SATURDAY MORNING FORUM

A long time ago another blogger had a feature on his blog - 'Saturday Morning Forum' or something where he had some imaginary friends in for a discussion about things that happened during the week. That's long gone since he trashed his blog and all of its history - some of which was creative and interesting. Oh well, "say lavee" as Robert would probably write. I think that I'll create a Saturday morning forum and will name it Saturday Morning Forum. How cool is that?

To start with it's appropriate to have the three principal bloggers in discussion so I've invented a conversation between myself - The Curmudgeon, Richard - Richard's Bass Bag and Robert - Robert - Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner, toilet cleaner, threatener of eternal damnation, music snob and sucker.

Robert's strange title takes up too much space so we'll just call him Bob. We'll call Richard RBB and I'll go by the moniker TC. OK?

TC: Welcome guys to the inaugural Saturday Morning Forum.

BOB: That's a cool name and idea. I'll pray that it goes w...

RBB: ... That's my idea. I created that years ago.

TC:  Yes, don't get your big black knickers in a twist there RBB. I mentioned in the preamble that you had something similar but you didn't use a cool font (lobster) when writing it. Besides, you junked it along with the first two generations of your blog.

BOB: I recall that RBB's Saturday morning thingy had that blasphemous Jesus character in it - Angry Jesus. I felt dirty just reading it.

RBB: Well you should put your pants on when blogging Bob and keep your hands ...

TC: ... Guys! Guys - let's not start this out badly. This is a great chance for you to explain the philosophy of your blog to the many readers that this post will generate. RBB I'm surprised at you since I've noticed recently that your blogging has become more moderate - almost grandfatherly.

RBB: Ha ha - you noticed. Yes, since I've become a grandfather life is much rosier ...

BOB: Holier?

RBB: No. I said "rosier" . Shoosh!

TC: Now Bob, don't upset grandad. You know that my nieces call me 'Gruncle'?

BOB and RBB: Gruncle?

TC:  Yes 'Gruncle'. I'm a great-uncle twice over. It's better than being called 'Peter-pops' like they used to call me

BOB: No one calls me anything like that even though I pray a lot. All I hear is "Hey you!" or, "Stop thief!"

RBB : Ha ha - those old Spike Milligan jokes are still good

TC:  Hey you! ---- oops, sorry, Bob - when you say that you pray a lot, what goes on there? Is it like text messaging or sending an email?

BOB: No, why would you say that?

TC: Don't get all Socratic on me . What I mean is - when you send a text there's a little message that pops up to tell if the text was delivered safely and another to inform that it has been read by the recipient. It also has a little blinking sign to show that it is being responded to. Are prayers like that?

BOB: No, we don't have blinking signs ...

RBB: Watch your language Bob.

TC:  Ha ha - no, I'm wondering how you know that your invocations - sorry, prayers have gone through and received  - read even?

BOB: I have faith that the blessed Virgin hears my prayers ...

RBB: ... language Bob. Here we go again on that 'Faith' nonsense. So, in the absence of any proof or reality you just dream up what you want to be. I'd call it 'wish' not 'faith'.

TC: Oh dear - I've set them off again. Look - just to be clear - why can't Mary - it's Mary right? - Why can't Mary have a little blinking light on ...

RBB: Language TC.

TC: (Sheesh!) ... have a little light that flashes beneath her statue saying "Got it Bob!" or something similar? Just asking.

BOB: I think that you're being fashet ..fascis .. faceer .. taking the piss there ..

RBB: Language Bob.

TC: Well it is my forum - the Saturday Morning Forum ha ha.

RBB: Where's the coffee?

TC: What?

RBB: The coffee. In my forum we had coffee. Angry Jesus liked it and always asked for more.

TC: You could have just given him a cup of water and asked him to make his own.

RBB: What? Oh ... I see what you did there.

BOB: That's blasphemous.

RBB: I see that you can say big words when they are silly religious ones you sanctim ...

TC: Hey! Cut it out. I'll go and make you a coffee. Espresso? Macciato? Americano? Flat White? Latte? ...

RBB: None of that fancy crap. Just a Gregg's instant is fine

TC: We don't have instant coffee here. It tastes awful and gives you cancer.

BOB: I'll have a latte please.

RBB: Shoosh! What sort of place is this? I bet you have bloody labels on the bottles as well ...

BOB: I'll have a latte please.

RBB: ... I bet you chill your red wines too (opens fridge door) Yes, look at that cold bloody pinot noir.

BOB: I'll have a latte please.

TC: Get out of my fridge RBB. Show some manners.

RBB: Bob's gone.

TC: What?

RBB: Bob's gone. He couldn't be bothered waiting for that latte. He mumbled something about there being more chance of a coffee from Dion's coffee cart up on Wainuiomata hill.

TC: Oh no - don't start him off on that again.

RBB: Yep - I don't fancy Reuben and his brothers giving me a dusting up again. I'd better go.

TC: Yes go RBB. Run Richard run ...

Well I guess that didn't go as well as I thought. I'd better have better guests for next week's Saturday Morning Forum.

Stay posted.