INTERVIEW #24

 The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ wishes to advise of some problems with the quiz series and, pending an enquiry, the series will be put on hold for a while. We apologise for that. It's just a shame that some pedantic tossers ruin things for everyone as this series was proving to be very popular.

On the subject of pedantry we've decided to substitute a planned quiz with another of the very popular interviews in The Interview Series. We have with us (again) Richard of Richard's Bass Bag who will tell us of his new plans.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: Welcome Richard to this Sunday morning interview. It's kind of you to give up your time for us.

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: No problem TCIⓒ. There's nothing else to do on a Sunday morning anyway.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: You could go to Mass.

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: ........ huh....oh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: yes ... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: Robert will be there no doubt indulging in weapons of Mass instruction.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: Ha ha - I see what you did there.

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: Anyway TCIⓒ, what did you want to talk about?

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: Well, now that that dick Nis has scuppered The Quiz Series we needed a quick filler to keep the punters happy. They have come to expect at least one post each day so ...

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag:  ... so you needed me to act as a filler. Apropos of nothing TCIⓒ, I like to start my sentences with 'so' and not end them with 'so'.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: Well, get you 3G boy. Did you listen in through the 3P windows at Latin classes?

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag:(shamefaced) ...um, I read it somewhere ... maybe on Robert's blog. Anyway, it's French not Latin.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: OK, never mind, let's move on. I hear that you've taken on a new hobby - a career if you will.

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: You mean..?

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: Yes, pedantry even though, as an ex schoolteacher you've always been pedantic when it comes to grammar but from memory you didn't spend that much time on it as you were busy gigging, busking and practising.

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: Yeah - you got that declining time-line right. It's sad really but since I've developed this blue finger syndrome I haven't been able to play in tune so ...

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: So- you do finish a sentence with 'so'!

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: Yeah you got me.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: 'Blue finger syndrome' sounds like it would be a boon for a musician. Is there a Jazz finger syndrome as well?

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: Ha ha , very funny. I'll have you know that this is a very serious complaint. It's otherwise known as episodic digital ischemia with with an idiopathic aetiology linked to diabetes, hypertension, Raynaud’s phenomenon, and rheumatoid vasculitis. Old ladies get it usually.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: Yeah, that figures.

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: Yes, I ... hey! What are you suggesting?

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: Nothing, nothing ... keep your hair net on. You say that this syndrome means that you can't play in tune anymore? Is that why you're rejoining the Prowse Brothers?

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: Ha ha. So you know about that then? Robert got all snippy when I said he was playing out of tune and walked out basically disbanding the er, band. Chris has now decided that if you can't beat them, then join them so the band's being reformed.  We're meeting this afternoon in fact and it sounds like there might be some silly songs selected for the 'shindig' (or jam) - all played out of tune though.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: Well, good luck with that. It's nice to know that an affliction can have some benefit elsewhere - kind of like how schizophrenia resulted in those visions, miracles and religious writings. Where would the Catholic Church be without those?

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: Thanks. I'll maybe post later to tell you how things go with the PBs. We'll probably have to change the name though.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: Why's that Richard?

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: Well, if we are dedicated to playing out of tune than maybe we should be called The (Tem)Po Rubato Brothers

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: Very clever but what if this doesn't work out?

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: I've got a plan B.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: It's TCIⓒ, not B but carry on.

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: You know that I'm an ex-schoolteacher don't you?

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: Yes, that's been established so?

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: So, stop taking the pizz ha ha. Well, as you know poor grammar and misspellings have been the bane of my life and I get annoyed when I see them used. I might have commented about this on your blog posts once or twice.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: Really? I didn't notice.

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: Mmmm ... well, if the blue finger thingy doesn't work out positively I've decided to make grammar correction my hobby or even career.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: Pedantry then?

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: What! I prefer my women mature TCIⓒ. I don't fancy children.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: What are you ... oh, I see. 

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: Yes, I'll start with the blogs - Robert's will keep me busy for a while - and then I plan to just walk around the neighbourhood and town looking at signage on buildings. When I spot glaring errors I'll helpfully point them out to business owners.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: Mmm, what could possibly go wrong?

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: What's that?

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: I can just see the headlines now: 

"OLD MAN COMMA TO A BAD END" or,

"DAIRY OWNER SENTENCED FOR PUNCTUATING PEDANT"

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: You may laugh but I take this stuff seriously. Here are some examples I've seen:

"PRIVATE CUSTOMER PARKING  ONLY 

ALL OTHERS WILL BE TOAD" and,

"FRESH FISH ON FRIDAY'S" 

I mean, I could swing for that. 

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: OK, good luck with your new career. Any other things in the offing?

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: Church signage.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: What? I thought for a moment you said "Church signage".

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: I did. Church signage is the worst. These silly priests and vicars think that they're funny by putting up twee and corny signs outside their churches. Here, look at this:

"CH  CH 

WHAT'S MISSING? 

UR" 

 

and, 

"NO BUNGEE CORDS.

WE ENCOURAGE LEAPS OF FAITH :

Jeez! And sometimes they have grammar errors as well. It makes me want to spit. 

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: OK. I can see that you're getting riled up there. I'd better let you go to your band practice. I don't want you getting upset and hitting any right notes.

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: Ha ha.

The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ: Yes, ha ha. Good luck with that brown finger.

Richard of Richard's Bass Bag: Blue!