There are three main blogs in this blogging community - THE CURMUDGEON, RICHARD'S BASS BAG and FINDING THE SOUL AND THE FLOWERING OF THE SPIRIT (don't ask).*
Two of these use either bogus or inappropriate quotations from real or imagined people. In the interests of full disclosure I must say that The Curmudgeon is not one of those sites.
As we haven't interviewed anyone on this blog recently since The Religious Curmudgeon hosted a discussion between Saint Faustina and Sister Mary Fruitloop HERE I thought it opportune to have a discussion with one of the other blogs' svengalis.
I chose a relatively new contributor to Richard's Bass bag, Andrew Joker for this interview.
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| Andrew Joker |
This interview is between The Curmudgeon (TC) and Andrew Joker (AJ)
TC: Welcome Andrew. It's nice to have you up here in 'the winterless north' but I'm sorry that it's raining.
AJ: No problem TC, I'm used to poor weather. I'm from the Hutt Valley don't you know. It's a place for ducks down there.
TC: Like Trevor Mallard?
AJ: Ha ha - I see what you did there TC, very funny.
TC: I hope you like this cafe and the new Hundertwasser Museum. It's just been opened you know.
AJ: It's perfect. We don't have things like this dow .....Fuck! What's this?
TC: (wiping the table where AJ spilt his glass of wine in his outburst) It's a Hawkes Bay Chardonnay - Vidal's Soler. I was hoping that you'd like it.
AJ: Like it? I love it and it comes from a bottle with a label on it. We don't get stuff like this at Richard's place or ...
TC: ..... Or that Khazekstanian cafe he no doubt takes you to ...
AJ: Yeah, where fermented yak riesling is the nearest thing you get to a good wine ...
TC: .... and no doubt out of an unlabelled gourd. Ha ha.
AJ: ha , ha, right - um TC, what did you want to ask me? I've got lots of cute sayings and ripostes for you if you want?
TC: Like "People like to buy frozen peas and they see all the peas in the plastic bag only as a collective. What though do they give to an individual pea?" you mean?
AJ: (chuckles) That was a beauty. I tossed that to that old guy and he lapped it up. I think he put it on his blog ....
TC: The original Bass Bag?
AJ: Yeah - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ...
Both AJ and TC are convulsed with laughter so the wine waiter came over to see what the problem was.
TC: No problem Gustav - just a private joke. Can we have another bottle of that Soler Chardonnay? Hey! where's that other waiter- you know, the young woman who looked like she was putting on a bit of weight?
AJ: People like to buy corn on the cob and they see all the kernels as a collective. What though do they give to an individual kernel?
TC: That's not one of your best is it Andrew?
AJ: (shamefaced) Yeah nah - sorry, that good wine is going to my head.
TC: Talking of your head Andrew, what's gong on with that haircut of yours? You look like Mr Lee Grant from the 1960s.
AJ: I know, I know and some people tell me that I look like the younger Newsboy.
I keep it because I think it complements my studied pensive look. (AJ looks down with a serious look on his face)
TC: You just look constipated or, you look like you just read Robert's latest post and are wondering what the hell it was about.
AJ: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha - I like hanging out with you TC
TC: Yeah right. Look Newsboy sorry, Andrew, I've got to go check out the toilets that Hundertwasser is famous for. I won't be long.
The Curmudgeon goes to the back of the museum cafe, has a quick look around and scoots down the back stairs and out on to the street. He's had enough of this Andrew Joker and has decided to leave him to pay the bill. What's next he thinks to himself and chuckles - Sister Mary Fruitloop from Robert's stable?
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| "Your host had to leave sir, he said 'Give the bill to that individual while I give a thought to a pee". He said that you would understand." |
* There are actually only three blogs in this blogging community but, who knows, with several other old codgers we know being way beyond retirement age but who haven't woken up to the fact yet there might soon be more.
11 comments:
Flush.
Thank you but, a royal flush surely.
Where is Andrew Joker?
I gave him bus money to get home.
He's probably visiting the fleshpots of Whangarei.
With that 70s haircut he just might get lucky with the old dames from the retirement home.
Damn Andrew! He often does that!
"Tell us what you really think?".
Well I'll admit to reading the post and admiring the wit. Maybe I smiled, I can't really remember.
Can somebody explain the peas and the corn!
"Can somebody explain the peas and the corn!"
I'm not the pedantic one but I do draw the line at using an exclamation mark at the end of an obvious question.
The pedantic one is the old schoolteacher Richard of Richard's Bass Bag who writes nonsense like allegories of peas and corn.
"One could answer that a green pea is really just a colonel (Robert language) of corn that forgot to be yellow." Andrew Joker.
ps. Can someone lend me the bus fare to Lower Hutt?
Andrew Joker rushes out of the old folks home to the bus stop.
In his hurry he leaves his clothes behind and is naked. When the bus arrives the bus driver won't let him on and stares at him through the door.
"Haven't you seen a naked man before?" asks Andrew.
"Yes I have" said the bus driver but I'm just wondering where you have my money."
Did you use up all the punctuation before the end of that story?
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