later at the end of the tea break I casually said that the bay outside my place looked stunning this morning and that my neighbours were all out enjoying the day and pulling in fish. I said " what would you rather be doing - it's all out there for us in paradise". I watched him  sitting there letting his tea go cold and the lettuce dropping out of his tomato, egg and lettuce sandwich that he was holding limply in his hand.

The Annoying Kiwi Woman (AKW) was going to be the hardest to crack. She was wired, not by any unnatural chemicals but by those in her brain that  a drug bust (I considered it) would uncover. I decided to listen and learn. At my age life has taught me that people will tell you all sorts of secrets if you just  show a willingness to listen. I listened. AKW, in addition to what she had already told me about the 'sickies' that she threw to do her assignments and that she was going to dump her job as soon as she got her certification, that she did most of her assignments at work, on the work computer. I filed this away for future reference and then - gold - probably inspired by the chocolate macaroons provided with tea.
She told me who she worked for. There was  nothing that I could do by manipulation with her so I have decided that I will inform on her to her employers. Anonymously of course.

Precocious Intelligent Woman (PIW) wasn't there this evening so I couldn't check out what she was up to (what is she up to? Is she plotting against me? where the hell is she? What is going on? what is that buzzing noise? .... ). No matter. I will plan accordingly. Next time we meet I will casually mention that my sister and her husband, both medical professionals earn about  a million dollars per year between them and enjoy about 3 months holiday  a year (not unlike teachers - the holidays I mean).

During the evening ( a 3 hour class 6PM to 9PM - this seriously cuts into my social time) I sidled up to the Failed Property Developer (FPD) or Del Boy* and said "Jeez, what a bunch of woofters. This lot would probably put money into the collection plate at church - (wink wink, nudge nudge)" He got the message. He said "Bro, glad to see that we're not at Sunday school. I was thinking I was the only one. This ethics shit is for the nuns mate (his obvious Catholicism I filed away for future reference). I casually mentioned that my brother was head of the Serious Fraud squad and it was funny to see his sunbed tan disappear. He slipped away.



I didn't get a chance to chat with the others in the class but hey, its early days . I think that I did well with the limited time I had and, even though I am the head of the class I still have to study.  I'll keep you posted.