OVER THE TOP

 The house that The Old Girl is 'house-sitting' is pretty nice and very well appointed. Too well appointed. It's ultra modern and has too many 'bells and whistles' for me. It's form over substance really and, while it does have wall hangings and paintings reminds me of this very funny scene from Absolutely Fabulous.

All the window blinds in the house are motorised and require using a remote to operate them. As there are 10 windows with motorised blinds, each with their own code for operation it's a bit of a lottery as to which one goes up when. It's like one of those opening and closing doors scenes from an old Buster Keaton comedy.

The kitchen, as you can imagine is a nightmare. In the pantry is a very pristine-looking and complicated espresso maker with a grinder. This thing comes with an instruction book that's hardback and the size and weight of a novel. Needless to say we don't dare touch it.

The hob is some sort of fancy glass panel thing with electronic sensors. If you ever work out how to drive it (I haven't and ask The Old Girl for help) the 'elements' only operate if a pot or a pan is on them. If you lift the pot the thing switches off. It's very annoying and is like those automatic doors in The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy that I've just finished reading.

The microwave and oven are 'space-age' contraptions that don't operate like anything I've ever used. I've sort of mastered the microwave I think which is some sort of mini nuclear thermal device but neither of us can work out the oven. I guess that it'll go unused during the 3 month period. At least it means that it won't need cleaning as the house owner is even more OCD that The Old Girl.

The external doors have no keys requiring codes to be punched in for access. I wonder what might happen if there's a power cut.

I'll be happy to get back home to my 1910 era villa where things while old, make sense - kind of like me I like to think.