INTERVIEW # 11

 As it's December and Christmas is looming. Richard has already  posted his annus horribilis  annual Christmas letter and yes, it did seem like he was talking out of his ........  slipping into the realms of fantasy but he reminded us of how time is marching on. I thought that it's opportune to interview one of the most important identities related to Christmas. I put him at number four behind Santa Claus, Snoopy and Stephen Tindall*. Yes, we're talking about God here, or to be exact, Robert's God.

THE CURMUDGEON: Hello and welcome to you God. Thanks for coming on to The Curmudgeon's Interview Series.

GOD: I wasn't you know.

THE CURMUDGEON: Pardon? What ....

GOD: I wasn't coming on to you. Frankly I've gone off you a bit since you became an atheist back in 1965.

THE CURMUDGEON: Oh (rude).

GOD: Get on with it TC - I'm going to call you TC OK? No arguments.

THE CURMUDGEON: Sheesh! (Touchy). Look, as you know ...

GOD: I know everything.

THE CURMUDGEON: ......... Look, as you know, this interview series gives people who don't otherwise get a chance to put their stories forward, to ....

GOD: WTF? My story's the greatest story ever told. Didn't you see that film with my old mate Charlton in it? They wrote a whole bloody book about me you know.

THE CURMUDGEON: Yeah, yeah , but I'm talking about recently. You and yours haven't done anything new for a couple of millennia and all of that Bible stuff and religious films are like endless re-runs. What's new?

GOD: OK, fair cop, you've got me there. The trouble with you ...... hey! What do you mean by "you and yours"?

THE CURMUDGEON: Come on - you know - that nonsense that Robert bangs on about - that 'ménage à trois'  thingy - the whatchamacallit - that ...

GOD: Trinity?

THE CURMUDGEON: Yes the ....

GOD: We call it the Holy Trinity. We refer to ourselves illeismically in the third person ...

THE CURMUDGEON: ..... Robert does that.

GOD: ........ The Trinity defines one God existing in three coequal, coeternal, consubstantial divine persons : God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit, three distinct persons sharing one homoousion....

THE CURMUDGEON: Yes, but ....

GOD: As the Fourth Lateran Council declared, "it is the Father who begets, the Son who is begotten, and the Holy Spirit who brings about." ....

 THE CURMUDGEON: Yes, but ....

GOD: In this context, the three persons define who God is, while the one essence defines what God is. This expresses at the same time Our distinction and Our indissoluble unity. Thus the whole work of creation and grace is seen as a single common operation of all three divine persons, in which each manifests what is proper to it in the Trinity, so that all things are "from the Father," "through the Son," and "in the Holy Spirit."

THE CURMUDGEON: Yes, but .......

GOD:  Here are some other ways that We describe ourselves that you may find useful: Blessed Trinity, Holy Trinity, Sacred Trinity, Almighty, Creator, Divine, God Almighty, Godhead, Jehovah, Lord, Maker. 

THE CURMUDGEON: OK, now you're just throwing out words. Look, what I want to know is - and this is something silly that Robert said - that if, in the beginning (he said it but I couldn't find the comment) there was this trinity thing - Father, Son and Holy Spirit - then why did the Son, thousands of years later only then get born, supposedly through some bizarre  construct of being conceived inside a young virgin human woman and have to die before being resurrected to go back to join you as the Son? What's that about? I think you've got your narrative a bit mixed up there not to mention the chain of events and, by the way, that PR image of you that you sent for me to use at the start of this interview is doing my head in - it's hypnotic.

GOD: Is this better?

THE CURMUDGEON: Well, it looks like one of Robert's holy cards and it certainly isn't one of the classics but it'll do.

GOD: OK, to get back to what you were bleating about before - you've got to have faith.

THE CURMUDGEON: Yeah right. That's what George Michaels said and look what happened to him.

GOD: I don't have time for this. You'd just better believe what I'm telling you boyo and you should shut up. I order you to be quiet .......

THE CURMUDGEON: Or what? You'll excommunicate me? You'll make me go to hell? Too late sunshine. Ha ...... your petulance reminds me of this:

GOD: Sheesh!

THE CURMUDGEON: Maybe we should wrap this up here goddy ...

GOD: Goddy?

THE CURMUDGEON: Yeah - Spike Milligan coined that one. I like it.

GOD: Right - I'm off, I've got a universe to finish buggering up. See you in another couple of millennia.......Oh wait ..... I won't  ...... hahahaha .... (disappearing into infinity).

THE CURMUDGEON: Oh well, that wraps that up.

* The founder of The Warehouse from where most of the useless and unwanted shit will be purchased for presents and decorations.