Well I'm quite surprised at the success of Interview #1 which received a rating from Richard and more than a "I read it" comment from Robert. Obviously I'm on the right track here.
The second interview is with someone you all have heard of who has been quoted and misquoted for centuries. To my knowledge no-one has ever given him a chance to tell his side of the story.
INTERVIEW TWO - PONTIUS PILATE
The Curmudgeon: Hello and welcome , er, how should I address you?
Pontius Pilate: My full name is Marcus Pontius Pilatus but I've discovered that every college boy doesn't have the good fortune to make the 'P' classes, being taught sewing or something instead of Latin in the 'G' classes so my name is often mispronounced. You can call me Mark if you want.
The Curmudgeon: Oh, well, I was one of those fortunates who did make the 'P' classes so can we settle on Pontius?
Pontius Pilate: Pontius is acceptable.
The Curmudgeon: Great. Super. Let's move on then. Look Ponty ...
Pontius Pilate: Pontius.
The Curmudgeon: Oh, sorry, look Pontius, I've been reading up on your history with particular reference to, let's say, that episode in about 30 AD in Jerusalem where you were the official who presided over the trial of Jesus and ultimately ordered his crucifixion.
Pontius Pilate: Now hold it right there Matey. Yes it's true that I was the Governor of Judaea - 'Guv' they called me - and this Jesus guy was brought before me but I didn't order his crucifixion. I ....
The Curmudgeon: Come on Pontius. It's in the records. The main sources on the crucifixion are the four canonical Christian Gospels although the accounts of which vary and are dependant on the political views of each gospeller. Tacitus the Roman historian also said you did it and said - I quote:
"Christus, the founder of the name, had undergone the death penalty in the reign of Tiberius, by sentence of the procurator Pontius Pilate, and the pernicious superstition was checked for a moment..." (Tacitus, Annals 15.44)
Josephus also mentioned Jesus's execution by you at the request of prominent Jews (Antiquities of the Jews 18.3.3)
Pontius Pilate: Yes, but ....
The Curmudgeon: Plus Alexander Demandt, Ignatius, Philo of Alexandria, the chroniclers at the Nicene conference - in fact just about every Tom, Dick or Harry ...
Pontius Pilate: Matthew, Mark, Luke or John.
The Curmudgeon: What? Oh, funny, anyway, what I'm saying is that everyone say's you did it.
Pontius Pilate: Have you ever heard that old joke about the soldiers request "Send reinforcements we are going to advance" being mistakenly heard as "Send three and fourpence we are going to a dance"?
The Curmudgeon: Yes but ...
Pontius Pilate: It's like Chinese Whispers and probably explains all of the misquotes, misunderstandings and misleading narratives in the bible and the Gospels.
The Curmudgeon: Yes but what's that got to do with the crucifixion?
Pontius Pilate: Let me explain. The chief priests and elders brought this guy Jesus before me right?
The Curmudgeon: Yes.
Pontius Pilate: And they asked for judgement against him, frankly they were looking to get rid of him right?
The Curmudgeon:Yes, but ....
Pontius Pilate: So I told them to take him away, rough him up a bit, let him go and then cruise by and report to me. Right?
The Curmudgeon: So you're saying ....
Pontius Pilate: Yes. Those bozos hearing must have been a bit off, which isn't surprising given all those damned bells they ring.
The Curmudgeon: Oh. So ...
Pontius Pilate: So, it's not my fault that they got the wrong idea and crucified him.
The Curmudgeon: But what about that washing of hands thing?
Pontius Pilate: Do you know much about ancient Judaea and the sanitation methods of the time?
The Curmudgeon: No, why.
Pontius Pilate: Well, let's just say that they didn't clean up properly after doing their business.
The Curmudgeon:You mean ...
Pontius Pilate: Yes. And when that chief priest Caiaphas insisted on shaking my hand I cringed. I just needed to wash up as quickly as possible.
The Curmudgeon: Right. Gotcha. Well, I guess that wraps up the interview. Thanks Ponty - er, Pontius.
Pontius Pilate: Vade in pace.
5 comments:
Can you find the unwanted possessive apostrophe in this post?
Where's a cohort of Roman legionnaires when you need it?
Found it.
Happy?
"I started reading it but then I needed a pee.
I'll check RBB's blog to see if it is worth carrying on."
The way that reads is that you are off to Richard's blog to piss all over it. OK, carry on.
Hey! Robert (the quite a few things) has just pissed all over my blog!
Did TC put him up to this?
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