Robert is on duty this morning at the church shop.
So far he's been pleased as no one has come in to interrupt his rosary and his little task of filling up the condom dispenser. Life was good or, Vita esset bonum according to his Google English to Latin translation. He was glad that he'd read The Curmudgeon's second to last post where TC said that Life is good. He didn't respond well to Robert's comment - "Yes what peace there is in a soul that has found union with Jesus." though, but then again, he is a curmudgeon. Robert translated (courtesy of Google) that phrase into Latin which is the latest thing he's doing. No one knows why. Sue seems to be getting a bit miffed at him when he asks her in the morning - "Vis calicem capulus?" but he doesn't sense that he's becoming annoying. He is a catholic after all.
Robert's rosary and reverie was interrupted when two people came in. Actually it was two people - a man and a young girl - and a donkey. The man was bearded, scruffy and frankly stank. The girl, who looked to be about 14 was heavily pregnant. The donkey was just a donkey.
ROBERT: Hey, Frank! Bugger off. We don't want homeless people in here.
MAN: My name's not Frank. Is there anywhere to stay around here? We've been travelling a bit you see and ...
ROBERT: Frankly I don't give a damn. (He sniggered at his little joke and was about to continue with his rosary when the girl spoke).
GIRL: Please mister. We're tired and I need to lie down. I don't think baby can wait.
Robert wondered why she called the homeless guy with her 'Baby' and then, after he had stopped ogling her surprisingly full breasts he noticed the bump and that she was indeed, very heavily pregnant.
ROBERT: Hey! You're up the duff! What the ..? Have you two been doing it?
MAN: Doing it? What do you mean?
ROBERT: You know. When a man and a woman really love each other and get married -in the catholic church of course - and, after a respectable period of time, out of love join together to express their love through a blessed and wonderful miracle done solely for the creation of new life and ....
MAN: What the hell are you babbling about man? It's only sex.
ROBERT: Get the hell (sorry Jesus) out of here you degenerates. Can't you see that I'm busy. I've got a charity shop to run here. Sheesh!
The man, girl and donkey leave and plod their way out of the shop and off down the road.
ROBERT: Now, where was I .... Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee ...
6 comments:
I've never heard Robert say, "Sheesh."
You don't see many donkeys in Lower Hutt.
In fact, there are definitely more condom vending machines than donkeys.
I liked the story though.
No golf balls were lost in the making of this story.
So then Robert, what words do you use instead? Christ and Shit?
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