NEW POST - THE CURMUDGEON'S AGONY AUNT

 

HERE

WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING ON THE BLOGS? .....

 .... I guess is something any sensible reader wouldn't be thinking.

It's been the same old really with Robert banging on about church, Mass, cleaning, fishing, sin, obscure and nutty Catholic writers and, of course, the amount of meat he consumes in a week. I just sent away a sample to the bowel screening clinic - I think Robert needs to do that pronto! 

Ciao chi sta chiamando? *

Richard's been on about his bass and violin practise**, Hell and religious things strangely, copying my posts, the Holy Trinity and, the highlight of the week, a post on his tape worm measure.

In this latest post the needy yet devious guy said:

I spotted the trap and have refused to comment. I didn't enjoy the post because tape measures are inherently uninteresting and also the post was a jibe at my much more informative series about tools, gardening and house features.

To comment even unfavourably is 'leaving a comment' and, by default, 'enjoying the post'.

I've read The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings so know all about riddles Matey.

* That's just a little Italian joke there. 

** Those tence errors always get the old guy going.***

*** Another little joke there.

ALCOHOL AND AGE: A RISKY COMBINATION

Alcohol and age: A risky combination

January 27, 2018 Harvard Health Publishing 

Most people drink less as they grow older. However, some maintain heavy drinking patterns throughout life, and some develop problems with alcohol for the first time during their later years. The many challenges that can arise at this stage of life — reduced income, failing health, loneliness, and the loss of friends and loved ones — may cause some people to drink to escape their feelings.

Several factors combine to make drinking — even at normal levels — an increasingly risky behavior as you age. Your ability to metabolize alcohol declines. After drinking the same amount of alcohol, older people have higher blood alcohol concentrations than younger people because of such changes as a lower volume of total body water and slower rates of elimination of alcohol from the body. That means the beer or two you could drink without consequence in your 30s or 40s has more impact in your 60s or 70s.

Your body might also experience other age-related changes that increase the risks associated with drinking. Your eyesight and hearing may deteriorate; your reflexes might slow. These kinds of changes can make you feel dizzy, high, or intoxicated even after drinking only a small amount. As a result, older people are more likely to have alcohol-related falls, automobile collisions, or other kinds of accidents. Drinking can also worsen many medical conditions common among older people, such as high blood pressure and ulcers.

OK, got that.

The Old Girl and I have noticed a decline in our ability to shrug off the effects of drinking alcohol and a corresponding reduction in the range and quantity that we drink.

For years now we've limited the range of wine styles we buy and drink down to mainly sparkling wine, chardonnay, pinot noir and zinfandel/primitivo. Occasionally we do try varietals  and styles outside of this like Chianti, roses rieslings and Bordeaux -styles but totally out are sauvignon blanc, pinot gris and shiraz.

She drinks Californian chardonnay and I prefer New Zealand (Hawkes Bay). We both drink pinot noir but only occasionally now. She drinks zinfandel and its Italian cousin primitivo. We both drink good sparklings - Champagne and methode traditionelles.

Now and then I will have a vodka and tonic. She occasionally has a gin and tonic or a rum and coke. We both sip Cognac or malt whisky on rare occasions.

We've sort of gravitated to these choices after many years of experiencing virtually all wine styles, wine regions and alcohol types having visited many wineries and distilleries around the world. More recently we've cut back on consumption in both volume and frequency. On average we probably drink alcohol three days a week instead of the five in the past. We tend to limit ourselves to two glasses per occasion. If we go beyond the two we feel sluggish the next day. The Harvard Health report above is consistent with this.

We are drinking less but 'drinking better'. I still am on the lookout for on-line wine specials and the wine sales in supermarkets but I no longer buy wines by the case load. To be honest I've never drunk cheap wines except for evaluation purposes in my previous employment and have sought out the middle to high ranges of wines that are price reduced for whatever reason. I've mentioned the best way to buy in special in The Wine Guy posts in the past. What I do now though is buy by the individual bottle or by twos and threes and shop from the top tier of the aforementioned styles we prefer. Of course I still seek out the bargains in looking for top wines that have been price reduced but generally we've decided that life's too short to drink bad wine (or gin, or rum or vodka). Her gin of choice is a Scottish triple distilled one named The Botanist and her rum of choice is Bacardi Reserva 8 anos. My vodka choice is the New Zealand one Broken Shed. 

IT HARDLY BEARS THINKING ABOUT

 In Pak 'N' Save supermarket today I looked at the beer shelves for the first time in a long while.

I was astounded at the range of 'boutique' beers on the shelves and even more astounded at the price of these - anything from $6 to over $12 for a can or a bottle for many of them. Who drinks this stuff? Rich hipsters?

Things have certainly changed in the drinks industry in this country. As you know I drink mainly wine and have narrowed my preferences of that down to Champagne or Methode Traditionelles, chardonnay and pinot noir. I sometimes deviate from wine and have a vodka and tonic. My vodka brand of choice is Broken Shed which is produced in Wanaka from whey spirit and is triple distilled. It's bloody good and far better than many other local and imported brands I've tried. 

There are so many new 'boutique' brands of vodka, gin and other spirits and liqueurs being made in New Zealand nowadays. This is a radical departure from the days when I was in the industry marketing beer, wine and spirit brands. I wonder how they can all survive - maybe it's those rich hipsters keeping them going.

Anyway, back to the beer thing - back when we were young guys drinking beer back in the early 1970s there wasn't a great deal of choice. The two main breweries - Dominion Breweries (DB) and New Zealand Breweries (Lion) both had multiple breweries throughout the country having bought up the smaller independent breweries over many years and, through a tied hotel system (they owned or leased the pubs and drinking holes and only their own brands would be allowed to be sold in these) had a duopoly going so were able to control pricing and distribution and, more importantly choice. 

The breweries also owned or controlled nearly all of the wine and spirit merchants which were the only alternative to their own pub-based bottle shops. This situation existed up until the 1980s when changes to The Sale of Liquor Act allowed wine shops (previously limited to selling only NZ wine) to sell other forms of alcohol and supermarkets to sell wine and beer. The control diminished and the big format wine and spirit merchants disappeared. Controlling the other outlets for beer meant that the breweries  restricted imported beers coming into the country. These, and also exacerbated by import quotas, were expensive and often not very fresh.

Both breweries produced beer using the continuous fermentation method, a rather dubious New Zealand  'invention'. This basically allowed them to continuously push out the beer in their vast factories with the advantage of consistency and volume. The downside of course was that what was produced was lowish alcohol, soapy tasting slop. The alternative method, batch brewing, was more expensive and required greater skill and care for consistent product. This was how the imported lagers and beers were made. They had more flavour, power and alcohol. The two breweries did make some batch brewed beer which they labelled 'export'. Some examples are Red Band Export, DB Export and Leopard De Luxe which were all great tasting beers but quite low in market share back in the 70s and 80s and only after licensing laws were relaxed did the locally made Steinlagers, Heinekens and others start to make an impact.

The continuous fermentation beers the breweries produced went by many brand names that usually referenced the town, city or region where a (original craft) brewery once stood. Some examples are Tui, Waikato, Speights, Lion Brown, Lion Red, DB Waitemata, DB Lager, DB Bitter, Ward's, Red Band and lots of others. These were, to be honest, rubbish tasting, invariably flat and low in alcohol (3.8%  - 4% ) compared to the 'Export' lagers and imported beers that were 5% and above. The duopoly encouraged rivalry (between themselves as they, cartel-like, restricted outside competition) and their marketing created 'hero' brands that supported sporting codes, teams and local events. Consequently loyal drinkers identified with their favourite brands and a Lion Red drinker would pour scorn on a DB Bitter drinker even though they were virtually the same. Collectively, the drinkers of 'hero' brands would in turn pour scorn on lager drinkers (New Zealand 'export' brands as well as imported brands) labelling them pussies for drinking weak and pussy beers. The irony in this is that the New Zealand 'export' brands and the world famous imported brands were (and are) stronger flavoured and higher alcohol beers than the 'soapy' 4 percenters. Go figure!

In the 1980s and 1990s, facing so much change, the major breweries (now owned by international conglomerates) paid more than lip service to the emerging craft breweries that were chipping away at their market share but, more importantly, capturing the interest of their loyal supporters of the 'hero' brands.  Larger than average operations like McCashins and Monteith's were giving the big boys the finger and had to be put down. Initially the big boys created brands to block them with but it soon became evident that the little guys were producing a better product, albeit in limited volume. The big boys (via their more experienced international owners) bought them out. Instead of closing them down they boosted the output while investing in quality control and created quite large 'boutique' brands way beyond what they would ever have become if they remained independent. This isn't a bad thing it's just the upside of market forces. Justifiably there are strong supporters of Speight's (re-invented by Lion Breweries), Monteith's and McCashin's (owned by Lion Breweries but let slide in favour of Speight's) and these have slipped into the mainstream.

Over the last decade, with further licensing deregulation, craft beers have become popular with a booming of manufacturers and brands. These newbies don't rely on the older strategy of creating hero brands to dupe dull-witted followers into carrying the marketing for them via sports teams, club room banners and branded apparel - they use branding and image innovation to excite younger drinkers (and old farts like Robert I assume). This marketing strategy had it's roots in the soft-drink, RTD and energy drinks sectors with racy imagery hiding a myriad of sins. When the interest and sales wane they immediately put out new brands and packaging and bombard the shelves with them. To this end they've benefitted from supermarkets being able to sell beer and who don't want to deal in the boring, low turnover and margin and cumbersome 'swap-a-crate type selling of quart bottles of Lion Red and DB Bitter and slabs of cheap lager. They promote the rapid change strategy as it enables them to populate the beer shelves with colourful, high priced and very high margin product. It's a  Win:Win for the producers and the retailers.

OK, back to my supermarket shopping.

I spied a beer brand that I recognised in another category - BORING.

You will recall that in an earlier post I mentioned BORING oat milk.

I reached out for it, thinking that I'd give it a try and then saw the price - $9.99 for a can. Fuck that! Are they nuts? I'm no rich hipster.

"I am."

I looked along the shelves at the many other items, all sold in units and the prices are staggering. This is for beer, admittedly made in a craftsmen way (read  amateurs who knock it up in the backyard) but, at the end of the day it's just water, grain and hops. The big breweries can make the same or similar stuff with greater quality control and sell it at a fifth or less of the price. I think that there's a bit of price gouging going on here and maybe the hipsters will wake up to it soon.

Meanwhile the shelves are choc-a-bloc with all sorts of brands, shapes and colours. The naming leaves a lot to be desired and runs from the puerile and silly through to the obscene.

                             

I doubt that Robert would take this brand home but if he did the allusion probably would go over his honest and naive head.

*******************

I didn't buy any beer, opting instead for a 4-pack of Kopparberg non-alcohol cider. This is delicious.

On the way home I called into Super Liquor and bought a bottle of Broken Shed vodka.

NEW POST - THE FOOD CURMUDGEON

 

AN INDULGENCE

PERDITION

 I like that word 'perdition'. I used it in a comment on Robert's latest post: 

Richard doesn't believe in Hell but then, he probably doesn't read his own posts.

Hell and the other silly, made-up things in Christianity and especially Catholicism has wonderful Gothic associations that have inspired artists and writers over the centuries. Grunewald's The Temptation of Saint Anthony is one of my favourites:

An interesting subject that's been used by Schongauer, Michelangelo, Bosch and others. One of the best things I studied at university was Renaissance Art.

'Perdition' is one of the strongest hell-related words created. Usually said in a sonorous voice by do-gooders "You're on the road to perdition" is much more evocative than other words.

Anyway, if Robert's on that road I hope that he loosens up and enjoys the trip.

I must re-watch the Sam Mendes film Road To Perdition.

WELL, WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN?

 I've had a really good sport's weekend having bought a Sky Pass (a week's worth) in order to watch the All Blacks play Australia and the Black Ferns play Japan with the bonus of the All Whites playing Socceroos (Australia).

Richard bought a pass as well and apparently enjoyed watching the All Blacks beat Australia but he forgot to watch the Black Ferns annihilate Japan (he is getting on a bit).

This afternoon I watched the All Whites play Socceroos (Australia) and, while it was an exciting match the result was disappointing. Australia won. How unfair is that?

An interesting thing I noticed in the match (admittedly, even though I played soccer at school, I don't usually watch the game on TV) was a new ploy when a free kick is being played. In addition to a wall (a few defending players standing between the ball kicker and the goal with the defenders protecting their own balls with their hands), now, one of the defenders lays down behind the wall to block any low shots.

Like this

Now, this got me thinking.

Richard, as anyone(?) reading his blog would know, never played soccer at school. He played rugby.*

If this free kick blocking rule had been in force back then (many, many, many years ago) I can imagine that Richard would have been in great demand by the soccer players and they would have been queuing up to enlist him into their teams.

* In the interests of full disclosure he played as a forward  which was one of the 8 guys left over after the proper team (of backs) was selected.

HOW TO BE AN ARSEHOLE

 First find a nice, pristine and beautiful spot along the coast

Look for somewhere to leave your mark.

Paint some ugly graffiti to satisfy your 'soul' and annoy every other visitor to the spot.

Find a nice fishing spot. In this case the pontoon wharf at the end of Stuart Road.

Catch some fish, fillet them and just toss the snapper frames off the pontoon onto the beach next to you.

Have a rummage through the boot of your car and find some rubbish to deposit. In this instance an old tyre.

Just dump this near the wharf at the start of the scenic track and right below a council sign.

Don't forget to dump your bourbon and coke cans there too.

Fucking arseholes!

GETTING OLD AND SLOW ....

 .... like me the Espresso Vita coffee maker is getting old and slow.

It groans when going through the motions, only dribbles out fluids and sometimes seizes up altogether.

I've gone through the cleaning and descaling procedures with only minimal improvement in performance. I think that the pressure seals or something are worn but know that, if I pull it apart to locate and replace these there's a very good chance that it'll never work again. I'll put up with the groaning and slowness. After all, I'm in no hurry.

The Old Girl went to Russell a couple of weekends ago and after experiencing a different coffee machine, bought one on the way home. It's one of those new-fangled (to me) De Longhi Nespresso jobs.

She loves it.

Me? I'm suspicious of it. It seems too slick and twee and I hated those George Clooney ads of a few years ago. "That's not how you make real coffee" I thought then and still do now.

I recall this TV ad:

UNCLE TOBY'S

OK, I'm a luddite and it takes me a while to take on change.

The Old Girl can enjoy her fancy new contraption. I'll persevere and persevere and persevere with my old and 'trusty' one.

NEW POST - THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON

 

A BIT OF NONSENSE

THE SPIRIT IN THE SKY

 

"WHERE I'M GOING TO GO WHEN I DIE"

I bought a week pass to Sky Sport so today got to watch the NZ Women's Rugby 15 play against Japan and later this evening will watch the NZ Men's Rugby 15 play against Australia.

Tomorrow the NZ Men's Soccer 11 play against Australia. It's a great weekend for sport.*

The women's team and style of playing is really great. They are athletic, skilled and aggressive and score brilliant tries in both set pieces and in open play. There's a core group who come from the NZ Women's Sevens and bring their running skills and connectivity to play like the best ever All Black's teams have done. These women are excellent role models for girls and will help develop the sport - "That's for damn sure" (to quote Jack Reacher). It bodes well for the Women's Word Cup Rugby that will begin in NZ in a fortnight.

Robert's Jesus would approve I'm sure.

* Sorry Robert.

BORING*

 We buy our tea on-line.

When we were living in Toronto we couldn't find out favourite (at that time) tea Twinings Irish Breakfast and so experimented with other options. The best one we found was Barry's which is Irish and made from 100% black tea.

Back in New Zealand we were unable to find this brand in the supermarkets but discovered it to be available on-line from a company named A Little Bit of Britain. We purchased this way for a few years until in 2020, COVID supply issues put Barry's frequently out of stock. I searched around and discovered that it was available from an on-line supplier named iHerb which is based in California. It turned out to be cheaper than from A Little Bit of Britain and delivery is in days rather than waiting for weeks. I stock up on it.

It's a really nice, full flavoured and strong tea that goes really well with oat milk. I used to drink my tea with soy milk but now prefer oat milk. I cannot drink tea with cow's milk anymore finding it to be too fatty. I usually buy Sanitarium oat milk but - you guessed it - supply issues at supermarkets mean that it is sometimes out of stock. I recently bought Boring Oat Milk instead. It's not as tasty as Sanitarium but will do at a pinch.

Maybe I should see if I can buy Sanitarium oat milk in bulk on-line and stock up with that too.

* BORING is a New Zealand oat milk producer

SHIT (noun, verb and exclamation)

 You might remember that I've written about irresponsible dog owners taking their mutts on tracks where dogs are prohibited whether on leashes or not. This is because there are kiwi sanctuaries here.

Just in case you've forgotten here's a couple of links: HERE and HERE

That'll teach you.

As per usual the council haven't put up new signs or, if they have they've been taken down again.

Yesterday I put a 'no dogs allowed' sticker on the sign at the start of the track at the end of our road.

I expect that this will be peeled off soon and if and when it is I'll make up a stencil and spray paint on the message.

This morning I checked and the sticker is still on. Yippee!

I took a photo of this though:

Some arsehole who has parked by the wharf to fish in a pristine spot has decided to discard his old car tyre right there, by the sign. What a shithead. He's probably the same shithead who dumped snapper frames on the beach there after taking off the fillets. Some people really need a slap.

**************

Yesterday I was talking to someone I know who lives in Kaitaia a bit further north.

Kaitaia as it once was

This was once a pretty spot and on the tourist trail in Northland. It has now sadly degenerated. I asked Scotty how he enjoys living there. He said that it's now a shithole. There's rampant crime with loads of disaffected kids making things unpleasant for residents and the kids' parents don't seem to give a shit either. They dump their shit on footpaths, alongside roads and in the river and streams rather than taking it to the local tip preferring to shit over everything. Shit!

Roadside Kaitaia

This attitude really pisses me off.

I often think that New Zealanders who bitch and moan when living in lovely parts of our country really need to visit impoverished cities in India, Bangladesh, Syria, Iraq or other countries to witness families scratching a living off rubbish dumps and then return to what they have here.

THE SECOND COMING

THE SECOND COMING 
William Butler Yeats

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Yeats write this poem in 1919 just after the First World War and about the time of the Irish War of Independence and the 1918/1919 Influenza pandemic.

Before Robert gets too excited, the Christian references to The Apocalypse and The Second Coming are allegorical and have connection to the atmosphere of the post-war world not some old book cobbled together over centuries.

.

This is a powerful poem as most of Yeats' work is and has been one of my favourites since university days. I like W.B.Yeats poetry as does The Old Girl. We  spent some time at the Yeats museum in Dublin a few years ago and thoroughly enjoyed it.

The poem came to mind today when I was catching up on news of what Putin and Russia is up to. Not good. The latest mobilisation of up to a million citizens is like :

 

"A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds."

I wrote a previous post about the move to the right in world politics and the looming threat of another form of Fascism.

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;

A decline in values and respect for important social and political institutions is driving lawlessness and violence worldwide. We are seeing this in New Zealand with the growth of 'youth crime' at levels never seen before. There's a general public apathy about this where normal and reasonable people aren't motivated to act, but the radical and dangerous people are being inspired to take advantage. See what's happening in USA with unprecedented right wing violence and in UK, France and Scandinavia with the growth of White Power movements.

Yeats' pessimism in 1919 that humanity was doomed and that all progress to date was being rubbished has quite a resonance today and if he was alive no doubt he'd still believe that we've lost our way or never knew it to begin with.  The twentieth (and now twenty first century) promises of safety, security, and human dignity proved to be empty then and are empty now.  

In this poem the second coming isn't Jesus or any other variants of Robert's god(s) that Christianity has promised but instead is a - "rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?" - which is mankind's basic nature of greed, corruption and violence that has and will lead to wars.

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

HELLS BELLS!

The exclamation 'Hell's bells' has been used in both the UK and the USA since at least the mid-19th century. The earliest example of it in print that I can find is from the weekly London sporting newspaper The Era, February 1840. The rather fanciful story concerned a character who had stolen his friend's partridges and replaced them with pigeons, claiming them to be ptarmigan:

"To be sure that's a ptarmigan - a sort of white grouse.
Ptarmigan be d----d. Hells bells!"

The expression came into common use in the first half of the 20th century and, in 1932, the Australian soldier Joseph Maxwell's used it in the title of the mémoire of his experiences during WWI - Hell's Bells and Mademoiselles. This title was echoed later by George Melly who published his experiences of the Royal Navy in WWII under the title of Rum, bum and concertina.

I like that explanation from The Phrase Finder and also the reference to "Rum, bum and concertina". Maybe I can use that in a comment on one of Robert's silly anti-LGBQT posts sometime.

The reason for this 'Hell's Bells!' post stems from a comment that Robert made on my 'Sex and Music' post:

That's funny - or, it would be if it was said in jest but, unfortunately Robert is serious. This is just another example of the infantile drivel he puts out after being fuelled by trite nonsense from the latest sermon at his Catholic church on Sunday. Really! Is this what the average Catholic Joe thinks or is it just Robert? If not I hate to think that these people leave the church to drive motor vehicles, bring up children, educate other people's children, clean our houses and vote. Are we safe?

Richard, whether reacting to Robert's comment, or any one of his other silly religious comments said this in his latest post:

I think that Robert gets a kinky thrill thinking about the devil trying to deceive him into giving in to lust. There's nothing wrong with that though - "chacun à son goût" I say - or would have when I was studying French at university and could pronounce it properly. Anyway, here's a music video clip for Robert to satisfy his 'soul'.    PRINCIPLES OF LUST

.

MUSIC AND SEX

 

Did I get your interest there?

For some years now - at least for a decade, I've been trying to interest Richard and Robert in the excellent John Turturro documentary on the music of Napoli - the film PASSIONE

I guess that they're getting a bit old now to be thinking of sex but this film also covers the musical history of Naples and the Neapolitan passion for food.

Tonight I'm watching the film again on YouTube. Simply access YouTube on your device (Smart TV, computer or phone) and search for Passione. The full film version is 1 hour and 28 minutes long so won't take you much past your bedtime. If that's a bit too technical for you here's a link:

PASSIONE

This version is in Italian (Turturro speaks to us, the audience in English) so will be of particular interest to Richard. Robert should open a separate tab on his computer to do some GOOGLE translation - a third tab if he wants to translate it into Latin first).

Be careful, but enjoy.

NEW POST - THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON

 

THE WORM TURNS

NEW POST - THE FOOD CURMUDGEON

 A WORD FROM THE WISE(GUY)

CONTACT SPORTS

 I was good at sports - soccer, rugby, cricket, softball, athletics - even tennis.

Rugby in the open weight grades at university though was tough and even though I was fast I wasn't big enough to shrug off the tackles of the Neanderthals who were at least half my weight again and invariably I was injured with sprains, concussions and once with a split nose that required many stitches.

I gave up after two years of under 19 and under 20 rugby.

In recent years my sports activity is golf and tennis but I seem to be able to get injured playing these.

See: GOLF IS DANGEROUS

Today it seems that tennis is a rough contact sport as well. In a lively rally my partner, Karen smashed a return while I was closer to the net than her and unfortunately I turned my head to watch her shot. The shot went astray and hit me full on in the face.

SPLAT!

Damn it hurt. It made my eyes water so bad I couldn't see and had to stop playing briefly. I was worried that my now was broken - my nose being a significant feature of my visage - but fortunately it wasn't. It wasn't bleeding either which was a relief as I take blood thinner medication and might have emptied out over the tennis court. 

Bloody tennis!

I might have to take up some more sedentary pursuits like croquet but, with my luck. some old dame might scone me with a mallet.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

 I try to write boring posts to balance out the more interesting ones.

To this end I created THE MUNDANE CURMUDGEON and once had a blog named THE BORING GUY. I write the occasional 'series' posts on gardening, house maintenance and retail purchases but have found that these, when compared to posts from the other bloggers, are actually quite interesting. It's frustrating really.

And now, Robert has decided to change his blogging format to an audio platform. This has taken boring to new levels. Have a look and listen here (if you dare): ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

This right up there with this: THE MOST BORING PERSON ON EARTH but mercifully much shorter.

As usual, the Monty Python guys have approached the subject in the past and produced an excellent skit: THE DULL LIFE OF A CITY STOCKBROKER - MONTY PYTHON

MAN CLEANING 101 (B) .....

 ..... A REFRESHER COURSE.

The Old Girl has been in Auckland this weekend and returns this afternoon so I've been busy doing housework.

Those readers who've been around a bit (and, let's face it, you are getting a bit long in the tooth) will recall previous posts I've written on the art of man cleaning.

In case you don't remember, here's a few links:

REPORT CARD

CALLING ALL INVENTORS

THE SHOWER SERIES -PART ONE

Now man cleaning is different from student flat cleaning even though The Old Girl says that my shower (the one that she refuses to use) is like something out of a student flat. Admittedly its state of cleanliness doesn't meet her standards but 'student flat'! Really?

A Dunedin student flat shower box.

The Old Girl never flatted as a student. She lived at home before marrying so missed that experience.

These Dunedin students wouldn't be so happy if The Old Girl, with her OCD tendencies had been one of their flatmates.

In Man Cleaning 101, in the past I've suggested time-proven techniques like: simply moving lounge furniture slightly to suggest that vacuuming has been done; spraying some 'clean'-smelling chemical in bathrooms to suggest that cleaning has been done; moving items about on surfaces to suggest that wiping and dusting has been done. These were effective up to a point until she rumbled me and I got the point - literally. Ow!

The trouble is, is that my eyesight is failing and hers seems to be betting better and sharper. Hoodwinking isn't much of an option nowadays. Here are some little 'wrinkles' that I can share with you though:

• Unless your partner is some sort of Amazon she's likely to be a couple of inches shorter than you. This is important and can save a lot of extra energy. When dusting or cleaning surfaces, work at a comfortable height level. There's no need to stretch up to unnecessary areas that she won't be able to reach.
• Although just spraying some 'clean'-smelling chemical in bathrooms won't cut it anymore there's no need to get all OCD about it. Sure, use the Jif and the toilet 'duck' - a quick squirt, brush and wipe will suffice but, and this is important, make sure that you leave the Jif or the toilet 'duck' out of the cupboard so that she can see that you used it.
• Empty the vacuum cleaner. No matter how much you used it, if at all, make sure that you empty the dust receptacle or replace the dust bags. Put the machine away but make sure that you put it away in a different place or in a position that suggests that it has been moved.
• Now here's a tricky one - that old trick where fussy employers or house-owners try to catch out commercial cleaners and housekeepers. Robert will know this. The fussy person will place a coin of reasonable value somewhere like tucked in a corner below a skirting board or behind a couch. Look out for these and remove and pocket them. I'm not saying that my Old Girl does this but there are some odd places within her reach where she might see some undusted or unwiped dust. Familiarise yourself with these 'traps' and make sure you dust them first.
• Do pick up items and straighten things. While it sounds simple and obvious this is what creates the first impression and can save a lot of investigation.
• Buy some flowers and put in a vase or vases in prominent places. Ideally some sort of lilies that have a nice bouquet.

Good luck!