WHY HAVE NOT YOU POSTED YET? (sic)

"Why have not you posted yet?" (sic)

Asked Robert in a comment on my last post.

I had been busy and did not write anything yesterday.

This peeved me a bit so I did a quick check on  the frequency and length (checking quality would be self-defeating) of Robert's posts compared to mine. As a control I also looked at the same with Richard's posts on Richard's Bass Bag.*

The result will not surprise you.

The average length of my posts (measured over 3 months of activity) is 400 words. Obviously some posts are brief and others much longer than that.

The average length of Robert's posts is 65 words. Some are shorter . Very few are longer.

The control group - Richard's Bass Bag, over the last 3 month period shows an average length of posts of 250 words. He has recently adopted a minimalistic approach to blogging and has all but abandoned his lengthy Saturday morning chat posts so it is surmised that older posts would, on average be longer.

When it comes to frequency my blog posts average MORE than one per day. This is because, well, sometimes I post more than once as The Curmudgeon but I do have 27 other blogs that require updating, not daily admittedly but the result is that, on average, The Curmudgeon Incⓒ posts more than once per day.

Richards Bass Bag, the control blog, has slipped of recent and the last 3 months figures show an average posting frequency of once every three days. Disappointing really.

Robert's blog - which is always the same one even when going by different names or being reincarnated after being deleted in a fit of religious pique (or fuelled by a tad too much of the amber fluid) averages a new post every third day. The current one is named Robert The Apathetic Sinner. Disappointing really (we all wish the lag would be longer).

Here's a graph to demonstrate the above.

I trust that this has been helpful.

* Purportedly the original bass bagging blog.

THE UNINVITED GUEST

 I don't know why this memory sprung to mind today.

Years ago at one of the companies I worked for, a not very well liked CEO, in one of his self-aggrandisement moments decided to hold a fancy-schmancy Friday luncheon in the boardroom. He had his secretary create and send out fancy invitation cards to a group of well known wine writers and media influencers. I was on the executive committee (kind of like the board) so didn't think it out of the ordinary that I was invited. What I did think was strange though, when I arrived at the appointed time, to see that I was the only member of the executive there. I nevertheless mingled with the other guests, most of whom I knew or knew of and sipped the very expensive Champagne that was being poured by wait staff. The CEO was mingling at the other end of the room which held about  sixteen people. 

When we were seated at the table the CEO sidled up to me and asked:

 "What are you doing here?" 

 I replied:

"Your secretary sent me an invitation".

"Oh" he said, looking confused and then the penny dropped. A well known wine writer with the same Christian name as mine wasn't there. His secretary had merely assumed that the CEO meant me when he scribbled out a wish list of attendees.

I decided to stick it out because:

• He looked uncomfortable.
• I didn't like him and,
• I saw the great lineup of very expensive wines  planned for the luncheon.

I could tell that he was irked but I politely commented him on a nice turnout and lovely spread. He went to his seat at the head of the table.

The luncheon was superb and the CEO  entertained by mainly talking about himself and his past accomplishments and generally trying to make a good impression on the guests. I of course knew that most of what he said was bullshit or merely facile but sat quietly, enjoying the food and wine and chatted with the people nearest to me. It soon became evident why he had organised this luncheon. He was leaving to set up his own business and was trying to curry favour with industry pundits to aid in future success. He squirmed every time he caught my eye.

I stuck it out for the duration and excused myself when lunch was finished and didn't stay for the after mingle. I went back to my office and had a laugh about it with the people I worked with.

The CEO never mentioned this afterwards but, I suspect, he put the knife into my back before leaving in reports to the owners of the company. No matter though as I had already accepted a handsome redundancy due to a  a very good contract  and had in fact a job offer with another company.

I'm enjoying retirement but miss those silly work episodes where people who are egocentric make fools of themselves. Maybe I should do a series on them.

NEW POST - THE CURMUDGEON'S AGONY AUNT

 

SATAN

PC INTERPRETERS -TWO

I do have an earlier post : PC INTERPRETERS  which is why this post is titled 'PC Interpreters- two'.

The Old Girl and I disagree on the assertions I will make in this post as indeed will the old 'woke' schoolteacher down south who disagreed with my assertions in the aforesaid 'PC Interpreters' post.

I read today about some Hutt Valley secondary school students who have objected to the term 'Mufti' as it is used for a non-school uniform day and who have managed to extort cajole convince their 'woke' headmistress to change the day's name to BE YOURSELF DAY

See: HERE

The school has renamed its no uniform "mufti" day "be yourself day" after concerns the colloquial use of the Arabic word was culturally insensitive.

OK, good on the head girls for lobbying for this and showing some political and social awareness but, boo to the way this was done - non democratically where, because the head mistress and assistant headmaster were afraid of media backlash chose to go along with this rather than to give the whole school, the trustees and governing body the chance to debate it.

Further, to change the name, if it indeed needed to be changed, to a new age, touchy-feely, Californian-type mumbo jumbo piece of jargon like 'Be yourself day' reminds me of the simpering idiocy that Prince Harry is involved in with his new nonsensical job as 'Chief Impact Officer'!

PRINCE HARRY - CHIEF IMPACT OFFICER

WTF!

There are already too many non-jobs around like 'Influencer', 'Brand Champion', 'Customer Services Angel', 'VLOGGER', 'Human Resources Manager' and 'Priest' but this new one the CIO - Chief Impact Officer really takes the cake.

STRAIGHTEN UP AND FLY RIGHT

 

STRAIGHTEN UP AND FLY RIGHT - NAT KING COLE

"The monkey grabbed his neck and said, "Now, listen, Jack

Straighten up and fly right."

 

Well The Old Girl grabbed me by the neck and said "Now listen Jack, I want that shelf straight - OK?"

Yesterday I bought a small shelf and fittings from Mitre 10 because I wanted to tidy up the modem unit and cords behind the desktop computer.

"I hope that you're going to use  a tape measure" she said.

"Yeah, yeah " I replied.

Well tonight, after The Old Girl retired to the bedroom to read her book I set about putting the shelf up. I quickly had a sqizz as to where it would go, drilled a couple of holes for the screw anchors, put it all together and set the modem on top.

Job done!

I stepped back to admire my handiwork.

"Mmm, looks OK to me" I thought.

I then had another though: "How would The Old Girl view it?"

Bugger!

It was after 8PM by this time and I was gasping for a cuppa. There was only one thing to do. I found a small wedge and wedged it under one side of the computer stand.

This has worked a treat and, to the casual observer the shelf looks like it has straightened up and is flying right.

BEFORE

AFTER

Job now done!

I fixed it this morning. I took a small eraser out of the end of a propelling pencil, dropped it into the hole in the shelf where the fixing dowel goes which lifted the right hand side up slightly. it's now almpost square so I don't need the wedge under the computer.

 

"THOUGH I KNOW I'VE DONE NO WRONG - I FEEL GUILT"

 MARIANNE FAITHFULL - GUILT

"You just don't understand"  I said to The Old Girl today when explaining to her that eating breakfast cereals for lunch isn't exactly lunch - it's breakfast.

"I understand you well enough" she replied.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing" I asked.

"Well, it's bad for you she said with a steely look.

Oh no. What does this mean? Has she found out about my peccadillos? 

It's one thing being found out about a particular misdeed but The Old girl, and I guess, most women have the annoying habit of alluding to a lot of other things when having a conversation. As these things are never clearly defined you don't know if she really knows about certain things you've done or not. It really wouldn't do to say something like - "Oh, you mean when I ....." when she knows nothing about this.

NEW POST - THE WINE GUY

 

WHO CARES?

'ERE 'ERE!

This is probably just a first world problem that's isolated to my place but, from time to time it pisses me off. 

The Old Girl aka The Love Of My life has developed a habit of listening to music and audio books through her earphones most of the day and night. In addition to this, when she is working in the study she has over ear headphones on because she is often on conference calls or in online meetings. This makes actually talking to her difficult.

I know that a lot of spouses might consider this to be a dream scenario and one that 'lets them off the hook' for lots of things but I find it annoying.

When I want to ask her something or tell her something or. just say something, I'm always conscious that it interrupts what she is listening to. Sometimes it doesn't seem to matter but, at other times like this evening, she impatiently took the earphones off and said "what!" OK, that doesn't seem extreme but the question I asked her was  what she wanted in her salad that I was making for her. I thought that this was definitely more in her interest than whatever rubbish she was listening to.

Maybe, of course she isn't listening to anything and it's just a ruse to block me out.

Anyway, read this: Earphones

'HIC' EST ENIM CORPUS MEUM

 This is for Robert. I'm sure he doesn't need a lot of inducement to go to Mass on Sundays but, if the day comes when he doesn't feel the faith maybe he could get Norman Greenbaum to give him some ideas to float to the priest.

THE DAY THEY STARTED SELLING BEER IN CHURCH

SILENCE IS GOLDEN*

 * Well, according to The Old Girl anyway when she's working in the study.

The noises I make, which are entirely normal I might add, tend to annoy her.

As I mentioned in an earlier post I got the stereo going again by purchasing a replacement CD-changer from Trade Me. It works brilliantly and I'm rediscovering my old favourite albums whether they be blues, jazz, opera, classical, R&B, rock or pop. I realise that I haven't bought any new music for years having depended on YouTube through the TV to listen to music. As a consequence the newer music, particularly some of the New Zealand artists I like like Aldous Harding, Marlon Williams, Nadia Reid and others are missing. Nevermind - I've still got lots of catching up to do. I can also listen to National Radio through the stereo receiver.

All good but - remember The Old Girl. 

It's no good listening to music on the lowest possible volume setting especially when your hearing is impaired like mine is. The answer had to be headphones.

The headphones and earphones we have are all designed for iPads and iPhones and are bluetooth and mostly wireless. The serero system we have is over 20 years old, has no bluetooth and definitely requires plug in headphones. The jack-plug is also 6.3mm so the tiny plug ins for any wired earphones we have are no good. 

I looked on Trade Me and bought a pair of Sennheiser Momentum headphones for $140. I've priced these in Noel Leeming for nearly $500 so I'm happy.

They will hopefully come in a day or so and with both 3.5mm and 6.3mm jack plugs and a long lead.

I can't wait. I'll be able to listen to either the radio or CDs while sitting at the laptop in the lounge.

POT LUCK*

 * Or, Murphy's Law.

The Old Girl and I often have a pool challenge on the weekend. This is the best of three games while having a couple of glasses of sparkling wine and listening to some favourite music tracks on the iPod.

We usually drink the excellent New Zealand Methode Traditionelles like Deutz but yesterday I'd bought a bottle of Lanson Champagne for a change. After a couple of games - one win each - I poured the second glass for each of us (we get four glasses out of a 750ml bottle) - and started the third frame.

As I was drawing back my cue for a shot I managed to tip over The Old Girl's full glass. Disaster!

Murphy's Law states that for all the times that we've played while drinking cheaper bubbles, no accidents happen. Use a more expensive drink like Champagne and of course some fool will knock a full glass over. We were reduced to sharing the last glass (mine) and The Old Girl won the last frame because I knocked the black ball in by mistake when going for one of the striped balls. Bummer!

BAM BAM WHAMMO!

While waiting for that new and interesting post* from Richard, here's a little post that I know he will appreciate. Richard likes to walk with his walking stick and he is a bit of a fantasist so here goes.

WALKING STICK - LEON REDBONE

When I go walking now, I take my hiking stick which The Old Girl, unkindly, refers to as my walking stick. I know that Richard has one of these (he used to have two but gave one away) as well. He showed it to me on a walk and painstakingly carefully explained how to use it for walking, looking cool and defending yourself from attacking dogs. When he said 'dogs' I knew that he really meant cows, fluffy rabbits, women and all the other things that he's afraid of.

When I walk through the bush on a lonely track I sometimes think of what I'd do if a monster leapt out of the bushes at me. BAM BAM WHAMMO!

OK, I too am a bit of a fantasist.

Anyway, here's something that will help.

HOW TO USE A WALKING STICK FOR SELF DEFENSE

* Oxymoronic I know

THE MOST ANNOYING WORD SO FAR OF THIS MILLENNIUM .......

 .......... GOD.

No, just kidding. That's the most annoying word since the emergence of mankind.

The most annoying word of this millennium is - literally.

1. LITERALLY
   
   adverb
   
   1. In a literal manner or sense; exactly.
   e.g. "the driver took it literally when asked to go straight over the roundabout"
   
   Similar:
   verbatim
   word for word
   line for line
   letter for letter
   to the letter
   exactly
   precisely
   faithfully
   strictly
   strictly speaking
   accurately
   
   Opposite:
   loosely
   imprecisely
   metaphorically
   2. INFORMAL
   used for emphasis while not being literally true.
   "I was literally blown away by the response I got"
   
   
2. 
   




I don't mind the first meaning which is what I was taught many years ago. It's the second one, the 'informal' meaning that really gets up my nose.

Yeah, yeah, I know it's not entirely relevant but I like this cartoon.

I see and hear the word 'literally'  being used everywhere, particularly by younger people.  

What's wrong with them!*

The definition of 'literally' is above (Oxford dictionary). 

When something literally happens it  means that it happens exactly as described. Someone who is literally dying actually falls down or back, stops breathing and all life is expelled from their body. They don't just continue to enjoy eating a piece of chocolate cake or get excited at the view of something.

Usually, the intended word is figuratively, which means that whatever is happening is being described metaphorically. Someone who is figuratively on pins and needles with anticipation is really looking forward to something. Someone who is literally on pins and needles is currently experiencing small puncture wounds on their body.

LITERALLY

* Pedantic old school teachers will, no doubt point out that a question like that should be followed by a question mark but I mean it as an exclamation.

IT'S TOO DARN HOT

 I know you'll groan at the obvious music attachment but I like it, OK?

TOO DARN HOT - ELLA FITZGERALD

"According to the Kinsey report
Ev'ry average man you know
Much prefers to play his favorite sport
When the temperature is low
But when the thermometer goes way up
And the weather is sizzling hot
Mister Adam for his madam is not
Cause it's too too too darn hot
It's too darn hot
It's too darn hot"

It's a beautiful day here. I went for a nice long walk this morning (before it became too darn hot). After lunch I did some weeding in the garden and pulled a whole lot of that bloody convolvulus off the fences and trees where it's trying to get established again but .... I had to stop because - you guessed it - it was too darn hot.

I decided to go for a swim to freshen up which was great - I stayed in for ages before getting out and having a shower.  Beautiful.

I've now turned the TV on and am waiting for the live coverage of the America's Cup race(s). Now this I'm really looking forward to. I was a bit anti this competition over the last couple of years but once I watched the first race of the Prada Cup at Christmas I was hooked. Team New Zealand's (Emirates Team New Zealand) wins over the last couple of days have been possibly the greatest sporting events and turnaround for many years. Even detractors would have to admit that. Robert?

While waiting in the lounge I fired up the laptop as The Old Girl is working in the study and I've been banished. I thought I'd check the blogs (disappointing) and write a new post. I'm sitting at the dining table and have my back to the west-facing windows. It's nice with the afternoon sun coming in but - you guessed it again - it's too darn hot.

We took the curtains down a couple of weeks ago to do measurements for new blinds. The blinds have been ordered but will take  a few weeks to be made up.

I might have to turn on the new Mitsubishi heat pump and put it on the coldest setting.

I hope you are having a pleasant day.

GO TEAM NEW ZEALAND!

LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL ....

 

LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL

I INITIALLY TYPED THE HEADING AS "LET THE GOD TIMES ROLL" BUT FORTUNATELY SPOTTED THE ERROR AND CHANGED IT.

Sorry about the capitals - I forgot to change the setting before typing the above and can't be stuffed retyping.

Saying "Let the god times roll", after yesterday's announcement from the Vatican, would be an affront to the LGBT community. I'm not part of that community - not that there's anything wrong with that according to SEINFELD

The announcement of course was this:

On Monday, Pope Francis approved the response by the CDF, saying it was "not intended to be a form of unjust discrimination, but rather a reminder of the truth of the liturgical rite".

Some parishes in recent months, including in Germany and the US, have started giving blessings to people in same-sex relationships as a way to welcome gay Catholics to the church, Reuters news agency reported.

The CDF's response was in answer to the question posed to it: "Does the Church have the power to give the blessing to unions of persons of the same sex?". It replied: "Negative".

The CDF noted that marriage between a man and a woman is sacrament and therefore blessings cannot be extended to same-sex couples.

 Quite strange really coming from a group of guys who sit around wearing dresses.

Anyway - back to let the good times roll.

Of course I'm referring to that outstanding sailing performance by Team New Zealand yesterday turning a 4 minute deficit into a 4 minute victory. Whatever happens today and for the rest of the cup challenge won't take away any gloss for what must be the sporting event of the century so far.

Oh, and the tennis this morning in ideal conditions followed by a swim and long and leisurely dip in the 'millpond' bay was good too.

DAMNED TIDY PEOPLE

 We went around to a neighbour's place the other night for drinks and takeaway dinner.

It was very pleasant and we enjoyed ourselves and drunk too much.

The trouble was though, that their place - an old bungalow - has been renovated to a very high standard.

I could see The Old Girl looking at: the spacious kitchen with it's gleaming appliances; the lounge and sitting room with its windows that close and seal properly; the tidy deck with the new adjustable covering; the back deck, shed and garage that were nicely painted and in pristine condition; the well-kept garden with defined areas for lawn, vegetable garden and flower borders.

All this and - everything was spotlessly clean, shiny and fresh looking. The lawns appeared to have been cut with scissors and nail clippers. Basically it put me to shame.

I realise that the man of the house there has some sort of OCD compulsion and, going by the state of the house generally his wife must also suffer from some sort of cleaning compulsion.

Our house is an old villa, a bit older than theirs and in no way in as good condition. I'd have to spend a month of sundays cleaning, scraping, painting, weeding, mowing, fitting, replacing, building, renovating and getting tradesmen in and still wouldn't get near to their standard.

 It's no coincidence that today The Old Girl is spring cleaning the house and I have a big list of things to do. 

Bugger!

IF MUSIC BE THE FOOD OF LOVE ....

 .... you know the rest.

OK, I know that the image doesn't fit the quote or the theme but I thought that Richard would appreciate it (but not the spelling).

As I posted earlier, I had some trouble with fixing the CD player and ordering another one:  HERE  and  HERE

The second one I ordered arrived yesterday. Eagerly I connected it to the amp, plugged it in and pressed 'OPEN'. Nothing happened. I tried several times, pressing different buttons and still the CD drawer wouldn't open. This was exactly the problem with the original and the reason that I munted it tried to fix it. Bugger!

I sent an email to the Trade Me seller. He replied quickly that to ship it he had taped up the opening mechanism. I looked and there was no evidence of tape. I decided to take the cover off - 5 screws - carefully as my slapdash effort last time didn't work. I spied the tape, removed it, reassembled the unit and plugged it in. Nothing. Bugger!

I contacted the seller again. He said that he had put two sections of sellotape on it. I pulled the machine apart again and had to remove the front panel and a locking bar  - 3 more screws - and, hidden underneath was the other tape. I removed it and set up the unit again. I pressed 'OPEN' and sure enough it opened as it was supposed to.

I selected a CD - Beauty Spot a NZ Symphony Orchestra compilation and played it. The sound was wonderful and reminded me of what we'd been missing for the last couple of years while we haven't been able to use the stereo system. We've been using iPod speakers and the television to listen to music. The stereo sound was amazing. Our system is old - about 20 years but the gear still works well (even though the CD changer failed). The amp is a DENON DRA-455 and the speakers TANNOY. I'm looking forward to listening again to the music collection we have  - "Not that bloody Scott Walker or Captain Beefheart stuff though Matey" said the Old Girl.

HEAT PUMPS

 Yep, old Charles nailed it there.

We've just had a couple of heat pumps installed - one in the lounge area and one in the main bedroom.

I've resisted doing this for years believing that it was 'wussy' and instead relying on the wood burners for the odd very cold winter days and nights and opening doors and windows in the summer heat.

The Old Girl is up here permanently now so things change.*

We need, apparently, machines to blow out cold air when it's hot and warm air when it's cold. We chose Mitsubishi as The Old Girl sought advice from the engineers at her work and that's what they recommended. We got the largest  residential one they had for the lounge as it's a very large area that's open to the kitchen area and a smaller one for the bedroom. The outside unit for the large one is humungous:

The installation guys had their work cut out for them (and had to do a lot of cutting) .....

...... as we have an old villa with very high ceilings. They had to spend a bit of time in the roof space running electrical cables down walls and in the ceiling. It took them two full days. I'm glad that I had the ceiling ladder installed last year allowing easy access. The main installer took extra care to get all of the internal lines behind walls as, he said he owns an old villa himself and would hate to see exposed cables running down the walls inside. Overall it was a very good job.

* An understatement.

NEW POST - THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON

BEWARE OF THE GOD

SITTING ON THE BACKSEAT - GETTING THINNER?

So, do you remember this?

HUGO AND HOLLY

Right. Then think about it and then think about an alternative - sitting on my backside - getting fatter.

On our Rakiura Stewart Island trip we did a lot of walking - even more than usual and I managed to lose a couple of kilos. This wasn't the plan as I've long ago given up the idea of being as skinny as I was in my twenties.

1979

I'm not obese and, given the limitations of a medical event and a dodgy knee, I try to keep reasonably fit by going on 3 to 5 km walks four times a week, playing tennis twice a week and trying to play 9 holes of golf a couple of times a week.

All good.

But .... last Friday I stupidly climbed up on a high stone fence to take some photographs and, even more stupidly, jumped down afterwards and munted my right foot.

I've had it strapped up and have used cold compress pads but haven't been to the doctors. I pretty much know that if I go they will say it's a double sprain and I should - strap it up and use cold compress pads. This way I save the doctors, ACC and myself a lot of time, cost and trouble.

The annoying thing though is that, being sensible (The Old Girl is up here and is keeping a beady eye on me) I haven't walked and  played golf and tennis for four days!

I'm getting fatter.

WORDS LIKE WOT I WROTE

 

We subscribe to the NZ Listener, that excellent weekly magazine that Robert eschews and scorns. I like it for the weekly political, social, literary and other columns but particularly for the crosswords, the code cracker and the Sudoku puzzles. I occasionally put in an entry for the caption contest for which I've won once and had some runner-ups but generally this disappoints because the judge of that defaults to low-brow captions.

I particularly like the Wordsworth column which is a literary competition setting readers a different challenge each week. I don't contribute regularly but I've had some honorary mentions and this week my contribution was the winner.

This might spur me on to contribute more often.

SPECIAL NOTICE FOR RICHARD

 

A RICHARD INSPIRED POST

 

" ......while we have breath"

Which reminds me of an old joke. "Big breaths" said the doctor to the girl when he was going to check her with a stethoscope.
"Yeth" she says "and I'm only thixteen."*

The neighbours house has been sold

The Old Girl in Scotland

Rosie the dog playing with a tree branch

Bikes at South Pataua beach

A tree

A philosophical cartoon

Outstanding sculpture

* This joke was invented before the days of awareness of sensitivity issues. Sorry.