NEW POST - THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON

 

POST TRUTH (STREWTH)

GOOD NEWS!

 No, not the Bible.

I mean this that arrived in the mailbox yesterday.

It's been months since I've received a Listener. It's really good to see it in production again (Robert will, no doubt, disagree). 

It's been several months since Bauer Media pulled the plug on this excellent magazine. I'm looking forward to reading it and  doing the crosswords with my morning tea.

For Robert, who won't read it and prefers the Bible, here's a snapshot of the content:

" This week’s cover story on the Longevity Revolution explains why the Boomers won’t slow down as “retirement” is redefined; plus we outline six personality types – check yours for a happy and successful older age. Jack Tame reports on potential gains for New Zealand if we win a seat on the UN Security Council, and Jim Pinckney interviews Brooke Fraser about her new sound. We explain New Zealand writer Robin Hyde’s tragic battle with addiction and how it sparked a literary outpouring that remains relevant today. We look at whether protein makes you smarter and whether wool or recycled plastic is the most eco-friendly carpet. And in our packed Books and Culture section we lead with Comedy historian Jem Roberts’ definitive account on the writing of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy."

Roll on smoko time.

DIRTY GRANDPA

 Hello readers.

There's an exciting new link on this blog to Dirty Grandpa. You can find this to the right of the blog in the link: Cracked - 4 obnoxious old people behaviours.

The Curmudgeons inc.ⓒ dedicated to bringing our blog readers interesting and useful information.

NEW POST - THE FOOD CURMUDGEON

 

"GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD"

NEW POST - THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON

 

START MAKING SENSE

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FRIDAY

 Today was a good day.

The fireplace installation company advised yesterday that they would arrive between 7AM and 9AM so I got up earlier than usual and rolled up some carpets, moved furniture and moved my car out onto the road.

They turned up at 7.50 so that was OK. I've been waiting for these jokers to turn up for 3 months now after an initial inspection - see: HERE

They replaced the chimney flue and rope seals on the main one in the lounge ,which was good as this is the one that failed the test and had a 'Don't Use!' sticker on it. The head Office had cocked up again and hadn't told them about the repairs needed on the second wood-burner in the other lounge. This one passed its test but needs new tiles. The repairmen didn't have the right materials in their van so this has to be scheduled for later. The head honcho did say that I won't be charged mileage for the second time. Quite frankly I don't care as long as they get their arses into gear and do the job.

"Can I use the main one?" I asked.

"Yes, give it a day for the new seals to dry and then go for it" they said.

That would have been quite handy a few months back when we had a cold snap and I was turning an oil column heater on in the evenings. It's now quite warm.

At 5pm the temperature in the roof was showing as 35 and in the house 23. There's no way I'm going to light up a wood-burner.

***************

While the fireplace jokers were here the builders returned to finish off the concrete steps at the front  of the house. They had been held up last week and the week before by rain. It's looking good now and a final tidy up should have them to a standard that The Old Girl will approve of.

The main idea was to reinforce the supports to the front deck and the old railway sleeper retaining wall.

I also asked them to build a new retaining wall at the back.

How it looked before

How it looked before

Some native shrubbery planting will be in order before Lynn gets home in December.

***************

This afternoon I played some golf in absolutely ideal conditions - sunshine and no wind.

I went out a bit earlier than usual - at about 2PM and, get this. Some other golfers were down in one of my creeks looking for the balls that they'd hit in there. Bloody cheek!

IT MIGHT AS WELL BE SPRING

 

DICK HAYMES - IT MIGHT AS WELL BE SPRING

The marvellous, and underrated Dick Haymes did a great job with this song although Robert would probably be offended by the line - " I feel so gay in a melancholy way".

The season is changing, as, after a gloomy winter it is now well and truly spring. It's lighter now until well after 6PM and I've seen people swimming (not me, I'm a wimp. I'll wait until October).

My real measure of spring is the resumption of my annual battle with Mr Starling who lives around here and, at nesting time, decides that the porch area at the back of the house provides him with what he needs to attract Mrs Starling or some other avian floozy. He's a lazy little bugger who should be making his bloody nests in trees but every year he wants to claim my porch.

The other day I saw that he'd collected some pieces of straw and other dry foliage and was beginning his annual build. I got rid of that and, as I was doing it, I saw him in the garden.

"Oi" I said, not knowing the right words in Starling, but I think he got the right idea. He had some bits of nest building material in his beak and flew off up into the large tree at the back of our property.

"That's it" I shouted, probably confirming with the neighbours that I've lost it, "build your bloody nest up there you tosser!"

After I cleared away the detritus from his nest building efforts, which were a bit hopeless (I told you he was lazy), I went about the house and the shed finding some items to put in place to deter him. A couple of years ago I used my old tennis and walking shoes but The Old Girl for some reason said that they looked unsightly so suggested instructed that I take them down. 

I put up some little ceramic pots.

These have proved to be effective as Mr Starling hasn't tried to squat in the pots even if they are upside down.

I'll have to check around the house now as I'm sure my arch-rival will try to build a nest in some unreachable (for me) part of of the roof or guttering.

****************

It was a nice - spring - day yesterday and I went for a long walk in the morning and then, after a committee meeting in the afternoon, a few holes of golf. 

The golf ended up even (3 balls lost and 3 balls found) with a few really good drives but I got attacked three times.

The first time was by a pukeko.

I was stomping in the long glass by one of the creeks and a rather aggressive pukeko flew up from its nest right in front of me. It gave me a hell of a shock I can tell you. What was it thinking, building its nest where I might want to search for golf balls?

The second attack was by a magpie.

I was going along a fairway and saw the magpie further along, on the ground near the macrocarpa trees. I've experienced magpies swooping before which can be quite scary so was expecting something. Sure enough, from about 80 metres away it took off and flew straight at me- quite low. I kept my eyes on it and at the last minute waved my arms in the air and it passed a few feet above me. If I hadn't seen it and hadn't waved my arms I know that it would have clipped my head. I watched it settle in one of the trees where it or its mate was nesting and kept well away.

The third attack was by a skylark (I think).

I heard a ruckus out in a field as I neared a fence and saw two birds. One was nesting and the other - the male I guess was flapping its wings and yelling at me. It suddenly flew up and had a go at dive bombing me. It wasn't as aggressive as the magpie but I got the message and moved away.

On the way back to the carpark I was walking alongside a stream where a female duck was paddling. On the fairway that I was walking on, a male duck was making a lot of noise and moving slowly away from me. He was enticing me to chase after him, obviously to move me away from his missus and where their nest must have been. I saluted the brave little guy.

 

I'll be glad when spring is over - "I'm as jumpy as puppet on a string"

A FILLER

 

Newport City Council have published extracts from letters of complaints written by residents:

1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.


3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny and not fit to drink.

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman l am
writing in about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife..

20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

NEW POST - THE POLEMICAL CURMUDGEON

 

ARE YOU UP FOR A LAUGH?

THE TRAIN GUY

 

"Doing goodaroony with a cream horn on top".

I like Bob Mortimer. He's funny in a dry way and very clever. In this video below he plays the part of the annoying and up-himself sales executive that many of us recognise. For me it's absolutely creepy as the portrayal is almost exactly like a guy who worked for me.

THE TRAIN GUY - BOB MORTIMER

The guy in question was employed as national sales manager reporting to me. I didn't employ the tosser - our Chief Executive did. He liked the fact that he played rugby!

In short the guy was trouble, having oversold his abilities yet he had a massive ego. We had to get rid of him, a fact that he contested by bringing a lawyer friend to the employment discussion meetings. We did successfully dismiss him and after he had gone, discovered emails on his work computer to the lawyer friend (and I think, flatmate) that were like the Bob Mortimer parodies above. These were interspersed with the most vile pornographic downloads. He really believed that he was much more clever than anyone else in the company and disparaged all of his workmates. If we had checked his computer earlier that would have been grounds for sacking him even if we hadn't already decided to get rid of him.

When art imitates life or vice versa.

NEW POST - THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON

 Mainly for Robert ,this post is the latest from our roving reporter - The Religious Curmudgeon.

MEA CULPA (AGAIN)

Enjoy.

NEW POST - THE POLEMICAL CURMUDGEON

 

The Polemical Curmudgeon, in response to some disturbing revelations by Robert thought that a new post was essential..

Here it is:

ON BEHALF OF THE WORKING CLASSES

PRIDE COMES AFTER A FALL(ING OUT)

 

This post could well have been a Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt post but frankly I'm not seeking advice.

A few weeks ago, at tennis we learned that one of the members had died that morning. He was a nice old chap and I liked him. It upset me a bit to the point where I didn't feel like playing. I was a bit miffed at a couple of members who were getting frustrated that play had stopped after we received the news and were itching to get back on the courts. My friend Rod, who I've mentioned in this blog before asked me for the second time why I didn't want to play. I would have thought that it was self evident but he is a bit obtuse -  you can find mention of him in previous posts by going to 'search this blog' option in the right-side panel.

I snapped at him saying something like "I just don't want to OK? Why do you ask such stupid bloody questions?" I then went home.

Rod didn't respond to a text message I sent him in the afternoon - not an apology but a query on something else. He effectively ghosted me. This was on a Thursday, By Sunday I still hadn't heard from him which was strange as he normally hassles me to go with him to play snooker at another friend's place down the road. I always refuse as there is a fourth person who goes there who I don't like. It's been a standing joke for Rod to ask me to come. I saw Rod cycling down the road after snooker and he didn't call in.

We have a standing arrangement where he drives me, in my car, to the airport on the Monday mornings when I fly to Wellington and he picks me up a fortnight later. By Monday morning I still hadn't heard from him. He left me 'high and dry'. I drove myself, making arrangements with a 'Lock and Fly' company to safely store the car for two weeks. It was lucky that I left for the airport early as I might have missed my flight otherwise.

When I'm away Rod usually checks on the house for me daily as part of his walk around the bay. I can see by the recording security cameras when he's been. He didn't come near the place while I was away this time.

At tennis yesterday Rod was there. I didn't acknowledge or talk to him. He didn't talk to me either.

I can't be bothered.

The Old Girl asked me last night if I'd talked to him. When I said no she likened us to school children. School girls in fact. Well, she can have her opinion. As for me, I can keep a sulk going for a long time and my pride won't allow me to attempt any sort of making up.

So there! Yah boo sucks!

THAT'S ALL FOLKS

The Old Girl who is home now has told me to 'wrap it up now" so  I'll retire and prepares for travel tomorrow morning.''

NOW I DON'T WANT TO START TROUBLE - BUT .......

...... Robert, in a recent Post titled The good old days said:

"In the good old days we didn't question or doubt our clergy.
Things have changed and to get into a Presbytery men have to undergo stringent Psychological Assessment.
Rainbow is out.
Gays, lesbians, and transvestites are weeded out before day one of the seminary.
The Catholic church is back on line.
Only men who want to give up every thing, work hard, and service their community will be accepted."

It's a bit hard to read what he's getting at here as it kind of suggests that as long as aspirants don't identify as "Gays, lesbians, and transvestites " then they're automatically in. So much for the screening process. This suggests that pedophiles, sadists, masochists, psychopaths, and all sorts of abusers, as long as they don't overtly play for the other team, are admitted.

Yeah right!

"Only men who want to give up every thing, work hard, and service their community will be accepted."

TRAINS - EPISODE 5

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MARRAKESH EXPRESS - CROSBY STILLS AND NASH

OK, it's not a relevant song but I couldn't find any song about the East Orient Express so have this travelogue instead:  THE EAST ORIENT EXPRESS

and this:

MALAY MUSIC

Some years ago The Old Girl and I travelled on the East Orient Express. We both love train travel so, on an overseas jaunt, decided to break up the trip to Europe by going to Singapore first for a few days and then to travel to Bangkok by train. The best and most exciting train option was the East Orient Express, a 3 days and nights luxury experience.

The train, made up of 16 carriages, (which used to run on New Zealand railway lines and have been luxuriously refurbished), has sleeping cars, dining cars, lounge, piano bar and an observation car. Sumptuous.
We had a twin cabin with ensuite bathroom that was converted during the day to a sitting room, and back at night to a bedroom. It gave us a lot of privacy and comfort.

Breakfast and afternoon tea was had in or cabin but lunch and dinner was in one of the dining cars.

It was an interesting seating arrangement whereby at every meal we were seated with two other people - different each time. Our fellow passengers were a mixture of old and young, working and retired from around the world. It was interesting interacting with them and, if you didn't have an affinity with them it didn't matter as at the next meal you would be seated with someone else.

The meals were 3-course fine-dining affairs that were beautifully presented and served.

Dinner was more formal than lunch with the men expected to wear suits and the women dressed in evening wear. We enjoyed fine wines (extra) at dinner and cognacs after. It was a taste of a different world.

The trip was very comfortable. I love the way trains gently rock which lulls you into sleep. The big windows afforded a great view of the outside world which was the Malay peninsular at first and then Thailand with Myanmar in the distance. The further north we went we noticed changes in agriculture and demographics. The Malaysian tractors and agricultural machinery gave way to water buffaloes and more primitive farming utensils.

At one time the train stopped in the middle of nowhere for a while. The steward came to our cabin and told us that we had stopped because somewhere along the track further north the army or police had discovered a bomb planted by 'insurgents'. This was a reminder "that we weren't in Kansas now". Later, in Bangkok, wherever we went by taxi the hotel or restaurant people at the arrival point would check for bombs under the car using mirrors attached to long handles.

Over the three days we had two excursions off the train. One was a ferry ride to Penang where we spent some time in Georgetown which had many historic colonial buildings. We had  a drink at the Eastern & Oriental Hotel before catching rickshaws back to the ferry.

The other excursion was to visit the museum next to the (new) bridge over the river Kwai, part of the old Thai-Burma railway where so many British, Australian and some New Zealand servicemen perished along with many thousands of Thais and Malays. It was a sombre experience.

Bridge over the river Kwai

TRAINS - EPISODE 4 - 'WATING FOR A TRAIN'

WAITING FOR A TRAIN - FLASH AND THE PAN

This is a photograph of Lynn, taken on one of our trips to Champagne.
It was in the early to mid 1990's I think and was taken on the railway station platform at Épernay while we were waiting for a train to return to Paris.

The countryside of Champagne is very nice with rolling hills exposing chalky soil, small villages, many, many vineyards with the ever present smoke from burning cuttings. It's quite idyllic really and hard to imagine that it was the scene of bloody battles in WW1.

Champagne region today

The Second Battle of Champagne 1915

Travelling on the train from Épernay to Paris takes less than 2 hours and you wish that it was longer as the views are remarkable.

It would be nice to have been able to take a nice slow train like this one.

Travelling through Europe, for me, the best way to go is by train. The countryside is usually remarkable and it's exciting to view cities, towns and villages with place names that you've read of in novels and history books. It's not quite the same when flying as all you see is a dreary airport at each end and cloud. Bus travel is cramped and all you see is a motorway when you're not stuck in traffic. Going by train in Europe means you can select the fast trains for the longer distances or the normal trains for shorter trips. There are also the metro trains that you can link with when in cities.

In the photograph at the top of this post we were on our way to Paris after 4 days in the Champagne area visiting Charles Heidsieck, Krug and other (at the time) Remy Martin owned Champagne houses. It had been an elegant week being hosted to lunches and taken on tours.

Waiting at the station for the train in Autumn sunshine was very pleasant. We were replete and looking forward to our next adventure. The slow train through the Northern French countryside was just the ticket.

WAITING FOR A TRAIN - JIMMIE RODGERS

NEW POST - THE WINE GUY

 The Wine Guy has something new to say.

NEW POST

TRAINS - EPISODE 3

PART ONE


OK, after that interlude we're back to trains.

Last time I talked of my earliest memory of train travel. Today is my latest. Yesterday in fact when I went by train from Wellington to Paraparaumu on the Waikanae line.

This is a great little trip made all the greater by the use of my Gold Card which saves me from paying the $12 each way fare.

The train goes through 3 tunnels and bypasses Johnsonville. Imagine  a tunnel from Petone to Lake Ferry that could bypass Moera and Wainuiomata.

As Richard surmised at the pub on Saturday trains do in fact travel behind houses and businesses giving the traveller views of backyards.

 Interesting, but you had to be there.

There are other interesting things to see from the train.

I wonder what the crank handle is for

*********************

PART TWO

After a nice walk around the War Memorial Gardens (post to come) I walked down to the train station and took a train to Upper Hutt. This is as far as that train was going.

After Petone and until Silverstream the Hutt looks a bit impoverished. From Silverstream to Trentham there are bigger and better kept houses and gardens but after Trentham it reverts. It's all a bit sad really.

I had some lunch at Upper Hutt and waited 27 minutes for the next train.
Outside the station there is a massive sculpture that's worthy of being a Henry Moore./

Good on Upper Hutt for having this there. It gives soul to the place. I like sculpture.

On the way back and passing Trentham racecourse I spied my Aunt Ella's house.

Aunt Ella's old house

We used to visit Aunt Ella in the 1950s and 1960s back in the days when a trip from Wellington to Trentham (Upper Hutt Valley) was a big adventure and a day out.
Aunt Ella was probably quite nice but as a kid I thought she was a bit fierce. She was, as they called it in those days, a 'spinster'. In modern times she would probably be labelled with a LGBT tag.
The house looks to have been done up a bit but structurally it's the same. Aunt Ella used to have a large section around the house with stables and sheds including an interesting farrier or blacksmith's shed. It is just next to the racecourse and she was some sort of official at the racing club. Nowadays the land has been filled with other houses.


It was raining in the Hutt and still raining when I got back to Wellington so I took a bus home and will potter about here until I meet Geoff and The Old Girl at Fratelli restaurant in Courtenay Place.

That's all for trains today but we will do another post tomorrow.

**Thank you for caring**




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