BOOK CLUB

 

I gathered a small group to discuss the new Lee Child (actually written by Andrew Child) book that I've been reading. The group consists of myself (TC), Jack Reacher (JR), Robert The Sinner (RTS) and Richard of Richard's Bass Bag RRBB).

TC: Welcome guys - I can call you guys can't I?

THE GROUP: Sure, fine, go on, why not, needing someone doesn't make you weak, I love all of you, pfft, not, the bible, shotguns and children don't mix .....

TC: Oooookaaaay - let's move along. Jack, I'm reading your second to most recent book .....

JR: Don't blame me for that shit. I'm just in it. Those other guys write it. Expect the best but plan for the worst.

TC: ...... the second most recent Jack Reacher book then - Sentinel - and, quite frankly I'm disappointed.

JR: It's shit.

RTS: I think that you'd be better off reading the bible. I think ...

JR: Who the fuck asked you?

RTS: Ummm ..... I..um ...sorry. I love you.

JR: What? Are you coming on to me you little snot. I'll hit you fast, I'll hit you hard and I'll hit you a lot ...

TC: Now now guys, take it easy. Robert is just being Robert. He doesn't mean anything by it ..

RRBB: Like his posts - it's all meaningless.

TC: Now Richard, behave.

JR: OK but I have to warn you. I promised my mother, a long time ago. She said I had to give folks a chance to walk away.

RRBB: Sheesh!

TC: Richard. Stop it. Now, let's get back on topic. Jack, what the hell is going on with those Child Brothers?

JR: I think that James - that's Lee's real name - James Grant, got tired of me and wanted to get rid of ....

TC: Was that because of your personal hygiene issues? .....

JR: What!

TC: It was Robert. Robert said that.

RTS: No no no no - wasn't me ... it was Richard.

RRBB: Bastard. You cunt. It wasn't me Mr Reacher it was ......

JR: Easy big guy, I'm just fucking with you. I know that old Lee or James or whatever he wants to call himself used to forget to write in going to the toilet parts for me and putting on fresh underwear. Some of his readers noticed and must have told him so in the more recent books he wrote in that I bought new skants - that's 'panties' to you Robert - when I bought new jeans and tee shirts. This new guy though - James' brother Andrew - Andrew Grant who confusingly has changed his name to Andrew Child - has forgotten to write in new underpants for me, Bastard!

TC: Whew - well that clears that up for us - well, not for you Jack but maybe you could just sit a bit further away ..... a bit further .... there you go. Let's move on.

RRBB: What about that toilet thing then? I'm not afraid to tell everyone about when and how often I take a .....

TC: Thank you Richard - we get the picture -- ooooh - when I say 'get the picture' I don't mean ...

RTS: The writers of the bible didn't resort to scatological references to defecation and ...

RRBB: But they didn't say anything about not putting their toilets near the drinking and bathing water either ...

RTS: Blasphemer! The bible is my friend it ...

TC pulls Jack aside

TC: Jack, let's get out of here. I know a nice little bar where the barmaid is only slightly pregnant and they play some good blues music We'll leave these bozos to fight amongst themselves.

JR: Sounds good my man - as long as they don't play any of that Mississippi Fred McDowell music. He looks too much like that religious nutter Robert for my liking.

TC: No, they do a lot of John Lee Hooker, BB King and Blind Blake. Let's go.