INTERVIEW #17

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The readers in this blogging community no doubt have some knowledge of The 12 Apostles which are are located approximately 275km west of Melbourne. The Twelve Apostles are a group of limestone stacks off Port Campbell National Park ...

... Sorry,  not those ... I mean the 12 apostles who were followers of Jesus back when, well, when Christ was a cowboy as my irreverent dad used to say.

The more reverent among you will recognise them and maybe know them by name. You probably have a favourite. Mine's Peter. Most of these jokers have got a bit of press over the years but there's one who has been largely forgotten about and never gets a chance to put his case forward. This is James The Less which is an unfortunate name and probably is a clue to his relative anonymity.

In the lists of the twelve apostles there are two apostles called James, who are differentiated by their fathers: James, son of Zebedee, and James, son of Alphaeus. James, son of Alphaeus has long been referred to as James the Less.

James the Less (Greek: Ἰάκωβος ὁ μικρός Iakōbos ho mikros) is a figure of early Christianity, one of the Twelve chosen by Jesus. He is also called "the Minor", "the Little", "the Lesser", or "the Younger", according to translation. He is not to be confused with James the Great (also called "James the Elder"). He is identified by some as James, son of Alphaeus and as James, brother of Jesus, thought of by Jerome and others as really the cousin of Jesus. James the Less has traditionally been commemorated along with St. Philip in the Western Christian calendars. Their feast day was observed on May 1 until 1955, when it was moved to May 11 to accommodate the Feast of St Joseph the Worker on May 1. A later revision of the calendar moved the feast back to May 3.

Poor old James. In the picture of the apostles above he's probably the guy at the top right with his head in a book. An early geek I guess. The other apostles seem to be doing their best to ignore him - some of them deliberately looking the other way. I feel sorry for him.

You may remember that this interview series was created to give interviewees who haven't had a chance to put their stories forward a public forum. To this end I've invited James the Less in to tell his story.

The Curmudgeon: Hello James and welcome to this very successful Interview Series. You are number 17 in the series ...

James the Less: ... yeah, it figures.

The Curmudgeon: What? What's that James?

James the Less: It figures that you've put me way down the list. Don't worry about it - I'm used to it. No doubt you've already interviewed that pushy bastard James the Great. I heard that you've already talked to Judas - he still owes me money - everyone forgets about me even dad,  Alphaeus  (we all called him Alfie and pissed him off by asking him what's it all about) forgets my birthday and Jesus didn't even bother to tell me that he'd risen he just went about visiting all the other apostles I only heard about it from mum who'd got the info from Mary Magdalene  - cor! She's a bit hot, I'd love ....

The Curmudgeon: (Sheesh!) ... look James I , er, don't know why they call you 'the Less' OK? I didn't have anything to do with it. Maybe there was a reason. You don't think it was a misprint do you? The Bible has a lot of those. Maybe they meant to say ... um ... James the Mess or James Thoughtless or ...

James the Less: ... You're not helping .

The Curmudgeon: Hold on, I'll just skim through this Catechism I swiped from Robert .... hold on ... right, here we go ..."This James was one of the first witnesses of the resurrection, and received a special appearance from Jesus before he ascended to heaven. He was bishop of the Church in Jerusalem, and was held in high esteem—he spoke for the people, for instance, in some of the important decisions of the early Church" ... How about that?

James the Less: It's bullshit.

The Curmudgeon: What? You mean ...

James the Less: I paid for that review. It was sort of like an early version of an advertorial. It cost me quite a bit I tell you.

The Curmudgeon: But didn't the other apostles notice and try and change the narrative?

James the Less: Nah. They were too busy with their in-fighting and getting pissed. After Jesus left the group every one of them thought they could take over

The Curmudgeon: Oh, I didn't know but Peter was OK wasn't he? He's my favourite.

James the Less: He was a prick.

The Curmudgeon: Whaaaa ...? I can't believe that. To paraphrase Robert who copied Socrates - why do you say that?

James the Less: He always wanted the top job and when Jesus got nabbed he wasn't even there to help, in fact he denied even knowing poor old Jesus.

The Curmudgeon: I read something about that - something to do with roosters or something.

James the Less: Roosters? Oh, cocks. Yeah, that story is another example of the fake news that the Bible's made up of. Peter was out on the town when Jesus was in custody and he ...

The Curmudgeon: "out on the town"? what does that mean.

James the Less: He was out screwing. When the Synagogue police called through the window,  at three different times he said, and I quote - "I don't know any bloody Jesus. Sheesh!"

The Curmudgeon: You mean he said it before the cock crowed three times ...

James the Less: .... ha ha, yes, that's an example of early bowdlerisation.

The Curmudgeon: You mean ...

James the Less: ... what do you think?

The Curmudgeon: Oh!

James the Less: Look, if you've got no questions I might as well bugger off.

The Curmudgeon: (still in shock) Oh! Ok - bye.