There's been a bit of argy-bargy on the blogs recently so its opportune to investigate the protocols of blogging and maybe to set some standards for this blogging community. As the leading blogger I of course could write these down for you in the knowledge that the guidelines would be concise and easy to follow but Robert the whatever would bleat that I'm being a fascist communist dictator 'like wot' Jacinda is. It's best not to go there so I thought it best to get input from the self-proclaimed original bass bagger - Richard of Richard's Bass Bag.
Richard (of RBB): ....mumble mumble blog mumble orig mumble mumble Robert mumble wine.....
The Curmudgeon: ... I see that you're following the Steve Hanson method of public speaking. How's that working out for you?
Richard (of RBB): Mumble mumble ..... hold on .... ow! Basta! Ah, that's better.
The Curmudgeon: What'd you do?
Richard (of RBB): I just took that bloody moustache off - it's been annoying me ..... hah ha but not as much as it annoys Robert and the Catholic Church.
The Curmudgeon: OK. We'll get to that later. Time is tight ...
Richard (of RBB): .... Nah, nah ... I've got all the time in the world toda.....
The Curmudgeon: .... No, let me finish ...'Time is Tight' by Booker T. and the M.G.s is playing on National Radio and I want to hear the end of it. Look, I wonder if you could explain how you write your blog posts ..... no, we need to fill in a bit more time than that .... um, what's the sequence you follow when you write a blog post?
Richard (of RBB): Ah, right. Righty... ha ha ... now a sequence is the restatement of a motif or longer melodic (or harmonic) passage at a higher or lower pitch in the same voice. It is one of the most common and simple methods of elaborating a melody in eighteenth and nineteenth century classical music (Classical period and Romantic music) and .....
The Curmudgeon: ..... Shut up!
Richard (of RBB): What?
The Curmudgeon: Shut up. Isn't that the musical term for bringing a musical movement to a conclusion?
Richard (of RBB): I think you mean coda. Coda (Italian for "tail", plural code) is a term used in music in a number of different senses, primarily to designate a passage which brings a piece (or one movement thereof) to a conclusion.
The Curmudgeon: OK. Coda!
Richard (of RBB): I think you're taking the piss there TC, or maybe the pizz .. ha ha.
The Curmudgeon: Yeah, right up there with the 'NOT' jokes. Let's get back to the sequence Richard - not that silly musical sequence nonsense - we want readers to stay awake after all - I mean the sequence of writing a post.
Richard (of RBB): OK. Here's how it goes: First I get pissed, really pissed. I find that cleanskin wines are best for that because there's no label to cause a distraction and to possibly disrupt the drinking.
I then look at what Robert has written in his latest post - takes about 10 seconds - and drink some more cleanskin wine - chardonnay usually unless I'm banned from the good shops and then it's Chardon - and go back to Robert's blog and write a comment. An abusive comment. The more abusive the better with as many expletives I can think of and, to be honest, remember how to spell as auto-correct isn't helpful with some of those salty words. This or these comments stay on Robert's post until the next morning.
The Curmudgeon: .... Until the next morning? I don't understand.
Richard (of RBB): Well, the next morning when I'm relatively sober I delete all of these comments from Robert's post and any I might have made late at night on my own posts or yours.
The Curmudgeon: I see. So this is a regular occurrence then?
Richard (of RBB): Oh yes, every night.
The Curmudgeon: Wow! Such dedication.
Richard (of RBB): Are you taking the pizz TC?
The Curmudgeon: Are you taking the chardonnay Richard. Ha ha.
Richard (of RBB): Ha ha. Yes, maybe just a little bit. I drink my chardonnay warm so it slips down better.
The Curmudgeon: Right. That's comments then but what about post writing?
Richard (of RBB): OK. After the comments are in I have a couple more cleanskin chardies...
The Curmudgeon: Cardies?
Richard (of RBB): No, chardies.
The Curmudgeon: Chardies?
Richard (of RBB): Yes, chardies - chardonnay. Sheesh!
The Curmudgeon: Sorry but The Wine Guy has trained me well. He's a purist when it comes to treating, pronouncing and drinking good wine.
Richard (of RBB): A tosser you mean.
The Curmudgeon: What?
Richard (of RBB): Rossa. I hear that he prefers red wines preferably chilled.
The Curmudgeon: Yeah, that's right. What a tosser, ha ha. So, after the chardies....?
Richard (of RBB): Yes, I then write, depending on what Robert has either written in a post or in a comment on my previous post .... I write a vitriolic post denouncing in ever-changing order, his gods, his religious practices, his musical abilities, his interpretations of Paganini, his political views, his attitudes to women, the LGBT community, and abortion and finally his dinner choices.
The Curmudgeon: WOW!
Richard (of RBB): So you're impressed then?
The Curmudgeon: What? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention, The Old Girl just told me that she's going again to see The World of Wearable Art (WOW) in Wellington this year if she doesn't go to London. So you write a long and angry post then?
Richard (of RBB): Yes, and if it's a good one I only edit it later.
The Curmudgeon: Later? You mean like with the comments the next morning?
Richard (of RBB): Yeah. When I wake up and read what I wrote the previous night I usually have to edit out the more vitriolic segments and of course the profanities. Robert doesn't like profanities.
The Curmudgeon: Robert?
Richard (of RBB): Yes, my late night vitriolic posts are normally directed towards Robert.
The Curmudgeon: Right. But you only edit the posts?
Richard (of RBB): Yes, if the post is good, and, I like to think that my posts are normally good..
The Curmudgeon: A horrible lot of shite.
Richard (of RBB): What?
The Curmudgeon: "The Original Bass Bagging Site?
Richard (of RBB): Yes. As I was saying, when the post is good I just edit it to make it more seemly.
The Curmudgeon: But what about if it's not good?
Richard (of RBB): I delete it.
The Curmudgeon: The whole post? Really?
Richard (of RBB): Yes, the whole post goes into the ether, never to be seen again.
The Curmudgeon: Except by Robert's Holy Ghost who's flying around up there, ha ha.
Richard (of RBB): Ha ha.
The Curmudgeon: I see, but what about a really bad post.
Richard (of RBB): I delete it.
The Curmudgeon: Yeah you said that earlier, you ...
Richard (of RBB): I delete the whole blog with all of the posts.
The Curmudgeon: Oh! Well done that man. That's all we have time for now Richard. I have to sort out dinner.
Richard (of RBB): Roast lamb and reconstituted mashed potatoes? ha ha.
The Curmudgeon: Ha ha - I see what you did there. No, schnitzel with Hasselback potatoes and roast pumpkin. See you on the blogs.
Richard (of RBB): Ciao. I'm off to practise my trombone.
6 comments:
Good to see you having some fun TC. Helps you get over those golf buggies.
Coda!
'Ho finito' would have been better. La mamma degli imbecilli รจ sempre incinta.
That joke is very insensitive.
It's like Donald Trump making fun of the journalist with cerebral palsy.
Good post. I love you Peter.
I've been to the toilet many times and it has been better than that post.
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