NEW POST - THE CURMUDGEON EXPRESS

MAMIL

SO THE FAT SLUG IS ABOUT TO BE ROLLED*

* Yes, I know that it's a bit rude and out of sync with my normal nice persona but ..... it's Paula  (bloody) Bennett we're talking about here.

"Pick me. Pick me."

This terrestrial gastropod has slithered herself into top political positions over the last decade usually leaving a path of destruction and failed promises in her wake.

"Bennett barely rates in the preferred prime minister polls, and her record since she became Deputy PM has been lacklustre. When she makes the news, it’s often for distractions such as recommending tipping, or joking about her $950 shoes at the National Party conference, much like a modern-day Marie Antoinette. And, of course, for her ham-fisted attempts to justify the government’s failure to house the homeless."

www.noted.co.nz

FULL 'NOTED' STORY HERE 

I don't like her and I don't trust her (you may have noticed). Now it looks like the National Party and National MPs have woken up and are about to take action. Poor old Bill English might be a casualty in this but hey, he endorsed her so fair's fair.

"Mwah. Mwah"

NEW POST - THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON

The Religious Curmudgeon's been stirring up Angry Jesus again.

Here's a new post where he records an interview with AJ.

JESUS OUSTED FROM PARLIAMENT

NEW POST - THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON

For a grumpy old bugger The Music Curmudgeon can show that he has a soul.

Read his latest post HERE

NEW POST - THE NEW DIFFERENT TIME ZONE BILL

Bill got a bit lost the other day and has written a post about it"

OH BOTHER WHERE ART THOU?

Hey it can happen to anyone.

WHERE'S JOHN WAYNE WHEN YOU NEED HIM?

Look I hate to admit it but sometimes I agree with Richard (of RBB).

The old joker's a bit off track most times but when it comes to watching a film with your loved one I'd back his choice any day even if it will probably be something with Bruce Willis, Liam Neeson or Sylvester Stallone in it.

Last night, as the guests had gone home The Old Girl suggested that we watch a film from Lightbox or Netflix. "Uh oh" I thought, picking up the remote and quickly flicking through the film options to try and find something that I'd like to watch that might please her as well. Everything that flashed past was dire. She said "wait, wait, go back. I did ..... to The Danish Girl. WTF!

A film about cross-dressing Lili Elbe played by that already unusual looking Eddie Redmayne who has pioneering sex reassignment surgery.

What?

We want to watch this? Really?

Apparently we did as that was what was viewed.

I persevered for about 20 minutes before making ever longer trips away from the lounge- making tea, going for a pee, hiding in a cupboard going to the study to check the blogs. etc.

Eventually I gave up on the film totally leaving The Old Girl to it on her own. I updated most of my blogs which due to the number of them took about as long as the rest of the film had to run.

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If anyone disputes to me the differences between men and women then I'll just refer them to the films that women watch vs the films that men (want to) watch.

NEW POST - THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON

The Religious Curmudgeon responds to The Philosophical Curmudgeon's latest post.

THE REAL QUESTION

NEW POST - THE PHILOSOPHICAL CURMUDGEON

The Philosophical Curmudgeon has got on his high horse has published a new post.

GOOD/BAD

NEW POST - THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON

Well lookie here - The Music Curmudgeon has written a new post.

GUESS THE SONG

NEW POST - THE MUNDANE CURMUDGEON

Well, it had to happen. Richard of RBB the brains instigator of The Bass Bagging Hexagram complained that members of THE CURMUDGEONS INCⓒ were slacking off over summer and now The Mundane Curmudgeon has got off his arse posted.

See:

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

NEW POST - THE FOOD CURMUDGEON

The Food Curmudgeon has had a great weekend (and it hasn't even finished yet being Anniversary weekend up north).

Here's a new post.

EATING WELL AND ECONOMICALLY

NEW POST - THE CURMUDGEONLY LUDDITE

The Curmudgeonly Luddite has written a post on behalf of all of us here at THE CURMUDGEONS INCⓒ.

NO COMMENT

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NEW POST - THE CULTURED CURMUDGEON

Ha ha, The Cultured Curmudgeon likes to keep us informed on interesting happenings in the Art world.

He's has posted this:

AKISH WOULD APPROVE

NEW POST - THE CURMUDGEON EXPRESS

The Curmudgeon Express has gone all republican again and has published a new post about Diana Spenser:

FAIRY PRINCESS ....OR... PRISSY FARCE

WHAT? .... SPEAK UP!

I keep going deaf in my left ear. It's happened at least 3 time recently, usually after a swim or a shower. The ear gets blocked and takes ages to clear - this time still dodgy after several days. It's really annoying to me and bothers hell out of The Old Girl who gets frustrated at me having to ask her to repeat herself or when I answer to what I thought she said and it makes no sense (to her).

I've booked an appointment with my GP to check it out or to give me an introduction to an ear specialist.

*****************

Hearing is something we take for granted and it's not until you don't have it or there is a problem that you realise how important it is. Answering the telephone is a bummer when you can hardly hear what the person at the other end is saying. I'm finding myself apologising in shops when I can't properly hear what the cashier is saying. 

It could be worse though if I was a musician (although it didn't stop old Ludwig Van from knocking out a good tune or two). I guess that Richard would find it hard doing his practice if he couldn't hear what he was playing.

Mind you he might just play everything louder so that wouldn't be a good thing. Robert isn't actually tone-deaf but probably is metaphorically tone-deaf when it comes to understanding nuances in social communication.

People in the service industry would have trouble. Imagine being a call centre operator for say Sparks or Vodafone ....... on second thoughts they probably are deaf given the level of service they offer.

If my hearing problem isn't as simple as having my ear blocked by water then I struggle to wonder what may be the cause. My dad had restricted hearing in his later years which drove mum crazy (although he never misheard an offer of a cup of tea) so it might be hereditary.

I haven't had an occupation that could have caused it - like operating a pneumatic drill for example and don't drive about in my car with the stereo blasting away. Still, there are any amount of things around us to ruin our hearing nowadays.

A CONFESSION #2

In my posts I sometimes refer to the fact that I've been swimming in 'our' bay. Yesterday I 'swam' three times and today twice already. It's very hot here at present as no doubt it is all over the country.

My swimming style is a bit chaotic to say the least.

The Old Girl calls it wallowing. Admittedly I don't swim far out like she does but instead do a few freestyle strokes, then some breaststrokes followed by some dog-paddling. After this I revert to relaxing in the water. Wallowing if you wish.

The fact is that I can't swim, or to be more accurate, can hardly swim. I was awarded swimming certificates at primary school where we had a swimming pool where it was compulsory to 'give it a go'. For the width certificate I kept my feet on the bottom of the pool and sort of paddled across pretending to swim. For the length certificate I put my head face down and thrashed along without breathing - had a big breath at the halfway point and then continued to thrash along face down again. Still - a certificate is a certificate.

I'm not scared of the water although I'm a bit of a wimp when it comes to getting in, having to inch my way in slowly and have never had a problem when on holidays except for a couple of events:

HERE

So in the future if I say "I've just been for a swim" it's likely that I've just inched my way out into the water and wallowed about for a bit.

Sorry about that.*

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* THE CURMUDGEONS INC. believes in full disclosure.

RESPECT

Richard (of RBB which is a part of BBH) wrote a post where he likens his readership to sheep.

See HERE

We at THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ are appalled at this. In no way would we treat our reader readers so poorly. We in fact respect our reader readers. Respect spelled R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

RESPECT

At great expense and effort THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ created an easy links service to the most important blogs.

Have a look to the right of this post at the comprehensive menu. Simply stroll down to: EASY LINKS SERVICE where you will see THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ blogs displayed with helpful by-lines.

All you need do is click on the profile picture and Voila! You're there. Please note that no other blogger consortium offers such a colourful and easy to access links service. Don't be fooled by the misleading claims from The Bass Blagging Hexagram.

Respect yourself and use THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ for all the up to date news and useful tips that you require.

IS A NEW BLOGGING CONSORTIUM LOOMING?

In our blogging community we have two blog consortia.
The most aptly named one is THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ in which the name suggests an incorporation of curmudgeons, allowing other members to be invited in. An incorporation.

The other is The Bass Bagging Hexagram (I know, it's a silly name but I'm sure it will be changed soon) The logo of course gives no clues as to what this consortium stands for and indeed, in the name - 'hexagram' doesn't really explain that this is a group.

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In the blogging community there is a rogue contributor named Robert who variously goes by the names Second Fiddle, God Botherer, Hey You and Stop Thief. 

Robert creates blogs that run for a while with the posts being regularly deleted or 'refreshed' as he puts it. The said blog is then summarily deleted usually after an altercation with Richard (of RBB) who is also the boss of The Bass Bagging Hexagram (he bravely admits to being the marketing mind behind the name and logo). These altercations are generally fuelled by alcohol (cheap cleanskin chardonnay for Richard and cheap anything alcoholic for Robert).

After the last blog deletion Robert has once again resurfaced with a blog named RP. Some wit asked Robert if he had left out the 'I' in 'RP' but at this time it doesn't appear that Robert got the joke.

RP

RP, as you will have seen if you were foolhardy enough to click on the link is pretty much the same offering as his older, now defunct blogs with an underlying threat of religious posturing, cut and paste Google history searches and, dare I suggest it, poetry.

Robert has, under construction another blog named A Composer's Journey. At this time we know nothing of this blog other than the author is Robert and the avatar is the same one Robert uses for his RP blog and features a rather scary and diseased-looking  Paganini.

A COMPOSER'S JOURNEY

Will Robert combine these two, and potentially other blogs under a consortium-like grouping?

Who knows? Maybe the Holy Ghost can help.

FLOATING

Now that the official holiday period has ended for most people, the weather is improving. The storms of the last couple of weeks have abated and today it has been sunny and windless.

This was perfect for tennis this morning with no cross winds spoiling the shots. After tennis I took my new kayak out for a paddle. The bay is still as a millpond and I went way out past the boats and did a combination of fast paddling for fitness and lazy paddling for leisure.

When I came back to our little beach in front of the house I pulled the kayak up onto the grass verge and went for a dip. As I wanted to test its buoyancy I left my life vest on and walked out into deep water. The vest worked perfectly and supported me without effort. I floated vertically, on my back and on my front - all with my head clear of the water and only needing to occasionally use my arms of legs for movement of positioning.

The water was warm and I stayed out floating for over a half hour.

A bit like Izzie but more of a hazard to shipping

BRAND IDENTITY vs BRAND IDIOCY

In the blogging community two of the leading consortiums (TCI leads by a very big margin) have adopted new logos to bring instant recognition to their existence.

One, THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ has adopted a logo that quickly informs the viewer of the nature of the blog association:

In this case 'curmudgeon' is stated clearly and concisely and the associated grouping of curmudgeons is indicated by the cluster of heads above the wording.

• Clear
• Concise
• Informative
• Elegant

The other, THE BASS BAGGING HEXAGRAM has committed to a confusing logo that says nothing about bass bagging and could be promoting any kind of six-sided identity:

This is pretty. .............. pretty awful, ha ha ha, - a little marketing joke there.

It doesn't tell us anything about the association it represents.

• Confusing
• Obtuse
• Distracting
• Irrelevent

To my mind THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ logo is a clear winner. The other one is idiotic.

SAVED BY THE ..... PANTS

I was running a bath and decided to ask The Old Girl if she wanted the water after me.

She was working in the study with the door closed. I walked in to see that she was on a work video-conference call. I apologised and backed out. It was kind of like this:

CORRESPONDENT INTERRUPTED BY HIS CHILDREN ON AIR

Richard will be pleased to know that I was wearing shorts. Just shorts. It was lucky that I hadn't stripped those off for the bath before going in to the study. As it was the person The Old Girl was talking to thought it was funny.

NEW POST - THE CURMUDGEON'S AGONY AUNT

The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt has created a new post.

It seems that she's a bit cantankerous at the moment and  is a bit harsh in her comments.

FRIENDLESS SOCIETY

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At THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ we do not censure members posts as we consider that they are all old enough and ugly enough to know better and to take responsibility for their own actions.

We do have a service however whereby aggrieved individuals can contact THE CURMUDGEON and I will make appropriate soothing motions and say something nice in mitigation. Note: No other blogging incorporation offers this service.

NEW POST - THE NEW DIFFERENT TIME ZONE BILL

Bill just got back from travelling and published a new post     HERE 

It's good that he's busy but I'm starting to have some second thoughts (sorry Robert) about his appointment.

We'll just have to have a think about this.

ROBERT'S BACK

Yes, you heard it here first - Robert's back.

OK, OK no need for the thundering applause. Don't get too excited. The new incarnation is hardly the second coming.

See HERE if you want to check out the new blog or his second one HERE .

"Bugger the violin - give me a couple of tambourines'

The first is named RP (he forgot the 'I') and the second one is named A composer's Journey. At least the first one has a sort of post attached. The second would be better named 'A Decomposer's Journey'

Oops, best to be careful not to be critical or he'll delete them again and we'll be left having only Richard's infrequent posts to read.

Maybe I should take over one of his blogs and at least try to write a few posts (in the Robert style). Richard or Angry Jesus made an attempt but it fizzled.

NEW POST - THE NEW DIFFERENT TIME ZONE BILL

Ha ha, Bill's been busy.

He's created a new post after having been back to about 1963 in Wellington.
He took a pic of me and brought it back.

That's quite considerate of him ... I think. I hope he's not taking the piss....nah, Bill wouldn't do that. Well done Bill. Keep up the good work.

1, 2, 3 RED LIGHT

NEW POST - THE NEW DIFFERENT TIME ZONE BILL

Bill asked me to link to a new Post he's written.

I haven't had time to read it yet but I trust him ....I think.... I've been up to the Club this evening and had a couple of Chardonnays. Richard would approve. They are in big glasses, it's a good (not cleanskin though) Gisborne Chardonnay at $ 5 a glass.

COOL!

NEW POST - THE NEW DIFFERENT TIME ZONE BILL

New Different Time Zone Bill is a great addition to the team. He's been busy going back and forth gathering some fantastic information that he'll share with us when he has time. (joke).

He has a new post where the little prankster went back and took a shot of me as a little kid. I don't think he's taking the piss - we'll see.

SUMMERS OF YESTERYEAR

NEW POST - THE DARKER CURMUDGEON

I was going to entertain readers with some items from the past in the good old radio and television summer tradition but a grumpy old bastard (even grumpier than the various curmudgeons) objected.

Instead I trawled through all of the unpublished Drafts which have been shared out among members of THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ.

The Darker Curmudgeon chose this one as he thought it better to be hidden rather than to appear on the regular Curmudgeon's page as The Old Girl might object.

FOOT IN THE MOUTH

THE END OF THE GOLDEN WEATHER

There's always a bit of tristesse at this time of year when Summer holidays are finishing and the working year looms.

I don't work anymore - that sounds funny as it suggests that I'm broken - no, I'm retired being the proud bearer of a Gold Card and a Senior Cinema Buzz Card so don't have to go back to work after the Summer holidays but still feel the sentiment.

This morning National Radio announced the last day of their 'Summer Report'. To me in the past this was always the official recognition that the fun was over and it was time to get serious.

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THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ members have been enjoying a well deserved break but today will remind them that it's time to start cranking up their lap-tops, dusting off the old cerebral cobwebs and to get out there researching interesting, informative and funny stories for our readers enjoyment and edification.

To this end, to help ease their way back in we will have a week of revisiting some old favourites that each of the members will select depending on subject matter and the relevance to his/her orientation.

THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ - 'MANY HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE'

TRISTESSE

NEW POST - THE CURMUDGEON EXPRESS

Richard (of RBB) has complained that some members of THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ have been dragging the chain a bit and don't seem to have come back from holiday yet.

Fair enough but we at THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ believe that hard work should be rewarded so allow our members at least 2 months holiday a year.

THE CURMUDGEON EXPRESS has volunteered to do a post to keep the old guy happy.

See:  FAT, IRREVERENT...

I WILL LOOK FOR YOU, I WILL FIND YOU, AND .....

......... I will make you watch my latest lot of stuff and nonsense movie.

GOOD OLD LIAM - STILL DOING IT

It's been raining heavily up here for a couple of days and there's not much to be done outdoors unless you have a dog to walk or are a nutter so when I went into town today, I thought I might as well see a film. Actually I went to the local cinema where they don't show films, they show 'movies'. I have an O.A.P. Cine Buzz card ( naff naming I know) which lets me see 'movies' for $9 and I get credits towards free 'movies'.

There wasn't a lot of choice as it's still school holidays (Bah Humbug) but there was the new Liam Neeson one named 'Commuter' that, being an 'M' would bar most of the screaming kids from going in to view. I bought a ticket for the next screening and went outside to find a coffee bar to kill a half hour. 

I left my car in the carpark building that houses the cinema complex. All day parking is $1.00. Yes, you heard it right. $1.00. Parking is cheap in Whangarei. I took the 'Two Hours Free' option though and parked on the roof (uncovered) which was one floor up. Us O.A.P.'s need to watch our pennies you know otherwise how would we ever afford those bottles of Mission Special Reserve Chardonnay at $20.99 each.

Richard would have loved this movie. Why? Because it was crap. It was full of ridiculous fight scenes. Unbelievable train crash scenes. Rubbish dialogue. Poor acting. Liam using the cell-phone a lot - speaking menacingly in a deep voice. All held together by a tenuous and utterly nonsensical plot.

Just like a Bruce Willis movie 

NEW POST - THE CULTURED CURMUDGEON

See:  "YOU'LL MISS ME WHEN I'M GONE..."

BREAKING NEWS - NEW BLOGGER TO THE COMMUNITY

A new blogger has joined THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ.

Welcome to    THE NEW DIFFERENT TIME ZONE BILL

Different Time Zone Bill has been around for a while but suffered an unfortunate 'accident' before Christmas that laid him low for a while. After some time he has decided to refresh his blog and his associations. We have a chance to chat with him about this now.

Interview Wednesday 17 January : The Curmudgeon (TC) and The New Different Time Zone Bill (B):

TC: Well Bill, thanks for coming in this morning, I know that you must be busy.

B: No, I'm never busy TC, at least not in the conventional sense as with my ability to switch time zones I can just backtrack at any time or simply just bugger off elsewhere.

TC: Yes, I see. I'd love to ask you about the future but "Que Sera Sera ...."

B: I can see what you did there TC. Doris Day - very clever. This is why I've decided to leave Richard (of RBB) and go with a blogging community that understands classic literature and comedy and makes great use of puns.

TC: Yes, let's talk about that Bill. I know that there was an unfortunate ....

B: Look TC, please don't be mealy-mouthed about that. Gardener king hit me OK? He and his cronies Reacher and Humbert are bastards. I can't stand that Baxter guy that hangs around BBB ..

TC: BBB?

B: Yes, BBB - stands for
Bass Bag Blogs' - Richard's new consortium. The Confederation fell apart. It's not a very clever name but hey, It's Richard we're talking about. What can I say? He comes to a bad .....oops, shouldn't really say that should I. Anyway I hate this Baxter guy but I'm pleased that he's taken it to those neanderthals who..

TC: Calm down Bill. Think nice thoughts ...Bill...Bill....

B: Sorry T, I just shot off to Tahiti there to relax and calm down. My old mate Gaugin and I had some absinthe and ogled a few delightful Polynesian girls. Very nice.

TC: Good. Anyway, on behalf of THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ. I'd like to offer our sincere apologies for any, um, misunderstanding and we'd like to ....

B: Hey TC, no problems. I would have been bothered but Richard and his cronies sidelined me. After my ...... accident they basically forgot about me. They formed a new clique made up of the old guy, Angry Jesus, Akish, Bin and the other two Richards. They left me out the ungrateful bastards and now he's gone off on holiday to Masterton...

TC: OK, I get the picture. Now can you please sign this contract here. I'd like to get things underway.
       THE CURMUDGEONS INC.ⓒ. has need of a guy with your skills. It would be handy to go back in time to read Robert's blog posts .......

B: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha....

TC: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha....

B: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha....TC you crack me up.

TC:  Ha ha ha ha ha ..wooeee! Ha ha . Yes, that was funny. No, we'd like to have you go back and forth to check out things for us. Are you up for that Bill?  Bill?......Bill?...

B:  Sorry, had to go forward a bit to see if Robert creates a new blog. We're safe for a little while. I checked out Richard as well. He's on holiday as you know and is still moaning about Shelley having bought a $20 bottle of wine. He should get over it (but won't).


Bill signed the contract and then had to shoot away promising to write some posts in the future (or the past).

The Curmudgeon has to go for a walk while the wind has dropped down a bit.

GONE AGAIN

GONE AGAIN

No, not the excellent Patti Smith song and album of the same name, but Robert's strange and disturbing blog. Gone again.

Robert does this regularly like a snake shedding skin. He writes a lot of posts (some good) and then, in a fit of pique, boredom or as a response to a scathing comment from Richard (and I must confess, once or twice from me) deletes not just the posts but the entire blog.

Richard did this a couple of years ago to his own blog in a paranoiac response to some work Nazis discovering his blog and making some sort of issue of it. He would have been better making a hat out of aluminium foil and wearing it rather than deleting the blog and all of its history as, believe it or not, Richard had written some pretty amazing posts over the last decade (strange yes but also good).

In the recent incarnation Robert's blog looked like it was here to stay. He hadn't been deleting the posts and, apart from the religious diatribe and nonsense relating to creationism, catechism  and other 'isms' promulgated by the Catholic Church, was contributing to the lively dialogue practised by the many, few, two other contributing blogs.

It was kind of like a voluntary 'burning of the books' as done by Martin Luther, The Nazis, the Soviets, and the rabid Right in USA.

Robert just cuts out the middleman.



Oh what a loss to humanity.