I had to talk to the FBI recently to report some scamsters.
The Curmudgeon: Hello. Is that the FBI? I’ve been told that you can help me with a scamster problem.
Agent Sparrow: That is correct sir. I am Agent Sparrow. Please state your problem.
The Curmudgeon: Should I call you Mr Sparrow, Agent Sparrow?
Agent Sparrow: That would be Miss Sparrow if you followed that line of personal address sir, but as that is inappropriate you should call me Agent Sparrow.
The Curmudgeon: Uh, OK, sorry.
Agent Sparrow: Time is at a premium sir. We have miscreants to pursue. Please state your problem.
The Curmudgeon: Oh, um yes. On the internet I joined a site thinking that I was only registering to look and found that the site immediately charged me $159 (US dollars!).
Agent Sparrow: Was this site sir in the nature of prurience, salaciousness, vileness or otherwise socially harmful in its content?
The Curmudgeon: Gosh no. You must be thinking of TSB. I would be too embarrassed to go there. Besides I have bad memories of when I was young and borrowed my brothers magazines. Every time I, um, ‘had a look’ at them someone walked in to my bedroom. Boy that was embarrassing, I…
Agent Sparrow: TSB? Is this a special interest person we should be looking at sir?
The Curmudgeon: No, no. Forget I mentioned him. No, this site was an on-line auction site that purports to be like Trade Me or E-Bay. I think that it is a scam as they set themselves up to immediately deduct money once someone registers and before they bid for anything.
Agent Sparrow: I understand sir. Do you want us to take them out?
The Curmudgeon: Take them out?
Agent Sparrow: Terminate with extreme prejudice sir.
The Curmudgeon: Gosh no, although they probably deserve it. I just want you to stop them from taking my money.
Agent Sparrow: Mmm. This is a little of a low priority for me sir. Are you aware that I graduated top of my class in marksmanship and silent strangulation?
The Curmudgeon: Really? Um, Agent sparrow sir/madam, what are you wearing right now?
Agent Sparrow: Can you be more specific sir?
Agent Sparrow: Step away from the keyboard sir. Keep your hands above desk level. Someone will contact you in person immediately. Have a good day.
7 comments:
You bastard, and I was feeling sorry for you.
Hope the Feebs confiscate all of your computer equipment.
And all of your dangerously addictive and mind altering substances you keep in your "Wine Cellar".
And I remember you had a conversation with a gentleman called "Bin Hire". Now there's suspicious.
Not TSB, never heard of TSB, TSB is a figment of grumpyoldmanreturnsnz's warped imagination.
I've an old war wound you know.
Sorry TSB (Totally Spurious Blip).
Imagining Agent Sparrow's upper thigh with or without a gun strapped to it sent thoughts of loyalty flying from my mind.
Tee hee. I wet myself laughing when I read this.
Me, I just got wet thinking of Agent Sparrow's thighs.
Elma you slut. Get your mind above the gutter or to at least thinking of my thighs. I've got other options you know. TSB has been sniffing around.
Girls. Girls!
As a retired LE executive (before I realized I was just too old to do and decided to teach instead) I get this completely. Thanks for the smile of the day :-)
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