LIFE IMITATING ART

 

I'm re-reading Douglas Adams's The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy on Libby at present and also watching the brilliant 1981 BBC series on YouTube as well.

A bit of an added bonus is seeing Arthur Dent's house being demolished by bulldozers in the early part of episode one. This reminded me of Richard's front lawn woes of this week where he said in a post that he awoke to see a digger ripping up his front section by mistake.

To those readers who have never read Douglas Adams's The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. or watched the TV series or even seen the 2005 film I say - "shame on you". This is definitely part of our generation's culture and will be enduring. I hope that Robert has read the books and seen the TV series and, or, the film (the TV series is better) because I know that it will appeal to his enquiring mind. It will also challenge his other mind - the Christian closed one as, throughout, concepts of god are challenged, argued about in a logical way and, naturally, refuted. Here are a few examples:

There are more and it'll be fun to find them.

"SURE".

 I just know that some pedantic old bloke will suggest that this post is a copy of one that's gone before so I'll post the link here to make him feel pleased with himself:  KISMET

Yesterday while driving I listened to a RNZ story about spooky coincidences. This is a regular feature apparently and they are asking for stories from listeners.

FREAKY FRIDAY

Well, as no doubt you avoided clicking on the 'Kismet' link I obligingly supplied above I'll remind you of my 'freaky' coincidence.

Back in 2009 when we bought the picture framing business in Point Chevalier (a couple of streets away from where we lived at 68 St Michael's Avenue) I was browsing through the framing books that previous owners of the business had left. I discovered one with the owner's name and address in the front pages. This person wasn't the one we purchased the business from but had owned the business about 20 years earlier. The address in the book was 68 St Michael's Avenue Point Chevalier.

This is an incredible coincidence, that a previous owner of our business, who we had never met, had also once owned the house we purchased in 2005.

I wonder if I should send this to RNZ.

HERE IT IS ....

 ... the report on the drain-laying project.

BEFORE

*********************************************

DURING

**************************

AFTER

.

The job is mostly completed - just replacement of bricks, bedding down of the gravel driveway and a bit of a tidy up and we're back in business.

The big test will be the heavy rains forecast this weekend for Northland.

Cost about 4.5k which I'm happy with. Richard though apparently is getting his front yard ripped up for free - the lucky devil.

ROBERT'S BEEN READING

 Having finished with the Oxford drinking pals - C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien (they must have had funny or horrible first names as they never used them), Robert has discovered another boozer - Ernest Hemingway. God help us.

Using his peculiar and particular reading and comprehension skills Robert has mangled managed to interpret The Old Man and the Sea as the "irony of pride at the death of a creature we are here on earth to protect". See HERE

Unfortunately there are seven novels, six short-story collections, and two nonfiction works for him to read and report on but at least it might stop him from banging on about religion for a while.

Once he's finished with Hemingway (Hemingway deserves this as he was a bastard) let's look at other famous novels he might interpret

To Kill a Mockingbird. 

"The novel discusses religion, communism and black people in the American South through the eyes of a clever young girl named Jean Louise Finch. She doesn't demonstrate how to kill a mockingbird though so here's a step by step guide in shooting little birds with an air rifle based on my personal experience when lurking in the bushes watching Mrs O'Sullivan through her window....."

The Great Gatsby.

"The novel is about a  young man who moved to New York City and is befriended by a strange rich man named Jay Gatsby. The novel rightly criticises  the “American Dream” and rich people and should have gone further and suggested that they should all attend Mass and take the Eucharist to cleanse their immortal souls ... " 

Ulysses.

"This novel is very rude and disrespectful of the One True and Only Catholic Church in Ireland. It uses unnecessary big words and celebrates drinking, masturbation, fornication (outside of the sacred sacrament of Marriage). I was disappointed to find no scenes of ancient Greece and Troy ..."

The Catcher in the Rye. 

" This novel is  about the life of Holden Caulfield after he was expelled from prep school in two days. Disillusioned and confused, Holden begins to search for the truth and rails against the “phoniness” of the adult world. which I can relate to. I don't know why he wanted to be a catcher in the rye though. I'd have preferred it if he was the batter. He seems confused as I was on reading this. It's very disappointing that there is no mention of the appalling crimes that atheists commit when they murder innocent babies ..."

Pride and Prejudice. 

"This book is set in the Regency era in Great Britain, and is about manners, marriage, education, and money during this period.  It was a good period when women knew their place and let men show how important and powerful we they are.  Ultimately it is disappointing because the One True and Only Catholic Church gets no mention and the girls are made to attend one of he abominable Protestant churches ...."

Great Expectations.

"I too had great expectations when I started to read this very, very long novel. The story is set in London in the nineteenth century and covers nearly 50 years. I particularly liked the fights to the death, prison ships and chains, and poverty but the religious themes were about Methodism and other disgusting protestant aberrations ..."

BREAKING NEWS

 The drain-layer has turned up with his digger and a team of guys to do the drainage work at the rear of the house.

I'm not sure how long the job will take but hopefully will be completed by the end of the day tomorrow.

Just think of the 'before and after' photos and the update I'll be able to provide for your reading pleasure.

You don't get this sort of stuff on those other blogs.

I REMEMBERED THEM

Another Anzac Day celebrated. As usual I went to the local club service this afternoon. When I'm in Auckland I attend the Dawn Service. Richard generously and diligently attends at least two services playing the trumpet which adds weight and sentiment to the ceremony. My sister no doubt, as per usual attended the Auckland Dawn Service as a drummer in the pipe band.

I found it more difficult than usual this year in my responses in our ceremony.

Here's a list of the sung and spoken things:

Hymn: O God Our Help In Ages Past.

Prayer: The Lord's Prayer.

Hymn: The Recessional - Lest We Forget.

The Ode: We Will Remember Them.

National Anthem: God Defend New Zealand.

In these the only things I contributed to was in the response to The Ode and singing the National Anthem (Maori and English versions) but not voicing any references to God.

There's too much Christian God and religion in these public ceremonies and I'm sick of it.

According to the 2018 Census, 48.2% of New Zealanders identified as having ‘no religion’ and 36.5% identified as Christian (including over 20 denominations). Other religious affiliations included Hinduism (2.6%), Islam (1.3%), Māori religious beliefs and philosophies (1.3%), Buddhism (1.1%), Spiritualism and New Age religions (0.4%) and Judaism (0.1%). Approximately nominated some other unidentified religion, belief or philosophy (1.9%), and 6.7% objected to providing a response.

- NZ Cultural Atlas

I'm sure that the 2023 census (if it ever gets completed will show an even greater percentage of non-Christians in New Zealand.

I think it's time that God 'packed up his troubles in his old kit bag' and buggered off.

INTERVIEW #17

.

The readers in this blogging community no doubt have some knowledge of The 12 Apostles which are are located approximately 275km west of Melbourne. The Twelve Apostles are a group of limestone stacks off Port Campbell National Park ...

... Sorry,  not those ... I mean the 12 apostles who were followers of Jesus back when, well, when Christ was a cowboy as my irreverent dad used to say.

The more reverent among you will recognise them and maybe know them by name. You probably have a favourite. Mine's Peter. Most of these jokers have got a bit of press over the years but there's one who has been largely forgotten about and never gets a chance to put his case forward. This is James The Less which is an unfortunate name and probably is a clue to his relative anonymity.

In the lists of the twelve apostles there are two apostles called James, who are differentiated by their fathers: James, son of Zebedee, and James, son of Alphaeus. James, son of Alphaeus has long been referred to as James the Less.

James the Less (Greek: Ἰάκωβος ὁ μικρός Iakōbos ho mikros) is a figure of early Christianity, one of the Twelve chosen by Jesus. He is also called "the Minor", "the Little", "the Lesser", or "the Younger", according to translation. He is not to be confused with James the Great (also called "James the Elder"). He is identified by some as James, son of Alphaeus and as James, brother of Jesus, thought of by Jerome and others as really the cousin of Jesus. James the Less has traditionally been commemorated along with St. Philip in the Western Christian calendars. Their feast day was observed on May 1 until 1955, when it was moved to May 11 to accommodate the Feast of St Joseph the Worker on May 1. A later revision of the calendar moved the feast back to May 3.

Poor old James. In the picture of the apostles above he's probably the guy at the top right with his head in a book. An early geek I guess. The other apostles seem to be doing their best to ignore him - some of them deliberately looking the other way. I feel sorry for him.

You may remember that this interview series was created to give interviewees who haven't had a chance to put their stories forward a public forum. To this end I've invited James the Less in to tell his story.

The Curmudgeon: Hello James and welcome to this very successful Interview Series. You are number 17 in the series ...

James the Less: ... yeah, it figures.

The Curmudgeon: What? What's that James?

James the Less: It figures that you've put me way down the list. Don't worry about it - I'm used to it. No doubt you've already interviewed that pushy bastard James the Great. I heard that you've already talked to Judas - he still owes me money - everyone forgets about me even dad,  Alphaeus  (we all called him Alfie and pissed him off by asking him what's it all about) forgets my birthday and Jesus didn't even bother to tell me that he'd risen he just went about visiting all the other apostles I only heard about it from mum who'd got the info from Mary Magdalene  - cor! She's a bit hot, I'd love ....

The Curmudgeon: (Sheesh!) ... look James I , er, don't know why they call you 'the Less' OK? I didn't have anything to do with it. Maybe there was a reason. You don't think it was a misprint do you? The Bible has a lot of those. Maybe they meant to say ... um ... James the Mess or James Thoughtless or ...

James the Less: ... You're not helping .

The Curmudgeon: Hold on, I'll just skim through this Catechism I swiped from Robert .... hold on ... right, here we go ..."This James was one of the first witnesses of the resurrection, and received a special appearance from Jesus before he ascended to heaven. He was bishop of the Church in Jerusalem, and was held in high esteem—he spoke for the people, for instance, in some of the important decisions of the early Church" ... How about that?

James the Less: It's bullshit.

The Curmudgeon: What? You mean ...

James the Less: I paid for that review. It was sort of like an early version of an advertorial. It cost me quite a bit I tell you.

The Curmudgeon: But didn't the other apostles notice and try and change the narrative?

James the Less: Nah. They were too busy with their in-fighting and getting pissed. After Jesus left the group every one of them thought they could take over

The Curmudgeon: Oh, I didn't know but Peter was OK wasn't he? He's my favourite.

James the Less: He was a prick.

The Curmudgeon: Whaaaa ...? I can't believe that. To paraphrase Robert who copied Socrates - why do you say that?

James the Less: He always wanted the top job and when Jesus got nabbed he wasn't even there to help, in fact he denied even knowing poor old Jesus.

The Curmudgeon: I read something about that - something to do with roosters or something.

James the Less: Roosters? Oh, cocks. Yeah, that story is another example of the fake news that the Bible's made up of. Peter was out on the town when Jesus was in custody and he ...

The Curmudgeon: "out on the town"? what does that mean.

James the Less: He was out screwing. When the Synagogue police called through the window,  at three different times he said, and I quote - "I don't know any bloody Jesus. Sheesh!"

The Curmudgeon: You mean he said it before the cock crowed three times ...

James the Less: .... ha ha, yes, that's an example of early bowdlerisation.

The Curmudgeon: You mean ...

James the Less: ... what do you think?

The Curmudgeon: Oh!

James the Less: Look, if you've got no questions I might as well bugger off.

The Curmudgeon: (still in shock) Oh! Ok - bye.

NEW POST - THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON

 

OH THE HUMANITY

A FABLE

 

Mr Grouchy lived alone in a falling down cottage at the end of town as he preferred to be by himself.

The other residents of Niceville largely left him alone, respecting his wishes for privacy but occasionally would leave nice things at his doorstep like fresh fruit, baked products and the occasional bottle of wine.

For some reason this made My Grouchy angry and he tossed the donated items out into the street with a "pshaw!"

"Pshaw!"

After a while the townsfolk stopped leaving little gifts at Mr Grouchy's doorstep and went about their pleasant business in Niceville leaving My Grouchy alone.

Every morning and evening Mr Grouchy would peek out of the door of his falling down cottage to see if there was a little gift left for him of which, of course, there wasn't. This made Mr Grouchy sad and he said "Oh!"

"Oh!"

Weeks went by and still there were no unsolicited gifts for Mr Grouchy. It was as if the residents of Niceville had forgotten about him which, as it happens, they had.

Mr Grouchy was perplexed ...

"I'm perplexed."

... and he opened his door wide to call out down the street to the nicer parts of Niceville - "Where are my little gifts? Does no one want to leave me any gifts anymore?"

Mr Grouchy received no reply.

NEW POST - THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON

A REQUIEM ... 

IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN

RATS

RATS

RATS

Yes, shoo rat!

You guessed it - it's rat time with the change of season and the horrible little bastards taking up residence in roofs, sheds and garages around the area.

"Here's Johnny"

Sorry, wrong one ...

"I'm back"

Last night we heard scratching and scuffling sounds with the odd bump. Being a wooden villa with high ceilings, noises in the attic are amplified and it sounded like a stomp party was going on up there.

This morning I went up and laid fresh rat bait - STORM which I have found to be most effective.

Hopefully this will fix it in a few days.

COLD COLD COLD

 

I'm sorting out my winter clothes today - last worn in Canada.

The Old Girl is off to Christchurch next week for 3 months.

I will miss her but, to look on the bright side - I'll get the study back to use ,meaning I won't have to blog on this small laptop computer.

Me: "Think of the increased quality of blog posts."

Her: "Yeah right."

I've already booked flights in May, June and July to visit for a week each month. I'll reacquaint myself with Christchurch during the week and we will go away on the weekends to different places - Franz Josef, Akaroa, Dunedin, Waipara etc. It'll be an adventure.

Being winter we won't be doing things like punting on the river (if that still exists) ...

We lived in Christchurch for 5 years and I did enjoy the winters with clear blue skies and crisp coolness. The only season I didn't like was late summer with the dreaded nor' wester winds that create the Foehn effect of sending people crazy: FOEHN WINDS

I'm looking forward to it.

"Well it's been a month since I seen my girl
Or a dime to make the call
'Cause it passed me up, or it passed me by,
Or I couldn't decide at all
And I'm mixed up, I'm so mixed up
Don't you know I'm lonely
And I wish the world would get off of my case
And get on one of it's own"

           - Lowell George 'Cold Cold Cold'

NEW POST - THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON

 

CONCERT NEWS

CORONATION? NO, CONSTERNATION.

 Well I read an interesting bit of news today - no, not the latest Catholic cardinal to be outed for sexual molestation - frankly (pun) that's not news anymore, just the norm.

EX-CARDINAL ACCUSED OF SEXUAL MOLESTATION

No, I read about another silly old dick - the soon-to-be King Charles III who, following in tradition has also 'lost his head' over the coronation luncheon menu.

"You're going to eat quiche and like it Matey!"

SOMETHING FOR THE REAL MEN

King Charles III's choice of quiche for his coronation is causing consternation in the UK and amongst other people around the world who give a fuck about a dynasty of in-bred, entitled and pampered idiots.

Charles has declared his selection of a spinach, broad beans and tarragon quiche as - " a dish that will be hopefully embraced by the British public and become woven into the fabric of its society."

Well, "good luck with that" I say.

This, to a nation of sausages, haggis and bacon butty eaters will go down like a lead balloon.

The thing is though, as much as I think he's a tosser, I applaud old Chuck's choice as I like quiche myself and I like the idea of sticking it to the stuffed shirts who'll be freeloading at the event. I'd drop the broad beans though and slip in a bit of those private reserves of salmon that the greedy aristocracy has  got claims over.

Let's hope that he doesn't get egg on his face.

The other Charleses: "Watch your head old man."

SCRAPING THE BOTTOM

 Robert commented on my last post which featured a clever cartoon on Utilitarianism, that he couldn't understand it:

I went to a lot of trouble drafting the post, finding and printing a Stevie Smith poem that fitted and copying and pasting an excellent philosophers cartoon. I guess highbrow in Moera is simply male pattern baldness.

I'd better lower the tone and content of my posts to suit and, when The Old Girl told me that 'the ironing fairy' was busy today so I'd have to fold my own washing, I had the idea of a post on my underwear.

I hope that this sits more comfortably with you Robert.