**SPECIAL REPORT**

Those pesky Iranians may have been behind the bombing of the Saudi Arabia oil installations the other day even though the Houthi Militia from Yemen claimed that they did it. Regardless of who did it this is going to impact on oil and petrol prices for some time until the Saudis repair the damage, find more oil or declare that they've been overcharging for years and drop the price across the board.

The Curmudgeon(s) can't afford a fancy-schmancy electric car like my sister recently bought - some sort of BMW one.

I drive a petrol driven Toyota Corolla that gets me 695 KMs on a full tank (or so says the trip computer thingy). I don't take much notice of petrol prices as I don't really travel that far. Usually when I go to Auckland I take the bus. The warnings of petrol prices going over $3 though made me sit up as this sort of thing leads to a lot of flow on increases in public transport (my bus fare), freight costs and ultimately grocery costs and commercial cleaning costs if Robert doesn't have an electric car or at least, a pushbike.

********************

I thought it time to take a stand and find out why petrol prices will increase so drastically. I looked up the Yellow Pages (on-line, I'm not that much of a luddite) and found the contact details of the oil industry's spokesman, a Mr Richard O'Lagent. I decided to give him a call and the transcript follows:

THE CURMUDGEON:  Hello! Is that Richard O'Lagent?

RICHARD O'LAGENT: Yes, tis me. Call me Rich.

THE CURMUDGEON: Uh, OK, Rich.

RICH O'LAGENT: There you go Lad. What can I do for you?

THE CURMUDGEON: Rich, I represent a vast readership of blogger enthusiasts that .....

RICH O'LAGENT: Can I interrupt you there Lad? What's the blogger community called then? How come I don't know about you then. My business is communications and public relations after all to be sure and I keep in touch with all of the leading social media platforms via Blogger, Twitter, Facebook,  WhatsApp, WeChat, QZone, Tumblr, Instagram, ......

THE CURMUDGEON: THE CURMUDGEONS INC.

RICH O'LAGENT: What? I thought you said THE CURMUDGEONS INC. It must be a bad line.

THE CURMUDGEON: No, no, you heard right - the Blogging community centres around THE CURMUDGEONS INC.

RICH O'LAGENT: Are you sure you're OK Lad? Oh, I see, it's 'after-work' time and you've had a couple of bevvies then.

THE CURMUDGEON: Well, it is after 5 and I have had a glass of chardonnay - McDonald Reserve 2017 but I'm serious - THE CURMUDGEONS INC. is the lynchpin of our ...... oh, hold on ..... have you heard of RICHARD'S BASS BAG?

RICH O'LAGENT: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's a good one Lad. It sounds like some sort of medical appliance.

THE CURMUDGEON: Look, never mind. I want to ask you about the looming petrol price increases.

RICH O'LAGENT: Ah, those. What's the query Lad?

THE CURMUDGEON: Well, this Saudi Arabia business looks like it's going to ......

RICH O'LAGENT: Yes, those Boys over there are having it tough I tell you. They're good lads though. They'll pull through OK and manage to keep their loved ones in food and housing though.
Soon to be over.

THE CURMUDGEON: Yeah right!

RICH O'LAGENT: What's that Lad?

THE CURMUDGEON: Shed some light Rich. Why must petrol prices go up?

RICH O'LAGENT: Well lad, the Saudis have suffered great losses and will need to replace their infrastructure bloody quickly and the costs involved are horrendous. They'll also have to take retaliatory measures against the Houthi Militia group ...

THE CURMUDGEON: Yeah. Cluster bombs, and rockets used against women and children cost a bit nowadays I guess.

RICH O'LAGENT:  What!

THE CURMUDGEON: I thought it was the Iranians. The Saudis would like to blame Yemen so they can continue to bomb the shit out of them ....

RICH O'LAGENT: Hey, hey! Hold on, hold on! Look Lad, I work for multi-National oil companies. We don't get involved in politics ....

THE CURMUDGEON: Yeah right! Look, forget it and answer my question as to why must petrol prices go up?

RICH O'LAGENT: Well lad, if you listened properly (why don't you have another wee slug of that chardonnay. I'm having a bit of Jamieson's myself).  The cost has to go up because the Saudis are increasing export prices immediately.

THE CURMUDGEON: OK, I get that. Look Rich, when will increased petrol prices take effect?

RICH O'LAGENT: We think less than a week. Why?

THE CURMUDGEON:  Well, how long does it take for shipments to get from Saudi Arabia to New Zealand?

RICH O'LAGENT:  About 6 weeks. Why?

THE CURMUDGEON: Why? Well it seems obvious doesn't it. The Saudis have old price stock in yards ready for shipment. You have old price stock here. Whenever the Saudis, in the future, ship new price stock which takes at least 6 weeks to get here the likelihood is that this new price stock won't hit our shores until a few months down the track. I .....

RICH O'LAGENT:  Ha ha Lad. Now can I stop you just there. The oil industry in New Zealand and the ensuing petrol industry and the wholesalers and retailers set their prices not only on the price of the bulk material. They have infrastructure, real estate, buildings, vehicles, retail outlets and god (that mythical being) knows what else. All of those things increase in cost (and value) over time. The accounts are all indexed to the current costs of bulk coming in from the Middle East. If the bulk price goes up then these fixed assets costs (and value) go up also. Surely you can see that Lad.

THE CURMUDGEON: OK Rich, so when, and after this hopefully "soon to be over" Saudi Arabia crisis ends, the bulk oil prices come down, the price reductions will also come into effect in "less than a week"?

RICH O'LAGENT:  .................................................

THE CURMUDGEON: Rich?

RICH O'LAGENT: ..................................................

THE CURMUDGEON: Hello Rich! Rich, are you there?

RICH O'LAGENT:  .................................................

THE CURMUDGEON: Well that's all folks.