AN INTERVIEW WITH CRUSHER

 

Today The Curmudgeons Inc.ⓒ has Judith Collins. leader of the opposition party in for a chat.

Collins (JC) and The Curmudgeon (TC) are sitting in the back lawn at McLeod Bay. The Old Girl was asked to bring out tea and scones but refused to because she detests Judith Collins,  doesn't like the National Party and is unhappy about the state of the back lawn.

TC: Welcome Judith, may I ...

JC: Call me Crusher.

TC: What? Oh, OK ... er ...crusher.

JC: With a capital C thanks.

TC: Oh, OK ...Crusher.

JC: That's better. What can I do for you?

TC: Ha ha .... an allusion to JFK there? "Don't ask what your country can do for ..."

JC: No. Get on with it.

TC: Thinking - "rude"  Well Jud ..Crusher, about this Covid-19 lockdown, what ..

JC: Bollocks!

TC: What? Do you ..

JC: Bollocks. I've never had time for them. Mine are bigger anyway ...

TC: Ha ha, that's what I say to Richard about things up here, I say ..

JC: Jacinda and Covid-lockdown. A load of bollocks. It's all just another way to keep control and to ram that bloody Te Raro stuff down our throats, we ...

TC. Te Reo.

JC: What? Never mind - I'm actually sick and tired of people talking about me and who is going to be the leader of the National Party - I'm the leader of the National Party - why don't they just get their heads around that and get on with the job?

TC: Um, I never actually asked ab...

JC: I've had a gutsful of people speculating that I won't be leader for much longer. Every time people talk about that sort of crap, all they do is that they give comfort to the Labour Party left.

TC: Ookaay. Let's move along there shall we. Who do you think your supporters are?

JC: I'm glad that you asked that Conundrum, I ..

TC: Curmudgeon.

JC" What?

TC: You called me Conundrum. My name is Curmudgeon. The Curmudgeon. I ..

JC: Whatever - look my supporters are many and they love me they ..

TC: But your support has dwindled to 7% and the National Party support to 17%. Surely ..

JC: I've got a whole new class of supporters coming my way Sonny Jim and don't you forget it. Everyday I get new letters from people who once upon a time were Labour supporters and now they have seen the light under my bustle.

TC: Bushel.

JC: What?

TC: The word is bushel bit I don't see what ..

JC: What the hell is a bushel?

TC: I don't exactly know but I think the saying is: "If you hide your light under a bushel, you keep your abilities or good qualities hidden from other people." (under his breath - "and man you've got a lot of bushel there to hide it under" he thought catching a glimpse of JC's ample proportions.)

JC: These ex Labour ...

TC: Give me an example.

JC: Well, they particularly come from satellite cities like Hamilton, Manukau and .. yes, Lower Hutt. Basically ex working class towns that have grown bigger so that the ex working and union classes that we got rid of (as status) now think that they are individual contractors and businessmen in their own right. Old Muldoon would have loved that. These people became disillusioned with Labour when the country's assets were privatised and we saw the growth of capitalism like never-before ..

TC: Hold on, hold on, that was in the 1980s and was the machinations of that dangerous fool Roger Douglas. Surely you don't think ..

JC: I do. I do think and I think that my new supporters don't think. If they want to believe that Labour has become, paradoxically a socialist or communist party and a right wing reactionary party in the pocket of big business capitalism who am I to dissuade them?

TC: But that's dishonest. Surely ..

JC: Don't be a boy scout. Politics is about power and if these people from say, Moera want to believe that Labour is bad, that Jacinda is taking things away from them and that, contrary to their best interests they will support me and National then why shouldn't I grab that and run with it?

TC: Who else supports that idea?

JC: The Catholic Church obviously and most other rel..

TC: The church? What? Surely the church should be on the side of the masses who with the right guidance can .... oh .... I see. Clever.

JC: Thanks

TC: It's looking like rain Crusher and I notice your bodyguards getting a bit antsy down there by the car. We'd best wrap this up now.

JC: OK Conjunction .. do you think ..

TC: Curmudgeon.

JC: What?  Do you think you'll vote for me and National at the next election?

TC: Only when Hell freezes over.

JC: Ha ha, a double whammy atheist joke there. I like it.

TC: I thought you would. Bye now.