INTERVIEW #5

 Hello readers. I apologise for the delay in continuing this 'Interview' series but Richard was  wittering about music, complaining about his car and reliving past truck driving exploits. Robert was obsessed with his knee, devils and his new and suspect hobby of recreating car crashes in addition to banging on about religion. All of these things required  helpful and moderating comments from 'yours truly'. I also had some important information to share about new furniture purchases, pretty girls' bottoms, dickhead Luxon and the decline in values in our culture and civilisation.

Anyway ...... here we are with Interview #5

INTERVIEW FIVE - HANS BRINKER

The Curmudgeon: Hello Hans and welcome - or should I say "Hallo Hans en welkom" to The Curmudgeon's Interview series.

Hans Brinker: Ongelofelijk! It's a surprise to hear you speak Dutch The Curmudgeon, Wie zijn billen brandt, moet op de blaren zitten.

The Curmudgeon: Er, I don't know quite what that means Hans and by the way you can just call me TC. All the other readers do, ha ha. I got my Dutch welcome from Google Translate which is where Robert gets his Latin and Italian stuff from.

Hans Brinker: OK, righty-O TC. Thank you for inviting me but I'm a bit interested in ....

The Curmudgeon: In why we asked you in? Yes, well, I've been doing a bit of research on your background - great story by the way and that statue of you in Harlingen is neat - and while there is lots written about you I note that you've never been asked to give your side of the story.

Hans Brinker: This is true TC, sadly whenever I have tried to explain myself someone butts in and ....

The Curmudgeon: Yes, yes but what I want to know is why some people are saying that the story just isn't true?

Hans Brinker: Ya, sorry, yes that grieves me. Some old trout from Amerika, sorry, America named Mary Maples Dodge claims that she made up the story of 'The Little Dutch Boy Who Saved Holland ' and she and others say ...

The Curmudgeon: Yes, yes, yes , I know all that but what I want to know is did you really stick your finger in that dyke?

Hans Brinker: (blushing) Erm, you know TC how stories become embellished and ...

The Curmudgeon: Ha, ha, yes I often do that and quote Samuel Clemens saying "Never let the truth get in the way of a good story."

Hans Brinker: Well, that's kind of what happened to me. I ...

The Curmudgeon: You mean there was no dyke?

Hans Brinker: Well, not exactly, but there was a leak in the dam wall ...

The Curmudgeon: The damned wall?

Hans Brinker: No, no, I don't curse, not 'the damned wall' - the dam wall that the farmers in Harlingen use to keep the flood waters from their crops. I ....

The Curmudgeon: Stuck your finger in it to block it?

Hans Brinker: No, no - I wish you'd let me finish - I just jammed another bit of earth into it to stop the water flow. The farmers had been doing that for centuries.

The Curmudgeon: But the dyke? Where does the story of the dyke come from?

Hans Brinker: (blushing again) Well TC, you've done your research you said. Did you discover a picture of me with a young woman?

The Curmudgeon: Hold on a mo ..... um ... this one?

Hans Brinker: Yes. that was Anika. I er, kind of fancied her and invited her to go skating with me.

The Curmudgeon: Yes, and then you saw the leak in the dyke, I mean the dam.

Hans Brinker: Yes and, as I said I fixed it. It took all of 5 minutes. I hurried it so I could spend some time with Anika.

The Curmudgeon: Oh, so you ......

Hans Brinker: Yes, I got her to give me a kiss and then I (blushing) I, well, you know, I ....

The Curmudgeon: Get it out man.

Hans Brinker: Yes, that's what Anika said to me. You see, I discovered that Anika er, as you say nowadays, 'played for the other side'.

The Curmudgeon: Mmmm? Whats that? Played for the ....... oh....you mean?

Hans Brinker: Yes, precisely.

The Curmudgeon: Oh! I'm not sure that Robert would approve. I hope that he's not reading this ..... hold on, I'll just check how many words we've spoken so far in this interview ..... OK, we're safe ... we've gone well past what he's comfortable reading. He's probably back up there reading about his car crash videos. So, what happened - not, um, you know, um but what happened afterwards.?

Hans Brinker: Some other skaters came up suddenly and saw us and that I had my hand up Anika's skirt. We were very embarrassed (blushing). A friend of Anika's' who knew that she was, er, as we said laughed and went off to tell everyone. She was a real gossip.

The Curmudgeon: OK, got that and I sort of think I can see how the rest came about. This old trout Mary Maples Dodge put a bitt of gloss on the story then?

Hans Brinker: She was a cousin of Anika's from the American side of the family. They were strict Catholics and didn't approve of alternative sexual orientation so buried the gossip in an apocryphal tale.

The Curmudgeon: Ha , ha - well done Hans, I'm glad that you shared that with us. What did you do afterwards? Find a girlfriend - one who wasn't 'playing for the other side'?

Hans Brinker: I became a priest. The experience sort of put me off, you know?

The Curmudgeon: OK, got it. Let's wrap this interview up. Fancy a beer Hans?

Hans Brinker: Yes please. Mine's a Heineken.