NEWS

Following the news that Prince Philip has given up his driving licence 'voluntarily' The Curmudgeon secured an interview with him . An except (heavily censored due to your sensitivity) follows.

Prince Philip surrenders driving licence after horror Sandringham crash

Prince Philip has voluntarily given up his driving licence after his horror crash outside the Queen's country estate Sandringham at Norfolk.

A Buckingham Palace spokesman told the Sun: "After careful consideration The Duke of Edinburgh has taken the decision to voluntarily surrender his driving licence."

Police are still investigating last month's accident, which happened as the 97-year-old was pulling out of a side road.

A Kia travelling along the main road, which had the right of way, "T-boned'' the driver's side of the Prince's Land Rover, which overturned.

- New Zealand Herald

THE CURMUDGEON: Welcome Prince Philip to The Curmudgeon's News where we .....

PRINCE PHILIP: Yah, yah .... just get on with it man.

THE CURMUDGEON: Oh ... um .... OK. So they took your driving licence off you then?

PRINCE PHILIP: (blustering) No fucking way. I decided that I didn't need it anymore. What the hell are you implying?

THE CURMUDGEON: Well I .....

PRINCE PHILIP: Speak up. What do you gargle with, pebbles?

THE CURMUDGEON: (thinking - that's a bit rude)

PRINCE PHILIP:  That spokesman - bloody silly fool doesn't know what he's talking about. He should go back to bloody Pakistan or wherever he came from.

THE CURMUDGEON: Um, I believe that he's Scottish. He came from Scotland.

PRINCE PHILIP:  What the hell would a scotchman know about driving? How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test up there?

THE CURMUDGEON: (thinking - that's a bit rude).

PRINCE PHILIP: I'm a bloody good driver. Never needed a test meself. Too many bloody regulations nowadays.

THE CURMUDGEON: Well the country does have a lot more people nowadays. And more roading with faster cars. It's in the interests of public safety that the authorities ensure that drivers have the capability and necessary skills to properly conduct themselves and ...

PRINCE PHILIP: Yak, yak, yak; come on get a move on. I haven't got all day here. Cut to the chase.

THE CURMUDGEON: OK. How do you feel now that you aren't allowed (legally) to drive. Have you talked to anyone about it?

PRINCE PHILIP:  What? You mean counselling or some other such rubbish? We didn't have counsellors in WW2 rushing around every time somebody let off a gun, asking 'Are you all right? Are you sure you don't have a ghastly problem?' You just got on with it.

THE CURMUDGEON: Um, no I meant maybe your family.

PRINCE PHILIP: (snorts with derision) Those tossers. 

THE CURMUDGEON: Your wife and daughter maybe.

PRINCE PHILIP: British women can't cook. Why on earth would you think they can drive?

THE CURMUDGEON: (thinking - that's a bit rude). Don't you think that it's a bit dangerous at your age to be in charge of a motorcar?

PRINCE PHILIP: If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?

THE CURMUDGEON: Well, I think you're a bit off track there and anyway that comment got you into a lot of trouble after the Dunblane shooting. You ...

PRINCE PHILIP: Poppycock. People just don't have balls anymore. Particularly the wimmin.

THE CURMUDGEON: Um, what does the queen think about all this?

PRINCE PHILIP: If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she's not interested.

THE CURMUDGEON: Oh my!

PRINCE PHILIP: Harumph. I'm off.   

Prince Philip gets up and makes off to the carpark waving his walking stick around angrily when he notices that his grooms removed all of the royal cars while he was being interviewed.

He takes off in the horse and carriage that they left for him.

THE CURMUDGEON: Well that wraps that up. Remember - this is where you find the news that's not normally reported ( or reported normally.)