INTERVIEW #27

 I notice that we haven't had an interview for a while so luckily for readers,  Friar Tuck stepped in to have a wee chat.

THE CURMUDGEON: Welcome Friar Tuck. It's a pleasure to have you on The Interview series of The Curmudgeon's blog.

FRIAR TUCK: Thanks The Curmudgeon - can I call you TC? I've heard a lot of good things about this blog.

THE CURMUDGEON: I appreciate that Fria ... can I call you FT? You can of course call me TC. Where did you hear about my blog?

FRIAR TUCK: On the Religious Curmudgeon's blog. As you know he 'borrowed' that image of me and we've kind of kept in touch.

THE CURMUDGEON: Ha ha - yes, we at The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ tend to borrow a few things from the web - kind of like the way Quentin Tarantino does with movies.

FRIAR TUCK: Yeah, that twat. I notice though that you're pretty quick at putting the copyright Ⓒ on your Inc. name.

THE CURMUDGEON: Ha ha .... er, you noticed that? We did that some time ago when another blogger who has a generally unheard of blog was sniffing around trying to form his own incorporation. It turned out to be unsuccessful though.

FRIAR TUCK: Why was that TC?

THE CURMUDGEON: He used an archaic and out of favour allusion to The Confederacy. As you know this has been controversial and he introduced his idea at the same time that Confederacy flags and statues were being removed from public places in the USA.

FRIAR TUCK: What a dick!

THE CURMUDGEON: That's right, Richard of Richard's Bass Bag.

FRIAR TUCK: What does he do may I ask.

THE CURMUDGEON: He's an ex schoolteacher.

FRIAR TUCK: Oh dear.

THE CURMUDGEON: And a double bass player.

FRIAR TUCK: Oh my. That explains his clinging on to anachronous ideas.

THE CURMUDGEON: Look FT, as you might have learned from TRC, in this interview series we give people who don't get much press to put their own stories forward.

FRIAR TUCK: TRC?

THE CURMUDGEON: The Religious Curmudgeon. Keep up FT.

FRIAR TUCK: Ah, right. You know a bit about my story then TC?

THE CURMUDGEON:  Yes, a few bits and pieces. Generally you are portrayed as being very overweight and that you seem to love food and ale more than you love Robert's God. You can be jolly, foolish, lecherous, an alcoholic, a devout holy man and sometimes wise all at the same time. You are also a very dangerous opponent.

FRIAR TUCK: Fair dos. That about sums me up. Just ask Robin Hood. He was foolish enough to pick a fight with me. I lived by a small ford. Robin wanted to cross the river so, he climbed on my back and ordered me to carry him across the water. which I did for a laugh. But then I forced him to carry me back across the water. Now, Robin climbed onto my back again but halfway across, I dumped him into the water. Ha ha. You had to be there. We then had an archery contest and fought with swords. I won both times.

THE CURMUDGEON: Wow! That' reminds me of my competitions with Richard. also, I've cajoled girlfriends into carry me across streams. I ...

FRIAR TUCK:  .. TC?

THE CURMUDGEON: Yes FT?

FRIAR TUCK: I think we're dealing with a chick magnet here. I suspect your stories have got better with age. Hey, you probably gladly drank chilled red wine back then.

THE CURMUDGEON: What? WTF!

FRIAR TUCK: Just fucking with you TC. I read that comment from that Richard joker on your last post. I thought it was funny.

THE CURMUDGEON: Yeah well, It was true OK?

FRIAR TUCK: Keep your hair on TC ..... oops, sorry about that. 

THE CURMUDGEON: Let's move on. You originally came from Yorkshire didn't you? I lived in York for a while and ...

FRIAR TUCK: ....TC, stop parallel universing. This interview is about me. Sheesh! I originally came from Fountains Abbey in Yorkshire but settled in Fountaindale in Nottinghamshire.  That's where Robin Hood and I first met, along the banks of the River Skell, which flows from the abbey there. 

THE CURMUDGEON: But I heard that you also came from Companhurst. In the novel Ivanhoe, you were known as the Clerk of Companhurst.

FRIAR TUCK: Ah, don't believe everything you hear or read TC. Old Sir Walter Scott was a bit of a piss-head and he got confused about facts and figures a lot. Next you'll be believing all that Catechism stuff that Robert bangs on about.

THE CURMUDGEON: You know about Robert then?

FRIAR TUCK: Yeah, TRC keeps me up to date. We have a bit of a laugh about some of the silly things he says. Did you know that he wonders about the distinction between brain and mind and that in near death experiences the mind seems to leave the body? He also believes in angels and that they don't have a brain but they do have intelligence. He reckons that some higher level things we do can not be accounted for just by the physical components of the brain! Yeah, TRC and I had a chuckle about that alright.

THE CURMUDGEON: (Chuckles).

FRIAR TUCK: Hey TC! Here's a snippet for your readers. My Christian name is Michael.

THE CURMUDGEON: Michael?

FRIAR TUCK: Yes, Michael. My mother, like Robert was a bit of an angelophile.

THE CURMUDGEON: Angelophile?

FRIAR TUCK: Yes, that's a word for someone who believes in angels.

THE CURMUDGEON: Is it? I'd have thought 'delusional' would be a better word.

FRIAR TUCK: Now now TC, be nice.

THE CURMUDGEON: I am nice damn it! How about you then you fat git. How do you reconcile being a friar on the one hand and a murderous outlaw on the other?

FRIAR TUCK: When I go on the rampage with Robin of Locksley - Robin Hood to you - I discard the hermit's grey robes and put on a Lincoln green uniform. I declare that: "When I am encased in my green cassock, I will drink, swear, and woo a lass with any blythe forester in the West Riding." 

THE CURMUDGEON: OK, whatever but isn't that a sin?

FRIAR TUCK: Ha ha. What I do is, as the green clad outlaw, I confess all to my grey-clad priestly self then all is hunky dory.

THE CURMUDGEON: Very clever. It reminds me of Donald Trump vowing to pardon himself and all his crimes and sins when he next becomes president.

FRIAR TUCK: Yep, he learned that from me.

THE CURMUDGEON:  Well FT, thanks for dropping by. I'm sure that the readers enjoyed hearing from you and, as for me it gave me a chance of wriggling out of that THE CURMUDGEON'S MOST EMBARRASSING EXPERIENCES series. Richard was asking too many damned questions relating to that.

FRIAR TUCK: Yes, he is a bit of a pedant.

THE CURMUDGEON: Bye FT - say Hi to Maid Marian for me. It would have been nice to hear a bit more about her - some pics would have been nice.

FRIAR TUCK: as Richard would say: "You're a dirty old man".