INTERVIEW #18

 There's been a lot happening this week which provided potential material for this next interview:

• In USA the disgusting 'right wing' Fox News presenter and influencer Tucker Carlson got the boot, surprising his millions of rabid and reactionary viewers and followers. News just to hand showed him in a video clip while preparing for his once nightly show scathingly referring to his audience as being post -menopausal which hopefully is the last nail in his coffin and many of the 'post-menopausal' idiots won't follow him in future. I'm not sure whether I'm more offended by this turkey's rabid red neck views or the fact that he's been cynically pretending to hold them to further the Republican party's agenda, Fox News positioning and to line his own pockets. Anyway I'm pleased to see the bastard go. To Russia with luck.

• In New Zealand another Maori Labour minister has embarrassed herself by leaving Labour to go to the Maori Party. Remember Tariana Turia who made a fool of herself by, in a fit of self-indulgent pique (her ego was dented when she was photographed hiding in the back of a car which largely precipitated her actions) left Labour to join the then new Maori Party. Prime Minister Helen Clark said that Turia had shown "an astonishing lack of perspective" and I agree with her. Now Meka Whaitiri has announced she has resigned from Labour and intends to sit with Te Pāti Māori in Parliament and stand for the party at the election. She does this with limited understanding of Parliamentary rules and protocol and a gutless and very rude decision not to have the decency to inform the prime minister of her intentions. 

• King Charles III is to be crowned on Saturday so most media has been full of it (like he is) with endless wittering about what they are going to wear, eat or listen to and with the on-going train wreck of the Sussexes and their long-lasting tantrum. Sheesh! We've interviewed the ginger idiot before and also the deceased Duke of Edinburgh so maybe should interview Chuck or his eldest son sometime soon - but not now. 

• Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner, toilet cleaner, threatener of eternal damnation, music snob and sucker 'came out' this week - no, not that - he came out with a claim that he has Maori ancestry with a whakapapa going back over 500 years. He said and I broadly quote: "Before there was the King of England looking over us New Zealanders, us tangata whenua, we were a group of independent communities with chiefs. It was like a big family, and everyone looked after each other in their own group.
  It worked well for about 500 years until we depleted all the easily acquired protein like roast chicken, sausages, pork belly and boiled dog. As the family groups grew larger, they needed more than the kumara, the potato crops the original settlers brought from the northern islands. The reconstituted mashed potato I like wasn't invented than and neither was my favourite - fish burgers and wedges.
  Sadly, some groups were so desperate that they started eating other groups.
  Though this seemed like a good idea at the time, the long-term effects of eating human brain resulted in a disease that led to erratic behave and madness.
  This legacy pervades even today. and it has been suggested that this is why my grammar is so appalling."

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Today, inspired by Robert's surprising claim, we have arranged to interview Sacheen Littlefeather who also lied about her identity. 

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At the 1973 Academy Awards ceremony, Marlon Brando chose  Sacheen Littlefeather to publicly decline, on his behalf, the best actor Oscar he received for “The Godfather” and to call out Hollywood’s mistreatment of native or indigenous  Americans.  Littlefeather introduced herself as an Apache and president of the National Native American Affirmative Image Committee, and delivered a short speech that was interrupted by scattered applause and boos. The media and Hollywood’s elite at the time derided Brando for the gesture and others looked into Littlefeather’s background , questioning her motives and accusing her of faking her identity. The Academy and various media later apologised for this but after Littlefeather’s death last year, Native American writer and activist Jacqueline Keeler wrote an opinion column, published by the San Francisco Chronicle, alleging Littlefeather "committed ethnic fraud" by pretending to be Native American for more than 50 years. It's an interesting story and you should look it up.

THE CURMUDGEON: Welcome Sacheen Littlefeather to Interview number 18 where you get a chance to put forward your story.

SACHEEN LITTLEFEATHER: Thank you The Curmudgeon for this opportunity - one that I haven't had much before.  Jacqueline Keeler's article unleashed a bigger discussion among Native American activists and scholars, one that goes much deeper than most people’s understanding of Native cultures and tribal identity and ..... 

THE CURMUDGEON: ... Yeah, yeah, I ....

SACHEEN LITTLEFEATHER:  ... some took Keeler to task for “policing” Indigenous identity, arguing that such efforts have isolated and hurt those earnestly trying to reconnect with their Native tribes. Keeler publicly tracks “Pretendians,” people who appear to be falsely claiming and profiting off Native American heritage and I disp ...

THE CURMUDGEON: Yeah, Yeah .... hey! Can I just call you Sasheen? I'm getting tired of typing SACHEEN LITTLEFEATHER everytime you bang on about something. You remind me of Robert who ....

SACHEEN LITTLEFEATHER: ... Yes that's OK if I can call you TC. Who's this Robert?

THE CURMUDGEON: OK Sash - Robert is Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner, toilet cleaner, threatener of eternal damnation, music snob and sucker who actually has some similarities with you ...

SACHEEN LITTLEFEATHER: Sacheen please.

TC: Right. Now Sash er, Sacheen, you say that you are a native American.

SACHEEN:  I'm Apache and president of the National Native American Affirmative Image Committee ...

TC: Yea, whatever but your sisters and the rest of your family say that they are not um, indigenous Americans. How do you account for that?

SACHEEN: They are confused and don't have my particular traits of ...

TC: .... of mental health issues, which include a schizoaffective bipolar diagnosis.

SACHEEN: .... That's ...

TC:  ... an exact quote from the investigation into your claims at the time.

SACHEEN: Yes but the most straightforward way of belonging to a tribe or nation is to be enrolled in it. Some tribes ask potential members to show lineal descent, meaning an ancestor who was a registered member. But many require a “blood quantum” — that is, a minimum amount of “Indian blood.” There are a lot of issues with this way of determining heritage. As Elizabeth Rule, a professor of race, gender and culture studies at American University said in 2018, these were not genetic assessments, and officials would mark someone as “full blood” based on appearance or cultural involvement in the community. 

TC: So you just say that you'r an Indigenous American and that's it?

SACHEEN: Well The Academy Museum of Motion Pictures  now  recognises 'self-identification'.

TC: I read somewhere that the White Mountain Apache tribe you claimed to be part of could not find any record of your family and that you were denied membership. How does that go for your 'self identification'?

SACHEEN: I think that you're being very rude. Maybe I should be talking to ... what's his name? Robert  ... Robert the pathetic sucking sinner, toilet brush and sob story promulgator?

TC:  Near enough ... that actually makes more sense than what he calls himself - 'Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner, toilet cleaner, threatener of eternal damnation, music snob and sucker' but, good luck with that I say.

SACHEEN: Why do you say that TC?

TC: Now don't you start. I get enough of that Socratic method stuff from Robert the apathe ... from Robert.

SACHEEN: Is Robert an Indigenous American too?

TC: I know that he'd like to be especially if you gave him a big flag and a nice hat but he's busy claiming to be Maori at the moment  - a Maori cannibal.

SACHEEN: Eeyew! You know what that means ....

TC: ... yes ...  Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy (BSE), or Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease  aka Mad Cow Disease .... Oh no, he'll be adding that to his title - I just know it.

SACHEEN: So this Robert. like me pret ... has discovered that he has native genealogy?

TC: Yeah - he calls it tangata whenua whakapapa. Don't ask.

SACHEEN: I won't but I think that I already like him.

TC: That figures.

SACHEEN: What?

TC: I said diggers. The diggers that the drain-layers used are being picked up.

SACHEEN: Mmmmm. Look, I've got to go now. Get Robert the ... get Robert to contact me for advice on his journey of discovery.

TC: Yeah, that worked out well for you didn't it.

SACHEEN: What?

TC: er I said a hat will wok with him, if it'll fit.

SACHEEN: Mmmmm.