"I GROW OLD ... I GROW OLD ...

 .... I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled."

- From The Love Song of J.Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot, one of my favourite poets.

I've been feeling a bit old myself the last couple of days. Various aches and pains and a spike in my AF and blood pressure took me to bed for a few hours sleep yesterday afternoon. I feel better today but, as Eliot says in the poem:

"And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid."

Another magnificent photograph from the 2020 Wildlife Photography Awards

*********************************

OK, that's enough complaining.

I've finished the old folks newsletter and will be sending it off to the members tomorrow. 

Today was a bit crappy but even if it wasn't I was under instructions from The Old Girl to not play golf or do anything strenuous in the garden which is good advice so I've been lazing about a bit. Because I go to Wellington on Monday I used up all of the fresh vegetables in the fridge and didn't replenish them so I'll have to go out soon to buy something for dinner. I was thinking of going up to The Club for a sit-down meal but I will be watching the rugby tonight - All Blacks vs Australia in Sydney via SKY TV on my computer - so will get a burger and chips from the local takeaway. They make really good food I have to admit but very rarely use them, preferring to cook my own.

I've checked out the blogs but there's nothing much going on there apart from a possible inter-family feud that Robert is instigating.

 

"Call out the instigator"

Wasn't that a great song from the 60s?

SOMETHING IN THE AIR - THUNDERCLAP NEWMAN

*********************************

As I said, I'm off to Wellington on Monday so might be able to catch up with Richard and Robert for a drink next Saturday.

The last two times we did this we went to the Speights pub in Petone which is OK but not great. Robert complained that it was a bit too high class and expensive though which surprised me as I thought it was just an ordinary pub. He seems to have found something else closer to home that sells cheap beer (probably in jugs). I have no interest in going to that place.

I think that this time we should find something in Wellington to go to. My suggestion for beer would be Murphy's Irish pub in Cuba Mall (Murphy's stout on tap) or, for wine Noble Rot or any of the other wine-bars in the Cuba Street area. There are actually a few craft breweries around there as well that have bars attached.

Any suggestions?

GOING DIGITAL

 Remember this?

Well, it's not surprising if you don't as this image was used in the latest (days old really) post on a very obscure blog that goes by the name Richard's Bass Bag (not a fishing blog).

There was a lot of writing on this post but I won't bore you with the detail. The theme was something to do with fingers I guess but the content was impenetrable. Here's a snippet to show what I mean:

"All our bodies are a bit different and how we choose to set up the violin - chin rest or not, shoulder rest or not, placement of these devises (sic) - will make a difference. Our bodies and arms and hands also come in different sizes. Little variations in fingerings might be good for us. Maybe even big variations?"

I'm not sure if this is supposed to be about music or if it is an excerpt from some sort of sex manual .

Anyway - when I saw this image from the 2020 Wildlife Photography Awards I recalled Richard's post.

At least this one has a kind of fishing theme going.

NEW POST - THE CURMUDGEON'S AGONY AUNT

 

CARNAL KNOWLEDGE

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT*

 * Which, of course is an anagram of ELECTION RESULTS.

Like them or hate them the Americans are influencing our lives in so many ways at present. Donald Trump's disastrous presidency and the corrupt and incompetent political party that supports him have dominated world news for the last four years by:

• Supporting right wing white supremacist movements
• Dismantling decades old Western alliances
• Cancelling the Iran nuclear deal
• Pulling the USA out of the Paris Agreement on climate change
• Allowing fossil fuel activity on Native american land and in national parks and reserves
• Ignoring and declaiming global warming
• Fuelling anti-Muslim sentiment
• Using the presidency to further his own and his family's wealth
• Creating tax breaks and jobs for his rich friends and cronies
• Being deferential to Russia, Israel and North Korea
• Igniting racial disharmony in USA
• Starting fights with Canada, Mexico, Germany, France, China and many other countries
• Stopping USA funding for the UN Population Fund
• Cutting the USA Pandemic Early Warning Programme thereby allowing COVID-19 to gain a foothold
• Refusing to acknowledge Russian interference in the 2016 and 2020 elections
• Separating migrant parents from their children
• Withdrawing American military support and presence from Afghanistan, South Korea, Germany, Middle East, Pacific and other hot spots and strategically important places around the world
• Providing Russia, China, Turkey, Iran and other 'dangerous' states with the opportunity to take stronger and aggressive positions in the Pacific, Asia and Eastern Europe

And these are just a few of the things that will ultimately affect us all.

I watched some of the final presidential debate yesterday and, while Biden doesn't come across as a strong contender, Trump, even though he moderated his performance, still came second. This of course will make no difference to Robert and the brain-dead MAGA supporters of Trump in the USA who, making up at least 40% of the voting population will give their vote to Trump. Add to this the uncertainty about the reliability of the voting mechanisms they have and the possibility of millions of votes being declared null and void, and the certainty that Trump and the Republican machine will claim that the election was rigged if they don't win and we will have chaos. 

A chaotic USA, at a time when there are many volatile situations around the world (China-Japan; China- Taiwan; South Korea-North-Korea; Greece-Cyprus; Saudi Arabia-Yemen; Turkey-Syria; Russia-Ukraine; The Bledisloe Cup etc) on top of the Codid-19 pandemic will make 2021 and onwards a very uncomfortable time to live in.

AD NAUSEUM

 I'm getting tired of the advertisements on TV where promotion of products or services are being mixed into saccharine, schmaltzy and tearjerker stories.

Trustpower are one of the worst at it.

Remember this one from 5 years ago? I'M NOT SHY

Get a load of this load of bollocks which is the new Trustpower ad: LOST AND FOUND

Can anyone tell me what this has got to do with power and broadband provision?

Years ago Telecom ran the 'Spot' the dog series of ads. Mainland cheese featured the old guys for years (recently redone). Anchor created the family. Lotto has been at it relentlessly. Sealord is running the 'swim like a fish' ad and may others are doing the same thing with only a few making a sensible connection to the product or service that they are foisting on us.

Give us a break (and not an ad break).

IT WASN'T ME

 

That horrible Collins woman got her comeuppance on Saturday night when New Zealand voters gave National its biggest thrashing ever. National has been on the back foot for the last 3 years with leadership changes and a very shaky opposition performance but, quite frankly a stuffed toy would have won more votes for their party than Collins.So, does Collins apportion any blame to herself?No, as you would expect from an ego-driven politician like her (narcissist?).          WASN'T ME

Which reminded me of this:

SHAGGY - IT WASN'T ME

But that's entertainment and fiction.

Here's another odious politician you all know refusing to take responsibility for his actions - or inaction.

Watch after about 1 minute 15 seconds. "I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY" - TRUMP

No doubt, after this idiot gets the boot in November he, like Collins will be saying "It wasn't me".

NEW POST - THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON

 

HOW DARE YOU!

MY TRIP by The Curmudgeon

 We got back last night from a few days away, down south.

We went to Picton on the ferry Kaitaki and picked up a rental car for the drive to Kaikoura.

Unfortunately it was raining all the way down, overnight and the next day so we didn't get a chance for a walk around the bay and the hills. The 'boutique' hotel turned out to be a bit of a disappointment - rather ordinary and overpriced. It was way jazzed up on the internet site. We did see a lot of road and infrastructure rebuilding though which was impressive, We have some pretty good engineers in this country.

Marlborough was an improvement and we spent two nights in a vineyards B&B. It was much better value than the Kaikoura boutique hotel being roomy and nicely fitted out - a townhouse really.

On Thursday afternoon we spent a couple of hours at the Omaka air museum which has two exhibitions - WW1 with Peter Jackson's collection of planes with WETA workshop exhibits, and WW2 fitted out by local enthusiasts. Both exhibitions are tremendous and well worth a visit

We lucked out with the weather and spent Friday exploring the area, visiting two favourite cellar doors (Villa Maria and Cloudy Bay) and having a strenuous walk up the Wither Hills which afforded magnificent views of Marlborough.

We headed to Picton on Saturday and mooched around in some galleries before boarding the Kaitaki again.

In one of the galleries The Old Girl spied a nice wall sculpture which I might see about purchasing and having shipped up for her birthday in January.

After a coffee and a bun we dropped the car off and made our way to the ferry terminal where we monkeyed around until sailing.

The crossing was a bit bumpy at times with big swells in the Cook Straight but went along uneventful except for this emergency happening.*

* It was a drill.

INVESTING AS WELL AS INGESTING

 

We're going to invest in some shares. Now, before Robert jumps on to his high horse and condemns us for being white middle-class privileged wealthy folk- which makes a change from his calling us Labour voting Socialists - let me say that we currently don't have investments and are going to buy the minimum number of Palliser shares so that we will be eligible to go to the AGM meetings.

Mike is a shareholder and Geoff is also interested in buying some.

The reason that we have chosen Palliser is because we feel we have a connection to that company.

Many years ago Geoff and some friends and family started up a vineyard venture in Martinborough that was named Pinnacles. We joined in as shareholders and I helped to do some vineyard work with Geoff and Roger. After a few years, when the vines were bearing fruit it was time for further investment into a winery and other infrastructure. The shareholders, at a special general meeting voted to not further invest but to sell the vineyard instead. This was because, after 5 or 6 years, people's personal situations had changed - retired, having children, needing to renovate houses etc and they needed the money. The vineyard was producing exceptional fruit that we sold to other wineries and went on to be gold medal winning wine. The vineyard was sold - to Palliser- at a very attractive profit over our initial investment. Palliser kept the name 'Pinnacles' as the vineyard name and there is a nice roadside sign there.

Having shares will keep that connection going and will give us a nice excuse, along with Mike, to get to Wellington every year at AGM time. We've been thinking of buying these for some time but I've been a bit slack and did nothing about it. Mike reminded me that the AGM is on November 8th so today I approached a share trading company to see about buying some. I think that I'll be too late for this year's AGM but, with luck it could be a future yearly event for us.

LOST IN TRANSLATION

 I got a haircut today. I know, I know, I don't have a lot to cut but even so, the barber cut too much off. The Old Girl will give me a lecture tonight that's for sure.

When the barber finished he proudly held a mirror up and said "there!".

I said "no, put it back".

He didn't understand - I think that he's Syrian or something. He looked at me funny.

RUGBY'S THE WINNER!

Certainly not the all Blacks nor the Wallabies in the thrilling match played in Wellington today.

The Wallabies threw away their chances. They played ferociously but couldn't finish off their play which always looked inelegant.

The All Blacks looked better even if the Aussies seemed to have more possession and finished off well ... but, they could have and should have won by 7 points if it wasn't for a bit of stupidity by Rieko Ione.

Ione failed to ground the ball after finishing off a brilliant All Black back-line play. He did one of those silly and flashy dives with the ball in one hand and merely bounced it onto the ground. Result - no try and a virtual guaranteed 7 points lost.

This kind of flashy try scoring always pisses me off. It seemed to come in when rugby went professional. Back in my day we held onto the bloody ball and grounded it properly.

WE DIDN'T DIVE AROUND LIKE BLOODY BALLERINAS.

Admittedly we didn't have the athleticism to do a high dive but, nevertheless we got the points.

WHAT'S HAPPENING NEXT WEEK

 

OK. listen up - here's the plan.

We get the 9am ferry to Picton on Wednesday. 

A rental car is booked for pick-up at Picton and we'll drive to Kaikoura where we stay at the Kaikoura Boutique Hotel on the waterfront.

On Thursday morning we tootle around Kaikoura. I'm interested in checking out signs of the major earthquake that wrecked the place a few years back. I studied seismology and volcanology at university in the 1970s. It was one of the few courses I liked, attended the lectures and passed with a good grade.

We will then drive to Blenheim and stay in a vineyard cottages B&B on Thursday and Friday nights. This gives us a day and a half to explore a couple of favourite wineries.* It will be a treat doing this as a tourist rather than as someone in the industry as I spent many years in the past visiting and staying in Marlborough.

On Saturday morning we head on back to Picton to drop off the rental car and catch the 2pm ferry back to Wellington.

This is all booked via the internet so here's hoping that it all goes well. The accommodation places looked reasonable on-line but sometimes the reality is a bit different from the promise.

It'll be a nice break away for The Old Girl who has been working very hard. Let's hope that the weather is good.

* I won't be trying any chardonnay.

TURKISH DELIGHT

 We went to dinner at Richard and Shelley's last night. Chris and Sue were also there.

All was good although Chris made a wine faux pas by bringing a bottle of Marlborough chardonnay. Yes, you read that correctly - a chardonnay from Marlborough! What was he thinking? Richard kind of made up for this with a hand-labelled bottle of chilled red named a Cool Skin. 

It looked, er, impressive but no-one was brave enough to actually open it.

Richard and Shelley provided a dinner with a Turkish theme including Turkish music.

Why?

Well,  can only think that, as Richard is a Liam Neeson fan he had this film in mind:

This film was set in Istanbul which was once named Constantinople - but that's another story.

We enjoyed a convivial meal marred only by some excessive bouzouki playing in the background.

Conversations moved between American politics, Murray Robert's and the origin of 'Steve Is A Brikehead', aggressive violin playing and the location of a long-ago cocktail party hosted by Sue and Chris. You had to be there. Robert and his religious beliefs were only mentioned a few times but quickly deleted like his blog posts and comments.

BUSY THURSDAY

I'M LATE FOR A VERY IMPORTANT DATE

I've got a busy day today. 

I have to get in some vegetables to make The Old Girl a nice salad for tea and I'm looking forward to watching the US Vice President debate live on YouTube at 1pm. I then have to go out and find a place to vote.

Richard rang earlier and suggested a walk around town as he had shopping to do. I declined because, as I said, I'm busy today but to be frank, standing around in  music shops for half an hour listening to him discussing the merits of Clara Petacci strings* with a cornered shop assistant leaves a lot to be desired.

The debate should be better than the presidential debate and the NZ prime ministerial debates. I'm looking forward to seeing Kamala Harris destroy the incumbent Mike Pence. Harris is strong, intelligent and fiery. Pence is a simp who sucks up to the awful Trump.

This will be interesting on so many levels but now, the foremost will be the viability of the president and the challenger vs the vice president and the challenger.

 I've maintained that Joe Biden is a weak challenger to Trump - immeasurably better than the orange monster but still not the best that the Democrats could have put forward. Kamala Harris as running partner however provides a really good back up if, and when, Biden falls over during his first term.

Trump is ill and maybe will fall over real soon. He's currently making even less sense than usual but, if the worst scenario happens and he wins only to fall over later, then milksop Pence will take over.

So - what is the world facing?

On  the one hand a right wing, racist, misogynistic fascist backed up by a right wing, anti feminist and rabid Christian - what Robert would call 'The Dream Team'.

On the other side a well-meaning but doddering good guy who is fortunately supported by one of the smartest women in USA politics.

I know who I would vote for.

As for the debate:

On one side there is Kamala Harris who soon could be the first female vice-president of the USA. In the longer game she could be the first female president of the USA. She is a Democratic senator, a lawyer and an ex district and state attorney with a reputation of being one of the toughest interrogators in Congress.

On the other side is a rock steady (read boring) Republican vice-president who seems to never get upset and just carries on down the middle. His main claim to fame is that he's done nothing wrong which is probably true since he does nothing.

In the words of David Bowie from Ashes To Ashes:

 

"I never done good things (I never done good things)
I never done bad things (I never done bad things)
I never did anything out of the blue, woh-o-oh."

* 

"My Clara has the best strings"

YOU MIGHT THINK THAT I'M BEING UNFAIR , BUT ...........

 I like watching the quiz game shows on television particularly Tipping Point and The Chase.

I also liked Eggheads but haven't seen that around for a while.

I get very frustrated though when poorly educated people are on these shows as they rarely answer questions correctly outside of wild guesses and, to me, they are taking up a space that someone more deserving might be occupying.

Most of the time these people are younger - as in less than 30. They may well be students or have degrees or are in positions of responsibility but the gaps in their education is appalling.

Invariably any questions on politics, history, geography, religion, literature, science, art, classic cinema and music before y2k are more often wrongly answered by the younger contestants.

OK, you might say - they are younger so don't know about the older things. Well, if you say this you're an idiot. 

Having been born in the mid-20th century doesn't stop me knowing of events, inventions, people's lives, accomplishments etc. from more than 20 years before. I watch some people, living in the U.K. who don't know: when the Second World War was fought; where the French Revolution took place (let alone when); which decade was impressionism started; in which continent Buddhism originated; which ocean is the largest; who was the first British female Prime Minister - etc.

The fact that they know the names of ridiculous rappers, boy bands and the latest super-hero films just doesn't make up for it.

This worrying knowledge gap isn't being filled by anything else except a shallow technical understanding how their phones work or how to navigate around social media.

I blame the schools.

COMING DOWN TO MEET THE MARKET*

I've mentioned The Old Girl's shopping cart before. It does come in pretty handy. I went to Chaffer's New World today to do a bit of shopping. The Old Girl has been suffering from vertigo caused by an inner ear imbalance so hasn't been able to get out to do any shopping for a few days. As a result I filled the shopping cart to the brim plus the backpack I was wearing with fresh vegetables and produce.

The said shopping cart has been a bone of contention between us for many years with me threatening to buy one for her on many occasions. She would refuse saying that only old ladies use these. Now that she is in Wellington for a year with no car she has discovered that this is a very practical tool and uses it often. She should have had one in Toronto when she was living there.

Another item that, over many years I've threatened to buy her, is a cord so that she can wear her spectacles around her neck. These are called glasses necklaces.

As she doesn't wear spectacles all the time she was forever misplacing them and asking me where they were hence my threats to buy the necklace for her. She always refuses saying that she doesn't want to look like Edna Everage.

I'll win this argument eventually.

That's all for now Possums.

* Richard has criticised my recent posts as being not memorable. He did this in his latest and very dull post and had the effrontery to say that even Robert's mind-numbing efforts left a longer impression on him (like stigmata I hope). The problem I guess is that my posts are generally too highbrow for him. I've decided to dumb down the posts a bit to give the readership a chance to catch up.

NEW POST - THE PHILOSOPHICAL CURMUDGEON

 

IT'S A STRANGE, STRANGE WORLD

IN A STINGRAYS GARDEN, IN THE SHADE ....

 I guess Robert will find this post boring like he did with the FISHING GONE POST.

Robert. like many christians consumed with an incomprehensible guilt, prefers to sit inside a church mumbling thank yous to a mythical creator rather than getting out and enjoying life's treasures.

Oh, wrell, that's his misfortune I guess.

Today is beautiful. With a high tide, still water, blue skies, sunshine and no wind I decided to go kayaking.

It's been a few months since I took the kayak out so I made the most of it, giving myself a good work-out.

I feel a bit exhausted now but it was worth it. I went across to the other side of the bay - sometimes in fast spurts and at others in a slow and leisurely fashion marvelling at the birdlife*, the scenery and the interesting sea creatures that I disturbed on the way.

I was out for nearly two hours and now that I'm back home it is still sunny and windless outside.

I might consider a game of golf later in the afternoon.

 The most interesting sea creatures I saw today were the stingray. I must have stumbled on stingray city over by the sandbank because there were dozens of them. These beautiful creatures are really interesting to see close up. The water was crystal clear and the bottom was very visible. It reminded me of Aitutaki in the Cook Islands. In some of the really shallow parts I glided over some 'sunbathing' stingray which were only a couple of feet away. While beautiful they still can be a bit scary. I had visions of them leaping up and stabbing me with their barbs like what happened to the Crocodile Hunter guy. Crikey!

When they take off they 'fly' like stealth bombers and move remarkably fast.

With there being so many I was expecting to see orca or dolphins as they hunt stingray. I stayed around for a while but no luck. Of course Murphy's Law dictates that while I'm inside writing this there will be pods of them out there. 

Got to go and make lunch.

* I didn't see any Holy Seagulls

NEW POST - THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON

 

AMAZING SONGWRITERS

RICHARD'S AWAY BUT .......

 News just to hand that Richard (of Richard's Bass Bag) has gone to Napier for a few days. This sent a wave a ripple of consternation amongst the blogging community. After all, who will write boring posts about music theory while he's gone? Who will challenge Robert about truth, abortion, right wing thinking and, masturbation? Who will make rude comments on The Curmudgeon's blogs?

Well, we at The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ discussed this and agreed that, once more The Curmudgeon will step in (with apologies to Will Shakespeare).

 *********************

Richard's Bass Bag

the original bass bagging site

(Temporary outplacement)

(Like the Cheshire cat's smile this is all he left)

Hello reader(s). This is Richard here - well not really here as I'm there or trying to get there but will be unavailable for posting over the next few days. I will be able to read posts and comment on them using my phone but posting is right out. Fortunately The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ offer a caretaking service for blogs when the owners are away so, for the promise of a few glasses of a good, and probably salty, chardonnay The Curmudgeon is going to write my posts for a few days. I hope he doesn't do too good a job, ha ha or you may not want to come back to my blog.

First up is a bit of boring music theory that you've come to expect from Richard's Bass Bag. Tonight we will discuss musical rests. Well, not all of them obviously - give it a rest! See what I did there?

The Eighth Rest (Quaver Rest)

This is also known as the quaverest - sorry, quaver rest. Musical rests are symbols used in music to represent silence. As a schoolteacher I know that silence is important and suitable indicators are necessary to achieve this. In music though, canes, swear words, obscene gestures and wooden dusters aren't applicable so a little symbol was invented "Who invented it?" I hear you ask. Well, that will have to wait for a future posts as time is marching on for this one.

I'll let you know however that there are different types of rests, these include the quarter rest, half rest and whole rest.
Each of these rests correspond with a particular note value. For instance a quarter rest has the same duration as a quarter note, a half rest has the same duration as a half note and a whole rest lasts as long as a whole note. While the note makes a sound, the rest is silent.
The combination of rests and notes makes music interesting. Without rests it would be boring. Imagine hearing a speaker go on and on without any pause between the words or a blogger banging on about things that he or she doesn't understand..

In a 4/4 time signature, a whole rest lasts for four beats, a 1/2 rest for two beats, a 1/4 rest for one beat and an 1/8 rest for half a beat.
An eighth rest is half the length of a quarter rest. In other words two eighth rests make up a quarter rest, while four of them make up a half rest, and eight 1/8 notes make up a whole rest. 

I'll leave that there now. We can discuss the rest later - ha ha.


.

*****************

Next we have a little dig at Robert. Remember Robert? No? Well he's the catholic apologist chap who calls himself Robert The Apathetic Sinner. He has a blog that regularly gets flushed (his term referring to a toilet flushing which is actually quite appropriate and probably ironic).

Robert and I spar over issues of sexual molestation by marist brothers, pro vs anti-abortion, left wing vs right wing politics, creationism vs evolution, music - and, well, just about everything. We are, after all, brothers.

For Robert I'm suggesting that there is a right wing white supremacist group in USA named Proud Boys.

These guys are not to be confused with The Prowse Brothers even though they share the same initials.

What will be good news for Robert is that Robert's hero, Donald Trump has publically approved of The Proud Boys and is helping them achieve recognition and membership growth.

Unlike with The Prowse Brothers, Robert shares many beliefs with The Proud Boys who are a far-right, anti-immigrant, anti-gay (including LGBT), anti - feminism  and anti - socialist all-male group.

A Proud Boy must declare that he is "a Western chauvinist who refuses to apologise for creating the modern world".

Their platform, such as it is, includes Trumpian ideas ("glorify the entrepreneur", "close the border") libertarianism ("give everyone a gun", "end welfare") and traditional gender roles ("venerate the housewife"). They also are anti socialism, anti abortion, pro life, and anti- masturbation (although members are allowed to wank once a month). Proud Boys identify themselves as christians and are anti-Jewish, anti-Muslim, anti-atheist and - I guess anti- any religion or culture that's not their own.

******************

Finally we need to be rude to The Curmudgeon even though he is being very kind and helpful by caretaking 'the blog'.

La nonna del burbero indossava stivali militari!

 

Ha ha ha .  

FISHING GONE

 I watched a couple of the Paul Whitehouse and Bob Mortimer programmes on fishing recently named GONE FISHING.

I like both of these comedians having watched them on many different British TV comedy shows.

The show's origins lie in Mortimer's triple heart bypass surgery and Whitehouse, like Mortimer, had heart problems that were only detected at the last minute. Whitehouse was talking to Mortimer's wife Lisa about Bob's recovery from the operation; he discovered that Mortimer wasn't going out anymore and so Whitehouse invited him to go fishing with him. Mortimer enjoyed it; describing it later he said "I’ve never felt anything like it." "There comes a moment when you realise that you’ve said nothing for an hour and a half. I haven’t thought about anything else. I haven’t worried about the past, or future." It wasn't until a later date that Mortimer discovered it was all a "ruse to get me back into life" that Whitehouse had been conspiring with Lisa. The fishing trips worked and brought Mortimer out of his trough and then Whitehouse had the idea for the show. They thought there may be the chance to make a humorous and informative programme that was beyond "two old blokes going fishing". Whitehouse described the pitch for the show as having the real life jeopardy of their medical conditions, two old friends who've had a reprieve and the timeless wonder of the English countryside.

I live by the water in Northland and, over the 10 plus years I've been here have now and then thought about going fishing.  I don't have a passion for boats though and The Old Girl gets seasick when on one so we've never bothered even though most of our neighbours have them. They are forever hauling them in and out of the water by tractors. I like tractors though and suggested to The Old Girl that we buy one even if we didn't have a boat. The stony silence as a response suggested that this wasn't a great idea.

We have kayaks and, when the water is calm (like a millpond) will venture out and paddle around the bay. We don't fish from them though.

A couple of times I have bought fishing gear - rods, tackle boxes, hooks and lines etc. but these have stayed in the shed or under the house and never used. I recently bought two rods from the local OP Shop which cost me $8 each.

These are in the snooker room and are still unused. I'd better decide to do something with them soon before The Old Girl returns from Wellington.

At the end of our road there is a floating wharf which fishermen regularly use. There is a deep channel running past it where some pretty good fishing can be had. I've seen snapper and kingfish being caught there. It's close to home - you can see our house from the wharf so it's handy.

There are also some good fishing spots from rocks along the walking track which I could give a go.

The trouble is however, that I don't really like fishing. I find it boring. When I went trout fishing with Chris and Robert years ago I was always antsy to get away to do something more interesting.

I don't like the idea of catching and killing the fish. OK, I know, I like fish and buy it from the shops but the thought of driving a screwdriver through their brains puts me off.

In addition, I don't fancy scaling and filleting them. I 'd rather buy fillets from the supermarket.

I think I'll leave the fishing to this guy. who lives nearby.