BLOGGING STRATEGY

 It's already the 6th of January and the blogging community is showing signs of irrelevance and lack of direction.

Robert's blog started the year off with disturbing images of excessive drinking followed by some rather startling musical improvisation worthy of Margarita Pracatan. His latest post is rather psychedelic in a Book of Revelations way.

Richard's offerings have largely been plagiarisation of images and content from my own blog, some musical ravings (although not as mad as Robert's) and an image taken during one of his 'dumpster diving' expeditions.

This is worrying so an imaginary conference of the three principal bloggers ws needed to get the year going straight. This hasn't been easy you understand given the geographical distances separating the bloggers. Using some sort of social media platform like ZOOM, Facetime or Skype was considered but discounted because Robert would no doubt wreck his computer equipment while water blasting his bedroom and Richard  - well, you know.

Over some to and fro blog comments a meeting point roughly equidistant between Whangarei and Wellington was chosen by sticking a pin in a map of the North Island. 

The first try turned up Taumarunui which Richard rejected. "Too many bad memories" he mumbled with no further explanation.

The second was Turangi but I vetoed that. "Too many good memories that I don't want to ruin by this conference" I said.

"What about Robert's choice?" I asked.

"Fuck him" said Richard so we settled on Taupo.

*****************

OK, the location was agreed on confirmed. Next was a choice of day. 

"It can't be a Sunday" said Robert.

Richard and I didn't rise to the bait on that otherwise it would be a month of the bloody things before a day was decided on.

We had agreed on a week - the week that Richard and Shelley were motoring (a generous term to describe the way that he drives) up to Tuakau.

"What about Wednesday?" I asked.

"Oh no" exclaimed Robert "that's the holy anniversary of Saint Bertha of Bologne to commemorate her visitation by Our Lady of the Sacred Goitre".

"Oooookaaay " - I said, rather exasperatedly "how about Tuesday?"

"Tuesday's good" said Robert.

"Fine by me" said Richard and the final arrangements were made.

Here is an outtake from the transcript of the meeting:

THE CURMUDGEON: Welcome guys. Glad you could make it.

RICHARD OF (RBB): No probs.

MEDIEVIL (sic) ( BROTHER ROB: 

THE CURMUDGEON: Robert? Welcome.

MEDIEVIL (sic) ( BROTHER ROB: 

The Curmudgeon and Richard exchange glances, wondering why Robert isn't answering.

Robert was sitting in the corner of the bar at the Taupo waterfront pub with Kylie who he had brought along as his adviser, advocate and mentor. Kylie bent his head closer to Robert and they had a whispered conversation.

MEDIEVIL (sic) ( BROTHER ROB: OK, ta.

THE CURMUDGEON: Mmmmmm - well, let's get started. Richard, you look different, what's the story?

RICHARD OF (RBB): New tailor.

THE CURMUDGEON: So, there's a new clothing bin at the Wainuiomata Mall then?

RICHARD OF (RBB):

THE CURMUDGEON: Mmmmm - OK. Look I've been wondering whether we should set out a blogging plan for 2021. We should try and set limits on the number of religious post that any of us should publish during the year (looks hard at Robert), the number of posts about musical practise (looks hard at Richard) and whether we should increase the posting series on points of interest in our houses (looks inwardly in a smug way).

MEDIEVIL (sic) ( BROTHER ROB: (after conferring with Kylie) I love you guys but why don't you go for a walk?

RICHARD OF (RBB):If you really, really love me Rob then come to Hell with me. Otherwise, don't waste my fucking time with 'I'm getting something for saying this' self serving love. Ah, go for a walk in your Heaven! That's if you can prove it exists.

THE CURMUDGEON: Ummm - we're getting a bit off track here fellows, why don't ....

KYLIE: No proof necessary, We've already made up Robert's mind.

THE CURMUDGEON: Robert?

KYLIE: I still can't believe Obama didn't do anything to stop Hitler and I believe he was on vacation when JFK was shot ...

THE CURMUDGEON: Robert?

MEDIEVIL (sic) ( BROTHER ROB: What he says. I love you Kylie.

***********

The conference didn't start well and degenerated into a furious argument between Richard and Robert. Kylie went off to play pool and The Curmudgeon had a happy argument with the pregnant barmaid about the temperature that she had served the beers at.