I'M ALL WHITE JACK*

* A bit of a double lawn bowls pun there - sorry.

I joined the local bowls club a few months back. I did it so as to have a few 'roll-ups' with mate Rod. I don't really intend to spend whole days playing the game. Give me some credit. Bowling clubs are still looked at as the holding pens for cemeteries.

Anyway, said friend Rod who has been a member for years signed me up (without my knowledge) for the club championships. Rod, fuck him bless him does this sort of thing and previously signed me up for the Citizens Association committee and for Civil Defence, again without telling me. Apparently I'm to play in the singles final match on Thursday. Wow! I've made the finals. On checking though this is the section for first year members and there are only two of us.

I'm going to play though and am pretty sure that I'll win unless my competitor is related to the Belliss family. The downside though is that as it's an official club event I have to wear whites.

I hate wearing uniforms of any description and bowling whites are really naff. They are symptomatic of all the stuffy old rules that bowling clubs have - do this, don't do that. Say 'Good Bowling" to other players etc. Crap.

It's not that I haven't worn whites before. When I was General Manager of Quill and Company a specialist wine, beer and spirits supplier we had a lot of sports clubs as customers and I was often asked to play to represent the company. Here's a pic of our winning team one year where we won, beating all the regular teams.

I don't have any whites so I'll have to go into town tomorrow and buy some - polo shirt, shorts (I'm not going to wear white longs), socks and shoes. Hopefully I can get some cheap as I don't think they'll get much wear.