INTERVIEW #28

A reader* asked me why more of The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ members don't get interviewed. I thought that this was a very good question and the rest of you readers can benefit from this. Today we will talk with Peter's Golf Bag.

PETER'S GOLF BAG

TC: Welcome Peter's Golf Bag - hey! Can I just refer to you as PGB?

PGB: Sure TC, I'd like that. This 'bag' thing is getting out of hand you know, even Robert is now referring to his blog as Robert's Potato Bag!

TC: Robert?

PGB: Never mind, it'll be changed soon.

TC: Well, good to have you in PGB. What have you been up to?

PGB: I played golf yesterday TC.

TC: Really? That's great. How did it go?

PGB: Well, I headed out late in the afternoon as, being Sunday I knew that it'd be busy what with all the atheists and lax christians up here dodging church.

TC: Amen brother!

PGB: No TC, there were quite a few men actually.

TC: Oh - not Mike  from tennis by any chance?

PGB: Ha ha, no. Mike has of course given up tennis to play golf (on course - you see what I did there?) but I didn't run into him which is just as well as there was no time to discuss geo-politics and the gun laws.

TC: How was your golf though?

PGB: I played 6 holes, three of them brilliantly so am a happy chappy.

TC: (looking over his shoulder) I can't see The Old Girl around - how many golf balls did you find?

PGB: I'm glad you asked that TC (also looking around in case The Old Girl was lurking). I found 10 balls - all new or damned near new. They just had the club championships so the standard of lost balls was higher than usual.

TC: You don't say PGB.

PGB: I just did TC - keep up.

TC: Ha ha. Did you have any trouble finding them though? I remember when ....

PGB:... when you lost your mind?

TC: Huh?

PGB: A musical reference TC. You should know that - Gnarls Barkley 'Crazy".

TC: Oh right, I like that song.

PGB: Yeah well, no probs this time although there were a couple of distressing moments.

TC: Oh no! A fall?

PGB: No, not a fall on this occasion but ... and hold onto your hat ... in one of the creeks I spied a lovely looking ball. I put out the ball retriever and managed to hook it up but as I was lifting the rod the ball fell out - down into a deeper pool where I couldn't see it anymore. I was devastated.

TC: Oh dear that's a worry. The other readers will sympathise I'm sure. You mentioned two moments though.

PGB: Oh yeah. In another spot - the bushes next to the 7th tee where I find a lot of balls - after finding 3 good balls I saw another one - a pink one would you believe - nestled under an exposed root of a fallen tree. It was about 8 feet down though through crumbly ground and there was a lot of overgrowth so I left it there.

TC: (Gasp). You left it there! What? I don't believe it.

PGB: I know, I know, but it was getting late and The Old Girl said I wasn't to do anything risky so ...

TC: ... so, you wimped out. Anything else PGB?

PGB: I played the 5th hole perfectly if you want to hear about it?

TC: That's OK PGB, we'd better ...

PGB: I teed off from the raised tee with a long straight drive that kept away from the trees lining the fairway on either side ...

TC: ... thanks PGB but ...

PGB: ... and as you know TC on the right hand side, behind the trees is the deep gully with the creek at the bottom. This is the one that you fell down into years ago and munted your knee. That was bad luck for you but I have a lot of luck finding balls there. Yesterday I found 5 and one of them was a Ben Hogan ball that I'd never seen before. I ...

TC: ...OK, thanks PGB, we have to ...

PGB: ... after finding the balls I climbed back on to the fairway to see where my drive had ended up. The ball was right down the end almost to the bisecting smaller creek and the big oak tree. I got out my 10 iron and lofted a shot up over the tree and onto the raised green behind. Look, I think I have a photograph somewhere of this green, I'll ...

TC: .... ha ha ....oops! I think I hear The Old Girl calling me. Look, carry on PGB, I'll keep an ear open, I'll just check what ...

The sound of a car door slamming, a car starting up and accelerating down the driveway.

PGB: ... anyway, the ball hit the green and bounced to the right closer to the pin. Brilliant. I was able to hole out in 3 and this is a par 4! Great. I then went to the tee for the 6th hole. This is a par 3 and goes up a steep fairway to an elevated green. My tee shot with an 8-iron sailed up and gently landed on the green only about 6 feet away from the pin. TC, you wouldn't believe it but ... TC? TC? That's strange. TC?

TC:

PGB: TC?

TC:

PGB: TC? Where are you? Funny.

* Name withheld for privacy reasons and fear of retribution