INTERVIEW # 19

 

It's been a month since the last interview which prompted a phenomenal four comments including this thought provoking one from Robert:

In answer to Robert - no, I don't talk to these people in bed, I talk to myself - obviously when Lynn is away.

Anyway, spurred on by this success I thought it time for a new interview with a person representing an 'invisible' service that for centuries has kept everyone safe. A lighthouse keeper.

As you know there are still a lot of lighthouses dotted around New Zealand's coasts and at entrances to harbours but not as many as there once were. Times and needs change and, with lighthouses, communications - radio, telephone, television and now web-based services have largely taken over from the man, or woman, staring out to sea from the top of a tower. The lights in the lighthouses are automatically controlled now and don't need 24 hour custodianship. This is a shame and another example of the 'romantic past' slipping away.

We have with us today Mr Needto Golightly who will shed light on this subject (see what I did there?).

THE CURMUDGEON: Welcome Mr Needto Golightly and for agreeing to this ...

MR NEEDTO GO LIGHTLY: Ned.

THE CURMUDGEON: Pardon?

MR NEEDTO GO LIGHTLY: Please call me Ned. My father thought it was funny to name me 'Needto'. Boy, did Mum give him hell when she discovered that he'd gone to town and registered that name for me. I like to be ...

THE CURMUDGEON: Robert's Father Orange says that Hell is just really a separation from God.  It's not really a place. Robert disputes that though, since he firmly believes that those old nutty nuns and weird saints actually saw Hell with its flames and tormented souls and ....

MR NED GO LIGHTLY: Whaa? Have you just had a stroke son? Who's Father Orange and who's Robert? What the hell (sorry) are you talking about?

THE CURMUDGEON: Sorry Needto ... er, Ned. I just read a post of Robert's (I won't give you a link as in your occupation you need to stay awake) and it was on my mind given how bizarre it was so 'Ned' it is. Your surname is unusual though, are you rel ....

NED GOLIGHTLY: ... related to Holly Golightly? No, I get asked that a lot. I'm not related and frankly don't like her music much. Also, Holly Golightly in that novel Breakfast at Tiffany's is no connection either. Did you know that Truman Capote was a fag?

THE CURMUDGEON: Um, Ned, you aren't allowed to say things like that nowadays.

NED GOLIGHTLY: What? That I don't like garage band music?

THE CURMUDGEON: No - that Truman Capote was a 'fag'. You should say that Truman Capote was gay. Aren't you up on the LGBQT nomenclature?

NED GOLIGHTLY: Whaa? I'm a bloody lighthouse keeper not a bleeding heart liberal. Let me tell you I ...

THE CURMUDGEON: .... Ok, we'll park that ... ha ha ... I just had a thought ... in your occupation you don't have to worry about parking and traffic jams eh?

NED GOLIGHTLY: Sheesh!

THE CURMUDGEON: Sorry. Look I think that we got off on the wrong foot here. Do you know that I want to visit all of the lighthouses in New Zealand?

NED GOLIGHTLY: Yeah, I picked up on that bit of scuttlebutt at the Flare Up.

THE CURMUDGEON: The Flare Up?

NED GOLIGHTLY: Yes, the Flare Up - it's the Lighthouse Keepers Social Club. We usually get together once a year or, if the missus is acting up, twice a year ...

THE CURMUDGEON: Um ... you can't say things like that either Ned. Women have to be respected nowadays - unless you're a Catholic of course ...

NED GOLIGHTLY: ... Bloody h..heck! What's been going on here? Next thing you'll be telling me is that we'll soon have our first woman prime minister!

THE CURMUDGEON: Mmm ... lonely is it being a lighthouse keeper Ned?

NED GOLIGHTLY: Well we do keep to ourselves. The lighthouses I've looked after have all been in remote places so those new-fangled inventions haven't caught up to me yet ..

THE CURMUDGEON: ... like the internet, digital and satellite communication, apps etc?

NED GOLIGHTLY: No, radio and telephone. You're babbling again.

THE CURMUDGEON: Sheesh!

NED GOLIGHTLY: Mind you, a lot of other lighthouses are now run by some sort of magic that doesn't require a keeper at all. I remember old 'Bat' Anilid telling me …

THE CURMUDGEON: 'Bat' Anilid?

NED GOLIGHTLY: Yeah, I can't remember his real first name but we called him 'Bat' because he was as blind as one - get it?

THE CURMUDGEON: A blind lighthouse keeper?

NED GOLIGHTLY: Yeah, fancy that eh. Just as well we had a strong union back then. We don't now though as there are only a few of of us left.

THE CURMUDGEON: None.

NED GOLIGHTLY: What's that son?

THE CURMUDGEON: None. There are no manned lighthouses left. The last manned one was at The Brothers islands in Cook Straight and was demanned in 1990. All the rest are now automatic.

NED GOLIGHTLY: Are you sure son?

THE CURMUDGEON: I'm sure so …

NED GOLIGHTLY: … so that explains why I was talking to myself at the last Flare Up meeting. Mind you, I'm used to that by now.

THE CURMUDGEON: Me too. Did you know that I lie in bed at night talking to myself?

NED GOLIGHTLY: You should have been a lighthouse keeper son. Never mind, I guess that you've had a good career moaning about everything.

THE CURMUDGEON: Yes, mustn't grumble ..... ha ha.

NED GOLIGHTLY: Ha ha ... nice one - it reminds me of that Small Faces song. What was it?

THE CURMUDGEON: 'Lazy Sunday'.

NED GOLIGHTLY: Yeah, that's it, better than that garage band rubbish of Holly Golightly. Mind you, I fancied the pants off of that Audrey Hepburn in the Breakfast at Tiffany's film. Many the night I ...

THE CURMUDGEON: .... yes, we'd better leave it there Ned. Thanks for coming in. I'm sure that the readers will have appreciated your illuminations.

NED GOLIGHTLY: Don't push it TC. Hey! Good luck with your lighthouse trips. I see that you've already 'knocked one off' (and I'm not talking about Audrey). There are 23 lighthouses (and 75 light-beacons) in operation. They should keep you busy. I brought along a list of the lighthouses for you:

NED GOLIGHTLY:  And I also brought you a photograph of Audrey:

Audrey Hepburn