THE CASE OF THE VANISHING WINDMILL

 

Robert was worried.

The garden windmill he'd bought and installed was missing.

Once looking like this

Now looking like this

"That's strange" he thought out loud.

"What is?" came a voice from the Kowhai tree above him.

Robert looked up and could just discern a bird - a dove maybe - it was hard to see clearly because the sun was behind the  tree and made it appear that the bird was glowing.

"Are you talking to me?" asked Robert, feeling a little foolish talking to a strange bird. He was out of practice talking to birds, particularly strange ones.

"Of course I'm talking to you Robert, there's no-one else here" said the bird.

Robert fell to his knees, clasped his hands together and, in a beseeching voice called out to the bird who he assumed was The Holy Ghost - the third 'person' in The Holy Trinity which defines one God existing in three, coeternal, consubstantial divine persons.

 "Um, er ... go ... Chri ... Je ..." Robert stammered. He knew from his Catechism that The Holy Trinity was God existing in three, coeternal, consubstantial divine persons. There was no argument in his mind about that. The only problem was that while he prayed to the Virgin Mary and addressed Jesus when he was in the tabernacle at his Catholic church, he'd never addressed The Holy Ghost before and didn't quite know what the correct form of address should be. 'Mary' was easy - well, not 'easy' as she was and is a virgin after all. 'God' was god - that wasn't a problem. 'Jesus' was easy to remember and say even with his full title of Jesus Christ. The Holy Ghost though is a bird. You can describe The Holy Ghost as a bird or more specifically a dove but when addressing it what term do you use? Hello Bird sounds a bit disrespectful and Hello The Holy Ghost is cumbersome and doesn't easily roll off the tongue.

The Holy Ghost being part of that holy triumvirate and sharing in the all-knowingness stuff discerned what was bothering Robert. It said "No worries Rob. You can just call me Bruce if you like. The others do. As I look after all of the administrative functions of the Trinity they often just introduce me as Bruce from the office or Bruce from IT or most often Bruce from accounts. It doesn't bother me".

"Dear Bruce, thank you from me a poor sinner who ...". Stammered Robert. 

"Hey! Fair suck of the sav Rob - you can cut all that out and tell me what you thought was strange earlier."

"Oh, my windmill has gone. Someone's nicked it" sobbed Robert "It's not fair."

"Nothing ever is Rob" said Bruce "remember when you were six years old at Garden Road and your cap gun went missing?"

"Um, yes, vaguely " bubbled Rob "I was crying for ages and then saw Richard playing with it. He wouldn't give it back. He ..."

"There you go" said Bruce and flew off but not before depositing a big white and black crap on the top of Robert's head.