ROBERT'S BEEN READING

 Having finished with the Oxford drinking pals - C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien (they must have had funny or horrible first names as they never used them), Robert has discovered another boozer - Ernest Hemingway. God help us.

Using his peculiar and particular reading and comprehension skills Robert has mangled managed to interpret The Old Man and the Sea as the "irony of pride at the death of a creature we are here on earth to protect". See HERE

Unfortunately there are seven novels, six short-story collections, and two nonfiction works for him to read and report on but at least it might stop him from banging on about religion for a while.

Once he's finished with Hemingway (Hemingway deserves this as he was a bastard) let's look at other famous novels he might interpret

To Kill a Mockingbird. 

"The novel discusses religion, communism and black people in the American South through the eyes of a clever young girl named Jean Louise Finch. She doesn't demonstrate how to kill a mockingbird though so here's a step by step guide in shooting little birds with an air rifle based on my personal experience when lurking in the bushes watching Mrs O'Sullivan through her window....."

The Great Gatsby.

"The novel is about a  young man who moved to New York City and is befriended by a strange rich man named Jay Gatsby. The novel rightly criticises  the “American Dream” and rich people and should have gone further and suggested that they should all attend Mass and take the Eucharist to cleanse their immortal souls ... " 

Ulysses.

"This novel is very rude and disrespectful of the One True and Only Catholic Church in Ireland. It uses unnecessary big words and celebrates drinking, masturbation, fornication (outside of the sacred sacrament of Marriage). I was disappointed to find no scenes of ancient Greece and Troy ..."

The Catcher in the Rye. 

" This novel is  about the life of Holden Caulfield after he was expelled from prep school in two days. Disillusioned and confused, Holden begins to search for the truth and rails against the “phoniness” of the adult world. which I can relate to. I don't know why he wanted to be a catcher in the rye though. I'd have preferred it if he was the batter. He seems confused as I was on reading this. It's very disappointing that there is no mention of the appalling crimes that atheists commit when they murder innocent babies ..."

Pride and Prejudice. 

"This book is set in the Regency era in Great Britain, and is about manners, marriage, education, and money during this period.  It was a good period when women knew their place and let men show how important and powerful we they are.  Ultimately it is disappointing because the One True and Only Catholic Church gets no mention and the girls are made to attend one of he abominable Protestant churches ...."

Great Expectations.

"I too had great expectations when I started to read this very, very long novel. The story is set in London in the nineteenth century and covers nearly 50 years. I particularly liked the fights to the death, prison ships and chains, and poverty but the religious themes were about Methodism and other disgusting protestant aberrations ..."