IMAGINARY SCENARIOS - NUMBER ONE

Have you heard the good news?

While listening to Rural Report on National Radio today I heard a report on faulty bull semen. This gave me an idea for a new series - IMAGINARY SCENARIOS. No need to thank me.

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Scene: The biggest mansion in Heaven.

-Knock knock-

GOD: Come in.

ARCHANGEL GABRIEL: Er ... excuse me Lord, you wanted to see me?

GOD: (Quickly clearing his desk of some photographs, one of which Archangel Gabriel noticed was a particularly salacious image of Eve). 

 Yes Gabe, come in, come in.

ARCHANGEL GABRIEL: Thanks be to God.

GOD: Cut the crap Gabe, I've got a job for you.

(God handed Archangel Gabriel a small vial that had a milky substance inside.)

ARCHANGEL GABRIEL: Thanks - hey! This is warm.

GOD: Of course it's warm. It was hot. It's a sample of my Holy Spirit.

ARCHANGEL GABRIEL: Eee-ew!

GOD: Don't be such a wuss. If I'd created you with a penis you'd understand.

ARCHANGEL GABRIEL: Umm - OK. What do I have to do?

GOD: I want you to go down to Earth, to Palestine - Jerusalem actually and find a maiden named מרים... 

ARCHANGEL GABRIEL: מרים?

GOD: Yes, מרים. It can be transliterated as Maryam. 

ARCHANGEL GABRIEL: Maryam?

GOD: OK, try Mariam.

ARCHANGEL GABRIEL: Mariam?

GOD: Jesus wept! How does Mary suit you?

ARCHANGEL GABRIEL: Mary? Yes, that's better. Jerusalem you say?

GOD: Yes, Jerusalem and Gabe ... make sure she's a virgin OK?

ARCHANGEL GABRIEL: In the big city? Sheesh!

GOD: Here - take this turkey baster and ...

ARCHANGEL GABRIEL: ... Gloves?

GOD: Sheesh!