Remember that I said I thought that a series of interviews with interviewees who get bad press and who haven't had a chance to put their stories forward might be a good idea?
Well it was and we've had six great interviews so far.
Today I thought that Chris Bishop MP, a guy who is often seen to be hard done by and forever seems to back losers and lost causes could get a chance to 'clear the air'.
For those of you who don't know about Chris (probably most of us in New Zealand) he is the MP for Lower Hutt which is on the other side of the tracks from Wellington City.
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| I like this pic of him because it looks like there's a speech bubble coming out of his head. Where the fuck Melling is is anyone's guess though. |
THE CURMUDGEON: Good morning Chris and welcome to The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ Interview series.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: Gosh thanks The Curmudgeon ...
THE CURMUDGEON: Call me TC if you like Chris.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: OK TC if you like Chris ........
Silence
THE CURMUDGEON:
CHRIS BISHOP MP: ...... um, that was a joke TC.
THE CURMUDGEON: Oh, was it? I guess it was one of those Hutt Valley attempts at humour - kind of like the 'NOT' jokes then?
CHRIS BISHOP MP: (embarrassed) Yeah, sorry about that. I have to keep up with the trends. Some of my constituents are in Wainuiomata.
THE CURMUDGEON: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ....
CHRIS BISHOP MP: No, really. Some of them live in Wainuiomata.
THE CURMUDGEON: Oh, I'm sorry.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: Yes, 'Duelling Banjos' is still the most popular tune over there but we're trying to bring them into the 21st century.
THE CURMUDGEON: I heard that you've arranged for a bus service to link Wainuiomata with the rest of the world Chris.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: Yes. A bus actually. Just one that Wellington Council didn't want but it's a start. It's a one way bus though. I've found that there's only demand to go from Wainuiomata to ..... well... anywhere else. No-one wants to go there or return to there so the bus is always empty going up the hill.
THE CURMUDGEON: Well at least it'll be able to get there given the sight of it.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: Yep, you're right there TC. Fortunately most of the residents there have old vehicles that would never make it back up the hill if they left. It keeps them self-contained I guess. Not a bad thing.
THE CURMUDGEON: No, not a bad thing. Anyway Chris. Let's talk about you .... well, someone has to I guess.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: Ouch! That stings TC but I know what you mean. Most people don't know of me and ....
THE CURMUDGEON: Well you do tend to stand back in the shadows .... some would say you lurk behind the leaders like Shonkey, Crusher and now Luxon.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: Well TC, I like them to know I've got their back.
THE CURMUDGEON: Yeah, the back door open for them when they get booted out ...
CHRIS BISHOP MP: What do you mean there TC? To quote Robert, one of my supporters who believes in the Socratic Method.
THE CURMUDGEON: You have a reputation for supporting losers and I can quote here from your profile:
You also supported Judith Collins, Simon Bridges and now Chris Luxon. I have to say, looking at that, your support of a dangerous and outdated tobacco company seems like the least offensive thing you've done.Bishop spent a year working as a researcher for the National Party. Then, after the 2008 general election, he worked as a ministerial advisor for Gerry Brownlie for several years. Then he worked as a lobbyist for the tobacco company Philip Morris and as a staffer to Steven Joyce.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: Yeah well, I love the Hutt, and I know our best days as a city lie ahead of us.
THE CURMUDGEON: But not Wainuiomata.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: Look TC, I once met a man from Wainuiomata.
THE CURMUDGEON: Yikes!
CHRIS BISHOP MP: Well, it wasn't actually in Wainuiomata - I'm not crazy - but he said that he came from there. He was playing his fiddle or something and I said that it sounded nice.
THE CURMUDGEON: You're a kind man Chris.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: Yes, I'm working at it. Kissing babies is next for me I think.
THE CURMUDGEON: Great. You could become a Catholic priest or a Marist brother with that ambition.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: Thanks ......... hey!
THE CURMUDGEON: Just kidding there Chris. Call it an Atheist joke.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: I have to be careful not to alienate the Christian vote you know, especially the Catholics who lean strongly to the right. I told you that Robert is one of my supporters ...
THE CURMUDGEON: Do you kiss him?
CHRIS BISHOP MP: Ha ha - I see what you did there TC. No, but he has told me that he loves me.
THE CURMUDGEON: He tells everyone that, even Richard who we all know is going to Hell.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: Like all those Labour supporters ... hee hee.
THE CURMUDGEON: Yes, very witty. Look, since you brought us back to politics, what's going on with that tax plan of yours?
CHRIS BISHOP MP: The National Party hasn't dropped our plans to index the tax thresholds to inflation and we haven't dropped our plans to reduce the tax burden on New Zealanders. It's just a Labour Party smear because they want to talk about everything other than the appalling cost of living payment debacle that they've unveiled in the last week… so it's a scam campaign that the Labour Party is running.
THE CURMUDGEON: That sounds a bit desperate Chris. You attacked Labour for claiming National had dropped its tax policy and you said that your party is fully behind leader Christopher Luxon even after he'd shot himself in the foot - repeatedly.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: OK, fair point. Mr Luxon did come under fire for our stance on tax cut promises amid reports that the National Party had dumped its policy of adjusting tax thresholds to inflation and
National Finance spokesperson and deputy leader Nicola Willis did confirm its promise to index tax thresholds to inflation remained and the party was committed to tax reduction - but ........THE CURMUDGEON: But?
CHRIS BISHOP MP: But ..... I did get the Melling interchange thing going and that bus for Wainuiomata where ....
THE CURMUDGEON: ...... Where the Wainuiomartians can get out and into our society. Yeah, thanks for that.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: The Labour Party is desperate, right? They are a flailing, useless, tired, arrogant, incompetent Government, which has delivered nothing in five years. They are throwing everything they can at us because they know they have got no track record to defend and they're incompetent and wasteful and useless and Christopher Luxon is doing a wonderful job at explaining that to people.
THE CURMUDGEON: Did Robert ask you to say that? Or did you hear that from Father Michael in church on Sunday?
CHRIS BISHOP MP: (Guilty silence)
THE CURMUDGEON: According to the latest Roy Morgan Poll, support for National has fallen by 4 percent to 35 percent - its lowest since January 2022 - while Labour saw a slight increase of 0.5 percent to 34 percent - its highest level so far this year. What do you think about that?
CHRIS BISHOP MP: It's just a "blip" and I'm confident National will win next year's election under Mr Luxon. Polls go up and down a bit, four points is a blip. I mean, we're still ahead of Labour. We're tracking in the right direction. I'm firmly confident we will win the next election under Christopher Luxon's leadership. We've got a year or so to go and we've got many more policies to explain and, I've got to tell you, this Government has got many more stupid things to do like the cost of living payment debacle and many more dumb policies to unveil - and we will repeal them when we get the chance. Christopher Luxon is doing a fantastic job and I can't wait to serve in his Cabinet.
THE CURMUDGEON: So there it is, finally. You just want a seat in Cabinet Chris. That's what this is all about isn't it.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: Hey, have you got any babies for me to kiss?
THE CURMUDGEON: Well, it'd make. a change from kissing arses I guess.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: Ha ha , yeah, you rumbled me ....... hey! This isn't going to be made public is it?
THE CURMUDGEON: Relax Chris. There are only two readers of this blog. Robert's a confirmed supporter and loves you and Richard - well, Richard's going to Hell.
CHRIS BISHOP MP: Whew! Thanks TC, I'd better get going. I need to suck up to that grumpy old woman ...
CHRIS BISHOP MP: No, my new boss Nicola Willis.
THE CURMUDGEON: Pucker up Chris!
* Actually, being retired I always have time on my hands as The Old Girl constantly reminds me.
8 comments:
Chris Bishop is a list MP.
So?
You said he was MP for the Hutt. He's not. He lost his seat last election.
"For those of you who don't know about Chris (probably most of us in New Zealand) he is the MP for Lower Hutt which is on the other side of the tracks from Wellington City."
OK, I stand corrected.
I am allowed at least one mistake in my posting this month you know.
But I thought you were in 3P in 1966. What standards were set?
No, no, you're getting confused - standards were back in Primary school. We had 'forms' in Secondary school. No wonder you were in 3G.
I had whiny little bitches like that Richard guy for breakfast back in the day.
- Sister Emicindoctrination.
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