"BLESSED IS HE WHO HAS NOTHING, FOR HE SHALL NEVER BE DISAPPOINTED" *

* Alexander Pope

Catholics around the world - about 1.3 billion of them apparently, along with others interested in all or some of history, religion, pomp and ceremony, geopolitics or fancy men's dresses -  will be watching the news about Pope Francis's death, funeral and replacement.

"Who will be the new pope and what name will he take" - most of them will be asking.

I favour the idea of Alexander IX as in Alexander Pope (a 3P joke there).

Alexander Pope - May 21, 1688 - May 30, 1744,

We studied his poetry at college with Mr Naylor - An Essay on Criticism, The Rape of the Lock, The Dunciad, An Essay on Man etc.

I imagine that, over at 3G they studied Alexander and the Curly Wurly Caterpillar or something similar.

Alexander was a popular name for a pope as you can see, there were 8 of them.

One of my dad's christian names was Alexander as in Patrick Hector Alexander. He had no ambitions of being a pope though. On his father's side they were Methodists and 'Hector' and 'Alexander' were long established and used family names. His mother's family were Catholic hence the name 'Patrick'.

My mother was Catholic from a long established Catholic family and pushed me and my siblings into being educated in the Catholic faith and attending Catholic schools. She, like Robert, attended Mass every Sunday, invited priests, Monseigneurs and bishops around for tea and took an interest in the Vatican and Popes. Her favorite was Pope John XIII (Angelo Giuseppe Roncall) 1958 to 1963. I don't think she particularly liked Pope Pius XI (Ambrogio Damiano Achille Ratti) 1922 to 1939 but told me off anyway when I said that he was a Nazi sympathiser and pal of Hitler. She'd died by the time that the ex-Nazi Pope Benedict XVI (Joseph Alois Ratzinger) 2005 to 2013 came to power.

So who are the leading contenders to replace Pope Francis (Jorge Mario Bergoglio) 2013 to 2025?

1. Cardinal Matteo Zuppi from Italy. Left of center and a mix between John Paul II and Pope Francis on social issues and moral issues. Probably a good choice but a bit lacking in Vatican political experience.

Zuppi giving the finger to his rivals

2. Cardinal Pietro Parolin from Italy. a centrist and experienced papal administrator.  He’s a diplomat which the cardinals might like but as a diplomat he forged links with Xi Jinping of China of which it's been said it prevented the Vatican from denouncing rights abuses and increasing restrictions on religious freedoms  for Christians in China. He's a tough cookie nevertheless. Robert de Niro could play him in a future movie.

"You lookin' at me?"

3. Cardinal Péter Erdő from Hungary. Conservative and a traditional Catholic when it comes to family, marriage and gay rights. Right of centre and quite different to Pope Francis. No doubt Robert will approve of him. So might Donald Trump (if he lasts) as while Pope Francis called for compassion toward migrants, Erdő is more Eastern European in his attitudes and questions migrants ability to assimilate.

"So which shit-hole of Africa do you come from my son?"

4. Cardinal Luis Antonio Gokim Tagle from Philippines. Dubbed the “Asian Pope Francis” is known as a champion of the poor in the Philippines and has campaigned on many social issues. Apparently he has a good heart and ideals but lacks management acumen and would likely be overridden by the more political cardinals.

"Come on, be nice."

My choice is Cardinal Matteo Zuppi but then I always favour the more humanist leaders like Jacinda Ardern. 

Cardinal Pietro Parolin will probably get the smoke as, like Zuppi, he's Italian but unlike Zuppi he's a bit of a political animal and knows how to play the game.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ will keep you informed.