INTERVIEW #22

 As I mentioned in the previous post I'm 'working' in the study this week and next week which means that I can write more meaningful posts.

The Interview Series has gone very well with Interview #21 receiving 8 comments. I can see that readers are waiting for a new one.

This interview, Interview #22 is with and our guest interviewer today is The Aluminium Foil Curmudgeon.

BREAKING NEWS!

We apologise that the planed interview with a controversial New Zealand political figure has been cancelled - sorry The Aluminium Foil Curmudgeon - but we are excited to bring you one of the world's most beloved and perhaps misunderstood being, The Easter Bunny. 

THE CURMUDGEON: Welcome The Easter Bunny. We at The Curmudgeon's        Inc.ⓒ are so excited that you can be here for this interview.     

  

                                  

THE EASTER BUNNY: No problem The Curmudgeon. Some Guy named Trent Horn asked me in for coffee but other than that I had nothing else on. Hey! Call me EB if you want.

THE CURMUDGEON: OK EB - you can call me TC - most of the readers do. So - Trent Horne eh? What was that about?

THE EASTER BUNNY: Nothing really. My PR person ran out of ideas I think and this Horn guy's been badgering us for an interview. I wasn't really interested as he plays for the other team.

THE CURMUDGEON: "Plays for the other team" .... you mean ...

THE EASTER BUNNY: Oh! No, ha ha, not that .... not that there's anything wrong with that ... no, I mean that he's part of that Catholic religion thing which is one of my competitors.

THE CURMUDGEON: Right. So you have a PR office then?

THE EASTER BUNNY: Yep, it's been necessary as we've had a lot of bad press over the years, talking of which, can you get rid of that image of me you used TC? It puts me in a bad light you know.

THE CURMUDGEON: Ha ha ... sorry. I see what you mean. Like some of those horrible pedophile-looking Santas I guess.

THE EASTER BUNNY: Yes, but mind you, most of those guys were like those other guys in the frocks.

THE CURMUDGEON: "Other guys in the frocks"? Oh - you mean the Catholic priests and brothers. Yes, I guess they liked to get little kids to sit in their laps as well. Anyway EB I'm keen to know a bit more about you because frankly you are really not that well known compared to Santa, Jesus, God, The Tooth Fairy and the Spaghetti Monster.

THE EASTER BUNNY: My names not Frank TC. Some other guy was trying to call me Shirley recently and, come to think of it, he mentioned that Spaghetti Monster as well. Some old guy.

THE CURMUDGEON: Maybe it was that old guy Richard. He gets a bit confused. I put it down to old age and living with a constant droning sound worse that tinnitus.

THE EASTER BUNNY: I guess. I do know what you're saying though - about the competitors I don't know why people waste so much time and money on them. None of them are as believable and as cuddly as me. Look - here's a better pic that I got the PR's art department to run up:

THE CURMUDGEON: Mmmm ... it's an improvement but you have to be careful nowadays to not let the intention be misconstrued. It's always dangerous associating young children with adults and also there are the 'new' gender issues to deal with.

THE EASTER BUNNY: (sighs) yeah, I know. Things aren't as simple as they once were.

THE CURMUDGEON: That leads in to the question - how did it all begin with you?

THE EASTER BUNNY: Well, I've always been around you know since antiquity. The old people admired my - ahem - prowess in procreation and the eggs I always carry around they saw as fertility symbols, bless them. Those silly Christians later adopted the symbols - about the first century AD, or CE as many say today.

THE CURMUDGEON: Ah, I was wondering about that. So, you are associated with Christianity as well then?

THE EASTER BUNNY: Not by choice matey. I just kind of got adopted. As I said in 1CE the Phoenix Egg was adopted by the silly fuckers and I came along for the ride. Later, in Medieval times the crazy Catholics decided that certain foodstuffs should be prohibited during Lent and eggs were among them. They'd gorge themselves and stock up on eggs before Lent and then have another binge at Easter Time after Lent. I was pretty popular both before and after Lent matey, I tell you.

THE CURMUDGEON: Yeah OK but where did all that chocolate stuff come from?

THE EASTER BUNNY: Well the Europeans, particularly the Germans ,used to use decorative eggs - real ones that they painted and had ceremonies around. This went on for a long time and, in some places it still does. In the 18th century the German immigrants who settled in Pennsylvania in USA took the tradition with them, and me. They called me “Osterhase” or “Oschter Haws”  the egg-laying hare (don't ask). Their children made nests where I could lay coloured eggs. Eventually, the custom spread right across the U.S. and, being fat and greedy Americans they changed the real eggs to chocolate and other types of candy eggs, adding gifts, to decorated baskets that replaced the nests. 

THE CURMUDGEON: Bloody Americans.

THE EASTER BUNNY: Yeah but I have to admit, it's been good for me for a few hundred years now although I am putting on a bit of weight.

THE CURMUDGEON: You're still associated with Easter then?

THE EASTER BUNNY: Oh yeas, Easter's my thing. Unfortunately the Catholics have been bringing religion into it though which is a downer. I mean, who wants to hear about some revolutionary being tortured and executed - over and over again. It should all be about me - I am The Easter Bunny after all. In folklore I'm a figure and symbol of Easter and bring Easter eggs. Among German Lutherans, the "Easter Hare" originally played the role of a judge, evaluating whether children were good or disobedient in behaviour at the start of the season of Eastertide. You can see where that bastard Santa Claus got his "naughty or nice" list from. He copied me. As part of the legend, I carry coloured eggs in its basket, as well as candy, and sometimes toys, to the homes of children. 

THE CURMUDGEON: Whew! I didn't know that. I thought that Cadbury's or some other chocolate company invented you.

THE EASTER BUNNY: Ha ha, well, hold onto your hat TC. Santa Claus isn't the only plagiarist when it comes to me and my lore. The Christian Church adopted me as a popular motif in medieval church art. In ancient times, it was widely believed that the hare was a hermaphrodite - the idea that a hare could reproduce without loss of virginity. You can see where I'm going with this. Yes, Robert's right, this led to an association with the Virgin Mary, with hares sometimes occurring in illuminated manuscripts and Northern European paintings of the Virgin and Christ Child. I was also associated with the Holy Trinity as in the three hares motif.

Have a look at these:

THE CURMUDGEON: Interesting. I particularly like the nice Aryan features of Mary and the Christ child.

THE EASTER BUNNY: Yes, but they've got brown eyes though.

THE CURMUDGEON: Ha ha - I heard that before somewhere. So the Christians and especially the Catholics stole your identity?

THE EASTER BUNNY: Of course. They stole everything and repackaged it. Greek, Roman, ancient paganism, Chinese and Indian religions, names for months and days of the week – even the concept of a seven-day week – were borrowed from Roman paganism. From early in the Christian era, the Feast of the Annunciation (Jesus's conception) has been celebrated on March 25, the ancient Roman date of the spring equinox. .... I can go on ...

THE CURMUDGEON: No, no, I get the idea. What are you going to do about it?

THE EASTER BUNNY: I'm thinking of stealing a lot of stuff back. If you can't beat them then join them. I'm thinking of making The Easter Bunnyⓒ an official religion. You notice that I trademarked the name? Religion is where the big money is at.

THE CURMUDGEON: Makes sense - or as much sense as all that other nonsense then ... speaking of which ...

THE EASTER BUNNY: ....I know what you're going to say. Believability - that's it isn't it? Well, you're right. The believability of me, The Tooth Fairy, elves, dragons and even that old fraud Santa has been taking quite a hit over the last century. I blame social media for most of it. What I want to do though is borrow that catch-all concept that the Christians, in particular the Catholics have successfully used for ever. Faith. 

THE CURMUDGEON: What's George Michael got to do with it?

THE EASTER BUNNY: well nothing really. I just like the song.

THE CURMUDGEON: Fair enough. Then you're saying you'll link yourself to a new religion and use that old chestnut 'faith' to carry the message?

THE EASTER BUNNY: Sort of. What I mean is that 'faith' in the way that Catholics use it is a great non sequitur. It has circular logic like Joseph Heller's 'Catch 22' that confuses people - especially stupid people of whom most of the world's population is made up of. It makes their heads hurt. They prefer to just be told "You have to have faith to believe in god. If you don't have faith then you can't believe in god and he can't love you so you'll go to hell" - that kind of stuff and, to back it up against anyone with half a brain they use the old heretic charge and excommunication - Heresy is defined by the Catholic Church as "the obstinate denial or obstinate doubt after the reception of baptism of some truth which is to be believed by divine and Catholic faith".

THE CURMUDGEON: Yep - I recognise some of that stuff from reading Robert's blog and of course the Catechism from my schooldays,. will you have a 'catechism'?

THE EASTER BUNNY: Of course. We have to have this shit nonsense doctrine written down so that we can prove it to the followers. I've got a team of experts working on it now. ChatGPT and AI is proving to be invaluable in this. We just make everything we say look old and then, through 3D printing and some other gimmicks pretend to 'discover' some old manuscripts from a couple of thousand years ago to prove our teaching.  I'm going to call it More. In Old English, carrots  were called moru or more (from Proto-Indo-European *mork- 'edible root', cf. German Möhre or Russian морковь (morkov)).

THE CURMUDGEON: Good thinking. We need more of this (see what I did there?). I note that you say 'we' a lot when talking of this new religion as well as 'I'. Do you mean your team when you say 'we'?

THE EASTER BUNNY: Well spotted TC. That's why I prefer to talk to you and not that Trent guy. I can tell you here and now that I'm in talks with The Tooth Fairy, The Sandman, Jack Frost and The Spaghetti Monster. We're thinking of joining forces in a sort of incorporation - not a confederation as those have all ended up rather badly.

THE CURMUDGEON: The Curmudgeon's Inc.ⓒ is a bit like that.

THE EASTER BUNNY: Yes, I've taken note of the success of your 'incorporation' in fact, that's why I'm keen to talk to you ...

THE CURMUDGEON: .... um, I don't want to become a religion ...

THE EASTER BUNNY: .... no, no. that's OK, I mean that I've noted your successes - 8 comments on that last interview post alone - and want to hire you as a consultant or advisor. I'd like to get rid of that useless PR outfit I/we currently use.

THE CURMUDGEON: OK, deal. I'll take it on but what about Santa Claus?

THE EASTER BUNNY: I don't like him/her/it - you know that but there is still a bit of a residual franchise there. we're thinking of letting it run on its own for at least another Christmas and then to seek an amalgamation when its a bit weaker. We're going to set up our own retail stores, on-line and actual, which takes time and then take over one of the struggling social media platforms. Twitter is buggered but maybe Google or Instagram would do.

THE CURMUDGEON: Wow! That's pretty big thinking EB. Best wishes for that.

THE EASTER BUNNY: Essere felice come una Pasqua.

THE CURMUDGEON: Whaa..?

THE EASTER BUNNY: It's an old Italian saying. It means 'be as happy as Easter'.

THE CURMUDGEON: You should say 'be as hoppy as Easter'.

THE EASTER BUNNY: Ha ha - that's why I want you as a marketing consultant TC. Maybe I'll dump that old Italian guy.

THE CURMUDGEON: "Old Italian guy?  You mean ...?"

THE EASTER BUNNY: Yeah. His sayings are all a bit dated and he drinks too much.

THE CURMUDGEON: Bye EB. Thanks for calling in.